callmewhatyouwanttt

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Happy Independence Day! - Ben 😉

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Wonderful Tonight Part 2

I haven’t slept. Hope you did. Just one question I know I won’t get the answer to, but did you two talk?

~

05/06/14

“That’s it. Everyone left the casa.” You said while throwing yourself on the couch.

“Careful.” I said reminding you about your dress.

“Oscar.” We said at the same time. I turned around and was preoccupied by my phone. I must admit that I still sometimes do this nasty habit of googling myself after a public sighting. What my anxiety craves, my anxiety gets.

“Taylor Alison Swift. I swear to God. Stop doing that! ” You warned all the way from the couch you were situated in. The apartment felt empty without our friends loitering about, getting drunk on beer, playing pool and ruining their diet with pizza; all dressed to the nines.

“Just one more minute.” I said still feeding my anxiety. I always feel like a bad article is about to pop up when I refresh the search. I still do.

I suddenly hear static on the surround sound and figured you were going to play classical music to get ready for bed… As you do. I was too anxious checking on articles to realize that a familiar guitar tune suddenly started playing.

All at once I felt you behind me grabbing my phone and tossing it to the couch… As you also do.

“Hey!” I said as you started swaying my body to the music. Left arm around my waist and your right fingers intertwining with my right fingers. My back against you. I swear, to this day, I could still feel your heart beating against my back whenever I close my eyes and remember this night.

“Shhh… I’ve been wanting to dance with you all night.” You said with your head resting on my shoulder. Your breath tickling my neck sending goosebumps everywhere. You carefully place our intertwined hands on my chest as we continued to sway with the music.

“It’s late in the evening…” You sang in my ear.

I cackled, stunned to hear you sing. “Is this for rea…”

I wasn’t able to finish my question as you suddenly spun me around to face you. I was shocked to see how dark your eyes were. The usual glint of green lost and was replaced with dark dilated pupils melting mine. I suddenly lost all the oxygen in my body.

“Shh… Yes and you’re ruining it.” You said with a nervous smile. I can’t believe I didn’t notice how bad your hands were shaking till you placed them on my waist as you held me closer.

“And then she asks me, do I look alright?” You tried singing with a shaky voice. I intertwined my fingers at the back of your neck as we swayed.

“And I said yes, you look wonderful tonight.” Your were getting more out of breath as the song goes. I was thankful I wasn’t the only one grasping for air.

“We go to the party, and everyone looks to see.” I stifle a laugh as you screw up the lyrics.

“Shhh… Taylor Alison Swift. I really swear to God.” You warned playfully and I felt how really vulnerable you were. And I don’t know why, but the tinge in my chest, the one that I thought had faded since we started seeing each other, came back like fire, slowly burning my skin, leaving embers everywhere.

“And I said yes. I feel wonderful tonight.” You sang then took a deep breath. I closed my eyes and let the tinge in my chest spread as everything and everyone didn't matter anymore.

“I feel wonderful…” You tried to sing as I rested my head on your chest. Extinguishing my anxiety with every beat of your heart.

“Because I see the blue light in your eyes.” You laughed because you knew you ruined the lyrics again… As you always do. I knew I couldn’t miss this so I lifted my head and was unexpectedly transfixed by the most beautiful person that ever existed.

“And the wonder… Of it all….” Your voice barely a whisper in the dead of the night. Tears were forming in the corners of your dilated green eyes as you stopped swaying to the music. I had to will myself to remain standing. I have never felt so swept with emotions till that night, babe.

“Is that you just don’t realize…” You whispered as tears run down your perfectly made up face. I didn’t realize I was crying too until I felt your hards wiping cold tears from my warm cheeks.

“How much I love…” I couldn’t let you finish as I dove in and claimed your lips as mine. I hoped for that kiss to be enough to let you know how strongly I felt for you. But deep down I knew that kiss wasn’t nearly enough. It was a mere shout into the void compared to the feelings burning, no, brimming inside me.

In that kiss our world changed. In that kiss we wished that to the rest of the world it was still an insignificant day in May. In that kiss we wished that we were just tired human beings still in yesterday’s clothes, desperately holding on to each other for balance, listening to an overplayed classic while sharing a simple kiss in a typical New York apartment. In that kiss we wished we can love like everyone else, we wished we can be like everyone else… Even for just a couple more minutes… Even just until the song stopped playing.

~

I have always been an over thinker. Sure, it can be a blessing to be one when it comes to being meticulous with my craft. But it can also be a curse when it doesn’t let you sleep at night. My mind is like a broken record player that doesn’t want to stop playing. I must admit that lately I have spent countless nights replaying this song in my head. Trying to find meaning to where we are now.

Have I ever told you that I am in awe of how all love stories have these definitive phases? It determines if the story will be pushed back or will move forward. It’s exciting as it doesn’t matter how long these phases last but they are chapters that define the narrative. And what fascinates me even more is that even a single most seemingly insignificant moment can transition the story to the next definitive phase and then change the relationship. Babe, that’s one of our moments. It changed us, it changed me.

