catastrophicxfailure

[catastrophicxfailure]

The sound of his name from the other man caused his chest to flip in a way that made him not quite sure if his heart was right side up anymore or simply face down in his chest in embarrassment and nerves instead. He’d been by almost every day with a handful of toys to toss in a similar bin the firefighter brought closer and Sammy knew it had to have become noticeable by now, right? Or maybe they really believed he was just that much of a generous person. Which… he was. He always tried to do his part, be a good neighbor, help out where he could, but he had to have bought half of the drive by now and as much good will as he had in his heart, it was starting to burn a hole in his very meager pocket at that point.

But what other excuse was he supposed to use to continue showing up to a fire department? He surely couldn’t admit that he kept showing up to see one particular firefighter as he continued his attempt at working up the nerve to ask the man out.

“Don’t mention it, it’s the least I can do for the community,” Samir offered in response, dangerously close to stumbling over his words at the close proximity he found between them after he’d managed to toss the toys into the bin. “And, I mean, gotta feel like I earned the calendar, right?” The calendar was… definitely a bonus to donating, of course. He’d snagged a peek of it during a previous visit and happened to turn directly to Reggie’s month. His cheeks lit up a bit more at the thought. “How has the drive been going? I could… always lend a hand if you guys need any extra.”

hey, your boy's back.

reggie had been elbow deep, quite literally, in a box of donations, sorting and separating, the questionable quality of some of the most recent donations in question and him the only one willing and able to do anything about it. the teasing words of his coworker startled him out of his laser focus long enough to look up and make eye contact with the man wobbling in with a stack of toys way too high to be even a little bit easy to carry.

"sam!" he was embarrassed of the excitement in his voice, sure, but quickly covered it up as he grabbed one of the empty bins from behind him and held it out so the man could lighten his load, a laugh escaping him in the process. "you've already donated, like, more than half of the toys in this drive, you must really wanna win that free fireman calendar." he thought it was silly to offer a prize for donating, the spirit of the action, the way it made people feel, that should be the prize, but reggie wasn't that naive to the world. "you know i could have probably just given you the one they'll give me when it comes out, right? i mean, i'm not gonna use a calendar that i'm in, that's just... too much ego. but thank you, genuinely, this is gonna mean a lot to some kids."

[catastrophicxfailure]

closed for ✵ @virtueofsanityx

setting ✵ fire station toy drive.

muses ✵ samir persaud and reggie lopez.

His arms were piled high with more toys than he would ever know what to do with. Packaged dolls and action figures and little baby rattles, all purchased that day in the name of helping out the less fortunate. That was it, of course. It was all for charity — and definitely not for the man who he found standing behind the front desk as he wobbled his way into the station on yet another delivery for their Christmas Toy Drive. His cheeks flushed as they made eye contact from behind the stack of gifts and he would go to his grave blaming it on the transition from the frosted winter winds on the outside to the warmth of the station inside.

“Hi, uh, I’ve got some donations for the drive.”

[catastrophicxfailure]

MADELYN CLINE as SARAH CAMERON in

⏤ OUTER BANKS (S04)

[catastrophicxfailure]

She knew it was a bad idea, from the moment Charlotte suggested it. Catching up? Sure, a lot had happened in the last year and the blonde ached to hear about every little thing that she'd missed in the other's life, but she also know such a big part of it was the reason why she'd missed the last year in the first place. How was she supposed to sit there and listen to eight months of pregnancy stories, even more of her ex's fertility story, when the guilt of refusing to be a part of it, a part of the family Charlie expressed such an ache to build, would slowly eat at her as they spoke.

And what did she have to offer the other woman? The tales of how she did absolutely nothing during their time apart except the same old stuff? Work, sleep, repeat? All while trying to desperately to forget Charlotte existed?

