carmwavebarebears

[carmwavebarebears]

(a/n: hi! i'm not new to the world of fan fiction BUT this is my first post ever and i'm excited. honestly this post does not have sustenance, it's just a headcanon i have that carmy would be avoidant as fuck throughout the beginning of your relationship. anyways if you take the time to click on this you're automatically awesome<3

all the best,

bear!)

I’m just thinking about the first time you spend the night at Carmy’s place. 

He would be working late, obviously, so he’d pick you up from your job or apartment on his way home. Or, if you worked at the restaurant with him, you would go straight home with him, because you brought a bag to work.

When you get back to his apartment, the first thing he does is apologise for the mess, even though the place is pretty tidy. He insists on making dinner for the both of you, so here you are, sitting on his counter, cross legged, watching him stirring a creamy sauce to go with the pasta you asked for. You’re yapping about your day, and he’s just listening, occasionally making a soft noise to let you know that he’s paying attention.

He’d ask the occasional question, in which you’re happy to elaborate, and when dinner’s finally cooked, you both take a seat on the couch. There’s a large gap between you, not just because of the hot food, but because it’s 11:00 pm and you’re sitting in that silly little skirt you like to wear, the one with the flowers, and he doesn’t want to ruin it. Plus, you both like the corner of the couch, and stubborn as you are, aren’t willing to sacrifice it.

There’s a shitty cooking show playing in the background, providing some white noise as you eat in silence. And because Carmy, your boyfriend of a week, made it, of course it’s the most delicious thing you’ve ever had. He insists on washing the dishes, playing it off as being a gentleman, when in reality, he has a very special and specific system for his dishes, and no offence, but he doesn’t want you to ruin it. Maybe one day he’ll let you dry them.

The night is spent… well, I think you can guess, but he falls asleep a good few hours after you, overthinking the events that just took place, staring at you, unable to shake the feeling that this is a fucking mistake, this is a fucking mistake, carmen, please, you need to get out now, because the other shoe is going to drop and he’ll be left feeling lonelier than he did before he met you, because now his heart is full with something that it wasn’t before, and he’ll just know that the feeling of it is going to me unmissable. 

He falls asleep on the very edge of the bed, practically pressed against the wall, even when there’s so much room for him to sprawl out; you’re very small, because he doesn’t want to touch you, he doesn’t want to grow more attached and obsessed and addicted to the feeling of your skin against his when the other shoe is going to drop and he’ll be left mourning the place in his heart and his bed that you used to occupy.

And even despite all of his worries and anxiety, he sleeps better than he has in literal years, not waking up once in the middle of the night, not a nightmare, not a single dream at all. Believe me, it was still a shitty fucking sleep, but he woke up with you lying on your stomach, using your arm as a pillow, your other arm by your side, with your fingers slightly intertwined with his. You haven’t moved a muscle since you fell asleep, and his heart sinks when he realises it’s only been a week and his subconscious is already yearning for you.

And as much as the feeling terrifies him, your hand is so soft and small compared to his, and hey, this is actually kind of nice, because when he tries to remove his land from your feather light grip, you give a soft huff in your sleep, trying to cling on to fingers that are no longer there, hands that are already pulling on a shirt and closing his bedroom door slightly to let you sleep without his early morning chef interruptions.

He’s halfway to work by the time you even stir, and all you wake up to is a sticky note on his counter.

Had a great time, see you tomorrow

- C. B