For the majority of my life, I was the girl waiting to be saved by a Prince from this cruel existence. Do not misquote me, I am extremely grateful for the success I have had in my career. But along with that success, I also was plummeted with bricks of scrutiny and hate. I became a monster in my very own gold cage I helped create. But the moment I kissed you that night, wearing a gown fit for a princess, that girl in me died. It was like I was resurrected and became a new version of myself. I no longer wanted to be rescued by a Prince. I wanted to be the Prince who will fight to save you from the monster that I have become and helped create. I swore that I would save you from me and my reputation.

By then we were aware why quietly whispering three simple words to each other brought us to tears. We were aware of what those three simple words would result to, what the consequences and complications those there simple words would bring. It scared us. It still scares us. By now we have experienced how hard fighting for those three simple words can be. And those three simple words still brought us to tears when those consequences and complications finally broke us.

But baby, every love story, even how star crossed they may seem, has these definitive phases. Just like the moment you told me you love me, this breakup can just be another moment into another definitive phase in our story. A turning point that we can fight and move forward from.

Because of all the white noise in the background, we have forgotten that we are the writers to this narrative . We have the power to change the ending. We are the new romantics. The new age Romeo and Juliet. You and me, partners in crime.

So, Karlie Elizabeth Kloss, I swear to God,

Let’s write our own ending. Stay.

Ball is in your court,

Baby just say yes.

~

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Wonderful Tonight Part 1

In the car, Jim’s driving so you know you really have to put on your seatbelt. He misses the non-seatbelt wearing person who eats in the car but he won’t admit it, unless tortured by Somalian pirates (his words, not mine). Anyway, it’s been an eventful day at work. I mostly spaced out and drank coffee on the side reminiscing about the flowers in the Lakes. I know you know that if it were up to me, we wouldn’t have left. Then I wouldn’t have been stuck here missing markers, missing choreography and missing you. Honestly, I blame myself for writing undanceable songs. At least they’re not indie or folk, imagine dancing to that.

People are still tiptoeing around me and it’s insane, but hey, less pressure, so win? FW must be crazy. Hope you’re getting sleep. Ignore your pagent momager and take a breather when you can. I'm miserable-sober. Miserober. I started asking inanimate objects if we'll be alright and just like with you- I am not getting any responses. It's like the universe saying it doesn't know and I don't know either. This is honestly worse than talking to cats but I'm dying, slowly and painfully so. I'm totally being dramatic.

Oh, and babe, you have like 6 or 8 freeze sticks (I forgot how many exactly) in NY. I put them in a zip lock and buried them in the upper left freezer (yes, the no meat one.) If you want to drop by and get them, you can, anytime. Don’t worry, I’m not there. I’m in exile.

05/05/14

When you’ve just started seeing somebody, the first few months are exciting. In our case it was filled with secret looks, stolen kisses, slight touches, flirty and dark smiles from across the room, heart racing anticipation of being alone and of course lots of uhm… You get the point. (Just FYI. This is going to be an uncomfortable chapter to write.)

“Are you still alive?” I asked while tapping around the bedside table for my glasses.

“Heaven sent me back. Fake wings. Not real angel.” You said while stretching beside me. Then as expected you casually draped your arms around me as your warm feet found my cold ones. “Ah, Ms. Swift, always with the cold feet.”

“Baby, trying to find my glasses.” I said half laughing and half annoyed with your joke. Well, I was told to explain inside jokes so bear with me.

It was 11/14/13, afternoon after the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show, we were in my hotel bed and I was being smothered by the long limbed creature of the sun. I was perfectly awake, lying as still as humanly possible as my mind was doing the exact opposite. My brain was in hyperdrive processing what I was feeling. It’s been months since I last felt something as close to how strong whatever this was. I thought I was clean. Sober. But unlike what I felt with her (still a no-no topic), this tinge feeling in my chest was warm and much more addictive. My anxiety slowly creeping in. Trouble.

“I can’t risk it.” I said just loud enough to wake you. I panicked in anticipation for the awkward conversation I knew was bound to happen. I watched you stretch and yawn. Then what I didn’t anticipate happening happened. You casually rolled to your front and practically laid on top of me.

Saying that I was overwhelmed with the position and the close proximity of our faces was an understatement. Your greens melted my blues. Your lips slightly parting as you take every carefree breath. I swear I died in that moment. So being the natural worrier, l panicked and tried to get you off of me by pushing you away with my feet.

I was surprised to hear you laugh and much more surprised when the tinge in my chest grew warmer.

“Ah, Ms. Swift, having cold feet?” You said still looking at me with your lazy, sleepy eyes.

I couldn’t help but laugh too. You have this skill that can calm me down when I’m wound up so tightly. Magic. “Don’t call me that.”