But, Sunny found herself nodding anyway, a little too eagerly, and sucked on a breath as she motion down the hallway in the direction she came from. “I think I saw a quiet sitting room that no one has managed to find yet, I’m sure we can find you a comfy seat in there.” The blonde, however, was torn between whether she actually wanted to sit or wanted to run, as she led the way to the small room with a few chairs near the entrance to the large house. It was warm, quiet as promised, and private enough for no one to see the way her cheeks flushed every time she looked in Charlie’s direction. Her hand came up to her chest and she pressed the golden pendent between her thumb and forefinger, heart pounding just beneath it. “I’m really happy for you, Charlie.”

a shade of pink crossed charlotte's features as sunny pointed out that she was soon going to be a mother. there was something about sunny's voice that had caused her little one to kick and it was something she tried not to focus on knowing how much she had wanted a family with the other woman, "it worked." she wasn't sure if she was ready to explain her journey, how she almost gave up. it had been a mentally taxing time and even though she had her family, it wasn't the same as support from a partner. it was hard to get a read sunny's features, how this interaction was making her feel. "i am going to be a mom and this mom is just finalising eviction papers," she chuckled, "this has been such an incredible journey, they're healthy, they're growing, everything is tracking perfectly. they're my little miracle."

charlotte wasn't sure she wanted to give sunny too much information, knowing this was what had ultimately led their relationship to end. the first conversation was always going to be hard. it had been such a long time since they had last spoken and charlotte could confidently say that she was still in love with the other woman. it killed her that they had come to this. it was hard not to be hung up on ever word the blonde was going to say, always hoping for it to be how much she had missed what they had. charlie offered a small smile, "it's really nice to see you too, sunny."

there was so much charlotte wanted to say, to ask but it was hard to define where the boundaries lay for them. "as much as i love standing by the bathroom, did you maybe want to find somewhere we can catch up, maybe somewhere quiet? and definitely with a comfortable chair, my back is starting to ache." not that sunny wanted to hear about her pregnancy problems but charlotte had really missed the other and was curious to know what had been going on in her life.

[catastrophicxfailure]

working on thinking up a few muses to add to my list, but in the meantime looking for a winter/holiday themed thread or two. if you’re interested, give this a like and i’ll reach out to plot!

[catastrophicxfailure]

The bathroom was suddenly the last thing on her mind. Somehow, she wanted both to run far enough away in an effort to convince herself that she merely imagined the other woman that night and never wanted to leave the moment she found herself in. How was it possible that the one time she risked venturing out during her stays in the city, she managed to run into Charlotte? Incredibly possible, she could have laughed at herself, considering it was a mutual friend’s Christmas party she was attending. There was no chance she was going to get out of there unscathed and just as luck would have it, she didn’t.

“No, it’s… I don’t need it anymore,” Sunny responded quietly, shaking her head as she stepped aside to let someone else pass and take the available bathroom she’d been trying to find. In the end, she found something else that caught her attention, but whether it was good or bad, she hadn’t quite figured that out yet. She could take her gaze off of the other, from the way her hair fell so perfectly, to the damn near impossible glow on the woman’s skin, and the very obvious bump the other’s hand now settled on, drawing the blonde’s attention once more. “It worked.” Her hand motioned toward Charlie and she felt her breath leave her chest and the implication of what the bump meant, what actually worked out for the other. Her lips curved just slightly, offering a soft smile though her blue hues displayed a sadness she hadn’t even realized she felt. “You’re gonna be a mom, look at you. This is… amazing, right?”

It didn’t feel amazing, but Sunny could only assume it was entirely selfish of her to feel that way. She was the one who left, she was the one who decided she couldn’t be the mom the other wanted her to be. She had no right to feel anything but happiness for Charlie. “Yeah, I’m… thanks.” Her hands brushed across the knotted pattern of her cream colored sweater that suddenly felt far too warm in that hallway. “Not nearly as good as you, though. I’m barely getting by in comparison, but you’re… out here growing a whole human and…” Sunny paused and took a breath, her brow furrowing when she realized she wasn’t sure exactly where she was going, but felt like she had to be saying something or they’d fall into an awkwardness she never wanted to feel with the other. “It’s really nice to see you.”

