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MAY 19th, 2017
So this morning started off as a complete mess because I actually listed to my parents, well I shouldn’t say parents more like my mom. So today kind of rewinds like a week ago but I’m going that far back but long story short, out new neighbors from across the street work for the Dodge Ram in Gilroy Ca. So he messages my mom on Facebook saying “if you’re son would like a better paying job I can get him a job here” so another long story short he pretty explained the job to her and then she told me to go talk to him and see what’s he has too say. Last night I finally get a chance to speak to him and I should days ago but I’ve been working a bunch of days in a row so I just didn’t have time too until then. So back to this morning when I woke up I decided to tell her “hey I got a chance to talk to Robert (across the street neighbor) last night and I’m thinking about taking it” my mom replied with “umm idk about” I said “why” knowing that she is the one that told me too do it and she was like “how you gonna get there” you ain’t taking my car (not her car it’s my dads and he told me “as long as you have a job you can use it as much as you want”) so I was like what do you mean and we just started going back and forth and it pretty much got no where and we kind of stayed away from each other well mostly because I had to go to work. So today started off so shitty I texted my best friend pretty my brother to call me saying something happened at home so that way I could leave work early and he did so I got out. Then what ends up happing is i went to the lake and chilled for a few hours. During that whole process and the whole day I’ve been texting/talking to my girlfriend and I knew she had plans to go out tonight and have a good time and I don’t care that she does ever because she fucking drinks every day but anyways I’ll get back to that later. So after the lake I went back home and have been chillin a little emotionally fucked up but I’ve been worse but my dad gets home and I pretty much explain everything to my dad and he had my back against my mom because my mom hasn’t let me use the car to go see my girlfriend which has now caused issues between me and her because I haven’t seen her in 12 days but anyways he had my back blah blah blah but back to where me and My girlfriend were texting during this whole thing too actually we were FaceTimeing so she heard everything between me and my dad the first time but we hung up she is on her way out to the club to have a good time and at this moment I snap chatted her saying “have a good time tonight turn up for me but be safe” and she replied with “you know I will” so that was that she started driving and then while she was driving too SF my dad came back out and we had another conversation about how I’m pretty tired of how shit is going and blah blah blah but so I filled in my girlfriend with what happened and then she was like good I’m happy blah blah blah and she posted a snap chat and I guess I took her meaning the wrong way which I already know I didn’t and she wanted too just get mad at me so that way she could do some shit with feeling bad because I “pissed” her off but she always thinks I want to ruin her fun and if I wanted too do that I’d tell her she needs to stop drinking everyday but anyways if I wanted to ruin her time why would I tell her to go have a good time wtf now she is fucking mad at me for no reason and now she is probably going to do something fucking stupid and now I’m sitting in my garage completely alone physically and mentally and I fucking hate it because now I’m completely alone again and have no one that cares. So tell me how you’re day went?! But the worst thing is I still fucking miss her so much and I know she isn't missing me
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You know I'm hurting and yet do nothing about it or even care I see what's good now so imma just let nature take its course but know whatever happens will probably be you're fault I did nothing wrong to be treated like this it's bullshit and it ain't fair and all I want to do is love you and I guess my love isn't enough and it has never been so I should have seen this coming
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Well here we go again I'm sorry that I'm not perfect I tell you all the time that I'm not and still you think otherwise until today I'm pretty positive you're going to start pushing me away so I might as well just get used to it. Don't worry I'll be fine maybe
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Man I really don't think this feeling will every get old and I hope it never does it's absolutely so refreshing knowing someone finally cares for me probably as much as I do for them and it's make everything else so much easier to handle. I honestly would never trade it for the world and I hope you never get bored of me or annoyed because that would suck. Do you ever just look at you girlfriend and think this is the moment I want to be frozen in forever just because you know that this is a moment you could never forget well what if I told you baby that, every moment I spend with you is just like that and I don't ever want you to go anywhere. Is it to early for me to say that or is it exactly how you feel also. I guess time will only tell but even so I'm a rider my love and I promise on everything I love I'm ready for this and I'm right beside you with every step you take and I really do believe that you were put in my life for the better and not the worse. I can guarantee you that I will be a positive impact on you're life baby girl I just hope you can keep up!
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You ever just look at someone and get completely lost in the universe. Wondering where and how this person is in front of you and I feels like it's just you two against the world and the ember in each other's hearts burns with such a passion that when you look at each other you can just feel it. When everything seems absolutely perfect one day the flame just goes away and then it feels as if you are completely empty with no hopes of return to the person you used to be but then someone new enters and you just connect but neither of us will truly connect due to past burns
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Never will I completely understand why anything is the way it is. People come and go, jobs come and go, and just life comes and goes. Why one of my biggest fears as a human is dying alone and not knowing the future. I think these are legit fears because I've always been the one to be left alone 24/7. When you are left alone you're mind kind of goes to a dark place. Once you've experienced it it's like a leach every time you're alone it just slowly and slowly takes life from you. I've never understood love and why it comes and goes. Why can't things just be simple like the old days. This probably doesn't make sense because I'm jumping from topic to topic but in reality they are all linked in some way or another but one thing I tend to see in all of these is that there is a dark place in each one of them and once you've been to each place you're world slowly becomes dark. Suddenly you're paralyzed not physically but mentally and if that happens it is as if you're a zombie and you're just going where the wind takes you and then you just seem to fall and not get up
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