“How ‘bout I call you baby instead?” You asked casually like it’s the most natural thing to say. You know, you’re really smooth when you don’t try, babe. Real Klossanova. (I know you love this nickname)

“If you don’t get off me, you can call me 'Death By Asphyxiation’ Kloss.” I said garnering a laugh as you rolled over to your side of the bed. I was amazed at how fast I missed your warmth around me. Cruel sunshine.

“Whatever, Swift.”

So there, I explained one of the inside jokes and to be honest that’s tiring. So I’ll just steer clear from inside jokes for now. Anyway going back to May 5th…

“You didn’t bring your glasses.” You said burying your face on my neck while I was still trying to find my glasses. Glad mom okayed the eye surgery, finally. Just hoping we’ll be alright so you can come and hold my hand — or mess with me on anesthesia. I honestly don’t care as long as you’re there when it happens. Digressing! Back to the story—

“Huh.” I said remembering that we went straight to the hotel I booked for the Met Gala after the pre-Met party we went to last night.

“Surrey Hotel. May 5th. Met Gala. You killed me last night.” You said in a serious tone. I swear my humor was rubbing off on you. “Ring a bell, Daisy?”

“Ugh… We have got to stop being so careless like this.” I said while sinking back in bed with you. Frustrated but enjoying us intertwined. Who needs daylight when you're lying next to the sun.

“Relax. Everything’s fine with the universe. Back entrance. Service elevator. Jimmy and your gangster clan. Tree at bay. We’re just normal American girls having a sleepover.” You said calming me down.

I smiled at the last part. “You’re silly.”

“You’re beautiful.”

“No, I’m sore.”

“Beautifully Sore with Karlie Kloss, yeah, sounds like a number one Billboard song to me. Start writing babe.”

That made me cackle. “I like you so much.”

“I like you too much. You made me do all the work last night.” You said raising your eyebrow suggestively.

“Kloss, I wasn’t that drunk. I specifically remember the opposite happened.” I also remembered removing my contacts in the bathroom. Jackpot.

My remark was welcomed with your laughter. “You know, I can make it up to you.” You said while… (I don’t feel like specifics are necessary. Stop cackling, Kloss!)

“Tempting offer. Ugh… Depends. What time is it?” I said trying to find my phone.

“We could be late.” You said while still pursuing your uhm… Agenda.

“Yeah we could totally be late cause you do remember that the team will. Come. Here…” Sarcasm dripping.

“Yeah… Just like you will in… 3 minutes?” You said cutting me off. Klossanova back at it again.

“You give yourself too much cre- Babe!”

~

Okay. I’ll stop here. Stop laughing. Kloss. Seriously. This is me trying.

Saving all my dirty stories if you promise to save all of yours.

Things I do for love. Hope you’ll be reminded of magic.

P. S. Now in bed. Cold feet missing your warm ones. My feet can’t remember how to stay warm without you like how I can’t remember how to be happy without you.

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Riptide

Now I know you stumbled upon this and loved it:

I have a couple of things I want to let you know before anything else, baby, it took me a few days to pull myself together. But what you did hurts. I’m not passing blame… but it jeopardized my 3 days of sobriety (isn’t much but, hey). I can imagine how frustrated your face must look like while reading this. But babe, let me explain, it’s not always about me, okay? I don’t like admitting this to anyone, but I’m fighting hard for us.

So, the incident your people say you were not aware of, I am convinced that you were. I got your message through a bird. (You are aware how ridiculous communicating like this is?) And...

I have to admit that I am selfish. (Round of applause for finally admitting it). I know where you stand when it comes to my “petty fights” and I know how adamant I’ve been about the idea of reconciliation with her. I know we need a united front to support us if we were to, you know. Ugh… Why don’t you just talk to me? Straight to voicemail. Seriously? Blocked everywhere? Being told no because "it's not healthy"? This is beginning to feel stupid and embarrassing, babe. I feel like it’s 2005 and were on MySpace (Hoping for at least a grin here, tough crowd…). For the record, I have been alcohol free since the minor relapse. And for what it’s worth, you’re right babe. We need everyone to win the game.

~

Okay so I didn’t really write this. But this is vital to our story. Remember when we had an argument (okay, fine “discussion”) about what the creepy song meant? Yes. The one with the little boy with a prayer in his pocket? I still think it’s about a child traveling to the afterlife. I’m sure you still think it’s a child sleeping through hard times. You’re PG like that, Kloss.

The point of me reminding you about the creepy song is because a song is like beauty, it is in the eye of the beholder. Songs deliver different meanings to everyone who listens to it. Baby, do you remember the wonderfully written song we found that reminded us of us. I hope you still listen to it. I know I still do.

In our own little weird way we made a song, that might totally be about serious topics like over watering plants or saving baby seals, about us. We’re totally self absorbed like that. (says the superstar to the supermodel). I’m getting carried away with the inside jokes. Sue me. (Oops, I did it again.) Okay, stopping. Dork.

