caffiend-nyx - Tumblr blog

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Some masc thinsp0 for my dudes out there

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Tw: Thinsp/Malespo

got some malespo for you all

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This is every ed bitch rationing and doing portion control 😭

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What I crave to be 😩

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I technically already started yesterday but I feel like I didn’t do it proper, so starting this to get back on track. Next I will do the pompompurim diet!

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How the FUCK did I gain 2 pounds even though I ate under 900 cals!?

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Hehe don’t we love going and trying to recover because your health declined at such a rapid rate, but you ended up not making much progress, instead just binged, got lazy, and more stressed in life. Time to say fuck it and relapse 🤪 I wanna look tiny in oversized sweaters and shit anyway

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Nah why’d this shit get me so bad 💀

“boba tea is worth the cals” i say into the mic. the crowd boos. i begin to walk off the stage in shame. “no, they're right.” i hear a voice say in the back. the lights come on. it’s anorexia herself .

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I want to do this but need to find a way to make my mom not realize how little I’m eating

day 1:

breakfast- skipped

lunch- caesar salad- 240 cals

dinner- skipped

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If I looked like this I wouldn't be mentally ill

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Made a thinspo background

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(Another vent type thing)

I have never felt loved romantically. Not really.

See what I feel is loved, is the bare minimum.

I felt loved when a boy who used me for my body told me “you are the most beautiful person I’ve seen, don’t let anyone ever tell you differently”

And when my ex who did things to me while I slept, I felt loved when he rubbed my back until I fell asleep.

I felt loved when a girl who put me as a place holder for my best friend would close her eyes and hug me, now that I think about it she was probably imagining me as him.

Most importantly with the relationship I am currently in, I feel loved when they don’t make me pay money for gas that involved a plan they made. 

I have always been the lover, I make lists of why I love them, remember their favorite color and then buy them a crystal in that color, 

I make playlists that they will never listen to, and I draw portraits that they will never hang up.

What did I do to not deserve that love? What did I do to make it so insufferable to just..love me? 

I have been authentically myself, I have changed myself entirely. And either way it goes worse for me. 

Just once I want someone to rub my back because I have chronic pain and they do not want me to suffer, for once I want to receive a list of reasons of why I am a enjoyable person. 

To be the person they cannot wait to hold...

But I know that is unattainable, for I am only meant to love, not to be reciprocated.

So I will pay the gas, I will hold, and I will rub their back. 

But when I take my last breath, and fade away from this world, do not pretend that you loved me the way I loved you.

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(Vent) I honestly dont know how much longer i can hold on, my bf is only getting more and more distant, no matter what i do. money doesn’t even seem to budge him. I hate myself more and more, my work has been making me hate myself as well and im pretty sure im just a bother to them now. my aunt is in the hospital on life support. im paying for everything in the house now except for the power bill and cable, and my parents are always arguing..I also never have time to walk my dog anymore and i feel like a horrible owner. The only thing that has kept me from ending it is knowing my family doesnt need that right now, but today while left alone outside for 4 hours i really thought, and the thought of death was comforting

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That moment you are trying to comfort your bf because he lost his grandfather and he ends up telling you that you don’t have a eating disorder because you’re fat 🤪

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I feel so fat and I just want to go home and workout

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Guy the pure euphoria 😻 my sw was 172 lbs, my current is 148.8 because I just got my scale in the mail and can now really track

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Reblog if you started worrying about your weight before you were fourteen.