bullshit-with-friends

[bullshit-with-friends]

The Miracle of Flex Seal: The Graduation Party

Today was the day that Flex Seal Spray man was graduating college in harvard. He attended the philosophy class with Nagito Komaeda and Tom Cruz. The three of them got into all sorts of trouble and one day they faced a horrible decision….

Whether to eat pizza with pineapple or pizza with out pineapple to celebrate graduation. nagito naturally wanted with pineapple but tom cruz and the flex seal tape man couldn't decide.

(T-N. The “Flex Seal man’s name is Phil Swift.) “So, uh... “ Nagito spoke up. “How does deluxe sound?” The others responded in turn. “Sounds good.” “Yeah.” The group was quietly enjoying their meal, when ‘the incident’ happened… When their deluxe meal had arrived, Nagito and the Flex Seal Man (Phil Swift but like who cares about real names smh) were ecstatic. Suddenly, Sans Undertale came flying in, hitting the waiter and causing the meal to fall to its demise. “That’s a lotta damage!” The Flex Seal Man screamed. Nagito however, was crying, finally, his love came home from the war. Yes his love Sans came home, but not by himself, right behind him were his sworn enemies, Adachi from Persona 4, and Goro Akechi. Peanut man and pancake boi, now, there were THREE komaeda’s in the area, sneakin in on em was Joker, because he wanted some of that Komaeda fuck. Flex Seal man was still screaming. With his loud, soulless, screeching, he has summoned Alex Jones. His eyes glowing red and large horns sprouting from his head. “AWEEEXX JOOONESS. HELP ME!” Flex shouts. “I cannot,, that water will turn me and you GAY. However, I may be able to aid thee like so.” Soon enough, Alex raised both arms and the sea parted into 4 sections. Sonic, Komaeda, Joker and Sans were each in their own section. Sonic… He has to do something! He didn’t do well in water though but, he felt to determined to give up. He felt the spirit of the god DLEIFRAG the small orange tiger shares some his everlasting power. Now, Sonic was feeling confident. Komaeda, Sonic, Joker, Sans, Flex, and Alex were all turned gay in an instant as the gay water enveloped them. “NOOO” Komaeda cried as san’s bones dissolved in the water. Sans was now a pile of bone meal and komaeda clung desperatly to his remains. Joker yeeted over to them in a desperate attempt to save the newly dissolved sans. Just then Flex shouted above everyone else, carrying a can of Flex Spray. “I CAN FIX THIS!” Flex got to work. 

The miracle powers of the Flex Seal™ line of products allowed the group to easily create a (temporary) barricade. But then, another problem arose:

The exit. It was completely submerged, and the heroes were stuck on the second floor. Sans mumbled. “What are we to do now?”

Suddenly. Danny Devito broke through one of the windows. “Im here for my massive condom, for my magnum dong!!” Komaeda, as lucky as he is, found it next to him, picking it up off the floor. “You want this?” he taunted, “You’ll have to get us out of here.” Danny Devito stopped, he could rarely find these condoms, his dong was so magnum. He needed it. Danny flew through the air to snatch at the condoms, but Komaeda vored them in his bussy, the magnum opus of voring. Due to the immense amount of voring Komaeda imploded, killing everyone around them. A few hours later Amami came into to get a muffin. “The fuck is this gay shit” he whip nae naed and took his muffin to his weed shack. Things were finally at peace, the crops were watered, the drought was over, and Peter said that. “Mr. Stark I finally feel good again.” There was serenity, a lovely ending.

[bullshit-with-friends]

Whomst’s Swamp Adventure

warnings: injury 

Whomst was having a strange day,(well as strange as you can have when everyone calls you whomst because they don’t know your name) he tripped 27 times on his way to the local town, was chased by a ravenous squirrel which he managed to hit with a rock to get it to flee, and had been convinced by a magical frog to go on an adventure with it, he was on that adventure now and was steadily making his way down a forgotten path, when all of the sudden… He heard the whinnying of a horse, Whomst didn’t know when but he had made it to a muddy swamp, he looked over to to see what looked like a drowning horse, it’s coat seemed almost a green color, and it’s mane looked as if made of seaweed. It’s cries seemed desperate, and he wondered why he had only heard it now, the magical frog at his side seemed suspicious, but Whomst brushed it off. Whomst knew there was little time to waste, so he slowly stepped into the swamp to rescue the horse. The mud was deep, and went up to about his waist. He waded through the squelchy sounds of the mud to reach the horse. As he attempted to calm the creature and stop it from thrashing around, Whomst felt something grabbing his leg. It felt like... seaweed? Whomst had little time to think as the seaweed was wrapping around his leg now and began to pull him deeper into the mud of the swamp. Whomst pulled his dagger from his side and cut the seaweed away as much as he could through the thick mud injuring himself in the process. Whomst had no time to waste however as the horse still needed to be freed from the swamp, he stood up and began to lead the horse to safety, however a large shadow now loomed over him. And wasn’t the mud deeper a second ago? Whomst had the feeling he didn’t want to look behind himself, he was already injured by the horse he was currently leading, and now there was some giant being behind him, could this day get any worse?.......On his trek back to base camp, Whomst had to sit down and tend to his injuries. He cleaned up most of the major wounds he could, but it still slightly hurt when he walked. Nevertheless, Whomst alongside his not-really-that-noble steed continued their return trip. They were met with little resistance (horse got smacked by a tree) and managed to make it back to Whomst’s cabin where he proceeded to pass out but not before vowing to never listen to magical frogs ever again. The journey may have been over but Whomst would have to go to town tomorrow as he got caught up in an adventure and forgot.

