chaoticmarauders

[chaoticmarauders]

cw// suicide theme

Sirius,

Everything feels final. Each move I make, each tiny change I make in the world is somehow, in a very poetic way, detached from me. I have nothing left to take or give. It’s okay, I know that it’s okay. It’s not that I don’t have anything left to live for or anything as grand and impactful as that, I've just finished. I’m not sad or happy, I’m not overspilling with gut wrenching stories of suffocating hope or guilt.

I would hate it if people called me selfish for doing this. I would hate that to the very core of my being because this isn’t about everyone else - for once it’s about me for one small to-be-forgotten moment. Please don’t let them sob over me, I trust you not to let salty meaningless tears track their rosy cheeks because they didn’t know me. It really kills me when they cry in earnest for someone they never knew so please don’t let me become just another sob story - I would far rather be just forgotten, lost in the passage of time, just another body in the ground. I hope that as you read this you’re not tearing up. I really do hope no water is making the ink run.

What lies ahead is unknown, perhaps waiting with open arms or lurking just beyond engulfed in shadows. I don’t know and I’m a little scared but I am ready to gladly welcome the end.

Memories won’t be consuming you as you read this - there’s nothing to remember just splashes of colour and words, nothing really. I am not going to pretend I am worried or in the slightest concerned about what you will do once I am gone - you have others so I’m allowing myself the focus for this letter.

I partly wrote this to say goodbye and alleviate some of the guilt you may or may not be carrying but mostly to convince myself of what’s to come, to make it solid and sure and definite. You may one day work out why I died, you may be told, you may find out. You probably won’t but you possibly will. If not then hold onto the fact that I rid the world of myself for a greater reason to make up for the appalling life I’ve led and wasted. I am proud to call you my brother. I know the feeling is not mutual but maybe one day you will be proud to call me of your blood, I hope so - you were always there for me and I will forever be grateful for that but this letter is for me not you.

I have nothing more to add. I would be lying if I told you I was sorry because I’m not, as selfish as that may sound. I wish you all the best in life and hope you can let this letter wash over you permit me a second of your time to remember and then hold your peace.

I love you dearly and you will forever be my brother.

[chaoticmarauders]

James: Er Remus we've been talking and we think you need to eat something other than chocolate, it's been three days-

Remus: Chocolate comes from cocoa which grows on trees which makes it a plant, therefore chocolate is salad.

Sirius: Holey shit, he broke the system

[chaoticmarauders]

Sirius: Hey Prongs what's up?

James: The way children pick up animals stresses me out

Sirius: Literally tho its fucking terrifying to watch

[chaoticmarauders]

Someone: What do you like to do in the afternoon?

Sirius: Remus

Remus: I- *blushes vigorously*

Sirius: Well I mean I would do him anytime of the day

[chaoticmarauders]

I am naturally funny because my life is a joke

Remus Lupin at some point

[chaoticmarauders]

The Marauders doing homework

Remus was the ‘do it the day you get it’ type but would sometimes just give up and be drowning in work.

Sirius just didn’t do it, or at least he tried because Remus made him but would get distracted and stop two minutes in.

James would try, he really would but his attention span was like just not it and he would either distract Sirius or get distracted by Sirius.

Peter would just be permanently confused and hand in the wrong bits at the wrong time - he was just a bit of a topsy turvy muddle. 

[chaoticmarauders]

Sirius: Omg you're so adorable

Remus: I AM NOT ADORABLE

Remus: I AM TERRIFYING

Sirius: Hehe u so cute

*Remus says jumps out at two first years saying boo*

*first years run away screaming*

Remus: See I'm very fucking scary :)

[chaoticmarauders]

*Sirius and Remus having a fight*

Remus: Just be the bigger person here, oh wait you can't-

Sirius: YOU SON OF A-

Remus: I'm sorry pads

Sirius: S'okay *sad noises*

[chaoticmarauders]

Sirius: ARGHHHH I'm going to fall

Remus: And I won't catch you

James: ARGHHH I'm coming Padssss

[chaoticmarauders]

Sirius: Jump door in eagle

Person: WTH?

Sirius: Can't talk butterfly language with caterpillar people *rolls eyes*

Person: *confusion*

[chaoticmarauders]

Remus: So when I finish this piece of homework I'll eat a bar of chocolate and then sleep doesn't need to happen, right?

Everyone:

Remus: Ugh this is why I talk to myself, he gets me

[chaoticmarauders]

Remus: Just do your homework now Pads, three hours now and-

Sirius: POOF

Remus: What the hell is 'poof'?!

Sirius: Just lost interest

Remus: And that's it, I officially give up

[chaoticmarauders]

Remus: Sirius how do I look?

Sirius: With your eyes

Remus: Well I never would have geu-

Sirius: You look beautiful, wonderfully awkwardly perfect

Remus: :)

[chaoticmarauders]

Sirius: Imagine not liking me back... me, a beautiful, intelligent, hilarious sassy man... tragic

James: So you going to tell Remus you like him?

Sirius: No he's wayyyy out of my league, he's just so perfect

[chaoticmarauders]

James: So how was the date with Sirius?

Remus: It wasn't a date, we're just friends

James: Yeah right, I wish I was 'just friends' with Lily

[chaoticmarauders]

Remus: Guys ima need space today, I'm in a bad mood and I'll be mean-

Sirius: Awww Moony you could never be mean

Remus: Your hair looks bad

Sirius: Agh he's so meannn - James, Moony's broken :(

[chaoticmarauders]

*Sirius says something*

Remus: What??

*Sirius repeats what he said*

Remus: Ugh I wish we had subtitles in real life bc I swear I can't hear anything anyone says anymore