castielspahdehrah

[castielspahdehrah]

This concept is so alien to me and gives me the jeebie heebies. As someone who has been reading since she could walk (one of the few things I'm grateful to my parental units for) and learned to do it as quickly as Spencer Reid when she was 9 years old, I can't imagine using ChatGPT, CliffNotes, Sparknotes, Grammarly, Quillbot, Scribbr, Canva, EditPad or any other summarization tool (Yes I Googled to see what these things were called and I'm actually appalled at how many exist!) to consume literature of any type. The whole point of reading, for me, is immerse myself completely and become a part of the world I'm reading about. Experience the environment, the emotions. Become a part of the characters lives as they become a part of mine for a time. Be somewhere else for a while, especially nowadays. Idk, just my two cents, but knowing some people choose to use AI to "read" just hurts my little bookworm heart.

what is HAPPENING

[castielspahdehrah]

Holy shit! Welcome back, friend! Idk if you'll remember me from way back when, but I just recently returned as well!

Glad to see you!

It's for real real

Like the Count, I have risen once again back into the Tumblr-verse!

Maybe it's nostalgia as I know the landscape has changed some since I was last really Active here, but this is the best place I know of to talk about and be in fandom for anyone still listening :)

I look forward to re-connecting with everyone still here, finding new(er) spaces, and picking up where I left off on the creative train that I've been on even in my absence.

[castielspahdehrah]

If you see this on your dashboard, reblog this, NO MATTER WHAT and all your dreams and wishes will come true.

[castielspahdehrah]

Well, hell. Here we are, the last few hours of 2024 and I've been mainly silent this whole time.

I wanna apologize for that and explain a little

I came back here all excited to write and get involved in fandom again and as soon as I did, life/fate/the universe/whatever you wanna call it decided to bitchslap my ass back to the stone age.

After 4 years of being back on my feet and seriously kicking ass and taking names, I lost everything starting October 22nd.

After spending ALL of my savings to get caught up on medical bills from when I was in cardiac ICU back in April 2023, I was let go from my job due to absences WHILE having ADA (American Disability Act) Accommodations in place that actually didn't expire until today, 12-31-24. That paperwork was supposed to legally protect me from that exact thing, but it didn't. I don't know if I have a lawsuit. American employment laws are so damn shady and definitely not meant to protect the employee....

Since then I've been absolutely reeling mentally, emotionally, financially. Applying for all kinds of assistance to keep my house and my utilities on, to keep my cardiac medications refilled, to keep my car I just bought in July 2023.

I've applied to over 100 jobs since then and still have nothing to show for it....(I'm a licensed insurance adjuster for fuck sake, HOW have I not been hired somewhere yet?!?!?!)

I tried the whole Instacart/UberEats option and I shit you not, 3 days after I signed up, the back brakes went out on my car. My neighbor got those fixed for me for free....he did a thing....

Then, a week and a half ago, I was almost in a car accident that blew my brake lines because I was determined not to plow my car into a building because of the asshole in front of me that caused the clusterfuck, my car is still down and I probably won't be able to fix it this time.

And yesterday, "physical reeling" entered the chat when I went to the emergency room because my blood pressure was back up in stroke/heart attack range because I've been without those cardiac meds for a month.

Idk when I'll finally get another job. I don't know how much longer I'll be able to keep my utilities on. I don't know how much longer I'll have a roof over my head.

I don't eat, I don't sleep, I just.....exist.

Obviously, I still don't reach out to people like I should for support, as I've kept my mouth tightly shut. Bear the burden and suffer in silence, right Dean?

Anyways, all that aside, I thought it was the right thing to do, with it being the last day of this shit sandwich of a year, to come on here and at least say, "Hey, I'm alive, but REALLY goin' through it."

I'm not asking for anything, so don't worry there, but I do wanna say....

To those who have been thoroughly railed by 2024 without so much as some lube or a reach around? I get it and I'm there with you, but it can only get better from here right? Can't go deeper than rock bottom.

Here's to 2025, let's kick some ass y'all.

Love you guys and I'll see you next year.

[castielspahdehrah]

Reaching out to my Tumblr family on behalf of IRL family.

First of all, I want to apologize if this post is rambly or incoherent. To say I'm in shock or disbelief would be a gross understatement. Horrified would be better, but to be honest, I don't think there's a good enough term to describe what my family and I are feeling right now.

Early this morning, tragedy struck the lives of my best friend Lessika and her young daughter by way of her husband Brent's sudden passing.

These people may not be my blood, but like Dean Winchester said, "Family don't end with blood, but it don't start there either." These people are my found family. Lessika, like a sister and my "partner in crime". Brent, like the brother I never had and their daughter, my beautiful niece in all ways that matter. They've been destroyed in ways that I can't even begin to fathom and I want to do everything I can to ease this unimaginable burden they are now under.

It has been discovered that Brent did not have a life insurance policy nor any kind of death benefits through his work, so they are fully responsible for all funeral costs with no savings to pull from. I was advised by another family member that a GoFundMe has been created for them in this terrible time and I would be forever grateful if you guys could take a look and possibly donate if you have a dollar or two to spare. Even if you can't contribute monetarily, if you could share with your own Tumblr family, I would appreciate it more than you will ever know.

Lastly, if you could keep my found family in your thoughts, focus some healing energy their way, light a candle or some incense, say a prayer, whatever your belief system is...would mean a lot to me as well. I've been hollerin' for help to any and all Deities with their ears on all day today and they're probably sick of me already.

Hold your spouses tightly tonight, give your kids extra kisses before tucking them in, send a late night "I love you" reminder to your siblings and make sure they tell your nieces/nephews know how much they mean to you. Life has a way of reminding you how short it is...usually with a metaphorical 2x4 to the face when you least expect it.

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[castielspahdehrah]

“I know you’re not leaving this bed, I’m not done with you yet”

4x22 & 9x22 - the sass is still intensifying.

original posts: [x]  [x]

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Does anyone else just lay in bed for an hour or so before they fall asleep and generate their own fanfictions? And they are super elaborate and you just sit and go through it and wasting precious sleeping time. Reblog if u do.

[castielspahdehrah]

Damaged people are dangerous. They know how to make hell feel like home.

Unknown, (via kushandwizdom)

[castielspahdehrah]

[scribd; tweet]

[castielspahdehrah]

by this point my entire stance on being in fanbases is that it feels like i’m trying to live peacefully in a secluded cottage and do my own thing while also witnessing the fall of the roman empire right next door