cherryc0kequettewh0re

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

Need a rapetoy to come entertain me for a bit before I go hang out with my mate

Maybe I’d let him have a turn using their holes too

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

i got my childhood stolen and my girlhood wasted both by a man. how did that even happen? i feel so out of place when people talk about their childhoods because everything i can remember about mine it's him and his evil soul. i hate him.

it's so unfair.

(just in case I would rather not be asked about this since this is a vent post)

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

A 2024 girl's journal and brief life story because I'm never going to really get to write it down probably in depth the way i want to and people should know. Installment one.

My birth parents were never married. I was conceived on a water bed during a meth high on my mother W's 23rd birthday. My birth father, K.B. was cheating with her on another girl B, who was already pregnant with his kids and lying to HER boyfriend, H, that the kids were his.

When W went to prison for possession and carjacking, K.B. fled the state to California, where he met H, my step mother. H has a step son, J. J molested me the first time we met the first chance he got when I was five. H blamed me for it.

I met K.B. in person for the first time when I was four, on father's day. He calls this our anniversary, and was the first time a grown man kissed me hard on the lips as a child.

This is already so complicated. And I'm already overwhelmed. so have this for now.

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

What the coroner would see if I died right now, January 4th 2025

Because they'll be the only hands to have truly held me softly, and they'll be the only one to really notice.

Starting from the feet.

Left Side:

Golf ball sized bruise on the top of the left foot just above my pinky and ring toes, approx 1 week old

Secondary pinkie sized bruise an inch down from my ankle on the same side, unable to approximate

Right Side:

lacerations and bruising on second and third toes, hours old

Legs:

Left- healed scar about a cigarette's tip size, years old

right - long, healed slice approx 2 weeks old behind ankle, travelling up leg, superficial

Knees: extensive scarring, surgical incision on left, and a thumb sized years healed gouging wound just under the kneecap.

Thighs - deep gash scarring, years healed, lighter than skin but still skin colored

Stomach - the remains of medication I've had to take

Arms:

Left - extensive warped scarring covering the entire arm, four tattoos over more scarred areas

hand/wrist- sprained wrist with hairline fracture on the orbital wrist bone, two broken knuckles closest to the fingertips of ring and middle finger, recent injuries.

Right: Less extensive scarring, 40+ white gashes healed 2+ years, scars puffed from depth. Baseball sized bruise approx 1 week old, blood blister bruises along back of hand and ring finger knuckle, recent, one tattoo on wrist.

papercut on pinky, approx 2 days old.

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

no I’m literally so fuckable if you ignore the mental illnesses, the homicidal urges, the violence, the tragic past, the pain, the fear, the trauma and the grotesqueness actually

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

[CW: Rape, violence, missing my abusers] i hope the random twenty one year old guy who taught me how to give a blowjob in the forest for four hours when I was thirteen that looked kind of like taylor lautner when the sun went down while my best friend at the time complained about how long I was taking to get him off at least actually thought I was pretty.

my mom, my adoptive mom, and my aunt all thought it was my fault anyway for not biting it off if I really didn't want it, but I didn't want to ruin his life the way they all said it would ruin my dad's if anyone found out he was molesting me because I only knew how to call it rape because I was ten and used wattpad to figure out why I hated it when he touched me if he was supposed to

This is the entire reason my life is the way it is. These two things.

They loved me until these two things happened.

They've always been disappointed, but I didn't find out about that until my grandmother said 'At least it wasn't her first time' when she heard about the full scale rape that happened on school campus with a Mormon boy from her stake.

I had to actually *tell* her that it was.

I was fourteen.