[bullshit-with-friends]

@iida–rintarou @inferiorskirt You are both to blame for this signs existance.

[bullshit-with-friends]

Kaede’s Affair

Warnings: Blood, attempted murder major character death

Kaede and Rantaro were locked into each other's eyes, waiting for the other side to say something. "Kaede, I've been wanting to ask you something for a while now." Rantaro said. Kaede responded softly: "Sure, what's the matter?" Rantaro stammered a bit. "W-will you... be my girlfriend?"  “Yes”. After dating for a few weeks Kaede and rantaro were preparing for a double date with kaede’s best friend shuichi and his husband kokichi, they were both nervous because… Kayaybitch was actually having an affair with Maki, without Amami knowing, while Amami was just nervous since this was the first date in a long time. The four of them, Kaede, Amami, Shuuichi, and Ouma decided to go to the movies for their double date. Maki was watching from the bushes. Like all angsty teens in love they went to see the Notebook, Kayaday and Shuichi started crying, as expected, Amami was comforting Kayaday, while Ouma giggled and pet Shuichi to calm him down, from a few seats up Maki thought it was a bad movie, but she wanted to be the one who helped Kaede, not Amami. After they watched the movie Shuichi decided that they should go to eat somewhere. Kaede was ok with it and kokichi was being a gremlin like always about it. Amami’s job was to keep maki from killing kokichi.  When they got to the restaurant they noticed one super suspicious person. On sight that’s super suspicious person tried to KILL AMAMI smh. Who was that suspicious person you ask? Well it was….  Rantaro stumbled around a bit before trying to get up, but to no avail. "Don't worry. It's just a flesh wound, haha." he said. Rantaro was badly injured. He had nicks and scrapes all along his arms, and he got one of his fingers sliced clean off. The hitman, however, had already fled, presumably not to be seen with a weapon. Kaede went over to Rantaro and attempted to console him: "Do you need an ice pack? Some bandages?"”Yeah sur….”Rantaro passed out from his injuries. Luckily Keade managed to catch him and began to tend to his wounds she started with his now missing finger. Rantaro woke up in a field of pastel flowers and noticed that there were fish singing the blues, the sun was a green clock and that he was not wearing what he was just wearing instead he was dressed in.. A thong, he was wearing a thong, at first he didn’t realize it but when he did he was like, “Nani the fuck” he began roaming the field. In the real world, Amami was passed out due to blood loss, after Amami was bandaged up (including bandaging up the finger that was cut off) Shuuichi called the ambulance and Ouma was cackling. Kaede then snuck off to where Maki was, “You shouldn’t have hurt Amami! I know you love me, but you shouldn’t have hurt my ‘boyfriend’ because of it. Our affair is suppose to be a secret!” After arguing they began to make out. After making out with Maki, Kaede snuck back to the others to see Rantaro being loaded onto the ambulance, Ouma and Saihara were standing there awkwardly, not sure whether to comfort Kaede or leave. Kaede didn’t need any comforting, she actually got over Amami because of this, and started to go to her house with Maki for sexi rat times ;))))) Ouma started making out with Shuuichi and when Amami woke up from the hospital and found out what happened. He went to Kayayday’s and Maki’s home, flipped them off, and ran away. They lived happily after amami died.