I really don’t know how I could tell the story of our own weird meaning to the song because it’s all over the place. Just like us nowadays. Ouch. So I’ll just do it line per line. (Don’t roll your eyes, Kloss.)

I was scared of dentists and the dark. I was scared of pretty girls and starting conversations. So that’s me. Baby Gay Tay. (C'mon laugh, Babe!)

All my friends are turning green. You’re the magician’s assistant in their dreams. Well, pretty much everyone’s wasted at a party, they had no clue of what we’re up to. So yeah, typical Friday night?

Oh and they come unstuck. I don’t want to explain this part. (Stop cackling, Kloss)

Lady, running down to the riptide. Taken away to the dark side I wanna be your left hand man. Big Sur. I pulled you into the “dark side” using my good looks and devilish charm and you were totally smitten. Do not deny this! I became your girl on the side.

I love you when you’re singing that song and I got a lump in my throat ‘cause. You’re gonna sing the words wrong. Why do you always do this? Screw up the lyrics to. Every. Single. Song. Newsflash, Karlie Kloss isn’t perfect… To everyone else but me. You're always perfect to me. I am still proud of you when you got every single word right to my song when we shared the runway, Sunshine.

There’s this movie that I think you’ll like. This guy decides to quit his job and heads to New York City This cowboy’s running from himself And she’s been living on the highest shelf. Basically, my life after Big Sur. No, I still don’t appreciate being a cowboy in this narrative.

I just wanna, I just wanna know. If you’re gonna, if you’re gonna stay. (….) I can’t have it, I can’t have it any other way. Still can’t. That’s the exciting part of a new relationship. The uncertainty. Now I’m crippled by it.

I swear she’s destined for the screen. Closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you’ve ever seen. You’re gorgeous Karlie Elizabeth Kloss.

Come back.

~

Well, I hope you’re asleep. It’s really late where I am. Hope everything’s fine in NY. Don't stress too much. You look beautiful, as always.

Oh, in case I forget, because I might forget… Your stuff in LA, I kinda had them boxed and put in a closet (no pun intended). Hoping you’ll understand. The incident was too much. And my anxiety drove me to relapse. I want to fight for us so I had to.

…Dibs misses you. Mer? Not so much. They’re not staying with me but we facetime. (Austin says I’m an unfit guardian and should surrender my custody rights for the time being).

Well since it’s 2005 and we’re on MySpace…

lovelovelove

-T-

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Gorgeous Part 3

It’s been almost a month since the night I couldn’t sleep and decided to type our story on my phone… Hoping for you to read it. I know you love it when I go extra. So I’m hoping you’ll love this.

08/03/16

I hated spending special days a part. By now we should be used to it. I hated every single ‘goodbyes’ and 'talk to you when I land or text you’ or even the 'I should be able to call you at around… 3am your time’. Those were hell for me. I have never been in a serious relationship where my partner is busier than I am. That sounded so self-centered but given the circumstances you know what I mean. And of course I am still the proudest (ex) girlfriend ever. I know we seldom get into details about work but you cannot begin to imagine how extremely proud I am with every single thing that you are passionate about. Everything you touch turns into gold, even my dreary cage and my dreary heart, for that matter.

Anyway, I wanted to spend the day watching the sunset with you on your birthday but you know we can’t do that. But as always we made it work because I’m extra and you’re the most appreciative person ever. By the way, you give me too much credit. Anyway…

“I wrote you another song.” I said while video chatting for your birthday. You were brought to the perfect spot to watch the sunset. And as a bonus you were greeted with flowers and me, video calling from across the world. Extra.

“Seriously? Stop it with these magical songs!” You said while giggling. I know you appreciate the effort but I knew there was truth in your words. It sinks in my brain. This anxiety. But I love you too much to ruin the moment.

“I can’t help it.” I admitted. “It’s not like I could gush to the world about my sweetest most perfect angel girlfriend who’s kind thoughtful funny and incredibly beautiful with freakishly long limbs and a freakishly huge heart?” I said in a serious tone. At this point you know how dry my humor is.

“I hate it when you easily out-word me.” You said laughing.

I love how I easily make you laugh. I thought to myself.

“I love you, baby.” You stated like it’s a fact written in stone. And, baby, it is.

We sat in comfortable silence. You admiring the beauty of the sunset whilst I was admiring the beauty of you. It’s that simple. Life should be this simple.

After a few minutes, my anxiety pushed me to break the silence. I am the over thinker after all so I asked. “Baby, you know I love you right? And I always will. But I just need to know what bothers you about the songs?” I asked while feeling vulnerable.

“I… It’s just…” You begin.

“I… Baby… I love them…” You continued.

“I just… It’s just…” You tried again.

“It’s just what?” I said my anxiety evaporating. I love it when you rambled. You know how touchy I get with the topic of writing about my love life in general so I appreciate how careful you were trying to be.

