candyviper

[candyviper]

moved

snake is over at @riotcontrolcamp now

[candyviper]

       You were the first one to show me the stars.

  And they don’t mean 𝘮𝘶𝘤𝘩 𝘵𝘰 𝘮𝘦…              But I still wonder where you are.

[candyviper]

* EDDIE // NOT THIS AGAIN !

- [’boss music’ intensifies]

❛ I said ‘boss music’ not little bitch music. ❜

[candyviper]

❛ why do I hear boss music? ❜

[candyviper]

* NIKKI // I’LL BE HERE NO MATTER WHAT !

Nikki took a deep breath, trying to calm her tears. She hated breaking down in front of anybody, least of all her friends. And Snake was such a good friend to her. She didn’t want to be seen as weak or unworthy. Although listening to him say those things, a complete serious look on his face, was something that Nikki apppreciated. She took his words to heart, trying to find comfort in them. 

Snake was saying things that Nikki didn’t really believe. Not yet. She had been fully happy with herself, fully content with who she was, until Pikeman brought up all of her deepest insecurities and stabbed her with them. It made her absolutely sick that Pikeman would do something like that, esepcially when her and Eddie used to be friends. 

“But the thing is,” Nikki started, sniffing quietly. “He knows me better than you think. We’ve been neighbors for years, he used to babysit me. There was even a time we went to the same school. He saw the ways people treated me. He was my friend.” Nikki had to stop there, to hold back more tears. “That time he yelled at me, that was about how thankful he was to get rid of me. It hurts, Snake. It hurts to know that people don’t like you for being yourself.” 

It’s times like these he wished he had something better to say. Instead of just sitting together holding her hand like some sort of idiot. ❛ It’s the opinion of one guy. You’re not gonna let someone like Pikeman ruin your whole world, right? ❜ Right?

The fact the news itself wasn’t even a surprise unnerved him. Pikeman has been his best friend for months now. It’s easy to think of him as someone too stupid to manipulate someone. Let alone break nikki down to... whatever this was. The longer he thought about it, the worse the heavy weight in his gut felt. Whatever. It wasn’t important. What was important was helping Nikki.

❛ & ... he may have known you back then- but he doesn’t know you now. The real you.❜ Whatever that meant. ❛ I’m sure if you asked Max & Neil they’d agree.❜ The words felt clunky in his mouth, leaving it dry. Right, because they’re so much better than he was.

❛ I guess what I’m trying to say is, I’m sorry he doesn’t care.” He swallowed thickly. Alright, time to get a little deeper here. ❛ I had a friend who treated me like shit for years. He was my ONLY friend for awhile, & I did everything he asked of me because I didn’t know the damn difference.❜

He shifted back against the tree, chewing on the candy cane. It’s comfortable, sitting here with Nikki. Being able to talk about it. ❛ I got my dues already by backstabbing him like he deserved. So I don’t bother missing him anymore.❜

That couldn’t be it. A life built on betrayal & regret never ended well for anyone. Especially not for someone like Nikki. Being stabbed in the heart sucks twice as hard when it’s a friend. He turned to Nikki again. Couldn’t look her in the eye; it needed to be said.

❛ You don’t have to do that if you don’t want to. You can.. move on. It’s gonna hurt not having him around. But you can’t keep around the assholes who are just going to use you. You’re going to be better off with the friends who love you for who you are.❜

There’s no words left to say. Leaning in closer; he can’t bring himself to do much else. Oh this felt awful, why did he do this? -don’t answer that. Nikki needed to hear this. He didn’t care if it makes him a dirty hypocrite. Snake can appreciate the moment, their fingers interlocked. If all they have is each other, he can bear it.

[candyviper]

* NIKKI // THEY’LL HAVE TO SEND HIM HOME IN A DOGGY BAG !

Nikki hesitate before answering. Despite everything, a small part of her still held the image of Eddie close to her heart. She didn’t want consequences to come to him. She was protective over her friends, she’d suffer the world if it meant keeping them safe from harm. The green haired girl sighed, though, knowing that Snake was serious. It was an innocent question, but she was observant enough to know that it was a loaded one as well. Back in her anger, during the confrontation, she would have spilled the name right away. Now, she wasn’t sure if she even wanted to. 

“I-” Nikki was about to make up some excuse. That it was a nightmare, a squirrel maybe, blame it on herself. But then she remembered the awful words, and they once again cycled through her head. Did she really deserve to be comforted? But then she remembered that Pikeman could be doing it to his own scouts, and she wouldn’t allow that to happen to that. Petrol and Jermy didn’t deserve it. Snake didn’t deserve that. 

