cherrydollprincess

[cherrydollprincess]

ugh the chocolate bar was not planned.

protein shake: 150cal

brownie: 155cal

protein mac and cheese: 400cal

small potato wedges: 80cal

small apple: 50cal

chocolate bar: 320cal

= 1155cal

(320cal on treadmill burned)

i’m noticing that my stomach doesn’t bloat up as much when i eat now.

[cherrydollprincess]

okay i decided to try a calorie deficit of 1200. i feel so disgusting knowing i’m eating 1000 but when i was eating 200-700 calories everyday i was constantly binging. hopefully this will be easier for me.

protein shake: 150cal

brownie: 160cal

spaghetti: 500cal

focaccia: 176cal

apple: 50cal

baguette slices: 100cal

= 1136cal

(320cal burned on treadmill, 8k steps burned 200)

[cherrydollprincess]

ugh i couldn’t wait anymore to weigh myself and i did. 133lbs. i hope i fucking die. i should’ve expected this bc i binged on cookies last night… like my solution to this would be “72hr fast” but that’s what got me here in the first place!!!!! ughhhhh if anyone has tips or anything tht helped them lmk.

[cherrydollprincess]

okay today wasn’t that bad. i did 1hr on the treadmill instead of 40 this time. range for today was 700-900.

fairlife protein shake: 150cal

vanilla yogurt: 90cal

wafer: 97cal

protein shake (again 😭): 300cal

starbucks cranberry refresher: 140cal

= 777cal

(777cal - 450cal treadmill - 150cal walking = 177cal)

so the reason i had two protein shakes today was because i was having my usual breakfast (the fairlife one) but then later today at like 4 i went shopping with my mom and sister and they wanted to grab protein shakes so i said yes because other wise they wanted to get food (i’m scared of fast food low-key). so i ate like 80g of protein today hopefully i don’t get fat.

[cherrydollprincess]

today was good but didn’t go as planned. i was supposed to have a protein shake, apple and a few slices of pizza since my parents were ordering it. instead i ate some caramel popcorn with my mom but it turned out to be ok. limit was 1100cal for the day.

caramel popcorn: 630cal (yes ik i ate a lot 😭)

2 slices of pizza: 300cal

= 930cal

(930cal - 450cal walk = 480cal)

not bad lol

[cherrydollprincess]

you know it’s bad when you have nightmares of eating

[cherrydollprincess]

today wasn’t that bad but i snacked. i had to eat dinner at my grandparents which was kraft so that’s amazing… 😬 calorie range for today was 600-800.

fairlife protein shake: 150cal

4 chocolate pretzels: 70cal

2 grissol baguette crackers: 20cal

bbq chips: 150cal

kraft dinner: 310cal

skinny pop: 175cal

= 875cal

(875cal - 320cal treadmill = 555cal)

i’m a little over but i don’t want to think about it too much or i’ll go insane. tmr is technically a meta day, but christmas eve just passed and i feel like that was enough. tmr i’ll eat around 1000 - 1200 (scary numbers 😱)

[cherrydollprincess]

today was probably the best day i’ve had all break so far, considering i didn’t snack, fasted at the proper time, and slept in for 2 more hours (less hours to be awake fasting). range for today was 400-600.

fairlife vanilla protein shake: 150cal

apple: 50cal

cake pop: 120cal

halo top birthday cake ice cream: 150cal

= 470cal (470 - 320cal burned on treadmill = 150cal)

anyway, tmr i have friday night dinner at my grandparents, so i’ll probably restrict all day in case.

[cherrydollprincess]

i wish i could just disintegrate into the ground. or float away. or be a corpse. like a living one.

[cherrydollprincess]

why am i my biggest enemy? like i set myself up, get so excited when i eat my calorie goal, and then i go eat. like girl… can u tell i snacked?

[cherrydollprincess]

christmas day is today obviously and i thought it was gonna be a nightmare for food, but it was actually amazing i even got to stay in my original calorie range for the day (550-750)

lasagna (around 150g): 180cal

soup (i’m not sure what was in it tbh but it was bone broth and really thin noodles. to be safe i only had a little bit anyway but it was probably around 20cal): 25cal

half a small schnitzel: 150cal

a small square of focaccia: 62cal

a few pieces of bread: 60cal

a square of pizza: 130cal

some wafers: 40cal

= 647cal (-320cal treadmill = 327cal)

i’m really proud of myself for not overeating despite it being christmas. hopefully i can get back to routine tmr

