chaosinmarz

[chaosinmarz]

03/01/2022

so today started out as a bit of a flop if I'm honest. i was at the bus stop and my therapist texted me that the session was supposed to be online when I thought it was in person, and in addition to that it couldn't even be online because her wi-fi was acting up. thankfully my bus was late so i was still near my flat lmaoo. i decided that now that i was already out of the house i could just go to the asian market that recently opened up and i still hadn't had a chance to check out and boy did it exceed my expectations. i got fortune cookies, noodles, pak choi, enoki mushrooms, kimchi and some instant miso soup and made some banging ramen for me n my mum :)

because i didnt go to therapy i had a load of free time in my day that I didn't know what to do with, so I tidied my room, which was really needed tbh and did some journaling in my notebook. i also walked our dog and she met up w some friends which was adorable!!

i spent my evening reading the entirety of "are you listening?" by tillie walden!! i absolutely love her art and her books, they fill me up with so much joy and the casual lesbian reflections fill my heart with joy. I have read "on a sunbeam" as well and its probably my favourite book ever, its all-consuming and every time I think about it I miss its characters so much.

im probably going to spend the remainder of my evening figuring out a notion spreadsheet for my book tracker as reading at least a book a month is one of my goals for this year.

[chaosinmarz]

01/01/2023

welll new year uh,,, tbh im not getting too into everything that means, or my resolutions. i just hope this year starts off better than 2022, that I graduate and that I find a job. not much too say other than that to be fair, but I guess that's one of my bad habits when it comes to journaling as I dont want to be sad or too emotional, but I guess it is what it is, and that the only thing I can do is try to be more genuine and not afraid of my feelings, as they can no longer hurt me as bad as they did now that I am medicated, plus if they do, my therapist is only 1 text message away.

[chaosinmarz]

31/12/2022

last day of the year huh. thats kinda weird to think about ngl... saw my grandparents and got them to draw stars for me (going to get a tattoo with them soon hopefully) and went shopping with my mum. ended up buying this outfit, which was really out of my comfort zone as I usually dress more masc, but I ended up loving it! plus both the shirt and the skirt can be used in a more androgynous way which I'm really excited about ehehe

ended up working for only like an hour bc I had to get ready for dinner but oh my god was it fucking worth it, we went to a really nice, authentic indian restaurant, I had lentil daal with rice and roti, and we had naan as well! also tried baingan bhaja which is fried eggplant and it was otherworldly. the restaurant was family owned and they were all so nice and helpful absolutely banging way to end 2023!!

i was supposed to watch the firework show in terreiro do paço with some friends but I ended up not getting in on time, so my family and i decided to go somewhere nearby and we had an amazing view of the fireworks still :) we managed to get to terreiro do paço at like 1:30am but my friends had already left,, we managed to enjoy the concerts for a bit tho but then we headed home eheh (we had a puppy to walk once we arrived, my poor baby)

a new year is always such a weird concept. it feels fresh and motivating in a way but also daunting, especially when I'm graduating uni in 7 months (crazy don't wanna think about it). hopefully by this time next year, ill be working in London and being even happier than right now.

im now probably going to watch astrology videos and analysing them so I can get some kind of perspective into this year

[chaosinmarz]

30/12/2022

probably the first day i actually felt productive regarding uni stuff tbh, did about 4h of drawing for one of my projects at a local starbucks and had my first pastel de nata since being back home (ik the starbucks one doesnt rly count tho lmao revoke my citizenship)

went shopping for a bit as well but didnt rly get anything lmao, but i did paint my nails a nice green colour so i have that going on i guess,,

stocked up on my medication in preparation of going abroad again so it started dawning on me that my flight is coming closer and closer and i honestly am not too pumped about going back if im honest, but it is what it is and i need to get back on track with uni next week and stop procrastinating, otherwise future me is going to hate themselves. just thinking about writing my dissertation is giving me heart palpitations and i havent even thought about my third uni project which i was supposed to do about two weeks ago

[chaosinmarz]

29/12/2022

nice day of working at home ! actually didn't work that much but I'm trying to make sure I rest before classes start again. don't feel that burned out anymore which is good but the fact that it took three weeks for me to feel okay again is an indicator that I may have pushed it too far in term 1. I recognise now that maybe gym, yoga, pilates, pole, three jobs and plus trying to finish my degree full-time is a lot, and it made me call my family less which sucks especially because I study in a different country. I felt too drained to reach out to anyone and my family members also felt bad for trying to reach out because I was always busy. i kept pulling away and the only people that actively tried to roll me back in were my parents, but I cant really blame anyone.

next year i want to be able to balance everything in my life a bit better. opportunities are good but being able to enjoy life is better.

in other news, i emailed the aquarium about a possible collaboration and they said they had forwarded it to the relevant team ! its not much but I also wasn't ignored which is pretty cool.

[chaosinmarz]

28/12/2022

sweet day, went to the aquarium and drew so many fishes. might send them to the aquarium in an email because im constantly there when visiting my family. possibly the best day to watch the octopus as it was very active (i have never realised how big it is!!)

had burritos w a friend and my brother for lunch and they were amazingg worth every cent tbf and then went to the city center to go to my fav art store and to muji.

didnt buy anything at the art store, i really want to get into watercolours again but im so busy with university i dont even have time to paint, so i cant really justify buying more expensive paints… i currently work with the van gogh talens watercolours but im getting so sick of the colours, and the box is not portable enough… i also have the 12 set from kuretake gansai tambi and i love them to pieces but again, not very portable… i need to do more research but my dream in regards to watercolour is to buy a tiny metal box and fill it with half pans of nice paint, with nice colours :) the already made sets just all kinda feel the same and i feel like im at a point with my art where i can start tailoring to my favourite colours !

at muji i bought some refills for my black 0.5 pen as i dont have a muji store in notts when im at uni and i would honestly kill for that pen. i also got a blue and a red one mainly for my sketchbook ! ive seen so many people sketching w blue and i kinda fell in love with it to be fair, plus i love red so why not :) also got some nice green and gray highlighters which im quite excited about! i got a planner as well, but i dont really think i will use it for planning as notion has been working very well for me, but i might use it for journaling like a small sentence a day type beat.

got back home and realised our puppy hid the tv remote… its stuck in the news channel now, but i guess it could be worse?

not really looking foward to going back to uni, but i keep telling myself that im almost done with it, as im graduating in july !!! but i know that realistically, ill probably want to go back to uni as soon as im working.

[chaosinmarz]

27/12/2022

i have never been too good at keeping track of journals and yet i have journaled for as long as i have been able to write. i realise now that writing was fun when i wasnt thinking too much about it. when i wasnt worried about grammar or consistency and just wanted to jot down my silly thoughts of the day, and i think thats what its beautiful about journaling, keeping track of these fleeting moments, things i would never remember at 21 from when i was 8. this blog is for that i think, just to keep track of the tiny things in my life that bring me joy, and make me smile.