“Pikeman.” The word was toxic and poison in her mouth. “It was Pikeman. But Snake… what he said had a point. There’s a reason other kids don’t like me, and I have to evaluate that. Maybe he’s right.”

That rat bastard. It didn’t surprise him in the slightest. The scumbag was at the top of his list of suspects; it didn’t make it better hearing the truth. Pikeman made her cry. Nikki. Miss tougher than nails. The one who wrestled bears for fun. To make her think those things about herself. Even worse- for Nikki to BELIEVE him! This meant business.

Snake had his hands at her shoulders. Alright, no playing games- time for the real truth. So he didn’t falter at all when he starts to say, ❛ That’s bullshit, Nikki. you aren’t ANY of the shitty things he said about you. It’s just edward trying to drag you down to his level. You’re the shit, and if he can’t get his head out of his ass long enough to see that? His problem, not ours.❜

To think. He would’ve never dared to say a bad word about his senior patrol leader, even in private. It’s a level of respect he can’t give. Not anymore. ❛Believe me when I say: you’re cool the way you are. And if they can’t handle that, they need to change- not you.❜

[candyviper]

* NIKKI // SOMEBODY SHOULD’VE HAD YOUR BACK !

@candyviper​ submitted: what’s this? oh, nikki’s being hugged. a stubborn guy like snake can swallow his pride long enough to see she’s upset. a hug couldn’t hurt, could it? “hey. i uh… it looked like you needed one.” // snake being awkward but trying his best: more at 10 (@candyviper)

-

Nikki gripped Snake hard. As if he would leave her if she let go. Snake was someone who would never betray her, never hurt her, but was she hurting him? Was she just being a bad friend? What if he wanted to leave her, and she was only keeping him there because she was annoying. That she was too much? Nikki felt tears welling up in her eyes at the thought. 

“I’m a freak, Snake. I’m rotten. I’m bad.” Nikki stated, with a trembling tone. She hated how weak she was. Weakness was never a thing in the wild, the weak got eaten by the predators. By the alphas. And here she was, crying like a baby because of the words that he said. She was sure that Snake, like Pikeman would be better off without her. 

“I’m just-” Nikki sighed. “I don’t deserve you Snake.” Nikki finished, before the tears finally escaped her eyes. Now they were trailing down her cheeks. Her ponytails sagged, as if sensing her mood, and she felt as if a storm cloud was hanging over her. She could see everything collasping around her, the words going over and over in her head. Freak. Weird. Bad. Rotten. Ugly. Unlovable. Hated. 

“I’m not going anywhere.” Snake’s used to her bear hugs like so many times before but he couldn’t help but flinch. Only for a second, and he’s already mentally kicking himself for it. It’s nikki for fuck’s sake; she really needs the help. He kept his mouth shut for now, hugging back just as hard. Times like these he really wished petrol was here- he would know exactly what to say. No, just him && the crying alpha.

“I.. I know you believe that. But I promise you’re not.” He spoke softly. The words feel like metal cutting up his mouth. Why was doing the right thing so hard? Well- he KNEW why. It wouldn’t help in this situation however. If all he can do is be there, then damnit he will. Snake is stuck there, patting her back awkwardly. Bringing himself back to look her in the eye. “Who did this to you?”

It’s an innocent question, but they’re going to have hell to pay.

[candyviper]

a little summer’s rain | from a distance

cold rain falling in the woods erasing the footsteps of love

(Kyung-Sook Shin, The Girl Who Wrote Loneliness)

20/08/03-22

[candyviper]

[candyviper]

what body part are you?

tagged by: stole this

tagging: honestly steal it and tag me

you got: the hands.

Hands can do so much, they’re extremely versatile much like yourself. They can nourish, they can pray, they can comfort. But we both know that’s not what you use yours for is it? You know as well as I do how hands can maim, can strangle, can destroy. They are unthinking and unfeeling, and unlike the others they do not act off instinct but off of command. Every act you commit is purposeful, filled with an intent, sometimes to be cruel and sometimes to be kind. You know who is deserving of your hurt, who is deserving of your love. Always make sure you can tell them apart before you wrap those hands around them.

[candyviper]

wh,,what if w,e ki,,ssed, nd held,, ha,,n,ds,,

[candyviper]

[candyviper]

Untitled by ezook

[candyviper]

✏️ not on the right blog but snake -candyviper

@candyviper they’re talking about the benefits of combat vs survival knives

[candyviper]

// i’ve been neglecting this blog huh :dread:

[candyviper]

[candyviper]

I’ve got a lot

of Nikki muse. Feel free to interact with this post for a Nikki starter!