it was no surprise to charlotte that her ivf journey had taken a little longer to fall into place. with her age, she knew the risks, she knew the odds were stacked against her and it almost had her giving up the idea of having a baby. it was one of the last inseminations that had worked, she finally had her miracle baby. fast forward eight months and things could not be more on track with her pregnancy. her baby was healthy and growing big enough to leave charlotte wanting to give it's eviction notice. charlotte knew this party was going to be the last social occasion she'd be able to attend in a while, so she made herself available to attend.

there was not a day that she didn't think about sunny. wondering how she was, if she was okay. charlotte kept true to her word when she said she didn't want to date anyone else - that no-one would would measure up to the blonde. dating wasn't something she had been interested in and she knew it wasn't fair to lead anyone on when she was so emotionally unavailable. all she needed was her little miracle baby. her family had been nothing but helpful and supportive, flying into new york to help her set up the nursery. it left her feeling excited, even more so as she had decided she wasn't interested in finding out the sex. what mattered to her was that they were healthy.

as she looked around the party she saw many familiar faces, some she saw often and others not so much. charlie spent most of the night catching up with old friends and using the bathroom, her bladder far from happy with the tiny human that pressed up against it. that was where she found herself when she all but stumbled across a blonde. as she looked up, her heart raced seeing not just any blonde but sunny standing in front of her. it was hard not to notice the way the woman's eyes ran over her body - immediately making her feel a little insecure. charlie's hand fell to her swollen stomach for comfort. "i'm sorry - i - hey - the bathroom?" she shuffled away from the door she had just emerged from to clear the path for the other. "i could say the same for you. i figured it would be the last social gathering for a while before the little one comes along." charlotte offered her a warm smile, "you're looking really well sunny." all the pain she had worked so hard to forget became all too raw.

[catastrophicxfailure]

closed for ✵ @softdrabbles

setting ✵ mutual friend’s holiday party.

muse ✵ sunny fletcher.

A year had passed. A year and two months to be exact, but who was counting? Certainly not her. Except, it was always there, in the back of her mind, the thought of Charlotte. She couldn’t help but wonder sometimes, in the darkness of night when she couldn’t sleep or if she was passing through an airport where the tv on the wall was set to just the right station and the woman’s face showed up, how the other was doing. Was she happy? Did she get the family she dreamed of? Did she meet someone else? Sunny had tried to move on once, saw a one night hook up for a second night, allowed the woman to stay over, to be in her space… but it hadn’t lasted for long. No one she met was even comparable to the woman she left in New York.

And that wasn’t why she was back in the city, no, not technically. A friend sent her an invite to a holiday party, one that always had the best appetizers and expensive champagne and she was planned to be stuck in the city for a few days anyway, so it only made sense she would attend, right? Seeing Charlotte in the distance of the chilled courtyard where the cream knitted sweater paired with the green silk skirt was hardly warm enough and the metal of the necklace once gifted to her was cool against her skin, was just a technicality. Of course they would both end up at a mutual friend’s holiday party — the guest list was far more extensive than just them, it was unavoidable really.

it was just a glimpse and the woman was gone and Sunny felt herself able to breathe once more. Maybe that was it? It was easy to get lost in the crowd of the Christmas party spilling from the courtyard into the house and after a few more flutes of champagne and some wildly expensive escargot, she managed to convince herself that seeing the other was simply a mirage and nothing more.

Until she was wandering down a hallway trying to remember just where the bathrooms were in the large home and realized just how much she should have avoided everything that night the moment a door opened to the side and Charlotte stepped into the hallway in front of her. Surprised blue hues ghosted over the woman, heart beating wildly in her chest, taking in everything about the other that she’d longed to see again until her eyes fell on the noticeable bump Charlie now sported and her entire world froze. The party faded away, the sound of Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas floating down the hallways quieted, and all she could hear was the sound of her own blood rushing past her ears. She’d always assumed it was happening, but assuming and seeing it felt like completely different things in that moment.

“Hey.” Sunny finally breathed out, her brow furrowing in a barely noticeable way as she tried to wrap her head around the sight of Charlotte, a pregnant Charlotte, Charlotte the mom, in front of her. “I, um… I was just looking for the…” She trailed off, failing at both regulating her heart and appearing oh-so-casual. “I didn’t think you’d be here.”

