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skellymom · 6 months ago

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"HIGH TIMES"

A Bad Batch One Shot Fan Fic

ᴛʜɪꜱ ꜰɪᴄ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴀɪɴꜱ ɴꜱꜰᴡ ᴄᴏɴᴛᴇɴᴛ. ɪꜰ ʏᴏᴜ ᴀʀᴇ ɴᴏᴛ 18+ ᴅɴɪ

Word Count: 2.6K

Background: The boys mistakenly eat "candy". Medicinal Candy. They are so silly and dumb! I plagiarized a line or two from Alice in Wonderlands Caterpillar (for the Star Wars version: Star Dragon).

Warning: Swearing, nudity, drug references.

“What ARE you making?” Crosshair, sitting in the corner polishing his rifle curious of Tech’s new “project”.

“I am infusing Meiloorun juice into a gelatinous confection containing Star Sedge for Echo. It should help him with his prosthetic limb pain.” Tech, crouched over a folding table littered with equipment, dropping gel candies from his gloved hand into a clear cellophane bag.

Tech worked meticulously...handling the chemical properties with PRECISE care...like you do with these types of things:

“Why not a tincture?”

“It is less stable without the binders to hold it. In addition, this particular state makes it more...palatable.”

“Doesn’t Star Sedge make a person...high?”

“It is no secret within the galaxy of the euphoric properties of this plant. It also provides pain and stress relief, dispels anxiety, is used recreationally, and even utilized for spiritual purposes.” Tech picked up another pre-cut Meiloorun slice to use for flavoring. After squeezing into a receptacle, he set the spent fruit aside in his “eat” pile. The fruit was rare to find in this part of the galaxy, and Tech wasn’t about to let it go to waste...even devoid of its sweet juice.

Crosshair watched Tech silently while polishing away.

Tech quietly picked up a piece of spent Meleroon, popping it into his mouth, absently chewing away.

He dipped another gel candy in the juice, then dropped it into the bag.

Picked up another Meiloorun piece and popped it into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed.

Dip, soak, retrieve, drop it into the bag. Pop Meiloorun into mouth, chew, swallow.

Repeat.

Dip, soak, retrieve, drop it into the bag. Pop Meiloorun into mouth, chew...

...a WET explosion inside Tech’s mouth! Warm liquid running down his throat! And to his surprise, Tech inhaled involuntarily...gasping, coughing, choking!!!

He had accidentally picked up a gel candy and put it in his mouth!

Tech jumped up and ran to the refresher. He spit into the sink, repeatedly rinsing out his mouth. Unfortunately, he had swallowed most of the gel candy contents.

Oh no! Tech gazed back at himself in the refresher mirror...

(Pinterest Credit: Your Stuck With Me, Skyguy)

Crosshair sat on his bunk smiling like a Tooka cat. The idea of Tech inadvertently imbibing in a hallucinogen gave him joy. It was going to be a fun afternoon...

...then it got better.

Wrecker walked past, stopped, and sniffed at the bag.

“HEY...what’s THIS?”

“Oh, just a little something Tech whipped up for Echo.”

“Smells REALLY GOOD!” Wrecker picked up the cellophane bag containing approximately twenty gel candies, staring intently into it.

Crosshair watched with interest.

Wrecker turned to Cross for permission “You think I could try just ONE?”

“Oh, I don’t know Wrecker...Tech did make it for ECHO.”

“Well, I’M gonna ask if he can share!”

“You go ahead and do that.” Crosshair smirked as Wrecker walked to the front of the Marauder.

“YO ECHO!”

“Yeah?” Echo, seated in the pilot’s chair swiveled around to see Wrecker approaching with a clear bag full of jelly candies.

“Can I have one of your candies?”

“MY candies???”

“Tech made them for you!”

“Oh?” Echo grabbed one out of the bag, held it to his nose, sniffing. “Of course! Tech knows Meiloorun is my favorite flavor.”

Echo popped one into his mouth. His eyes lit up. “Go ahead Wrecker.”

Wrecker followed suit, crunching down. Some of the fluid squirted down his lips. “Ummm...sweet and messy!”

Echo’s reaction changed “Yeah...kinda warm and has a...PURPLE undertone...”

