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you think youre a loki stan? my dad turned off Thor 2 after loki fake died. I had to spoil the ending for him so he would finish it

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If you’re an adult, do the stuff you couldn’t as a kid.

Like, me and my sister went to a museum, and they had an extra exhibit of butterflies. But it cost £3. So we sighed, walked past, then stopped. We each had £3. We could see the butterflies. And we did it was great. We followed it up with an ice-cream as well because Mum and Dad weren’t there to say no.

I was driving back from a work trip with 2 other people in their early 20s, and we drove past a MacDonalds. One of the others went “Aww man, I’d love a McFlurry.” And the guy driving pulled in to the drive through. It was wild. But it was great.

I went to a park over the weekend and I was thinking “Man, I’d love to hire one of those bikes and cycle round the park.” It took me a few minutes to go “Wait, I can hire one of those bikes!”

I guess what I’m saying is, those impulsive things you wanted to do as a kid - see the dinosaur exhibit, play in the fountains with the other kids, lie in the shade for 2 hours - you can do when you’re an adult. You have to deal with a whole lot of other bull, but at least you can indulge your inner 8 year-old.

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okay i need everybodys opinions on all of these foods: pineapple pizza, avocado, hummus, candy corn, nutella, and dark chocolate

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You Are Going To Have So Much Success In 2018 (pass it on)

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when my dad moved away from home he needed a place to live, so he went to look at this one potential apartment. the only questions the landlady asked him were where he was born and when. when my dad told him, the landlady pulled out this huuuge astrology chart book. she looked at it for a long time in silence and finally said, “acceptable”

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remember how low chris’ voice dropped when he said he wants to be a daddy because i sure af do

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When you not the baby daddy but you take care of the kids anyway 

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Death and the Maiden 1900 (detail)

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“the millenium falcon would wipe out the enterprise in seconds” lmao the enterprise is just an innocent science class floating thru space…. all they wanna do is look at some rocks… kiss an alien…. find some space plants….. why would you fight that its not a battleship theyre just nerds…… leave them olone 

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If John Mulaney was a vine he’d be “road work ahead? UH YEAH. I sure hope it does!”

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i am going to think about this every day for the rest of my life (x)

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he makes a serious point here

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I get paralysingly nervous a lot of times, so I tried bravado. The way I dress and carry myself, a lot of people find it intimidating. I think my whole career can be boiled down to the one word I always say in meetings: ‘strength.’

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“We don’t have to retrain [police]. We gotta let them be held accountable for their actions.” -Ronald Lanier (x) | follow @the-movemnt