[catastrophicxfailure]

It was easier, to convince herself that the love for the future child Charlotte would likely have would be more than the love the woman would ever have for her — easier to tell herself that she would have never been worth as much as a baby to the woman in front of her. She knew it was a different kind of love and knew that, at the end of the day, Charlie could hold both loves in her heart at the exact same time, but it wasn’t what she needed to hear. She was barely able to walk away as it was, if she started doubting her decision? Sunny wasn’t sure she’d make it out of the door the next day. The closeness of the two was already threatening to break that resolve, already considering the possibility of hanging on until the pregnancy at least happened, soaking up every moment more she could get with the other.

It was a foolish idea and was quickly shelved before it ever made it out of her mouth. She had to go now, or she wouldn’t go at all, and she didn’t want them both to suffer because of it.

Sunny wanted to reassure the other that it would be okay to move on, if she did find some future love, if she didn’t want to be a mother alone. It was a realistic future that she had to face — and because of the public sphere that Charlie was in, she was sure she’d hear about it eventually if it did happened. But… she didn’t feel it was necessary to utter those words, not when she could tell the woman needed to feel validated in that moment. So, instead, she nodded and uttered a soft, “Okay.” Then added, “But promise me you’ll take it day by day, alright? Let your future happen the way it’s supposed to.”

charlotte knew babies weren't for everyone and that was something she accepted, never wanting to force sunny of all people into something she didn't want, even at the expense of their relationship. she couldn't help but wonder if they had more time would they have worked through this? her age and biological clock wasn't something she could change and charlotte didn't have much time. sunny was giving charlie an out to have something she always wanted, something the blonde couldn't give her. in ways it was selfless, something charlotte wasn't sure she'd be able to do if roles were reversed.

the blue eyes studied the features of sunny whilst the woman took in her touch. the way her lover reacted knowing that this was it for them. each moment continued to break charlotte's heart, the warmth of sunny's hand covering her own did nothing to ease the pain she felt. the way the woman took her hand only to place a kiss against it made her want to cry. everything they did was always so intimate and even in the midst of breaking up, that remained. sunny's words stung, almost like a knife being twisted in her side knowing that wasn't why they were separating, leaving a loveless relationship would be easier at this point. slowly, charlotte nodded, "i know, it's what makes this even harder." she wasn't sure how many more times she'd be able to hear the words and keep herself together. "i think you underestimate how much i love you, sunny. they're two different kind of loves that cannot be compared. no-one will compare to you, you know that, right? i'd rather be alone and a single mom than be with anyone else."

[catastrophicxfailure]

If only he knew just how much fire she was playing with, tiptoeing the burning lines around an erupting volcano, molten lava threatening to consume her with every step she took. She’d avoided him for over a decade — attended a college out of state, accepted a starting position with a publisher hundreds of miles away… but there she was. After almost a decade and a half, the opportunity presented itself to move up in the publishing world, to finally get the start she’d been pining after her entire life, and in accepting that position she landed right back in the place she’d avoided all this time, in front of the man she’d been avoiding all this time.

The quirk of his lips, the slight dent his brow made in his forehead, made her stomach curl in recognition, the lump in her throat forcing itself to the top, rising with the heat of the flames she was playing with. But… there was the same irresistible charm that the other hadn’t rid himself of, even years after she first fell for it, the entire reason she found herself in the position she was in, sinking deeper and deeper into the flickering lava burning at her heels. “So what if we are? That’s what makes it fun, right?”

@catastrophicxfailure liked for a starter ! (insp. in source)

" we're playing with fire and we both know it. "

[catastrophicxfailure]

She loved Charlotte. More than anything, she loved the other woman that she thought she was going to spend the rest of her life with — which was a huge step for the blonde considering her lack of commitment in the past. Somehow, in the year and a half they'd been dating, Charlie had gotten her to change that, to consider the possibility that committing to forever was something worth relenting on. But the thought of a baby was... something more, something that scared Sunny more than being official or having a ring on her finger. A baby was a whole human, someone that she could mess up in the blink of an eye, someone she was fully responsible for until the end of time — and she couldn't bring herself to give herself the chance to mess that one up.

