certified-egg
certified-egg
urggghh
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certified-egg · 3 hours ago
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Hmmmm
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PROFESSOR SYCAMORE DID YOU FUCK MY MOM
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certified-egg · 19 hours ago
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certified-egg · 2 days ago
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So annoying when you have a long piss like bro I got things to do can we move this along
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certified-egg · 2 days ago
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I think tumblr should preserve the following/mutuals badge on anons. It'd make the website worse but in a really good way. it should be applied retroactively too
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certified-egg · 3 days ago
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so we all know 'seeing with love' in the umineko sense but let me introduce you to 'seeing with hate' i.e. my approach to fate/zero
i don't think its good but i think if you see with hate it's secretly the funniest fate entry of all time. the trick is not taking any of the characters struggles seriously
for example kiritsugu is just an incredible guy he's constantly moping about circumstances he directly put himself in. like he's so edgy and such a pathetic sopping mess at the same time that it goes past tragedy and crosses back around into comedy. i mean he cheats on his wife because otherwise he can't cope with the fact that he needs to kill her. he cheats on her with his personal adopted child soldier that hes also treating as expendable. oh no how are all my family members dead i only fired my special family killing rocket at them
kayneth is another character where the tragedy is so over the top it becomes absurd. like he's very much a tragic figure of the classic mold who starts in a high societal position and is undone by his hubris except. his hubris as presented in the show is. being kinda mean to waver? underestimating kiritsugu? and in exchange for this his life rapidly flips from blessed to possibly the worst two weeks any human being has ever experienced. the fiance fucking the hired help to getting crippled pipeline
speaking of lancer its like. genuinely moving to me that he can't find a single fucking person to fight for real in the entire grail war but his whole dying speech with his own spear stuck through him is crazy because he fucking. curses the grail in the name of diarmuid o'dyna and its just. buddy thats not why its cursed. its already cursed its okay. THIS IS A PREQUEL WE ALREADY KNOW ITS CURSED YOU JUST "GOT LUCKY"
you also have to love kariya he's a very sympathetic character apart from the one catch that he seems to have deluded himself into thinking he can steal tokiomi's wife by killing him. its so funny once you realise it. what are you talking about dude you're not gonna get to go hang out with sakura and rin and aoi after all this is over YOU'LL BE THE GUY THAT KILLED THEIR DAD. killing tokiomi is half the reason he joins the war and as soon as kirei puts tokiomi's body in front of him and aoi hes like oh fuck and the whole thing collapses around him
on the subject of tokiomi. what an idiot. what an absolute buffoon. like truly how dumb do you have to be to stack the entire deck in your favour and then invite kotomine fucking kirei to be your appprentice. the scene where kariya confronts tokiomi is so fuckign good because you can see him losing it as he realises the guy with everything he ever wanted is an absolute basket case
okay who next i guess berserker. look. i just love how. genuinely surprised saber is. when she finds out. Sir lancelot how could you hate me so much i never knew!
HE WAS FUCKING YOUR WIFE!!!!!!
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certified-egg · 7 days ago
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Today's Daily Degurechaff is… that guy who died 2/22/13
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certified-egg · 8 days ago
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it can be hard to tell but everything i say and do is twisting truth in service of a larger Agenda
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certified-egg · 8 days ago
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i love mortis so much
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certified-egg · 8 days ago
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it can be hard to tell but everything i say and do is twisting truth in service of a larger Agenda
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certified-egg · 9 days ago
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certified-egg · 13 days ago
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certified-egg · 13 days ago
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mutsumi randoms
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certified-egg · 13 days ago
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"Poor thing." (condescending) (flirting)
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certified-egg · 14 days ago
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I heart prey animal rage I love when characters are fucking insane with terror
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certified-egg · 14 days ago
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i CANNOT stop thinking about this job ad. i am absolutely losing it over the implication that someone is going to apply to this job who 1) loves chasing birds and 2) is disturbingly competetive about it
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certified-egg · 14 days ago
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inside of you there are two intestines.
one of them is large, and the other is small.
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certified-egg · 15 days ago
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awawawwawa!!
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