byclarkellis

[byclarkellis]

A Delicate Thing That We Do

A Delicate Thing That We Do

The light from a flower’s red leaves and blue petals combined into a vibrant purple, and Susan Church wondered what it smelled like. She also wondered, for the ninth time, if the deluxe tour package included smells, and if there was a way she could make enough money to find out. For now, she walked on, trying to find The Point.

Her difficulty doing so began when she turned off her navigation…

[byclarkellis]

I don’t understand why I understand this but I doooo

i need to say something that maybe not everyone here will understand but: 9pm is the shortest hour

[byclarkellis]

I wonder if that disastrous original script for the Holes movie, which was written by the guy who wrote Donnie Darko, is still in circulation on the internet. It was insane.

Like the landscape was all barren not because of a curse but because there’d been a nuclear apocalypse and subsequent plague, and Stanley went to prison camp not because he stole a pair of shoes but because he mercy-killed his own plague-riddled sister. And Pendanski sneaks the boys out to take them to a truckstop bar and buys them prostitutes. And it’s revealed at the end that the conspiracy of the camp is that they’re digging for, not buried treasure, but old nuclear warheads. And there’s a running theme about how “you can’t bury the past.”

I mean the scope and intensity of the changes made to make it more “adult” were pretty clever, but so unnecessary. The fairy tale-esque whimsy was so integral to the story and such a part of its charm that making it darker kind of defeated the entire purpose

I can only imagine the Nickelodeon execs reading this script in open-mouthed horror, and then a long silence before they went “well what if we just got the guy who wrote the book to write it”

[byclarkellis]

ok so you know how the change my mind meme is made a by a racist transphobe ? heres a new version for us all

[byclarkellis]

Extemely my jam

[byclarkellis]

I just said “I am Moana from Motunui, you killed my father, prepare to die” and it actually took me a few seconds to realize that’s not right

[byclarkellis]

man

the creators of superman really named a small town “smallville” and a big city “metropolis” didn’t they 

[byclarkellis]

Hi, I’m Julia Morris.

[byclarkellis]

‪*wearing a mic headset* hey everybody Voldemort here with the Death Eating 6 week self improvement program and today we’re gonna learn how to (say it with me)‬

‪AUDIENCE: *CLAP, CLAP* KILL DESPAIR!‬

[byclarkellis]

Marvel Headcanon

In which Steven Rogers and Margaret Carter star-spangled the banner just once but Agent C got pregante. The child Frederick grew up a pacifist outside the military cuz o’ dear old “dead” daddy, and eventually the finely-aged Mr. Rogers settled into a lovely li’l Public Badass Service television hosting gig, in which he carried on his non-violent fight against fascism for the remainder of his days. The End.

[byclarkellis]

thoughts on the Elder Scrolls races

NORDS:

 V I K I N G S

probably eat nails for breakfast

without milk

seriously though these guys have some issues with people drinking milk

their fashion sense is basically strapping as many dead animals to themselves as they can

punch each other for funsies

resolve polictical conflict by via shouting contest

ALTMER:

commonly called high elves because they’re so fucking tall

fab

superiority complex

do not engage in magical combat with them because you will lose

will not rest until they have complained about everything

BOSMER:

smol

chillest of the elven races

outdoor enthusiasts

archery skills to rival legolas

won’t eat their vegetables

KHAJIIT:

furry

Khajiit likes to speak about themselves in 3rd person

nomads

it’s not breaking the law if no one sees you doing it

their hands are their weapons. no seriously they got claws

their king is chosen by the moons. I’m serious

IMPERIALS:

like building empires

not very good at running empires

rich bitches

still sad because they lost sir patrick steward and his son sean bean

slapfights with the altmer 24/7

longing for the day when they will get their shit together

DUNMER:

Edgelords™

their eyes are red their skin is blue they’ll probably set fire to you

ghost whisperer(s)

their gods tend to hold grudges

seriously dont piss of their gods they will fuck you over

kind of in a bad place after most of their homeland literally exploded

BRETONS:

politics

will sell you for one cornchip

kind of the elves’ unwanted bastard child

secretly really good at magic

don’t like their rural cousins in the Reach very much

REDGUARDS:

will knock you on your butt

P I R A T E S

What’s that? You wanna invade their homeland? I’m sorry your authority isn’t recognized in Fort Kickass

wanna see a magic trick?

no

no they don’t

ARGONIANS:

lizard

can breathe underwater

history of getting fucked over by the dunmer

tree huggers

i still dont understand why their women got tiddies. but they do

maids: lusty

ORISMER:

mean green killing machines

literally trained from birth to hand your ass to you

isolate themselves a ot

not that they have to try because they get shit from literally everyone

master smiths

their god may be a bit of a dick sometimes but he looks out for his people

resting bitchface

[byclarkellis]

Convinced Tom spent a v long time trying to figure out what to do with the letters v, l, e, r, and t before finally giving up on being Lord Doom

[byclarkellis]

not to be dramatic but…there’s some good in this world mr frodo…..and it’s worth fightin for

[byclarkellis]

My ONE (1) problem with Hp is there is no way a single witch or wizard says “en ee double-u tee” every time which means they’re all just saying “newt” with a straight face and well I just can’t believe that not one bit

[byclarkellis]

No one does sleeves like Sandra Bullock.

[byclarkellis]

Not About Love, Ch 5: New York, New York

Not About Love, Ch 5: New York, New York

The silence was worse than anything. So I broke it, with the words that had been burning a hole through my brain the last hour: “I hate you.”

I have a healthy fear of the power in a kiss, and of perfect moments. I don’t think it’s the right perspective: probably, a kiss should be just a kiss, and you move on. Otherwise, you drive yourself straight to crazy, throwing all significance at every…

[byclarkellis]

Can someone just………………. explain French to me?