carruni

[carruni]

Bro it's over just deactivate atp

i do want to keep the account up for personal archival reasons but uh. it was dumb as fuck to try to engage with anything.

[carruni]

Yeah no lmao, you gotta go man

yeah i know. i'm out

[carruni]

dog groomer by day, kid groomer by night

this made me giggle

[carruni]

bro…….

i know 😔

[carruni]

i've been trying to think of something to say that isn't somewhere between self pitying and diminishing my own harm but i don't really know where to begin?

when i was 16-18 (2017-2019) i was socially isolated outside of school and being massively groomed by my older cousins i lived with and that eroded my sense of boundaries and i ended up with my bpd favorite person being a 14 year old i met online (he was my favorite person just in early 2019. that did not last three years LMAO)

the way i talked to him at that time was immature and irresponsible and i am never going to not be sorry for the shit i did pull but! it was never inappropriate

snippet from the conversation everyone's already seen

leaving in the incriminating messages because, even though i and people close to me can read it as me exaggerating and making light of what i did, i want to offer full transparency

the way i talked about it last july was absolutely disgusting and a poor reflection both of what happened and how i feel about it. i never meant to make anybody uncomfortable. i thought i was having a silly conversation with a friend but in retrospect it's easy to tell that wasn't the case. as soon as i sobered up the next morning i regretted it like crazy. everybody who already knew about what i've done can attest that i only ever approach the topic with caution and remorse. i'm really sorry that anybody had to see this.

i do want to make it clear that i never invited him to my bed! the grooming i was experiencing reached the natural conclusion (Real Physical Sexual Assault) two weeks before i was due to meet him and i was terrified to be in my own home so either his parents offered to let me stay in the airbnb with them or i asked and they said yes. i don't remember. it was a single room. i wasn't ever alone with him. our dynamic didn't change. i never at any point said anything to him that i wouldn't be ok with his parents hearing.

regardless we were closer than we should have been. i'm not thinking about him obsessively. but i do keep my mistakes in mind on a day to day basis to make sure that type of thing never happens again. i hope he's ok. he really didn't deserve that.

from moving out in late 2019 (NO LONGER in the environment that would let me make that happen) until . a couple months ago when i stopped being able to pay for it. i've been in therapy for every shitty lasting consequence my fuckass family put upon me, poor understanding of boundaries not only included but highlighted. again, i really never want to put more hurt into the world than i already have.

we're minimal contact now and i'm sure we both prefer it this way. i don't know if he's forgiven me or if he ever will. that's ok. it's best left in the past

[carruni]

i'm not ignoring anything, just very tired!

[carruni]

i have work in the morning

[carruni]

i'll respond to that fully later but like that was six? seven? years ago. i've been in therapy like specifically for this behavior right up until i couldn't afford it anymore. i'm not on bad terms with the victim. i have more to say but i don't think it's gonna help anyone

[carruni]

Obvi you've been in the wrong in a lot of places and your word is Not law. But I respect you. Might do you some good as well to take some steps back but hey you barely know me. You're not my friend, I don't know you either, but damn. Respect! And have a good night

yeah..... yeah. i think we've been mutuals for enough years that youre not out of line to tell me to back down. thank you skye i hope your night is good too <:3

[carruni]

Why associate yourself with the incest characters Norma? /Gen /nm

i got attached to her longggg before i Knew :(

[carruni]

watching everything crumble feels extremely cathartic in a way like some weird out of body experience— but i think personal feelings aside, I hope you’re doing alright. I can’t imagine how stressful it must’ve been to hold onto that information for such a long time.

thank you tumblr user carruni for being the batman of sparklecare

yeah... yeah. you can imagine how cathartic this is for me. i'm tired of lying. im glad i dont have to cover up for someone who hates me anymore. i just hope the people i care about dont see this and think less of me for being capable of being so shitty to somebody i loved so much

[carruni]

"i'm full of whimsy and delight and women are all over me!" says the person who just destroyed someones life for no reason other than your own sick enjoyment

i like to imagine you angrily refreshing my blog to see me answer this

[carruni]

you could probably search your dms with her for the suicide threat. im someone who was with her a long time ago (not comfortable identifying myself) and she hasnt changed at all, i thought she would have gotten better from doing things like that by now

eh i already fucked her shit up bad enough by talking about the incest. i dont need to show the interpersonal issues too. shes in therapy, i know she never meant to hurt me

[carruni]

Mfw I support both you and kittycorn but people keep hating on her so I gotta wake up at 4 am to try outweigh the mass hate

i get it. she doesn't deserve the amount of hate all of this is going to bring. she genuinely never meant to hurt anybody

[carruni]

this is pretty much what my entire inbox looks like right now

[carruni]

How do you feel about the 10 million fireflies attacking your asks

i can't believe my eyes

[carruni]

what the fuck is your problem holy shit. grow the fuck up

i'm full of whimsy and delight and women are all over me