casgrouprules

[casgrouprules]

CONTENTS

Introduction

Guidelines

Rules

On-topic / off-topic

Talking about sex

Content warnings

Ch-ch-changes

What to do if you disagree with any of this

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INTRODUCTION

Cassian somehow runs a bunch of Telegram groups for various subjects. The following rules apply in every Telegram group that Cassian runs.

If anything happens that makes you feel uncomfortable and/or if anyone breaks these rules, feel free to contact Cassian privately to talk it over.

Cassian will distribute warnings or bans to people who are likely to continue to cause harm. For example, if someone makes a sexist comment and doesn't seem to realise that what they've said is unacceptable, they're likely to do so again. Cassian would give this person a warning, and if despite this they made another sexist comment Cassian would likely ban them.

Exceptions and group-specific guidelines will be available in individual group descriptions on Telegram, and you should check them out before chatting.

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GUIDELINES

Remember that some of these groups are for people who are marginalised by society, and as such are making themselves vulnerable just by being open about themselves in a space with others. Try to be kind.

Don't assume someone's pronouns or relationship preferences based on their avatar, name, username, the gender of their partner(s), etc. Default to singular they or avoid pronouns entirely until you know someone's pronouns. If you can ask, do ask; asking privately is encouraged.

Treat each other with respect, understanding and kindness. These groups are for mutual support, not debate. If someone is clearly upset by something you're saying, drop the subject. If someone does things differently to you, remember that your way isn't necessarily better than theirs.

If the subject of the group is not directly relevant to your life experience, tread carefully. For example, if you join the non-monogamy group but you don't identify that way, be proactively honest about that and do not expect others to educate you on what it means to be non-monogamous. (Some groups require you to be a member of the marginalised group to join; check the group description.)

If you feel that someone's behaviour is in some way unacceptable or dodgy enough that you want to push back, talk to Cassian.

Profanity/swearing is fine unless otherwise specified in the group's individual description on Telegram.

Admin decisions are final.

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RULES

Failing to follow these rules will lead to either a warning (if it seems like you have good intentions and it's your first offence) or an immediate ban (if you clearly have bad intentions or you've been previously warned).

DO NOT disrespect mods, ignore requests and warnings from the mods, keep arguing after an admin has made a final decision, stuff like that.

DO NOT prevent communication with mods or admins, for example by blocking, ignoring, or withdrawing consent for communication. (Taking time out during a private and important conversation with a mod for any reason is okay, just let the mod know that you will be gone for a while but you'll be back, and give a timescale if you can.)

DO NOT advocate for conversion therapy (eg: for queer and trans people), applied behaviour analysis (ABA, eg: for autistic people), or anything that implies that who and what we are is anything other than normal and good.

DO NOT post photos of genitals or make unsolicited sexual comments. This includes explicit and ambiguous comments, and public and private comments.

DO NOT use animated stickers. Telegram currently has no setting to auto-pause animated stickers, so this is an accessibility issue.

DO NOT tell someone that their conversation is getting off-topic if you are not a mod. Tell Cassian or a mod instead.

DO respect someone's identity, gender, pronouns, self-diagnosis, etc. That means NO transphobia, biphobia, misogyny, transmisogyny, homophobia, racism, xenophobia, ableism, and so on.

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ON-TOPIC / OFF-TOPIC

Some groups have been split into on-topic and off-topic at the request of some of the group members who want to keep their input relevant to their interests.

A side-effect of having separate groups for on- and off-topic discussion is that there are grey-area topics that are kinda related to the topic but not very, and it could be argued that the discussion does not belong. An example of this would be discussion of sex and sexuality in a group about non-monogamy.

Strict on-/off-topic policing tends to stifle discussion, because people become afraid to talk about things in case someone tells them not to. Creating new on-topic groups to talk about ever more and more specific subjects means that groups become quieter and quieter, and lively discussion about related subjects becomes more difficult and complicated. Where some people appreciate many smaller and more specific groups, others find being in too many groups overwhelming.

It is worth bearing in mind that in any on-topic group there will be grey-area topics. It’s not possible to sort all conversations strictly into on-topic and off-topic. Even in the most well-moderated on-topic group there will be conversations that are not interesting to one or two people, and everyone will have to ignore something at some point.

Having said that, if you feel that a group may be getting off-topic, you can talk to Cassian privately about it. (Meta-discussion about whether or not something is off-topic is likely to be pretty disruptive and off-topic in itself!) Cassian will probably make a decision based on how valuable a conversation seems to be to the group, how likely it is that a lot of people will benefit from it, how likely it is to be upsetting anyone or causing them to become disinterested in the group overall, etc. They don’t read all the messages in all the groups all the time so they may not have noticed!

