canyousavethefuture

[canyousavethefuture]

My plant babies!!! they have grown so much over the past months and I’m really proud of myself and what I was able to do in the process of this class! I never would have thought i could handle this before summer started and look at them now! They’re all alive!

[canyousavethefuture]

Possible sustainability plans/what my family already does

I was lost on what to put for the last few posts here and decided to write about what my family already does to be more sustainable, and what I could possibly do to be more sustainable that doesn’t require hefty materials/lot of money.

We have 4 recycling boxes and empty them regularly. My parents get grass fed beef and other field raised meats when possible. We buy chocolate made through fair trade processes and usually shop at Aldi which has a ton of food we really enjoy, and from vetted sources. Cage-free eggs. Norwex brand cloth for cleaning instead of paper towels. Cleaning supplies non-toxic.

I reuse tea bags. A lot. We have more garden and plants than lawn grass(the backyard is completely rocks and many different plants and then there’s the greenhouse). Mom got me local handmade soaps that smell really good and work really well. Tank-less water heater. Charcoal grill instead of propane.

Buying less clutter, ok its mostly me doing that, mom keeps buying tons of stuff because she wants to. I haven’t bought new clothes in months. I’m honestly good with what i have.

Sustainability ideas

Use paints i already have to paint more rocks instead of buying decorations. Get some embroidery thread so I had patch up and decorate some plainer clothes, both make them more personal but also re-purpose stuff I can’t wear anymore. Ex. Socks with holes become dusting clothes. I don’t need anymore clothes I just want to add embellishments and learn to embroider again(i first learned during freshman year, but have forgotten)

Paint some of my unused canvases so I can add more of my art to new my room at my parents house. Sorta surface level sustainable, but It’s instead of buying new prints or frames.

Learn how to cool bread both because I love bread deeply but also don’t want to keep buying bread from the store. Continue to water my plants for the service learning project and donate the grown produce. I hope the tomatoes make it!

[canyousavethefuture]

Combating burnout

Not only it something I’m currently going through, it’s also incredibly common among activists and medical professionals and students in all sorts of fields and grades. To keep fighting for a sustainable future, we need to first take care of ourselves. So combating burnout is very important to sustainability.

Burnout is when you lack the energy required to complete required demands or basic tasks due to feeling exhausted mentally and physically.

What I’ve personally experienced is student burnout, so that’s the focus of this post(even though i failed to prevent my burnout, maybe this can help someone)

Don’t reply on motivation: Motivation is fleeting and it’s cruel and unrealistic to expect yourself to always be motivated to do your work. Self discipline is better to preventing burnout than pure motivation.

Set realistic goals for yourself: Be realistic with what your body can truly handle, not just what is expected of you. You don’t exist to fulfill expectations. some people might be compulsive studiers but excessive studying has actually been shown to lead to fatigue, lower productivity and then eventually, Burnout. This can get tough when there is a quickly approaching deadline, but sometimes you have to accept you’re not going to get everything in on time. You have to find the most important concepts you need to study or the assignments worth the most to your grade.

Break tasks down into small steps: It sounds lazy but I genuinely do this when I make cheesy eggs. Get frying pan. Get oil. Pour oil on pan. Turn on burner. Get eggs. Get small bowl to mix eggs. Crack eggs into bowl. Stir. Pour mixed eggs on pan. Etc. But I have found, that by breaking a big task into small bits, the whole thing seems a lot less daunting. (Even though I’m struggling right now with the energy for even those small tasks)

Rewards yourself for completing tasks: No this isn’t a treat yourself kind of thing, or retail therapy. It can be something like watching a movie you’ve been putting off, starting a tv show that sound neat, or even a special treat like chocolate or ice cream. As long as the reward gives you something to look forward to, it’s working.

Making a routine: It feels weird to write this because i failed this step horribly when the summer semester started and still struggle with it. But having a certain time when you plan to get things done can help you to think of that time as “work-time”. Though remember to schedule breaks and please please eat and drink water when you should. Do not start going “no eating until I finish this” because that can cause unhealthy habits really quickly(trust me). Taking breaks is necessary to you mental and physical well being. Taking regular breaks is super important to avoiding burnout. A break every 20 or 30 minutes is common. Take the time to drink some water, do some stretches, and maybe a snack or if it’s meal time, that.