Even with the other's convincing words. And damn, if she didn't want to believe them.

Sunny soaked up the moment when the familiar touch cupped her cheek, savored the feeling as she leaned into it, knowing that it’ll be the last time she would ever feel it. She breathed in. And out. And repeated it again as her eyes slipped closed for a few seconds, memorizing everything about the other’s touch. Her hand came to settle on top of the other’s as her eyes opened and blurred blue hues met Charlotte’s. She took the hand from her cheek, though regrettably, and brought it to her lips to press a warm kiss to winter-kissed knuckles. “I love you too,” Sunny finally whispered back, nodding in reassurance. “You know that, right? This isn’t… it’s not because I don’t love you. And I know that you love me… but you’re going to make this mom thing work and you’re going to love that baby even more.”

at the moment, being cheated on seemed way easier to stomach than their current circumstance. separating when things were practically perfect made it hurt all that much more. charlotte truly believed she'd found the person she'd always been looking for in sunny, the person she'd be waiting for her whole life for. maybe she was just destined to be alone, something that her career had made her already feel, regardless of how many millions of people loved her, but they loved the person they saw on the tv, not the person she was. sunny had never treated her any differently when she found out who she was. she was still just that girl travelling home for the holidays stuck on a delayed flight. at the time being treated differently was her biggest worry about their relationship, which in turn was nothing compared to what ultimately would break them apart.

charlotte really thought that what she had said outside was enough for sunny to at least be open to thinking about what kind of life they could have had together and she only hoped that the scars of her childhood would heal in time, sunny deserved that. "and what if this is all for nothing? what if it doesn't work out? what if i waited too long? what if i'm not cut out to be a single mom?" the idea of being alone frightened her, she'd been that person for too long. so many of her fears now seemed a lot more real that sunny was removed from the equation. as much as it pained her, she knew it wasn't all about her. sunny had every right to happiness as she did. free to do as she pleased. of course she didn't want to hold the blonde back from living her life the way she wanted, it was just hard to imagine a life without her.

as the tear was wiped from her face, her heart broke more. it was hard not to think about how someone else was going to be the centre of sunny's world, a place she had always thought would be forever hers. nodding at the other's suggestion, eating now the last thing on her mind. even the mention of the socks pained her, now regretting the fact she'd chosen the airplane pair. they would now be a constant reminder of what she had. charlotte followed sunny's lead to her bedroom, glad that the other took up her offer of spending the night with her. heading for her ensuite, she at least attempted to freshen up before changing to her pjs, choosing not to wear the fuzzy socks. from the mirror she could see sunny sat on her bed, clearly in her head. for a moment she couldn't help but marvel in sunny's beauty, inside and out. finding the strength to move from her spot, charlotte made her way out to the bed, standing in front of the other, unsure of what to even say. "i love you," she finally whispered, her hand moving to caress sunny's cheek, her thumb gently grazing the soft skin. "i love you so much."

[catastrophicxfailure]

just wanted to send out a little ooc update since i went ghost for so long. my mental health has been pretty tanked lately, but i do miss writing and some of the pairings i had going on. if we had something going on that you enjoyed, pls hit me up to plot! i’d love to rally up some muse to write ♥︎

if you’d like something new, hit me up as well! i’ll also be looking around for some new threads/plots and taking care of my mcu carol things in the next few days as well.

[catastrophicxfailure]

"Okay, lay it on me then. Two truths and a lie — but you owe me a drink if I can figure out which one the lie is."

closed starter for @catastrophicxfailure !

"i crush at party ice breakers, i'll have you know. i win two truths and a lie every single time."

[catastrophicxfailure]

It threatened to tear her apart, the look on Charlotte's face as she spoke about her worries, the same worries Sunny had about herself. There wouldn't be anyone else, not like the other, she was sure of it. How could there be, when everything between them was so damn perfect — to find that again would be near impossible. They'd fit so well together, so naturally, it made the last year and a half feel like a lifetime together. Yet, they still lived in different states, they hadn't even talked about marriage, and it was probably for the best, because no matter how perfectly they fit together, how seamlessly they'd melted into each others lives, they both wanted something so fundamentally different, they couldn't be right for each other. Right?

