ceoofthehobos

[ceoofthehobos]

Lesser Known Australian Wildlife Perils - Part 1

by Bob Arnesen

Sharks

Arguably the most well-known and yet least understood dangers in Australia are sharks. Sharks are to be found all around the Australian coastline and are known to migrate far inland up rivers and estuaries, no solely freshwater species have been identified.  Posing the highest danger large species like Tiger Sharks, Bull Sharks and the Great White Shark are primary found in deep water. However these have been known to venture into shallower water attracted by the scent of urine, surfboard wax and abalone poachers.

 The largely unknown Seaweed Shark is one of the most prevalent and aggressive species found in Australian waters. Approximately the size of a Lebanese cucumber this ambush predator hides camouflaged in free floating seaweed waiting for prey. It is remarkably undistinguishing in its choice of prey, biting anything that comes close, whether swimmer or sand whiting. Although responsible for more attacks by several orders of magnitude there is yet to be any recorded fatalities. Nevertheless it is speculated that an increase it their numbers may be the catalyst for increase in large shark attacks due to Seaweed Sharks effectively chumming the water.

 Although the most fictional members of the shark family, Sand-Sharks are yet the most deadly of all sharks. Sand sharks only occur in the most remote and driest of Australia’s deserts and there is no record of anyone ever surviving an attack. “Swimming” through the sand they will strike with no warning, drawing their prey down underground to desiccate completely before returning to eat them. Sand-Sharks are the pointiest of sharks, this adaptation along with their powerful tail and clawed pectoral fins aid in their burrowing through the soil. As apex predator Sand-Sharks have no known predators yet remain deathly afraid of ducks. However the urst-wild traveller need not fear, Sand-Sharks can simply be repelled be carrying sufficient water.

[ceoofthehobos]

Barry

Barry’s a good listener and has time for me most nights in the spring when he’s in town. He really listens even though we’re not close, he hasn’t even met my family, but he’s a good friend. I suppose it’s strange that I feel so comfortable to open up to him when we can’t even see eye to eye. Living in different worlds takes the pressure off, he listens, and I don’t feel judged. I can tell him about my struggles, my depression, my drinking and I feel heard. I also listen to what he has to tell me he tends to go on and on same thing every night, but I can’t judge. I voice my discontent and I to do little to change my lot. Occasionally I relay his own words back to him as if they were my own; I do this to wind him up. If he notices he doesn’t let on, he’s a far better friend then I am. I really admire Barry, I don’t think he gets me, but why would he we’re so different. I don’t even know if he even likes me, I would be surprised if he didn’t. I’m always coming to him; I’m probably interrupting what he’s doing, but he never lets on if I am, he’s too good to do that. But why would you be out there every night if you didn’t have a purpose for it, it can be quite cold. I should be more considerate, but he’s such a calming presence, I’m so selfish. I should go out and apologise. I know exactly what he’ll say, so bothering him would be another selfish endeavour, to make myself feel good. The last thing I need is to add virtue signalling to the long list of my crimes. But I really want to hear him tell me “Mo Poke” one more time.

[ceoofthehobos]

Salad

By Bob Arnesen

In Australia, particularly in the summer, most celebrations or casual gatherings are conducted in the form of a barbeque dinner or lunch, colloquially known as a “BBQ”. When you are invited to a “BBQ” the correct way to signal you desire to attend is by offering to bring a salad, ie “sure, I’ll bring a salad”. This leaves you with the dilemma of what salad to bring. Although this may not seem a big problem, when the power politics of salad are considered this becomes a greater concern. When selecting your salad offer it is important to consider what you want to achieve with one’s salad, and what does one’s salad say about you. Below is a list of 21 common salads along with their power rating. With this list most salad faux pa’s can be avoided or a great “BBQ” coup can be undertaken. Use it wisely.

 Name, Power Rating, Special Notes

 1.       Caesar Salad, 7. Versatile can become complete meal with protein addition.

2.       Greek Salad, 8. Crowd pleasing workhorse of the salad world.

3.       Three Bean Salad. 9. Chaotic neutral, high protein, powerful but divisive.

4.       Thai Beef Salad, 8. Solid meal salad.

5.       Nacho Salad, 1. Pseudo-salad nothing but a cold casserole, doesn’t belong among salad kind.

6.       Fruit Salad, 4. Honourable Pseudo-salad would be better named fruit medley.

7.       Potato Salad, 10. Salad Royalty, adaptable and can anchor a meal acting as major carbohydrate.

8.       Coleslaw, 9. Underrated, adaptable and can work with a large variety of cuisines.

9.       Garden/Side Salad, 2-7. Pub staple, power very dependent on freshness and calibre of dressing.

10.   Raita, 6. Salad as condiment, important bit player to a complete meal.

11.   Tabbouleh, 8. Powerful if not versatile, the heavy hitter of the Arab world.

12.   Seven-layer Salad, 3. This American monstrosity values form over function.

13.   Salade Nicoise, 7. Robust French salad, underappreciated outside of Europe.

14.   Pasta Salad, 2-3 7-8. Highly variable in power either poor or grand, never mediocre.

15.   Grilled Fruit Salad, 6. Most often involving stone fruit, can be lovely and refreshing, often overrated.

16.   Curried Vegetable Salad, 5. Usually containing cauliflower or broccoli, prized mostly for nostalgia or ease, not unpleasant.