Self-care: This is the big one. You need to take care of yourself. Despite what capitalism and our work/school culture teaches us, we are not machines. We need good sleep, good food and to keep in touch with friends. Humans are social creatures and it’s very common for us to need social interaction to stay stable. Though I should note, a lot of these things do depend on certain privileges, like access to good food and flexible work hours, internet access for social interactions. But if anything that just points out more ways our society treats us like productivity machines and not flesh and blood. And it feeds into the dehumanization of the poor. If you don’t have access to humane work hours, good food and positive social interaction, it’s treated like a moral failing, which it absolutely isn’t. Even it’s something simple, like wrapping yourself in a warm blanket, listening to music you like, spend time outdoors if it’s safe, please find something that comforts you and be gentle with yourself.

One thing to be aware of, it’s not a moral failure to get burnout. With the kind of hyper productive culture we have, it’s increasingly more common. The 40 hour work week was set into practice before we had computers to do different jobs. And yet our expectations per hour have increased and while we are working even harder, we aren’t living much better or getting paid much better. The whole point of having a society should be to get our basic needs met and to work less, so we can enjoy the time we have with each other and protect those that need it as well as our only planet.

This went off on a little tangent, but even so, burnout is not something to feel guilty over, it happens. It’s awful and until we install lasting change within society (coughs* basic income and free healthcare *cough*) we can only cope with fighting against it and then take care of ourselves if we do hit burnout.

If this helps anyone or at least makes you think, then i’m glad to have written it.

[canyousavethefuture]

Burnout

I’m really struggling with this summer semester. I know this blog isn’t for venting, it’s for tracking what i’m doing to be sustainable. But at the moment, what that is to me is just taking care of myself. Making sure I get enough protein, vegetables, fruits. Taking care of my plants, and my cat. Trying to use methods to ground myself so the time doesn’t pass like a fog like it’s been doing lately. It’s like i’m stuck in a single day for a weeks on end. I’m struggling with the energy to even do basic things. I feel my fatigue getting worse and worse.

Getting done even small assignments end up overwhelming me before I can start. I keep fighting with my thoughts, “we really need a break” vs “we don’t have time for a break, you’ve missed so many assignments! stop being lazy. You’re wasting time!” Which then goes back to “we aren’t accomplishing anything when we can barely focus!!” And then frustrating screaming in my head from both sides.

I used to think I could get anything done if I just push myself harder, but I these days I know I need to heed my limits, especially those related to my mental health. It’s like my energy and body is a car with smoke coming out of the hood and I just keep trying to drive.

And something I didn’t know til last year is burnout for Autistic people presents a little differently. When i learned this tons of things clicked into place. I think the culture we have around work and production makes this all the worse. I grew up surrounded by the ideas that you’re not supposed to enjoy work, you’re not supposed to have energy(which then you use coffee) it becomes so ingrained that when i’m struggling to function or can’t even get out of bed, I instantly think i’m just being lazy.

Whatever long term energy reserves my body once had, they are so depleted that I can’t match the previous levels of energy my body once had. Even just last year. An autistic person uses a mechanism of constantly trying to pass as neurotypical, called “masking”. It can be from social pressure, family stress, social problems or huge world shaking things like the current state of things. From the strain of all these things, my brain put itself on power saver mode for the past month.

Reading up on this and realizing I pushed my body and mind too far was eyeopening, and when it happened last year I thought I could recover and be fine afterward. But it’s back now and it’s so much worse. I feel extreme physical and emotional exhaustion, and feelings of ineffectiveness and a lack of feeling accomplished at anything I manage to get done. Even my own art that I have passion for. I’ve been even more forgetful and struggle to concentrate. I feel like my performance in work/school has slipped and I feel incredibly guilty about it, even though I mentally and physically cannot handle much more than i’m already handling.

I’m struggling to find a way to connect this to sustainability, except to add that a society needs to value the inherent worth of people to be sustainable. Way too often i’ve seen ablism disguised as being progressive. Or the struggles of people like me pushed under the rug or awful takes of how we should be “cured”. Toxic productivity doesn’t help, as capitalism requires one to work to prove they deserve to live. I think that is inherently cruel and without compassion. We don’t exists to just work and pay bills. I’m honestly not really sure why i wrote this? I’m trying to get the blog assignments done and this is what came up when I had to clarity to think.