“IT’S GOOD!” Wrecker greedily eyed the bag.

Crosshair strode up to the cockpit and addressed Echo. “How’s your MEDICINAL taste?”

“WHAT?!” Echo stopped dead. Then he felt the first faint warm wave rush over him...

“The gels Tech made...for your limb pain...” Crosshair grinned.

“WAIT? THIS ISN’T JUST CANDY???” Wrecker thundered.

Cross pulled out a gel from the bag. “No. It’s Meiloorun flavored Star Sedge gels. Takes care of pain...with an added kick.”

With a smart assed smile, Crosshair tossed the gel into his mouth and chewed it heartily...then swallowed.

(Pininterest credit: Nico)

“What the actual fuck Cross???” Echo’s anger was blunted by the second warm wave washing over him...

“Uh..you ok, Echo?” Wrecker seemed concerned.

“Just feeling...altered...”

“I don’t feel nothin”

“You won’t Wrecker.” Cross remarked. “You’re so large...” The first wave hit Cross harder due to his low body weight “...it’s like a raindrop in the ocean...”

“Ole Crosshair...sounding like a poet.” Echo’s eyes glazed over.

“You guys are acting WEIRD.” Wrecker eyed both his brothers with suspicion.

Echo sat in the pilot’s seat pondering, then perked up suddenly paranoid “Ohhh...Hunter’s gonna be PISSED!”

(Pinterest Credit: Mr Echo)

“WHY am I going to be pissed?”

Wrecker and Echo jumped at Hunter’s voice entering the Marauder. He had just returned from a walk in the forest.

Crosshair cracked the biggest, dopiest smile ever.

Wrecker quickly reached into the bag, grabbed the rest of the candies, and crammed them into his mouth. His attempt to hide the evidence wasn’t successful. Wrecker’s strong grip popped one of the gels, coating his hand, and left residue on his mouth. He then crumpled up the bag noisily in his huge sticky fist.

Hunter had clocked the sticky sweet odor even before entering the ship. Had Echo not made the remark he had; Hunter would have just figured it was Wrecker eating snacks...again.

“NOTHING!” Wrecker shouted.

Crosshair rolled his eyes.

Echo stared at Wrecker in a half-baked manner, then slowly shook his head in disbelief.

“What’s going on here?” Hunter grabbed Wrecker’s hand, pulling the sticky crumpled bag free...with his BARE hands.

The bag stuck to Hunter’s hands. He stared at it incredulously. “Someone want to explain THIS?”

(Pinterest credit: Maulia)

Before ANYONE could answer, the refresher door slowly opened. Tech gingerly emerged, clearly wanting to explain...

“It seems EVERYONE with the exception of YOU is under the influence of the medicinal gel candies I have concocted.”

Hunter spun around to see Tech looking bug eyed, yet glazed, swaying unsteadily...a slight smile on his lips. He seemed rather pleased with himself.

“Where in the hell have YOU been???” Echo slurred.

“I... have been staring at myself in the refresher mirror for...” Tech stared at his wrist chronometer. He seemed to be trying to work SOMETHING out, but just stood there looking terminally at his wrist. “...I am unsure...but QUITE some time now...or so it seems.”

Crosshair abruptly broke out in full maniacal laughter. He sounded like a strangled goose.

“My pain is gone!” Echo interjected suddenly in a high-pitched voice. “My brain cells went with it TOO!”

Hunter sighed “I can’t leave you all alone, can I???” He turned to Wrecker, who had gone suddenly quiet.

Wrecker stared out through the Marauder windscreen. His lips still full of sticky goo. He seemed entranced by something out there. Hunter followed Wrecker’s gaze. Just clouds above the treetops with the sun now setting. But Wrecker’s gaze seemed to suggest he was seeing MORE, something waaaay beyond the clouds.

“Wrecker?” Hunter inquired.

A few seconds later Wrecker answered without breaking eye contact with the sky “Yeah...Sarge...” in barely a whisper.

“What do you see?”

“I see...Lula’s” In the same whisper, his mouth stayed open. Slack jawed.

(Pininterest Credit: Bad Batch)

Somewhere a goose was honking like mad inside the Marauder...

