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sorry for fucking up our conversation i had never had that one before

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Undercover FW14 RTW

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good morning, time for another day of horrible anxiety if waking up shaking is any indication!! don't think there's much point trying to think about the reasons at this point to be honest, I think I'm just in a very anxious time and just kind of need to weather it out. ana says I need to embody this image

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I'm so lucky to have ana like the thought of going through this past year alone or without such a strong bond is kind of unfathomable. earlier I was crying and we got in ana's bed and watched tiktok together until I was happier

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ceramic tiles decorated with pomegranates.

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genuinely grounding thought: i'd still take this over what ben was doing

he did reply, confirmed he's been feeling bad but that there's nothing anyone else can do about it - i guess this is ... some kind of relief in that he didnt reply immediately iwth "yes, i cant do this" but i am Tired of myself

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the anxiety is literally just so bad and constant regardless of what happens tbh which is why I think it's a mistake to actually blame anon man for much of it, like he's obviously not done everything great but the degree of anxiety is just so disproportionate and I just feel at a loss as to how to handle it

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actually asked anon man if he's ok BC he's seemed a bit off the past few days instead of just panicking secretly 👍🏻 unfortunately the last time I asked that kind of thing it did end up in a breakup so uhh let's see what happens now, given he's meant to be coming here in like 3 days

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so sweet

they are really calming nicely

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idk how to do my allotment on top of ? international travel ? (the question marks BC obviously I live in a state of not knowing if this is going to work long term) like it's completely fucked after 3+ weeks in Vienna and I just like don't even know how to get it back to where it was before BC the weeds are just Everywhere but I don't want to give it back BC it was so so good for me during the spring and I don't want to give up on stuff BC of A Man (even though it's really logistical but like ?)

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I'm still feeling so anxious about everything 😐 period started today so I think that won't be helping, feeling oversensitive and sad and just want to feel secure and normal

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How long did it take for your cats to stop hiding away and hang out with you? Were they total scaredy cats when they arrived? They are soooooo cute

they hid very seriously for about 2 days them just kinda slowly appeared more often over time - didn't force them to socialise if they didn't want to, just let them decide when they felt like it

egg is still spending most of her time in her hiding cupboard, but I think she just likes it atp BC she comes out every so often to rekill a stuffed mouse toy and to lie on a chair

Lola is quite friendly now

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the gummies

Lola is having blood in her shit which is also very liquid and mucousy 😐 the prevailing theory from the shelter is that it's colitis from the recent upheaval but presumably if it keeps going we're going to have to take her to the vet, but I'm really not keen on the idea BC when we were bringing her back from the shelter she was literally panting like a dog with the anxiety of it all

colitis does line up exactly with the issues and the shelter didn't sound concerned, so I think a watch and wait approach?? she will also have had a full physical workup within the last 2 months or so which also makes me more inclined to give it longer before ruining her fragile peace

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fuschia spike faux fur fabric from here

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using my old phone at home as it's less broken so here's a tink time with some of the old pics on here 🥲

I loved her so much ❤️