[canyousavethefuture]

I’m not celebrating today

I didn’t always hate july the 4th. It used to be a fun day of celebration for our family. I was in the parade in my town at least twice. But right now I want nothing to do with it. From learning why it really isn’t accurate to true freedom and independence when this land belonged to native tribes and slavery was still in use when independence from Britain was declared. I don’t feel luke it means anything but disrespect and disregard right now. I wasn’t taught this in school, both college and high school. The education system has a huge problem with being very Eurocentric. I wasn’t ever taught about how mt Rushmore is actually the The Black Hills, a sacred land to the Lakota Sioux tribe. We were never taught that the president’s faces carved into the mountain was an act of desecration. It was stolen land, it was colonialism and white supremacy. I’m glad I know the real history now, and i believe it’s more important to focus on restorative justice and giving reparations, to the people wronged then it is to shoot explosions into the sky and call it patriotic. Hm maybe it is patriotic because the US has always been “good” at waging war for profit. I might come off as extremely bitter and angry, but I definitely am and I believe the reasons for that anger make perfect sense.

There are ICE detention camps that hold people for the supposed crime of entering the nation illegally. It’s disgusting that ICE even exists. No human being is illegal. The existence of these detention centers, of ICE itself, or the police and prison labor and violence against indigenous people. Any celebration of freedom today rings completely hollow.

Aside from the violence done to native american’s and immigrants, slavery hasn’t been truly abolished. Due to the bit in the 13th amendment that states “Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States”. This leaves prison labor as a way to maintain slavery and it’s further used to treat anyone convicted or any crime, as a second class citizens. Making it difficult or even impossible to get a good job or find a place to live. This is enforced by the police and their organization is built on white supremacy and slave hunter patrols. Learning all this was clearly terrifying but my guilt helps no one. I know all of it now and I can help to educate others, to uplift black and native voices, and focus on restorative justice. My uncle wished me a happy holiday today and I whispered back that I didn’t think there was anything to celebrate. Neither of us are confrontational people so he dropped it and I felt glad that I hadn’t started an argument but also wished I had just told him in frank terms, that I wasn’t celebrating. I think I just wanted him to leave.

Earlier this week my mom surprised me when she expressed that she didn’t want to celebrate either. I hadn’t expected that from her but i’m glad she has been working on growing and unlearning subtly racist or colonialist behaviors. I still get into arguments with her though, our most recent one on fireworks. I used to think they were pretty cool, loud and pretty. And I definitely associated them with celebration. But right now, after hearing them almost constantly though the summer. More than the usual summer. I’m exhausted. I looked into how fireworks can accustom people to the sound of explosions, or heighten their stress level. While i’m not personally furious with the people setting them off, I do want it to stop. (add on to this: I couldn’t post this til the morning after and the fireworks in my neighborhood last night were awful and near constant. It sounded like how i imagine a war zone. And i’m still on edge from it.)

I was writing this bit and then wondering what the heck this has to do with sustainability. But fireworks are giant explosions, they can act as air pollution and can be torture to war veterans, animals or just people with anxiety. And a sustainable society would need to fully abolish colonialism,slavery, prison labor and immigrant detention centers to be actively sustainable.

Add on: I don’t think i’ve done much in sustainability this week besides take care of my plants for service learning. I donated another harvest of lettuce, and two cucumbers and a zucchini. But i did sort through some clothes and gave away a bunch I didn’t need or want. I do want to try and add some decoration to plainer shirts with embroidery after learning if i go super slow and at my own pace, it shouldn’t hurt my wrist. I have to look around for the embroidery loop and the thread i know I have somewhere. But the idea of making little flowers or cats on my favorite shirts or pants sounds fun and inspiring. I’ve still been struggling with motivation but this might be a step towards doing something sustainable (instead of buying more clothes) besides my service learning project.