[cherrydollprincess]

okay so christmas eve was yesterday. my family hosted so y’all KNOW i ate a fucking ton. i ate my meta calories (around 2000) and i’m happy since i did not overeat.

also yk what pissed me tf off? my family kept saying that i look skinny and everything which was like yesss! but also, girl i’m fat af why u glazing. anyway thats not what pissed me off, i was pissed off because everyone was WATCHING what i was eating. like everyone kept saying “oh aren’t u gonna eat?” or “oh did you even eat anything?” like yes? i was eating a ton like how i used too since it was a meta day. suddenly now everyone thinks it’s “not enough” but it’s the same amount i was eating when i was really fat. like ugh so annoying

[cherrydollprincess]

goal today was 600-800 again. i did 7k steps (200cal) and i’m gonna go do 40min on the treadmill in a few minutes (310cal). i fasted 18hrs until i ate at 12. overall today was good.

fairlife protein shake: 150cal

caramel rice cake: 60cal

kit kat: 60cal

wafer: 80cal

halo top: 175cal

popcorn chicken: 150cal

3 premium plus crackers: 40cal

= 715cal.

(715cal - 310cal - 200cal = 205 cal)

i feel like a lot of those foods weren’t necessary but i’m glad i didn’t go over. it still kinda irks me that i’m eating so many calories compared to earlier this month but it’s working better. i used to bloat up at any taste of food and now i’m much better. i’m gonna weigh myself at the end of winter break to see if this is working.

[cherrydollprincess]

ay i took a shit are you guys proud of me

[cherrydollprincess]

okay today wasn’t too bad. the goal was 600-800 calories.

rice crispy cereal: 160cal

2/3 of a venti sugar cookie latte = 227cal

6 crackers = 70cal

bubly raspberry: 0cal

like 3 tbsp of mashed potatos = 60cal

nachos (my mom made): 260cal for chips

cheese = 90cal

= 807cal

(807cal - 310cal treadmill - 150cal walk = 347cal)

i don’t like to include exercise into my deficit but i write it down anyway. today was pretty good since i stopped myself from eating all the mashed potato’s, and also i didn’t drink all my coffee. tmr i’m gonna try to go a little lower and i’ll drink protein shakes to make me not hungry.

[cherrydollprincess]

i feel like a fat pig bc we got mcdonald’s like EW. today is normally a meta day and i ate 1481cals total. i hate eating bc then i can’t stop like UGH. i’m gonna start logging calories on tumblr again bc it’s embarassing to put so much food.

big mac: 590cal

snack wrap: 260cal

4 nuggets: 170cal

happy meal fries: 100cal

water: 0cal

potato chips: 260cal

parmesan cheese: 32cal (don’t ask)

aero: 39cal

baby food puffs: 30cal

the chips, cheese and chocolate wasn’t meant to happen 💔💔

i did 150cal walk + 310cal on the treadmill = 460cal

(1481 - 460 = 1021cal)

[cherrydollprincess]

no one ever talks about how weird it actually is to experience skinny privilege after being fat.

like i’m not even skinny and wtf why are people treating me so nicely? i’ve always been nice and a little bit of a doormat and before i lost weight people didn’t gaf but now everyone is always like “oh you’re so sweet” or like “awww you’re so cute” like tf?

also my own friends are actually viewing me as attractive for once. like one of my friends that used to NEVER compliment me keeps saying i’m hot and today she said my outfit and body was giving off garage window model (a clothing store). like girl i’m 130lbs but sure whatever u say.

another one of my friends who is on the bigger side is also being way different to me. i’ve always been smaller than her but now i am way more and she is like obsessed with me and how i’m “nice”. like HUH. she hugged me the other day (and she’s shorter than me so she was like at my chest) and she’s like “aww ur so tiny” like 😝😝 but also… i’m still fat.

my best friend HIGH FIVED me today because i ate some of my lunch!!! like what??? normally i let her eat my lunch and today i ate a few crackers from it and she full on celebrated and was like “yay you’re eating!”

i wonder if my friends talk behind my back about me not eating. it’s like they all have a mutual understanding not to say anything and just try to offer me food on the chance i’ll actually eat it. i can just see the surprise in their faces when i actually accept or eat something. only one of my friends actually tries to get me to eat. she’s always like “oh you don’t even eat! aren’t you hungry your lunch is tiny? don’t you ever eat?” it’s like yeah clearly and too much.

anyway sorry i just had to vent a little because it’s so weird to me. nobody ever noticed anything about me like this before. now suddenly everyone is noticing my personality, my clothes, my hair, my makeup, MY BODY. it’s so bittersweet.