17.   Roasted Vegetable Salad, 6. Tries and fails to elevate pumpkin or sweet potato to the lofty height of salad heavy weight Potato Salad, solid but uninspired.

18.   Rice Salad, n/a. Don’t, traditional indo/malay are excused from this advice.

19.   Dessert Salads, 1. If it contains whipped cream or jelly/jello please refrain from the use of salad, words have meanings.

20.   Egg Salad and Tuna Salad, n/a. Sandwich filling labelled as salad, by this logic peanut butter is salad.

21.   Chicken Salad, 5-8. Shredded chicken with minimalist vegetable component highly dependent on the calibre of dressing.

[ceoofthehobos]

Perth Waterfowl a Culinary Guide

 By Bob Arnesen

 Due to the protected status of native waterfowl many comments in this article have been assumed by context clues

 The Perth and southwest region of Western Australia boast a rich avian biodiversity.  Due to the regions abundance of lakes, swamps and intermittent wetlands the variety of endemic and migratory shorebirds and waterfowl is particularly pronounced. This profusion naturally leads one to contemplate the diversity of duck and duck-adjacent culinary offerings of the region. So let us take a journey through this gastronomic landscape, assessing its intricacies and (pardon the pun) depths.

 It would only be natural to start with the rather familiar culinary offering that is the humble duck. However the many species of duck found in the region provide a surprisingly diverse offering to the inquisitive palate. The ubiquitous Pacific Black Duck, found on every pond, provides a sound entry point to the ducks of Perth. The taste of this particular duck varies greatly dependent on diet and location. Therefore this duck is recommended for smoking, thus the Pacific Black is best enjoyed as part of a vibrant salad or smoked, dried and then shaved as part of a cheese or antipasto platter. The Australian Shoveler is an acquired taste, due to its diet of crustaceans sifted out of muddy substrates. The flavour of this duck is far more subtle than its salt water tolerant cousins but the hint of muddy flavour may be divisive. It is best served super fresh, flash fried so it’s still rare and sliced very thinly, pairs well with stone fruit. The Australian Shellduck as one of the larger species is particularly suited to roasting. Females are fine to eat year round but males should not be consumed during mating season until ducklings have fledged as the meat will be unpalatable. Try flavouring this duck with mandarin, star anise, liquorice, fennel and glaze with dark soy. Wood Duck chicks are especially savoured as adult specimens tend to be incredibly tough.  

 Due to the colonial past of Australia it is inscribed in law that all swans are property of the monarch. Therefore the taste and preparation of the state bird the Black Swan is relatively unknown. Fortunately I have it on good authority that on the Queens last visit Prince Philip insisted on having Black Swan served as part of a royal function. One guest confided in me that it tasted muddy, salty and fishy and although served with sour cream emulsion on a crisp flatbread and paired with a sharp sweet sherry it was far from a highlight of the banquet.    

Considered a delicacy in Siberia on the other end of their migratory route, Sandpipers, Plovers and other small migratory shorebirds are seldom consumed in south Western Australia. The delicate flesh of these small shore birds is subtle and sweet but due to their size impractical as a food source, and in my personal opinion there are too many small bones to be worth the trouble.

 The mighty bin chook, the Ibis, particularly the White or Sacred Ibis may be, counter to intuition, the tastiest of Perth waterfowl. This nickname has severely reduced the demand of Ibis resulting in a reduction in poaching and a subsequence population explosion. The irony however doesn’t end there as in this authors opinion poaching would be the best method for preparing this bird. Ibis can then be served hot or cold with rice cooked in retained poaching liquid in a fashion akin to Hainanese chicken.

 Smaller fowl such as Eurasian Coot and Grebes should definitely not be overlooked. Despite their small size they can be rather meaty principally on the breast and thigh. Furthermore they can be quartered or cooked whole presenting like a large water quail. These species are especially suited to curries of both Indian and south east Asian styles. Thai Green Hoary-Headed Grebe should absolutely be on every epicureans bucket list.

 Diving ducks like the Musk Duck, Pink-eared Duck, Freckled Duck, Blue-billed Duck and the Hardhead are particularly fatty under the skin and at the tail. This attribute makes them perfect for Pekin style BBQ duck; I can guarantee that nowhere in all of china will you find crispier skin then a well-cooked BBQ Blue-billed Duck. Moreover if you’re looking for an easier do at home option these species lend themselves well to twice (or even thrice) cooked crispy fried duck, for this you will want very big flavours in your master stock like star anise, cinnamon, ginger, garlic and fennel.

 Here is where we will end this gastronomic journey, hopefully your eyes have been opened to the vast array of culinary and avian opportunities the Perth and south-western Australian region has to offer. This investigation has been far from exhaustive, hopefully allowing future visits to consider the cookery of Crakes and Rails and Water Hens and how a beak to tail approach to Egret and Herons can so very rewarding.