[canyousavethefuture]

Thoughts on the idea of success

This might be kinda rambling but I’ve had a lot of thought about this lately and though I’ve been in a depression/anxiety brain fog, i intend to get these thoughts out somehow. Society’s idea of success is narrow, and based around abled, neurotypical assumptions of people. Anything outside of that is seen as disabled and either given accommodations or told to work harder. Unfortunately, the “work harder” mentality is pervasive and in the content of myself, I’m often nervous to tell people about my wrist pain disability, mental health issues or that I’m autistic. That vigilance that says: “I might keep myself safe by waiting until I can trust someone enough to reveal these things” I’m also Queer so, that vigilance and hesitance to trust goes along with the homophobia and transphobia baked into society. I guess I’m telling both my teacher and the class now. heh. I was often told that how hard I was working wasn’t enough and that I would just need to work harder and “pull myself up by my bootstraps”. I was told that my sensory issues were just be being lazy or stuck up. A lot of the time it wasn’t possible to adapt to what society wanted. Though I have still greatly improved in dealing with the world, I know I’m lucky to have a supportive family and accommodations and understanding from my friends. I consider myself successful. for how I’ve improved myself, learned new skills, gotten better at art and writing. I see success as self defined, but when I want to get a job, I’m not successful in eyes of the illustration industry. I only did one illustration job and it was for designs for my city’s first pride parade, planned for this year but will be pushed back to 2021. I don’t even have my degree yet and I’ve been really struggling with school. I physically can’t do a 9-5 job, both desk work( i had an internship 2 summers ago) and retail/food service. The debilitating exhaustion and burnout are awful and weigh on my mind and body, and it’s always hard to try and explain it because to many people it just sounds like I’m being lazy or ungrateful, or worse, mooching off my parents. I know a lot of people don’t have the choice to focus on their mental health, their job is the difference between survival and death. I know how much luck and privilege I carry thought I wish no one had to hurt themselves to survive. I’ve had people tell me that because I’m so young I shouldn’t have back pain, or chronic fatigue. But I do and these aren’t things I can just “work harder” to fix. In our capitalist society, if you want to survive and don’t have family who can help you, you are left with little option but to get a job, one that probably pays min wage or lower. Your other option is homelessness. I’m not sure I would be okay if my parents didn’t provide the help they do. they still want me to get an illustration job when I graduate but I’m fearing even the idea of that. And then I feel guilty for that fear, because shouldn’t I just bite the bullet and get a job? My parents can’t help me forever.

One of the most helpful things I’ve heard is that your “bare minimum” isn’t that bare or minimum. There is nothing that is truly easy, everything requires effort, even if it’s the smallest thing, like getting out of bed. They take energy and time. I used to feel like I wasn’t ever doing enough, that I was lazy and useless, but learning this after doing my own research on chronic pain made me reconsider what I had thought of as success. I take pride in the little and big things I can accomplish, and I see everything I do to better myself and keep surviving, as a success.

But I still feel guilty when I can’t do things. Especially when those things are assignments or basic care for myself. I’ve been struggling with that lately even while staying with my parents. And I know I can’t beat myself up for my limitations but then I hear the voice in the back of my head go “but are you really disabled? when you can draw all of this stuff and write info-dumps on your special interest? aren’t you just lazy and don’t want to do the other stuff?? just get a job. Work Harder. ” i usually have to mentally smack that voice back with a stick. I know that is just my internalized thoughts about how I’m seen in the eyes of capitalism. A drain on resources, lazy, selfish. And I know it’s not true, I know that all the art I do for myself is through effort and labor, and usually for free. I can’t afford to pay myself what I’d be due for my labor. I run a patreon but the first tier is only 3 dollars. I both feel like I can’t ask for more and also understand that many other artists or people who would want to support me can only afford that 3 bucks. I understand that. I would want to make art anyway. And even if i’m barely making anything with my art, I still consider the act of making the art as success. a lot of the time I end up with a sore wrist, it’s effort, it’s labor. it matters. “I made a new thing! i’m proud of it! here are my many queer characters. behold!” It’s made me so much more aware of how society sees success and labor, how the min wage is not enough to survive on, how sweatshop workers are given terrible wages and unsafe conditions, not to mention prison labor and the deep cruelty of that concept and it’s links to slavery. The idea that our society has to have room for disabled people is crucial to sustainability. But not just disabled people. A sustainable society would not place profit over human life period. Money would not be the difference between life and death. No one would be told to work themselves too hard. I don’t have the answers to how to get us there, but I have the ideas and I hope they make you think.