“Ugh… It’s unfair.” You said defeated while making a face and throwing your hands to the air.

This made me cackled.

This, also, made you pout.

This, in turn, made my heart melt.

“And you’re laughing at me on my birthday!” You said pretending to be offended but later on succumbing to laughter too.

“Okay, okay. Serious time.” I said composing myself. “What do you mean by unfair?”

“I just… I…”

“Babe, it’s okay. You have a birthday pass. I mean, you’ll still sleep on the couch when you get home… but birthday pass, so you’ll have the comfy couch.” I said in a serious tone laced with dry humor.

“Babe!” You said exasperatedly. “I just wish I could… ” You said relaxing again. “…Do something even as half as beautiful as the songs you write for me… You kinda don’t know how… Like how loved it makes me feel… And you know… It’s crazy because people who listen to it… They feel how much you love me… You make me feel loved in the most magical way… I just wish I could… Okay, you’re not allowed to laugh…” You warned and I felt how vulnerable you were. “…I just wish I could write you a song too and have the whole world sing along… So you could feel how I feel… Because of all people you deserve to feel loved in a magical way.”

Okay, I’m not exaggerating. I have received numerous complements. Hundreds of awards. Countless articles praising my work. But non of them stood a chance in comparison to what you just said at that moment. I don’t know if you realize this but you get me. Body and soul.

I was surprised when tears started flowing from my eyes. I never felt so loved.

“Awwww babyyyy!! I made you cry!!!” You said panicking. “And on my birthday!!!!” You said trying to make me laugh.

“I love you.” I said as emotions consumed me.

I pride myself with being good with words. But at that moment, I could only come up with three words to muster how I felt.

Three simple words.

Hoping they still count.

09/03/16

I decided to write myself a song about the first time we met. Technically it is your story. So technically you wrote it. So technically you wrote me a song.

And don’t argue about the technicalities. As conceited as it may be, I now have a song on how beautiful you make me feel. And yes, it’s going to be weird singing this in the shower. At least that’s what Blake said.

~

Hoping this finds you well. Not a little too well that you don't miss me anymore. Selfish huh?

I just wish you're happy.

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Gorgeous Part 2

"Gots to go now girls." She was towering over us all. At that point it sunk in how massively tall Karlie really was. It was a different experience witnessing it while sitting down. Other than her long stature, what distracted me the most are the curve of her breast exposed by her beautifully cut white dress. With her chest merely inches away from my face due to the fact that she had to squeeze through where I was sitting to pass through, I found myself more drawn to her.

"Kar! Is your Joshua going to pick you up?" Jourdan said with a touch of worry in her drunk voice. I remember feeling pissed about your Joshua.

"I'm a big girl... Jour. I'll just hail... a cab or something." Karlie said confidently as she kisses each girl on the cheeks.

My being pissed at your Joshua was overcomed with worry for the drunk girl. I watched too much CSI NY to think of all the possible ways to get murdered in New York.

Just as she was about to kiss my cheek to say goodbye, I stood up and said "I'm going back to my hotel.... Early flight."

I waved goodbye at everyone and hugged Lily who was buzzed with alcohol.

I then dragged Karlie's arm out of the room and signaled Jimmy at the entrance that we were leaving.

Karlie had no idea what was going on and was honestly too drunk to care. That just solidifies my worries that this perfect warm giant might be in danger if left to fend the jungle of NY alone.

My black tinted car pulled up at the back of the building while we were waiting inside. Well, I was waiting. Karlie was just smiling with her eyes half opened leaning on a wall for support.

I was nervous as Jimmy and the other security guy checked for paparazzi. I wasn't drunk or doing anything illegal but why do I feel scared of getting caught somehow. I grabbed Karlie's wrist again to drag her to the car. I was surprised that I still felt this weird tinge in my chest when our skin met for the third time this evening.

When we got into the car, John, my security guy/chauffer looked back at us and asked. "Where to, Miss Swift?"

I realized that I didn't know where Karlie was staying. When I turned back to look at her, I was met with a peaceful snore. Shit.

I decided to bring her back to my hotel. It was booked under an alias but the hotel knew it was a for a celebrity who would appreciate privacy. So we got to the basement parking of the hotel. Karlie had to be carried out of the car. When the new security guy who was waiting for us in the hotel was carrying Karlie off the car, I was surprised to see a weird smile on his face.

"Jimmy. Carry her." I snapped without even addressing the new guy. As Karlie was being passed to Jimmy her long lanky hand fell so I had to put it back to her chest. I accidentally brushed over her breast and needed a second to regather my thoughts.

Jimmy's radio buzzed signaling that the hotel security was ready to let us go up using their service elevator. I booked a nice suite for myself and the nice suite in front of mine for my security detail.

As the new security guy taped the correct floor and beeped the access card on the elevator. I saw his eyes were ogling Karlie's breast through the reflective panel doors of the elevator. He was wearing a creepy smug smile that he was trying to hide.