Sunny knew, at least, that as difficult as this was, as much as it threatened to rip apart her chest with every single word she uttered, every single tear that slid down Charlie's flushed cheek, that she had to do it, that she had to pull the plug on them so that the other woman could be happy with her life, so that she could get what she's always dreamed of. "You'll find new parts that'll make you just as happy... parts that you've always wanted and dreamed of. I can't hold you back from that, no matter how much I love you." Still, the thought of taking it all back raged in her mind as the seconds ticked on and she was almost too eager to agree to one last night shared in bed.

She blinked away the tears clouding her eyes, one hand slipped away from the other's face in order to swipe at a tear that had escaped, and she nodded reassuringly. "C'mon, forget dinner. We'll have an early bedtime tonight... and you can even wear your fuzzy socks," Sunny offered with a watery smile as she stood up and reach for Charlie's hands, taking them tightly in hers as she led the way toward the other's bedroom, only letting go when it came time to change into their pajamas. She couldn't help but take it in as she sunk to the bed, waiting for the other to finish getting ready. She'd spent so much time in this room, in this home, that she'd really started thinking of it as home herself. She could've seen forever there and it killed her to know that forever was cut so short.

even the mere thought of dating someone else other than sunny was unfathomable to her, yet she never thought she would be bringing a child into the world by herself, always thinking she'd have a stable partner by her side. more than anything she had wanted sunny to be that person and it truly broke her heart knowing that wasn't going to happen. she wasn't blind, she could see how hard this was for the blonde, the woman's heart was breaking in front of her. another set of tears rolled down her cheek as she really considered whether a child was worth losing the love of her life. was there a compromise she'd be able to find at the last minute to try and save them. "you did that so easily, make me happy. i'm worried i won't fully bounce back from this, that a part of me will always be missing." would she even be able to sleep at night knowing that sunny could be out there being happy with her replacement? what if none of the ivf treatments worked and all this was for nothing? charlie took a breath, trying to process everything, trying to believe this was happening.

"i'm not allowing our last night together to be spent apart, i can't. i need you next to me, sunny, even if it is one last time. no couch. my bed, with me, please? hold me and kiss me, just one last time." her eyes were pleading, her lip trembled as the hair was brushed behind her ear, as she instinctively leaned into the blonde's touch. "you can't promise that, you won't be here and i want to believe you but i can't."

[catastrophicxfailure]

There were moments when Sunny almost took her words back. It was hard enough to get them out, knowing what she was suggesting, knowing what the end result would be of the conversation, but to take them back? She felt like that would be so incredibly easy in comparison. Turn back time, tell the other nevermind, hope that at some point she'd be able to come to terms with what the other wanted before it was too late or she ended up hating them instead. So much easier than what was actually happening, wasn't it? Anything had to be better than losing Charlotte, she was convinced of that much. The tears on the woman's cheek, marring soft skin she'd run her thumbs over so many times, the feeling of she'd never forget.

"I know," the blonde finally whispered in acknowledgement of what the other claimed her happiness was. She knew the feeling, because she wasn't quite sure she knew happiness until she met Charlie on that plain and a number was written in sharpie on her arm. She'd spent the entire holiday season visiting her family, completely and uncharacteristically giddy after they'd started texting. It was something that felt so right, even after just meeting. How had the other gone from her forever, to this? Why did fate take and take and take after already giving so much?