[canyousavethefuture]

photo of the rocks I painted for pride month! i want to do more later if I have the energy. I made these over the course of 2 mornings and painted in the greenhouse. It was a process for sure. But it was enjoyable and i’m pretty happy with the final result. second  and third photo is my garden with vegetables grown to be donated! There is two kinds of lettuce, tomatoes(hopefully), kale, green pepper and cucumber and zucchini.

[canyousavethefuture]

What I’ve been doing:

A little list of some things I’ve been doing to be sustainable and spite my parents in some cases. - I got a used rainbow afghan wool blanket to use as a flag instead of getting a plastic one. I wanted to get pride decor that i would use several times and wouldn’t just end up in the trash. I got a sewn pride cat plush too. It hasn’t arrived yet but I understand why. Also got some patches to put on some jackets i have that could use a little decoration. Happy pride month!!! I’m here and I’m queer. -Painted some rocks from my backyard into pride flag colors, (rainbow, lesbian, bi, pan, ace, trans and gender fluid) instead of getting flags or stickers. these rocks are on display around my parents house- where I’m staying for the foreseeable future -I’ve been growing vegetables for donation to a local food pantry that makes prepped meals and 2 harvests of my lettuce have gone towards it! -using less paper. I’ve been drawing digitally lately and haven’t had to get a new sketchbook or use printer paper. I’m using the memo pads i already have and haven’t bought any new ones since November( i think) -Recycling- my parents have 3 big bins for it and i make use of that. we don’t have a compost bin but I’ve put some vegetable scraps like the skins of watermelon in the garden to decompose there. -Spending less. Besides the pride decorations i have only bought like 2 other things this month. One was a mask made by a friend out of fabric she wanted to use up.

[canyousavethefuture]

lots of thoughts

Ok so.. the last few weeks have been really rough. and i have so many thoughts and frustrations and it’s often very hard for me to put them into words. I will try here. This classes focus is on sustainability and many things lately have made me think about people’s worth. And that our country’s(the US) history of racism and white supremacy runs so deep most white people don’t even register it exists. and the whole -people don't want to believe racism is so pervasive- is absolutely part of white privilege and systemic racism.

what does this have to do with sustainability? well, kinda everything, if we don’t protect each other and work together to create change, than what world are we protecting? These protests make perfect sense, the police are a corrupt organization with racist roots. I’ve found recently that people I used to talk to aren’t taking this as seriously as they should, and that applies to COVID too. it may feel performative to share social justice content if you and your social circle already agree but, those who agree could learn more and those who disagree might possibly reflect on what they previously thought and change. Attention is a resource, and with a large following you can reach people who don’t search for activist content. We(white people) have to be ok with the fact that will will not be perfect allies and that we have ages of things to unlearn about racism, privilege and bigotry. If we get things wrong, we need to learn and grow. we will become better allies for it Being overwhelmed by the negativity makes sense and is valid, it’s scary out there lots of us are struggling to even take care of ourselves. Me included. But imagine how hard it is for black people who can’t just tune this out. there are tons of things one can do to be an ally: -Advocating- signing petitions, calling reps, protesting -Donating to bail funds and black and queer organizations providing help. -educating yourself- have discussions, read about racism and oppression, reflect on your own lifestyle and how it could be contributing. If you are stuck because you can’t support the violence, there are plenty of resources on why rioting is a valid form of protest after all other methods are exhausted, and that if state sanctioned violence from police doesn’t upset you as much as the riots, you need to do some unlearning. Tear gassing protestors and shooting rubber bullets at them should disgust you much more than a racist statue being defaced or torn down. The president wanting to declare ANTIFA a terrorist organization should terrify you. All Antifa means is Anti-fascist. There is no sole organization. Are you against fascism? you’re antifa. This police violence is not a new thing by any stretch and should not have happened, and we need change as to prevent further suffering.

ACAB

[canyousavethefuture]

First post and intro!

Hi! i’m an art student at the Milwaukee Institute of Art and Design, and illustration major taking a class on sustainability during the summer. I’ll chronicle my thoughts and topics related to sustainability. I want to focus on how to repair clothing, shoes, backpacks and other objects. Maybe even add embroidery for added flair.