All of the sudden I felt ice cold rage. My body was ready to act and tore this guy limb by limb.

I was ready to fight for you.

Luckily for the big muscular creepy smug security guy the elevator door opened and he was saved from my fury.

We exited the elevator and he opened the door of my suite and handed me the key. I couldn't resist giving him the deadliest stare I could muster in my black floral dress and heels. Watch it pal.

He dropped the smug smile and walked backwards letting Jimmy in with Karlie. He gently put her in the middle of the bed. Before I got the chance to truly relish her form...

"I'll order Gatorade and advil and have them delivered to my room. After that, I'll knock three times on your door and personally deliver them to you." Jimmy said in a serious tone. "Do not open the door to any room service or housekeeping." He continued while placing the 'do not disturb' tag on my door while he was walking out.

It just sunk in to me how utterly reckless bringing a passed out model back to my suite was. If anyone caught wind of this I couldn't even fathom how they'll spin this story. Seeing Jimmy's concern etched on his face, I truly appreciated having him around.

"I'll contact Tree and update her of the current situation. I'll also inform our pilot that we won't be wheels up till...?"

At that point I realized that Jimmy was waiting for further instructions.

"Till noon, the 15th." I said surprising myself with a weird decision to extend my stay here in NY.

"Copy." Jimmy said, surprised as well but trying to hide his thoughts from me. He was closing the door when he popped his head back in through the small door crack. "And sorry about Darwin." He motioned  his head towards the hallway.  "I'll deal with him in the morning."

And with that, he closed the door and left me standing at the living room of my suite with the tinge in my chest slowly growing again as the realization that Karlie was fast asleep in my bed.

I had to stop my brain from processing what I felt at that moment. I had no clue why I was drawn to her. I just knew, then, that I simply was.

I turned off my phone because I knew my publicist, Tree, was going to lose it. I sat on the couch on the living room while waiting for Jimmy's knock. I knew I had to go inside my bedroom to at least remove her shoes. But I didn't really trust myself. I was drawn to her.

Jimmy knocked and handed me the goods and said good night. With the Gatorade and advil shoved in my hand, I had not choice but to surrender to the magnetic field in my bed.

Of course I stalled by removing my own pair of heels. Washing my face to get rid of my makeup. Brushing my teeth and getting all sorts of things done for bed. I removed my contacts but decided to pop new ones in. I know, not safe. But I felt like needed 20/20 vision tonight.

I stared at my bare face and lame baggy pajamas staring back at me in the mirror and sighed. I suddenly felt the need to reapply a bit of eyeliner, eyebrow pencil, lipstick and blush. And in a desperate manner, I tore open the package Victoria's Secret sent to my hotel while I was doing the show. Luckily, I found cute silk matching pajamas and quickly changed. Meredith, my ever so judgemental cat, hissed at me. I filled her food bowl with kibbles and refilled her water dish. "Huh, not even a 'thanks hooman?" I asked my cat as she happily munches her food. "You spoiled queen of the kitty land." I didn't get a response. I don't know why I expected one. Dork.

Before heading back to bed with a basin of water and a wash cloth in tow, I checked my reflection again and was somewhat relieved that I looked somewhat better.

I gingerly walked back in to see Karlie lying in the middle of the bed. Her skirt has risen quite a bit exposing more tanned skin. Her black heels hanging on the cliff of the queen sized bed. One of her hand was resting near her temple and the other one rested in between her chest.

I had to force myself to breathe. I didn't want to over analyze what I was feeling yet. I know that once daylight comes and the excitement of a successful show ends, my senses will return.

I was surprised when a quick moan escaped your lips as you dream about things that I can never see. Things that I wish I could see.

After successfully removing her shoes. I used to wet towel to dab the scorching skin of Karlie's arm, then her neck and face. I was happy to be rewarded by an unconscious peaceful smile as you roll over to one side of the bed. I didn't even attempt to change your clothes. I can't handle that.

I decided to put the Gatorade and advil on the bedside table near the side you now occupied. I went to the other side of the bed and lied down. I felt so tired but unsure. I contemplated if I should opt for the couch. As I was about to get up and grab a pillow to head to the sofa, I felt the tinge in my chest again when soft long slender fingers grabbed my hand and intertwined my fingers with hers.

"Stay." She murmured in her sleep.