"I should be telling you all that." a watery chuckle, soft and barely there, fell from her lips as she shook her head, as though that would help all of the tears clouding her gaze disappear. "The only thing I've ever wanted is for you to be happy... please be happy. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but... let yourself find happiness in being a mom, because that's what you've dreamed of." She sucked in a breath and let a long, shaky exhale fall between them. "If it's okay, I'll uh, take the couch tonight? I'll find a flight and be out of your hair by sunrise." There was a small lift to her lips, her fingers reaching forward to twist some of Charlotte's hair behind her ear, lingering for just a moment in the other's presence. "It'll be okay, I promise."

as sunny took her hands, charlotte felt physically sick and she couldn't blame anyone other than herself. if she had just left the outfit on the rack, they wouldn't even be having this conversation. it broke her to know that this wasn't going to be an experience they would share together, knowing just how much of an incredible her partner would make. she wished they'd met earlier, that they had more time to work through what could have been holding sunny back. unfortunately, time wasn't on her side. she loved sunny, more than she'd ever loved anyone or anything before but she ached for a family of her own, to take a step back from her life in the spotlight to be a mom.

charlotte could see the tears threatening the woman's eyes and her heart dropped even further. it only confirmed what she had suspected was going on. she didn't know if there was any more she could do or say to save what they had. feeling a warm tear roll down her cheek, charlotte quickly wiped it away as sunny's words processed. it was hard to even imagine a life without sunny in it. without the calls, the facetimes, the texts, being wrapped in her arms for hours, without her goofy jokes. "you are my happiness," she managed to barely speak. at least sunny could acknowledge that she heard what charlotte had said to her and maybe she needed a little more time to think about it. "i wish things were different but i'll always want more for us, to share that experience together but i can't and won't convince you to want something you don't for my benefit. that's not fair, i love you too much to even consider something like that."

as much as she wanted to disagree, she knew sunny was right. this had been something she had wanted for a long time, longer than the two of them had known each other and maybe sunny was right, maybe she would never forgive her for not giving her the chance. "in another life, i'd like to think we get our happily ever after because you and me, we're perfect in every way. meeting you was the best thing that has ever happened to me and you had me from the that first moment. just promise me you'll take care of yourself -" she had to take a breath to get these last words out, "that you'll find someone that makes your day, every day. you deserve your happiness." she gave sunny's hands a squeeze, trying to stay strong, "i don't want this to end but i understand why you're doing what you are and i can see it's not easy for you. it shows what kind of selfless person you are. you're incredible sunny but please don't forget what i said outside. those people don't define you."

[catastrophicxfailure]

Sitting was the last thing Vera wanted to do, but deep inside she knew if she kept nervously pacing in front of the other, she might just wear a hole straight into the ground. Maybe she'd even get lucky and it would swallow her whole too. So, she set beside Jamie, though her leg kept moving, bouncing with the anxiety that wracked her body at the entire situation. It wasn't even the proposal that she was upset about, not when the other had looked at her like she had when she said it, not when Vera wanted nothing but to accept it herself. But, fear will always outweigh happiness, that's how life worked. "I care about you too and I've been so, incredibly selfish with how much I've let myself care. I just want you safe."

"There is no one I want you to be other than yourself. Okay?" She squeezed Vera's hands. "Sit with me? Please?" Though Jamie was concerned and a little scared of where this was going she some how managed to keep her voice calm. "Everyone moves at a different pace-- I was just trying to give you something stable, it just sort of came out. I really wasn't planning it." Sure it was eventually what she wanted but she didn't have a ring or anything. "I don't care what we do or don't do in public, what I care about is you. Overall."

[catastrophicxfailure]

A year and a half wasn't enough with Charlie. Five years wouldn't have been enough. Anything short of forever wasn't enough. But, it also wasn't enough to be together and be unhappy with the way their life turned out, on either side. She knew, now at least though she'd tried to be oblivious to it before, that the other wouldn't be truly happy without a family, without a baby... something that Sunny wasn't sure she'd ever be okay with. Every fiber of her being, ever beat of her heart, tried to be okay with it, she really had. Maybe if she'd give herself more time? Time wasn't something they had though, not with Charlie's age considered, and the last thing she wanted was to be the reason the other woman didn't get what she wanted — even if it meant breaking both of their hearts now.

Her mind hadn't even truly been make up until they sat and Sunny was able to take a breath and steel herself against the tears she could see in the other's eyes, the warm salty liquid prickling against her own eyelids as she faced Charlie on the couch and took both of the woman's hands in hers, gripping them tightly as though she wanted to say so much more than she was about to. She wanted her to know that she loved her, more than anything in the world, and that this wasn't a decision she wanted to make, but felt like she had to.

