cheesecakie00

[cheesecakie00]

Haha i think i'm doomed

Today my mom is coming to hostel to deal with the issue. life has been hellish. i can't even go out for a walk in campus without the warden's permission. i'm so done lol my only solace was the little freedom i got here but now that's also gone haha

ALLGOOD!

[cheesecakie00]

Applying DBT skills are harder than i thought lol :(

Yesterday i was in a pretty distressing situation. My parents and hostel warden found out about my relationship. ugh, i hate this country so much . it's so restrictive . i'm not even allowed to breathe. i tried to distract myself but the scoldings keep haunting me. i've an exam coming up soon, i can't focus. those yells keep piercing my ears. why am i so sensitive?

[cheesecakie00]

Day 2 :

i forgot to update T-T i read for 20-30 mins yesterday. made a distraction plan and wrote a letter to myself . it was quite nice i'd say!

[cheesecakie00]

Day 1:

I'm going to be reading for 10 minutes and i'll highlight what i find touching . tomorrow i'll increase the time to 20 minutes. hopefully i will stay consistent with this!

ok so, here are the sentences that really stood out to me:

the fact that the propensity to increased emotions is often rooted in genetics or trauma doesn't mean the problem can't be overcome.

regardless of genetics or early pain-the key skills you'll learn here can affect the outcome of every conflict and can literally alter the course of your relationships. there is every reason to hope.

sometimes, pain can't be avoided by suffering can.

when you distract yourself from a distressing situation, you still intend to deal with it in the future, when your emotions have calmed down to a tolerable level.

you can't change the past . and if you spend your time fighting the past - wishfully thinking that your anger will change the outcome of an event that has already happened-you'll become paralyzed and helpless. then nothing will improve. That's all for today. I'll be back tomorrow. I got this hehe :)

[cheesecakie00]

My bf is sick of me, i want to get better

I've gotten very gloomy lately and my poor bf is suffering because of me. He doesn't understand why i am like this and honestly, i don't either. But what i know is that i want to get better . I have this DBT self help book with me that my old therapist gave. I'm going to start reading it today, everyday till i learn some useful skills on how to manage my emotions. i don't want to go to therapy and waste my parents' money... so this is my last hope.

[cheesecakie00]

Haven't opened this app in months goddamn

[cheesecakie00]

Haven't opened this app in months goddamn

[cheesecakie00]

The amount of times I've just felt like a defective product is just🙂

i can't get rid of that feeling that i wasn't made for this world. my brain has malfunctioned, i'm an error. i shouldn't be here

[cheesecakie00]

What's the point of being pretty, I've got no game lmao

I confessed to my friend other day saying I have a crush on him . Idk what I expected. I knew he wouldn't want that kind of relationship and I too just wanted to stay friends. But I still feel so hurt. Why?? I was fine all this time but suddenly I feel so overwhelmingly sad. Nobody wants me.

It hurts so much. Even my ex left me, he got fed up of me. He then found a nice girl on bumble right after we broke up( to get over me )

Nobody wants me

So sad my life is

[cheesecakie00]

Day 3

I was very sore but I still worked out but my knees started hurting a lot

So I stopped

[cheesecakie00]

Ok so I started a workout plan recently

Day 1

I was with my friend so I couldn't get time to complete the entire workout.

The next day my legs were sore.

Day 2

Yesterday I completed the entire arms n abs workout by Joanna so. I loved the dumbbells part of the workout haha

It was fun. I felt very refreshed after taking a shower.

Today I feel sore , like very sore

Idk if I'll workout today. Might stretch tho

[cheesecakie00]

Hello everyone (shouting into the void)

I'm back

I'm doing better these days

More productive

Making changes and manifesting good outcomes

I still feel lonely tho

I wish I'd a guy by my side

Is it too much to ask for

I haven't seen a guy in ages let alone touched one

I feel so deprived and frustrated

I tried online dating but I just got to know horny creeps

When I was talking to this guy I felt very secure but I'd to block him

It was not it

I hope I can go to a normal college

[cheesecakie00]

Life update

I think I'm getting a little too attached to my friend. He has been with me through my tough times. But he lives in a different country altogether. I think he is becoming my new fp. Idk how to feel about this, I don't wanna lose another person.

I've been feeling awful . I've lost track of the days. It's been a while since I've seen my therapist. I'm just a slob these days. I don't feel like doing anything these days. I just stay in bed and rot . I have no energy. Talking to my friend hurts because I feel like she doesn't wanna talk to me. I just wanna disappear. I'm tired of fighting. I want to sleep. Life is too much for me. I can't I can't I can't

Nothing's going well. It's all just suffering. I cried for help, I begged for the meds yet I'm so fucking miserable. I feel like I'm screaming into a fucking wall

[cheesecakie00]

kaveh drip

[cheesecakie00]

Day 1

Started with "beginner-friendly" workout lol

Barely finished half of it and I stopped

I thought that playing basketball would have helped me gain a bit of strength but Consistency is key

It's fine, I have started this journey so Hey :)

I'm following this 8 week workout plan by Joanna Ho

Let's do better tomorrow!

[cheesecakie00]

I'd like to make a change in my life

I'm tired of everything

I want something new

I'm tired of seeing my body gain weight from all my stress eating

I'm planning to start working out

I know I'm prone to having sudden bursts of

improvement and then go back to my old self

But not anymore...

Hopefully

;)

I'm starting tmrw

Wish me luck|^~^|

[cheesecakie00]

Today I was sitting there in front of the computer

So lost as the blue light burned my eyes

A pen in one hand

And a thousand answers in my head

The entire semester flashed before my eyes

I swear I'm better than this, sir

I can do way better

I'm not a dumb girl

I felt a pain in my chest

I know I could do better

I know

Then why can't I !

Invisible ropes hold me tight

I'm helpless

Fighting a thousand demons everyday

Has worn me down

Barely surviving

Barely passing

Barely making by

Oh what a sad sight...