[bullshit-with-friends]

PureTM

Warnings: Minor character death, Vore mention

The day should have been like any other, the sun was high in the sky and the temperature was just right. But there was something off. Komaeda had turned into a toddler !!!  Amami, the typical protag of all the writings, happened to be walking passed toddler Komaeda after defeating Monokuma ninja style, since Monobitch wanted to vore the avocado daddy. Komaeda noticed the strange avocado man walking passed get impaled by a piece of glass and fall over limp, and ooze a bunch of red liquid. But alas, he did not have long to dwell of his first kill, because this toddler was going to the daycare, where he was going to profess his love to Hinata The only one who could get in his way was, of course, the aide, whose name was Mikan Tsumiki. Although Tsumiki was usually somewhat timid around children, any rulebreakers in her sight would get a "very stern talking-to"tm after class. Some of her quote-on-quote "victims" have never been the same since they saw Mikan's wrath. Komaeda seems to be one of the few children who looked up to Mikan, however. And Mikan loved the attention from her little followers! It was like a little parade all to herself. There wasn’t anything particularly special about mikan that made komaeda look up to her, she was just there. She would always laugh when komaeda played with other kids and she supported him when he was teased. Until one day Mikan announced that there was going to be another teacher. Komaeda looked up from the small dolls he was playing with, looking at Mikan since she announced something. A new teacher? Interesting! Komaeda wonders what the teacher would be like, would they be kind? Would they be strict? Komaeda wanted to find out, but he doesn’t want to cause any trouble or deaths because of said curiosity, why should trash like him satisfy his curiosity. A second later, the door to the classroom opened, walking in was… Izuru Kamakura. Their new teacher was Hajimes bro!!! Komaeda wasn’t sure what to make of Izuru whenever he was at hajime’s house for a group playdate and now he was their teacher, this was going to complicate things Izuru was always so protective of his little bro, he had to think up a new plan and fast just as he began to think up ideas by enacting possible scenarios with his dolls Mikan rang the bell for snack time. Komaeda jumped up, dropping his dolls while looking for Hajime, he always sat with Hajime once it was snack time, however, as Komaeda walked over he noticed that Izuru had sat down next to his brother, looking around protectively, Komaeda wasn’t sure what to do, komaeda hesitantly approached hajime and izuru. Izuru noticed komaeda and moved in front of hajime. Hajime still hadn’t noticed komaeda. Izuru stepped towards nagito until they were face to face, izuru stares at komaeda with a glare spread across his face. Komaeda was so intimidated by Izuru that he bolted through the nearest open window and wasn’t seen until the next day. The end ™

[bullshit-with-friends]

Too Many Authors

Warnings: nsfw, major character death

“All right, Captain Urban. We’ve got an incoming transmission from a nearby solar system: 2BN0U,” said the humble servant to the commander. “Okay.” the captain grumbled. The lights began to dim down, and a video screen came into view from the ceiling.  On the large screen, a strange silhouette could be seen. After all the static and fuzziness, it seemed to be an animal.. A… Bear? “Upupupu.” It cried out.  The bear on screen was none other than Monokuma. Monokuma was playing with a corpse while he said, “bOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM, I WANT YOU IN MY ROOM, LET’S SPEND THE NIGHT TOGETHER, FROM NOW UNTIL FOREVER!” Amami, just fucking standing there with a hand grenade, was utterly confused. Why is the bear playing with a corpse? Why does Monokubitch want to fuck him, he knows he’s hot but what the fuck. Amami took the grenade and threw it at monokuma so he would stop fucking a corpse. The grenade blew up and monokuma turned into an even buffer, sexier, monokuma. Amami was gay. Monokuma caught Amami staring at his buff self and laughed, “Ha like what you see? I knew you were a fucking furry Rantaro!” Monokuma sneered, Amami was starting to drool. Rantaro, however, quickly snapped back to his senses, and tried to not dig himself deeper into the hole of his embarrassment. “So, umm… I guess this proves the theory of parallel universes?” As if on cue, Monokuma played the Mario 64 file select theme on the audio system. “But first, we must talk about pa--” Monokuma started to talk, but got interrupted by a sucker-punch.  An overly buff Kotoko had totally wrecked him up. In the background, you could hear the monochrome bear groan out of pain, due to immense power behind the pink child’s brute force of her fist. “What… The fuck…?” Rantaro spoke to himself in a low tone. Watching the scene go on and on and on, he was too shocked to do anything else other than look at the possible murder scene! The buff Kotoko murdered the monokuma on screen and then it faded to black “.....” rantaro was at a loss for words at what he just saw. Then “pupupu’’ he looked towards the sound one of those autonomation monobears was coming straight for him. Bufftoko then Naruto ran to where Amami was, forming hand formations she yelled, “SHADOW CLONE JUTSU!” turning into multiple people, then brutally killed all of the Monobears. Amami just stood there, confused, how did Kotoko do all of that crap? Buffkotoko looked at Amami after she finished killing all the monobears with the shadow clone jutsu. She looked stoeckly into amamis eyes, she had been through hell. Kotoko was a true Jounin. BuffKotoko might have been cute, but Amami was neither straight or a creep, He offered to adopt her as one of his little sisters, but instead she stabbed him in the chest, too many times to count while he stared his saviour-now murderer- in the eyes, as he breathed his last breath.