"You deserve to be happy... I want you to be happy," Sunny insisted quietly, but firmly, blinking back her own tears that threatened to spill over. How had she become so attached to one person in such a short amount of time? "And you want a baby. And I... What you said outside, I heard it, I did. It's why I think you're going to make an amazing mom and any kid would be so lucky to have you. But... I don't think I'm there and honestly? I'm not sure I ever will be. I can't be the reason you don't get your happily ever after, I'd never forgive myself and you'd... you'd never forgive me either."

charlotte wanted to ignore the feeling that something in the air had changed since sunny had come in, that something was different. she didn't want to believe that this could very much be the end of their relationship together. she wanted them to stay in this moment forever. sunny's words were everything she needed to hear but the fact she hadn't addressed what charlotte had just asked her for made the brunette sick. charlie bit down on her lip to stop the quiver, unable to repeat the words back to the blonde.

the more sunny spoke, the more charlotte wanted to close her eyes and wish they were anywhere but here, having this conversation. her hands stilled as sunny reached to turn off the stove, her heart falling to her stomach. nothing about this was giving her the vibes that sunny was going to say what she so badly wanted to hear. nodding, she let sunny take her hand, words still unable to form in her mouth. the tears that threatened her eyes said everything words couldn't. taking a breath, she led them to the living room and sat down on the couch. charlie still had trouble looking at the other, "i'm going to lose you," she whispered, barely audible.

[catastrophicxfailure]

She lingered in that moment, chin settled against Charlie's shoulder, a feeling swimming in her stomach that made her uneasy, trying to find a familiar comfort in the other's presence as though it would make everything better, make the issue at hand disappear and they'd be able to go about their lives as usual; happy and in love and not a single care in the world besides wearing fluffy socks to bed. Man, she missed when disagreements were about wearing socks to bed, it was so much easier to stomach than this. "I love you." Sunny finally mumbled against the material of Charlotte's shirt, her eyelids fluttering closed for a millisecond, breathing in the scent of home, the one she'd found with the other woman, the one she wanted so desperately to keep.

The blonde took a breath and then lifted her head, mumbling a quiet and hesitant, "Can we just..." before pausing to drop her hand from the others back and reach forward to turn the stovetop off, stopping the dinner Charlie had started while she was gathering herself outside in its tracks. Her stomach turned uncomfortably as she finally faced her girlfriend. Sunny took the other's hand, holding it warmly in her own. "Can we sit? Please?"

charlotte had tried her best to fight the tears, as she began to make dinner preparations. the thought of losing sunny broke her heart. maybe she was the one that expected too much of the other. was the idea of a family worth losing the love of her life over. she couldn't help but keep thinking about sunny's upbringing, how cruel and unfair it was. it was then the tears had begun to trickle down her cheek as it all became a little overwhelming. with each moment that passed waiting for the blonde, the pit in her stomach only grew deeper. she hadn't intended to create a divide that would ultimately lead to their separation and she felt terrible. maybe she should have given sunny more time to air out her reasonings. charlotte wiped away the tears off her stained cheek, hopefully giving her enough time to hide the fact she'd been crying before the other came up. if she was coming up.

before she had the chance to even process what that thought would mean, she heard the doorknob turn, yet it didn't ease her anxieties. sunny could be coming to tell her she was getting her things and returning to atlanta or hotel for the night. charlotte wanted to believe they were stronger than that, that this bump in the road, was only just that. feeling the touch against her back, the kiss to her shoulder, the brunette's body eased, her eyes closed for a moment as she took a breath in, waiting for sunny's words. an indication of what the future was for the two of them as a couple. sunny's words made her heart ache, for so many reasons. it ached because she wanted to share that with the other, it ached waiting for similar words from the last time to follow. she wanted to believe that there was hope in the blonde's words and when nothing followed, charlotte took a moment, and breathed out, "please tell me, it's with you. i can't lose you."