I felt a strange feeling of comfort that I haven't felt for a long time. I felt peace.

~~~

11/14/13

Morning. I was startled. I opened my eyes and saw an unfamiliar room. I tried to move but I couldn't. My heart started racing in panic.

I then realized that I was wrapped in a tangle of long limbs belonging to the snoring gentle green eyed giant. I must admit, now that you're gone, I miss the snoring amidst me teasing you relentlessly about it. Anyway...

Instead of my heart relaxing realizing that I was safe, it did the exact opposite and went into hyperdrive. I swear I felt like my heart was going to pop out of my chest looking at Karlie's head resting on top of it.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

Karlie stirred in her sleep and I panicked. "Good morning." I said not trusting my shaky voice to talk.

With that Karlie immediately sat up. Looked around the room and then looked at me with sleepy eyes.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

My blue eyes were no match for her green ones. As I watch her process the situation in her head for a couple of seconds, she gazed tilting her head for a bit then slowly relaxing into a smile.

"Good morning." She whispered. Her throat probably dried from overdrinking last night.

Strangely, she laid back down to her original position and tighten her hug around me. Before I was able to process what was happening. She took my hand placed it to her chest.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

Lub dub.

I felt her own heart mirroring the intensity of mine.

"I feel it too." She said in a sleepy voice.

We laid there bound together as our heartbeats slows and we drift back to sleep once more.

All at once, I knew something changed.

~~~

I couldn't sleep when my bed smells like you. So I typed this on my phone instead. And unlike usual, I didn't overanalyze it nor even proofread it.

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Gorgeous Part 1

All stories start somewhere, as much as I would like to think that our story started in 1989 and 1992 when our names were chosen, but you know that isn't the case.

Our story begins here...

11/13/13

As usual, I devised an ingenious plan to delay going to the party and another brilliant plan to excuse myself early. I was hoping to miss out on the pink carpet but I wasn't that lucky. To be quite frank, I was never really a fan of parties like this. I never quite got the allure of drunkenly staring at a stranger from across the bar.

The place was packed with beautiful women and well, rich men. Yes, I know that sounds completely creepy but I hope you'll find the setting I chose to start our story a little less creepy since you know how it goes.

Yes, you could definitely argue that it could have started a little earlier in the day with all the chaos of the VSFS surrounding us but our polite interactions didn't really do anything for me. All I know is you like baking and you're a nervous ball of energy. Sure you were pretty but we never really interacted that much.

Anyway, back to the story. Oh and forgive me if I leave out some details or got anything wrong. I just based this on journal entries (sorry, yours too) and my own memory since I was the sober one, thank you very much. Anyway...

"Hey!!!! What took you so long!?" Lil said standing up to kiss my cheek. She's the main reason I even went to the party. I really only came to say goodbye.

"Life." I muttered with a careful smile.

"Oh right." Lily said picking up something on the table. "And you know what they say... When life gives you lemons." She handed me a precut lemon. "Drink tequila" As my other hand was suddenly occupied by a small shot glass filled with liquid tranquilizer. I groaned internally. On hindsight, can you believe how averse to alcohol I was back then? I make myself cackle. Anyway...

To be a good friend, I knew my choice has been made. I quickly downed the liquid and grimaced as it burned my throat and lungs. I immediately sucked on the lemon to save myself from the burn.

"Jesus." I said plastering a careful smile on as I said hello to Lily and the other girls on the table. Embarrassingly, I only knew a couple of names even if we were already introduced earlier. And it doesn't  help this story that I no longer remember everyone sitting on that table. Nor does the fact that I'm pretty bad with names in general help my cause. But I'm sure if you were here you'd be able to say all their names in a heartbeat. Sigh. Anyway...

The table crackled with life. It has been a few hours since I got here. As usual, I found myself with a careful smile on my lips. I was again, nodding my head and laughing at appropriate times. I mastered the art of semi existing at an early age. At this point no one has a clue that my mind was off to my untouched hotel bed with my cat in mind.

"I propose a toast!" Cara said standing up and being unstable. I wasn't sure if she was already tipsy or just being her regular self. "To the Victoria's Secret Class of Twenty-fucking-thirteen!"

This was followed by all the girls taking a shot of tequila and shouting with excitement after downing the burning liquid.

I on the other hand preferred to place my drink back on the table when no one noticed. Getting drunk was not a part of my ingenious plan. When I thought I got away with it, I felt a warm stare towards my direction. I nervously looked up hating the anticipation of being pressured to drink if, indeed, caught.

All at once, I found myself at the mercy of the most exquisite green eyes ever made. I felt the room becoming warmer, the music becoming less obnoxious and the hundreds of people becoming less real. I felt a slight tinge in my chest. Not an anxious tinge, but a good tinge. At that moment I knew something changed.

"So Taylor, how was tonight?" Jourdan inquired from across the table. This broke off the stare situation that I have not decided if I liked or not. What is it with me and green eyes? Anyway, the warm green eyes were replaced with Jourdan's brown piercing eyes laced with alcohol. At this point, I'm assuming that everyone had 7 or 8 shots since my arrival.

"It was so much fun! The show was incredible! I really had fun once I overcame my fear of being hit with the wings and possibly dying on the runway." I said it with a practiced excitement and ended it with humor. That's my fool proof formula. It's not that I didn't enjoy the show because I did. It's just that, I was beyond tired and I really feel out of place in this room. Although everyone was nice to me, anxiety still leaves me unsettled.