Please note that suggesting to other people that their conversation might be or is off-topic is against the rules. Members should not be policing each other; it just makes people worry that someone will call them out if they talk about something in a grey area, and then they refrain from talking about something that’s important to them.

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TALKING ABOUT SEX

In some groups, talking about sex and sexuality is completely fine and requires no content warnings. In these spaces it's really important that people feel comfortable, supported and safe to discuss sex and sexuality. For this to work it has to be totally normal and commonplace to talk about sex as a neutral, non-taboo topic.

However, I have noticed a pattern in Telegram groups that I'm in.

Every once in a while someone joins who makes inappropriate or sexual comments towards others. Sometimes they’re cis, and sometimes they’re trans or nonbinary. Sometimes it’s in a trans-focused group, sometimes not. Sometimes it’s overt and in-group, and sometimes they send private messages. 

But up until now, every person making inappropriate comments has previously told us that they were assigned male at birth, and they have always been inappropriate towards feminine people or people who have told us that they were assigned female at birth.

This tendency makes it a lot harder for everyone, and especially vulnerable people, trans feminine people, and people who were assigned female at birth, to comfortably discuss sex and sexuality.

Someone talking freely and comfortably about sex or sexuality is not a sexual invitation. Do not treat it as such.

If you send someone unsolicited sexual comments, publicly or privately, explicit or ambiguous, you will be banned immediately.

This is not aimed at people of any particular gender. It does not imply that all people who were assigned male at birth are inherently misogynist or harmful. But because of the pattern mentioned above, if you were assigned male at birth you are invited to take extra care to ensure that what you are about to say cannot be read as a sexually motivated message, regardless of your gender identity. While only a small minority of members have behaved badly in this way, the damage is significant; a few words can make an entire group feel unsafe long after the event.

If someone has sent you or someone else a message that has made you feel uncomfortable, regardless of the gender you or they were assigned at birth, and even if you're not sure whether or not it's intentionally sexual in nature, tell Cassian.

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CONTENT WARNINGS

People in marginalised groups are more likely to be affected by trauma and mental health issues. Do your best to use content warnings for any topics people ask you to.

Content warnings are important for people who are negatively affected by some topics of conversation that unaffected people sometimes bring up casually and without warning. An example of this might be someone bringing up a recent news story about rape when someone in the group is a rape survivor; most people in the group will take it in their stride but when it's raised with no warning it could affect the rape survivor very badly and for a much longer time afterwards.

Content warnings allow people to avoid topics entirely, but they also allow people to go into a conversation mentally and emotionally prepared.

You should use content warnings for the following at all times, unless otherwise stated in the individual group description:

Violence

Murder

Gore

Domestic abuse (eg: domestic violence, child abuse)

Self-injury/self-harm

Suicide

Common addictions (eg: alcohol, recreational drugs)

Rape

Sex

Porn

Nudity - photos of nudity require a CW, artistic depictions of nudity (such as drawings, paintings, etc.) do not require a CW.

A note on nudity

Double standards with nudity and "NSFW" (not safe for work) mean that in most online places it's okay to show a naked flat/masculine chest, but not breasts. Here, we have one rule for all genders and all bodies. If you're not sure whether to use a content warning, compare the gendered double standard and choose the more cautious option.

For example, photos that contain nude breasts are sensitive content and you should probably use a content warning, and because of this, photos of flat/masculine chests should also have a content warning.

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HOW TO USE CONTENT WARNINGS

Telegram allows formatting, including hiding text. When posted, this text will become visible with a tap or click.

Include a visible warning at the start of the message with the obscured text, expressing the approximate topic. Start it with CW (content warning) or CN (content note). E.g. CW: Violence. It has to be at the start so that it is visible in previews from the chat list.

Type your message, and then highlight the text you would like to hide, and choose “spoiler”.

If you cannot be bothered to do this for your message, do not send it at all.

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CH-CH-CHANGES

If you think something has been missed out or you would like Cassian to add or clarify anything here or privately, get in touch. The rules are not exhaustive or set in stone and may change over time.

Cassian reserves the right to moderate harmful behaviour even if it's not outlined in these rules.

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WHAT TO DO IF YOU DISAGREE WITH ANY OF THIS

Feel free to make your own group with your own rules. More choice of groups for marginalised people is no bad thing, and different levels of "safe space" and "free speech" will suit different people.

Anyone is free to:

Join and leave without giving any justification (though folks may worry about you if you've been friendly and active for a while and you don't say goodbye);

Make new groups with different rules and invite others to join.

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Thanks for reading all the way to the end!