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Andrzej Strumiłło

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Self portrait

A self portrait about being diagnosed with an incurable chronic illness as a teen

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Magical Girl Aika

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the fact that it's so normal for disabled people to be told that abled people would kill themselves if they were disabled is so fucking disgusting

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idk who popularised the narrative "i don't let my disability stop me" but it needs to be stomped on, pulverised by a meat grinder and then thrown into the depths of the sea never to be seen again.

it is by far the most popular ableist narrative and i see it so much and immediately just think i'm a bad person for not being able to 'get over' my disability despite the fact it's an incurable, permanent and severely disabling disability.

stop stop stop stop pushing the mindset that people have to persevere despite their disabilities in order to be a worthy person

leave me alone and let me be disabled in peace

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disabled people are allowed to have hobbies that clash with our disabilities by the way

I'm allowed to like journaling even if my hand tremors make it so I can't do something as "pretty" as an abled bodied person

I'm allowed to like crocheting even if it's bad for my joints and it takes me double the time it would take someone else to finish a project

and yes I'm trying to switch to knitting which is lighter on the hands, but even that - even fucking using my phone - makes my finger hurts

I'm allowed to complain about it, just like you - specially if you're abled - are not allowed to tell me off about it

it's so hard for us to find joy, you're not allowed to police the small things that help

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chronic fatigue weaves its way into everything. people love to tell disabled people they'd love to rest as much as we do, but they fail to understand how tired we are while we rest. we are not relaxed, we are generally pretty miserable, either from pain, irritability, or fatigue- which bleeds into every aspect of your life. being too fatigued to get up off of the couch means that you're too fatigued to get to the cupboard to pull out pans to attempt to start cooking.

the steps hidden within steps that are required to do a lot of tasks related to being a "functioning adult" are daunting, there are often way too many steps necessary to make "Simple" foods or do "simple" chores for disabled people to accomplish these tasks. chronic fatigue often means that even waking up from a nap or night's rest requires time to adjust to and power through

waking up is a process for me. im often no more alert and awake hours after i've woken than I am right after doing so. caffeine does not help fatigue- at least not at safe doses, for me, anyways. many days the act of moving from my bedroom to my living room is too much. taking dishes to the sink can be too exhausting. i have began falling asleep in front of the kitchen counter while standing because i realize the amount of steps required to clean the counters, or do the dishes, or prepare a meal that all of my energy instantly bleeds away

it's okay if you feel this way too. i have been dealing with chronic fatigue my entire life and it cost me my best paying job. i lost my ability to work because of it. it's not just you being "sleepy", you are genuinely too exhausted to function. you do NOT have the energy levels other people do, and that's okay. it's okay to let yourself be tired sometimes and address that instead of trying to pretend you're not tired.

i wish you good luck. you are loved

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Shout out to the ten year old who just got diagnosed. Shout out to the housebound fourteen year old. Shout out to the eighteen year old who can’t go to the university they wanted. Shout out to the twenty two year old who can’t get a job. Shout out to the twenty six year old with a caretaker. Shout out to the thirty year old who can’t buy their own house.

Shout out to young disabled people. We exist.

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It should be illegal to have a bus stop without a bench I am 1000% serious rn

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hey hey

ily disabled people who don’t “do everything they can”

who don’t do all the things that would lessen symptoms

who don’t exercise when they supposed to

who eat aggravating foods or ““wrong”” amounts or don’t eat nutrition they should, or who don’t drink enough

who don’t take their prescribed medication

who engage in passions/activities that make symptoms worse

who do drugs/alcohol engage in other “risky” behaviors

who overexert themselves, who underexert themselves

ily if you “getting worse” & not doing everything you can about it. you perfect and valid and worth same !!! <3

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yes, your disabled friends will frequently not want to go out. but you better fucking invite them anyway. if you just straight up forget about them entirely when making plans, then you aren't their friend.

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I ache so badly. It seeps from my bones into my soul. Chronic illness can't kill my body but it can kill my spirit.

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Do people not do that? If I forgot to take my morning pill I will take them in the middle of class idc

we need to normalize taking medication in public. take those pills out in the middle of a work meeting and shake them like maracas in the spirit of inclusivity.

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THOUGHT GAINED: INFERNAL ENGINES

PROBLEM

The world is ending. You know it, your neighbor knows it, the dealer knows it, the jailer knows it, the king and all his men know it. All one has to do is look around to see it— the future is curdling into something pale and incorporeal. The infernal machine that is this stupid world is going to blow, sooner rather than later. So what are you doing? Why are you still here? Why is anyone still here?

SOLUTION

You are doing the only thing worth doing. You are living. *Why,* you ask? Try and remember now. Remember your mother’s hand on your shoulder. Remember the taste of a fresh catch. Remember the times when you were kind to the dogs in the valley and they did not bare their teeth. Remember the weight of a child on your shoulders. Remember the stars throwing their light against the wall of sodium and smog. Remember singing until your throat was raw. Remember crying just as loudly and publicly, and the gentleness with which someone opened your curled fist and pressed a handkerchief into your palm. Crying, laughing, running, eating, screaming, haunting, loving, fighting, fighting, fighting. The fight fuels you, and you fuel the fight. You run yourself ragged just for a chance to keep running. You never stop. You cannot stop. The world depends on it. *You* are the infernal engine. You are the world. And, simply put: you want to live.

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brocedes is like. ‘awesome race.’ keke rosberg. ‘he was the golden boy at 13.’ come with me to monaco. anthony hamilton. unicycling. kellog frosties. vanilla ice cream. italy. pizza. go-karting. staying up till 3 am laughing. nico using lewis’ map. best friends and then. teammates. dreaming in 2014. ‘unreal.’ spa 2016. ‘we’re not friends. we’re colleagues.’ eating only milk and frosties in abu dhabi. nico retiring a day after his maiden championship. ‘i don’t have any regrets.’ neighbours in monaco. ‘historical context.’ yellow helmets. diving out of corridors to avoid you. ‘karting was the best days of my life.’ nico’s vlog with anthony. ‘do you think lewis would do that for me?’ i send your daughters christmas presents but i still cannot say your name out loud. ‘you’re still flat out motivated, right?’ ‘he was holding his breath.’ ‘i’m a better driver. and teammate.’ ‘in my heart, he’s still my best friend.’ ‘friends, teammates, childhood buddies, rivals, everything but a lover.’

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Hebden Bridge, Calderdale, West Yorkshire (England)

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another deranged drawing from my demented mind