Everyone laughed at my joke. Cara opened another topic discussing the most brutal VS wing that ever existed and if it could possibly accidentally kill someone on the runway. Everyone played along with the topic excitedly. Laughing with alcohol goggles on.

"Why do you talk like that?" An unfamiliar voice from across the table. I quickly turned my head finding the owner of the voice. I was struck again when I realized that the green eyes never stopped staring.

After a few seconds I finally replied "What do you mean?" In a faux playful manner. I was strangely nervous by the sudden warm interaction.

"Oh my god! You did it again!!!" The lady with the green eyes said while laughing at the ceiling.

"Did what exactly?" Now I'm self conscious and nervous. For one, I didn't know what she meant. Two, I have a weak stomach for mean comments if I was going to be insulted. And three, I swear, her laugh made the tinge feeling in my chest grew stronger.

She continued to laugh and placed back her tipsy eyes back on me. "I would never have the guts to like tell you this normally." She started. "But I've watched you all day... And like, usually your smile reaches your eyes when you talk." She said with animated fingers.

I was caught off guard. No one was able to see through my well practiced facade. No one till you.

"Oh my god. I'm drunk and, like, stupid. I totally made fun of the way you talk didn't I?" She said with an apologetic smile dropping her head down to her open palms.

I was surprised to hear my self genuinely laugh.

She looked up from her hands and smiled the warmest smile ever. "That's it!" She said excitingly. "Oh wait, like, try saying my name!"

Confused by what she said and the sudden giddy feeling I had I just rolled with it. "Karlie Kloss."

"Finally!" She said with a fist pump. At this point I was slightly aware of how our conversation sound's like to other people but I was no longer in the position of caring.

"You're silly."

"You're gorgeous."

The comment made my cheeks warm. And sadly because of refusing to do more shots, I couldn't  Blame it on the alcohol, or the lack thereof.

"No way. You're gorgeous... Victoria's Secret Angel woman... You." I said with a slight stammer. Why was I flustered?

"What the hell, noooooo." Karlie refuses to admit defeat." "You're so gorgeous. I cannot like literally say anything to your face the whole day." She said using the most serious face she could muster under her drunk circumstances.

"Flattery won't get you anywhere." I said with a touch of playfulness in my voice. Looking back at this moment I was not aware that I was indeed subconsciously flirting.

"I hate you so much." Karlie replied still laughing. "I also hate your gorgeous blue eyes. They look like an ocean I could like... totally drown in." She added with an adorable faux grimace.

As the night went on I wasn't sure if the crowd  really lessened  or if the music truly was less overwhelming but I found myself enthralled with every word Karlie was saying. I was amazed with how her long fingers circled her shot glass before sipping it. I was lost in the way I find your accent endearing. I was in awe of the warm perfection in front of me. How can someone look so perfect drunk?

"Anyway I had my first drink, in LA, when I turned 21 last August." Karlie said still animated even if she was indeed plastered at this point. "My family and my friends celebrated my... birthday at the Paramount here... In NY. I was soooo excited to finally try drinking but I never even got to it because I was overwhelmingly happy seeing, like, everyone... There." She said with an adorable smile a an alcohol induced blush.

"Still sounds fun!" I replied genuinely. While watching Karlie down another shot. It took her awhile to recover and I was sure that she was at the point of no return. She is officially drunk. And I was officially worried about her wellbeing.

"Sure is. Anyway, I had my... first official drink... Like... with Jour Jour and Toni after a shoot in... LA." Karlie said with a triumphant smile and her eyelids half closed. Toni, the girl she mentioned has been drunkenly listening in and out on our conversation all night but showed no signs of wanting to join in.

"And what was your drink of choice?"

"Whisky on ice." She laughed tilting her head backwards. "Jour chose it so I would be... traumatized. She said she won't ever get used of... The idea... Of me drinki.. Ing. It was in Sunset and... Vine."

I laughed at how precious I thought the story was.

"Kar, oh my god. You are smashed!" Jourdan said with a disapproving laugh while passing another round to Toni and Cara who drunkenly laughed.

"I learned from the best!" She said winking at Jourdan while preparing to drink Cara's shot.

My eyes widened and I don't know what came over me and just grabbed her wrist.

Her skin was hot. The look she gave me was hotter. Not in a sexy way, okay maybe in a slight sexy way, but I was surprised. I felt like I was doused in hot water. The tinge on my chest spreading.

"I uh." She stammered breaking me away from my weird thoughts. I felt me cheeks burn as embarrassment settled in. I quickly let go of her arm and smiled sheepishly. "I should... go." She said with her face flushed. She had a nervous flustered smile as she stood up.

[callmewhatyouwanttt]

Prologue

This story is written for my Partner in Crime,

My Magician's Assistant,

My Truth,

My Love.

I miss you quite terribly.

I hope you stumble upon this while you're drunk

Or on a plane off to another adventure.

I hope you'll be reminded of us.

~