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

i hate y’all and you know who u are

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

18+, MDNI

cw: somno/noncon

somno with price but he’s your boyfriends dad

maybe you’re laying in your boyfriends bed, he’s at some sports game or something with his friends and you had come over and decided to wait for him after you got off work simply because his place is closer than your house. you’d fallen asleep pretty quickly after receiving a text from him saying he was gonna grab drinks and that he probably won’t be back for a few hours.

and then you’re woken up some time later, something hard pressing into your back and cool air against your cunt from your panties being pushed aside. you’re confused, disoriented, but happy to have your boyfriend back, as you push yourself back into his chest you’re surprised to feel a scratchy beard, maybe he’s grown it out, you’re too focused on the calloused fingers circling your clit to focus on the strange facial hair and happy trail you can feel against your spine.

it’s only when he finally pushes into you, cock thicker than you remember, never mind without a condom, something you’d sworn against doing, that your hazy mind takes in that his groan is deeper than usual. your hand reaches behind you, feeling for the basically free of hair chest you’re used to, only to come across burley pecs that resemble a bear rather than a human. also your boyfriend kinda smells like the cologne you always smell on mr price, something cedar-like, and maybe when you peer back at him between rough thrusts you catch blue eyes instead of the normal brown.

yeah, maybe you should say something, go running for the hills, call the authorities because your boyfriends dad who’s at least twenty-five years older than you should definitely not being fucking you completely bare, should not be groaning and huffing into your ear after every thrust, telling you how good of a girl you’re being, and he should definitely not be muttering about how long he’s waited for this, how happy he is to show you how a real man fucks. yeah you should stop him, but his cock feels so good and the way he’s rubbing your clit is making your brain white out, and there’s no point in stopping now.

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

joji reminds me of when life was better and I had a boyfriend who obviously stopped himself from hitting my dumb ass frequently.

But he also rlly wanted to fuck his dad but wouldn't let me join🙅🏻‍♀️ [which is not a unique experience which is so FUNNY] [[and his dad knows and was mad at him for ending things bc he thought I was hot like bro we coulda had something]]

I was raised to be a 40s - 60s housewife, I did the fucking training, and I'm actually not a nuisance when I get the faintest support of a slap to the ass and an "atta girl".

Getting a man a beer and a sandwich so he'll continue to bring me money for my dumb whore activities like shopping and baking bc butter is expensive that he'll 'make' me give him head for later.

I'm tired of getting my fucking robotics degree, I'm not even going to be useful and we all know it. I'm going to get coffee for someone and be so happy to be useful until I'm dead.

Not being rude to me is the literal only request and boundary I have and routinely uphold. Mean is something I can handle, but being rude is just uncalled for. It's not classy, and I'm really learning how to keep my mouth shut so much better. I can handle it to a point, but I really will take a "Sweetheart, you're stupid about this and going to exhaust yourself" over a "because that makes sense." No it doest, ans you shouldn't have been listening to me, give me a kiss and tell me I'm going to be okay and I will LEAVE YOU THE FUCK ALONE.

I need two minutes! I keep myself such good company, you're what makes me dumb and happy. Dumb and sad makes me a crabby bitch.

sigh.

it's not like I WANT to be treated like shit. But sometimes the security is nice. I don't want to work, I'm not good at anything that's profitable outside of fucking Alaska, and my writing isn't going anywhere because I think all of my ideas are shita which they probably are and I'm sick of my fanfiction being the only thing that brings me money. I write so well sometimes but about the stupidest shit.

Anyway, I'm going to use my new exercise bike as a hamster wheel and listen to more joji

[cherryc0kequettewh0re]

If you somehow found this blog, I'm sorry ♡

I'm Amber! This is my beyond totally transparent blog about every opinion, thought, and emotion that comes into my brain.

I have diagnoses. In my opinion, they're actually irrelevant, and how I choose to interact with people in my actual personal life is separate from the endless thoughts and obsessions I have. I'm routinely psychotic. But socially very friendly.

Massive general trigger warning.

And also, what I post helps me get better. Therapy looks different for different people. I'm tired of hating myself for my inner trauma responses and obsessions.

Common topics:

Coquette aesthetic

Cravings and dreams

Missing things I shouldn't

My attraction to older men

My psychotic attractions to women

My various shapes and forms eating disorder

My relationship with the 11 people who decided to try to be my parents and all ended up in prison, dead, or leaving me for various states of dead.

Pulling my life together after becoming homeless as a minor

My history with sex work and child exploitation from several guardians

My experiences as a child actor

How being a child actor led to destroying my body for athleticism

My toxic relationships

Current obsessions

My friend assisted and inflicted assaults

My endless amounts of privilege

How I'm trying to heal

My sins

Whore thoughts and activities

And more.

Seriously. Don't come for a fun time. ProblemPoster.