Hunter shook his head, then turned to throw the cellophane bag into the trash incinerator. It stuck to his hand fast. He pulled it free with the other hand to have it stick to that hand. Hunter struggled with the bag. Finally, he was able to throw it into the incinerator and slam the panel shut with his foot.

Both hands were now coated with the sticky goo. Hunter was BEYOND frustrated.

“FUCK!” He made a beeline for the refresher to wash his hands...

...walking suddenly seemed VERY difficult. I need to sit down. Hunter slid into the first seat he could find to take a load off. He HATED the sensory feel of the sticky substance on both hands. It had to be cleaned off RIGHT NOW! Hunter spit into both hands, rubbed them together, then rubbed both hands on his pants.

“Hunter...” Tech’s comically high voice interjected. “This might be bad timing on my part...however...saliva activates the absorptive properties of the active ingredient.”

“Didn’t put hands in my mouth Tech” Hunter clapped back.

“Transdermal absorption will occur with external keratinized skin...or internal squamous stratified epithelial tissue...”

“Break it down for me, Tech... head feels like a Meiloorun on a toothpick...”

Tech stopped...in deep thought...processing his answer in a manner Hunter could understand.

“You’re fucked either way. Enjoy the trip.”

“Roger that...Tech” Hunter sat back, feeling the planet slowly rotate...as he lost himself in his own inner experience.

Sometime later...shortly after...but it seemed like an ETERNITY...like it does with these types of things:

Tech decided to mathematically plot out the existence of all matter in the universe.

Wrecker had long protracted and silly conversations with his many multicolored Lula’s.

Echo couldn’t be arsed to get up from where he was sitting...so he scomped into the ship’s computer and mind melded with it.

Crosshair laughed like a silly goose...then turned on the holonet tunes and danced like he was back at 79’s Rave Night.

Hunter...he watched Tech’s calculations morph into the third dimension, witnessed Wrecker’s multicolored Lula’s, heard the whispers of machinery through Echo’s ears, and adored the rarest of smiles from Crosshair...

...until Crosshair BLASTED the music to an unbearable volume. Hunter shot up and lurched out of the Marauder to escape the cacophony. He stumbled down the gangplank and wandered away...following the song of the full moon. His mistress serenading her Hunter as he toddled into the dark woods...

Gonky sat and watched the WHOLE THING with astonished interest.

His conclusion: Humans are weird!

Sunrise over the Marauder. Rex hailed The Batch bright and early with intel.

Echo immediately snapped up in his seat and gasped. He rubbed his eyes and engaged the holo communication.

Rex’s holo illuminated in bright blue. “Morning, Echo.” Rex glanced past Echo’s shoulder to address the rest of the crew...

“WHAT THE KRIFF???” Eyes wide, astonished.

Echo slowly turned around.

The crew was passed out.

The whole interior of the Marauder was covered in black mathematical scrawl. Tech was covered as well...all over his semi-naked body. Drool slicked his chin.

Snack wrappers and fizzy drink cans littered the ship sticking to Wrecker...who was also semi-dressed. Snack crumbs stuck to his lips giving the impression of bright and obscenely applied lipstick.

Crosshair hung front half upside down from the open ceiling compartment wearing something hot pink...and dubious. Where he obtained it from would stay a mystery for years...even to Crosshair.

Hunter was missing.

“Uhhh...” Echo was at a loss.

“Seems you all had...an interesting night?” Rex stammered.

“Yeeeah.”

Rex gave Echo an out “Let’s...uh...reconvene in one standard hour? Sound good?”

“See you then, Rex.”

The holo transmission cut off and Rex disappeared.

Echo surveyed his crewmates. He had only been with the batch for a short period of time after leaving Rex. They certainly ACT defective...

...he had a HORRIBLE case of dehydrated cotton mouth. Echo slowly and unsteadily got up from the pilot’s seat.

“WAKE UP!” He barked.

Crosshair jerked awake, falling from the ceiling. Good thing Wrecker broke his fall.

“Urm...whaa..?” Wrecker sleepily sat up, absentmindedly pushing Cross off him onto the floor.

Tech was still out cold...drooling.

“We NEED to find Hunter! He’s missing!!!” Echo scowled. “Intel with Rex in one standard hour SHARP!”

“OH for FUCK SAKE!” Crosshair growled grouchy as all hell. He peeled off a full uneaten cookie from Wrecker’s chest and whipped it across the room.

