cakelovesyoutoo

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watched edgerunners

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angeltype

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matryoshka 📢

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another lain/rei drawing.. I’ve done a couple of commissions of them together

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「神保町帰りの天使ちゃん」（2022）

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Day 3383 - 28 September 2022

✿

.//projectTiGER

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ahhh thank you for the overwhelming support on my ventpost. i'm glad people are finally understanding my point of view. i promise that'll be my last ventpost in a while, i'm doing great now.

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https://skeb.jp/@sanagi_zzz/works/11

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couldnt do maid fuuta without doing maid mimi right after

they r in this togehter

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Gotta get my mojo runnin', engine humming, don't I?

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to watch and to be watched

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how i overcame my issues. a letter to my former FP: thanks for breaking me.

note: out of respect for her privacy i will not be referring to my FP by name.

i hate having suspicions about someone. because when i do, they usually turn out to be true.

i will never forget your deleted tweet that you posted while we were still dating saying "sorry that you are my new obsession now". i made you do a "loyalty test", asking "does your bf like serial experiments lain?" as a way of getting you to spill your guts about the certain individual you were subtweeting about. you said "he was just a friend" and not only that but you also said that it was just a joke. i believed you at first, but time eventually confirmed my suspicions.

when our relationship ended you told me you wouldn't date ever again because you didn't want to deal with the responsibilities that come with dating. i wanted to convince you otherwise, to make you see that not everything is black and white and that we can still be something. your rejection of my offer hurt me a lot. and it took a while but in the end, i ended up accepting my new status as a friend.

i had several breakdowns before embracing the sad reality, but every time i wanted to leave the internet for some time in favor of my own mental health you kept telling me that you cared about me, that you couldn't imagine being here without me, that you'd feel bad if you made someone leave and that you wanted me to stay. i wanted you to see that i needed time to focus on my mental health, but you kept telling me to stay. and so i did, which ended in one of my worst public mental breakdowns i've had in years, in which i ended up hurting my buddy Kass for trying to help me.

now i'll be honest, i was a bit of a baby in that scenario. i do admit crying out for attention and refusing people's help, and i won't try to justify that. that was a mistake, and i corrected it by apologizing to everyone when i had to. it's good to recognize your own flaws.

anyway, now you're dating someone you just met just because he was helping you feel better about scary old me's psychotic episodes and likes the same game you like (and have likely been doing so even while we were still dating) over someone who you've known for half a year if not a year and genuinely cares about you. all you tweet about is him. you never cared about me, you never loved me, you just wanted someone who could make you feel good about yourself and when i stopped being good enough you began to plan your escape.

you rejected your art hobby, the very thing that inspired me to move forward in the art community, in favor of attention from strangers who have no emotional connection to you like i do. you used to take free requests, that's how much you loved your hobby. you even drew some artwork for my now abandoned musical project either last year or the beginning of this year. you were someone special i looked up to, and the keyword is 'were', because the last time i talked to you, it felt like i was talking to a different person. seeing you reduced to yet another girl on twitter who feeds off the attention from guys hurts worse than a stab wound to the neck.

"I wish you'd stop being mysterious to try to scare me" and "Oh fuck off" were the things you said when i tried to make you see things from my perspective. and yes, maybe my wording wasn't the best, but you completely missed the point i was trying to make with my statements and proceeded to brag about how you're happy about your decisions on your now private twitter.

maybe you think you're doing the right thing by selling me out to fulfill your selfish desires, but i've done the same before, and it didn't end well. you won't realize the consequences of your actions until they bite back and leave wounds. and when that time comes i won't be the one to treat them.

and to the guy you're dating; i don't hate you, i never did. i blocked you for my own mental health. but know that when something seems too good to be true, it's because it's a trap. you'll be hurt in the long run.

maybe you really did love me. maybe i'm the asshole here. maybe it was my "cold" personality and lack of communication that made me seem uncaring and killed our relationship. but it's all over now, and my only option is to move on.

congrats on breaking me, and thank you for doing so. otherwise i would have spent my whole life blaming myself. but now, i see the bigger picture. having lived this experience will allow me to mature, grow up, and learn from my mistakes..

to other people who have been through similar things, please know that you're not alone. the world is big, we're small, but we're all human and we all go through similar experiences. if you need someone to vent to, i can't promise that i'll be of much help but please reach out to me and i'll listen.

life gets better.

btw here's a cringe song because it perfectly encapsulates how i feel regarding this whole fiasco:

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ブリジットすき