It bounced off with a hard THWACK! against Tech’s forehead. Tech startled violently out of a deep sleep with WIDE eyes. “HAAA..!” Rubbed his forehead, smearing the inked algorithm scrawled across it. He gazed at his hand, his body, then slowly scanned the interior of the Marauder.

“GET UP!” Cross hissed. “We need to find Hunter!”

Tech immediately scrabbled up and sat in the co-pilot's chair.

“Shouldn’t we get dressed and go on foot?” Wrecker groggily asked.

“It will be much simpler to follow the trail of shed armor Hunter left behind. Especially over rough forest terrain.” Tech pointed to Hunter’s pauldron’s lying on the ground covered in wet morning dew.

“Besides...don’t see YOU getting THAT off easily anytime soon.”

Echo pointed at Crosshair...who looked down at himself...finally realizing he was wearing something made up entirely of hot pink straps, buckles, and intricately tied ropes.

“HA! You aint’ fitting ANY armor OVER THAT!!! Wrecker snickered.

Crosshair crossed his arms and sulked.

They engaged the Marauder to take off and scan the forest for Hunter. Following the bits of armor he took off and discarded along the way...and eventually his clothing. The Marauder flew low deeper and deeper into the dark canopy of impossibly tall ancient trees.

Hunter slowly opened his eyes. The dark canopy of trees above provided shelter. He felt warm and snug. The smell of earth, plants, water, and the soothing sounds of birdsong echoing through the forest greeted him. Hunter felt at peace.

He hadn’t slept this soundly in quite a while.

Something around him stirred quietly. It was purple and segmented with many legs. Long sharp claws at the end of each...

Hunter was enveloped by a Duinuogwuin!

Somehow...he wasn’t the least bit concerned. The beast regarded him with its glowing yellow eyes. It took a long, protracted drag off a glass hookah pipe and smiled.

You are a good height, indeed. Then exhaled smoke of lovely plumes down upon Hunter. Pale colored tendrils rolled across his naked body.

STRANGE thing for a creature to say!

In a minute or two the Star Dragon took the hookah out of its mouth and yawned once or twice and shook itself. Then it got down off the mushroom, and crawled away in the grass, merely remarking as it went,

One side will make you grow taller, and the other side will make you grow shorter.

“What???” Hunter finally spoke out loud. OUTSIDE his head.

Hunter rolled off the HUGE mushroom they had been laying on and stood up upon the grass. His ears caught the distant engines of the Marauder approaching.

The Duinuogwuin exhaled a huge lungful of multicolored smoke again. It wafted towards Hunter, enveloping him with whispers of ancient secrets.

He inhaled deeply...

The Marauder burst through the canopy, blowing away the smoke with its engines while bathing him in its landing lights. The ship slowly descended, with Wrecker and Crosshair stepping off the gangplank...

Wrecker in his underwear and Crosshair wearing a hot pink atrocity.

Hunter grinned and pointed. “Look at you TWO!”

“Look at yourself, Hunter.” Cross snapped crankily.

Hunter glanced down. Naked and covered in dried mud. Leaves, moss, and small plants stuck to various parts of him...including some small mushrooms.

“You look like part of the forest!” Wrecker giggled.

“Coming from someone who looks like a holomovie house floor.” Cross, miserably dehydrated, and his head pounded.

“Ladies...we DON’T HAVE TIME TO COMPARE OUTFITS! Intel briefing with Rex in 40 standard minutes! LOOK SHARP!” Echo grumpily shouted from the ship.

“WAIT!” Hunter interjected “My friend over here...” He spun around to empty, dark forest. Purple leaves of a huge Star Sedge bush danced in the breeze of the Marauder’s engines.

Hunter stood stunned. Had he imagined the Space Dragon???

“HUNTER!!!” Echo shouted.

Hunter dashed to the ship and scrambled aboard. He peered out just as the gangplank closed.

He SWORE his vision detected a shadow just beyond the Sedge bush with two yellow eyes...

but it COULD have been an ILLUSION...like it is with these types of things...

I like the original song, and the P!nk cover. But this particular version is killer with the base turned way up while "chasing the white rabbit." Enjoy!

youtube

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