[bullshit-with-friends]

“THE WORLD.”

violent yaoi

the grand adventure tm

[bullshit-with-friends]

Izuru’s Drug Trip

Warnings: drugs, death, blood

It was a long day, our protagonist was tired. And once again our protagonist of this crazy anime story was, That Bitch. Who was that bitch you might ask? Well it is….. Izuru Kamukura. Izuru was just cleaning up after a messy day of work. His work being that of murder. The black-haired red-eyed god-among-men treated killing a man to be as easy as filing paperwork. He’s survived a killing game; he’s learned the most unconventional ways to do someone in. Izuru has seen it all. In fact, Izuru had killed someone with a breadstick, however that is off topic, In this moment Izuru was staring one of his long-time enemies in the eye, and was prepared to end this once and for all. Fuck dude, it was sans undertale, the one and only forever cursed entity of Hope. Sans Undertale was here, the being that brought all hope into the world, nagito busted a nut upon his entrance. We couldn’t tell clearly, but Sans Undertale was obviously disgusted by the sheer act of degeneracy that took place before him as he walked in. He mumbled to himself: “It’s nice to have fans and all, but that is taking it too far.” He slowly unsheathed a large bone he had strapped to his back. For the first time, Izuru was slightly unsure of what to do, he had never fought a skeleton in a blue hoodie before, they were already dead, so how was this one alive and how would he die? Looking into the hollow, void like eyes of his opponent, sas says “Sans 4 Smash.” and bones were launched right at Izuru. Being the being he is, all powerful and all, Izuru swiftly evaded the bones. In the corner of his eye, he noticed the remains of a human corpse. Who was it?! The human corpse that izuru noticed was indeed the one and only makoto naegi, an egg boi. Sans launched more bones at Izuru but it was easy to evade bc his hair moves on its own and it was flying the fuck everywhere. But sans was no easy opponent, and Izuru was nearing the final stretch….everything went black, Hajime woke up with a killer headache “what did Izuru do this time” it was so dark he could barely see , he turned on his flashlight, first he saw the pills, with this headache he wasn’t surprised Izuru had taken drugs again, then the corpses, there were so many of them, blood was everywhere and guts were hanging from the ceiling he had to get out of here. Hajime quickly began thinking of plans to high-tail it out of there. Crawling through an air vent, or just waltzing out the nearest entrance: he needed to get out of there… and get a new set of clothes too. In his planning, he had forgotten one important detail: He was covered in dust, and blood, but mostly dust, Hajime also had a knife in his pocket; it was extremely obvious to anyone who looked, But he had to escape. He bolted to the entrance as fast as he could he made it out then oriented himself and ran to izuru’s cabin as fast as he could. He then took a shower and flopped on Izuru’s bed, Izuru was impossible to control and did things like this frequently “at least he’s not going to end the world’’ Hajime thought before falling asleep.

[bullshit-with-friends]

Amami And the Cabbage

I knew this would happen eventually…. it was bound to happen. I just couldn’t accept it….

Amami turned into an avocado.

No one could believe it, Amami-now a fruit- would just roll around, other than that, he was the same as any other avocado. Weeks of telling the same joke of Rantaro looking like a cabbage have finally come to fruition. He had no mouth, and couldn’t scream. Rantaro had snapped he couldn’t take the cabbage jokes anymore so he planed to get revenge, first he had to know EVERYTHING,  schedules, speaking patterns, secrets they would never let anyone know, everything, He gathered as much information as he possibly could and then

He came across the sudden realization…. What if this plan fails? Will the cabbage jokes continue? Would he really be so willing to put so much effort on something that might fail? Of course not, he must get revenge, PERISH CABBAGES!!! He grabbed his naruto cosplay and ran out. The boy then did the Naruto run, not before grabbing a knife so he could stab all the cabbages he came across, yelling,”PERISH!” As he stabbed them. After the room was completely filled with smashed and slayed cabbages, the leaves and stalks slowly reformed into some humanoid lettuce monster. The lettuce monster then proceeded to go on a rampage destroying everything in its path. “We have to stop it somehow.” With the power of friendship they were going to get rid of this lettuce monster….the only way they could win was…..with that. “We’re going to work together on this!!” Amami yelled. The two of them made eye-contact, believing the power of their friendship would destroy this monster once and for all,”NOW!” Yelled Amami as they both took out knives decorated with my little pony characters out of seemingly nowhere. Their hopes and wishes combined into a powerful blast of energy. The monster was shredded, and Rantaro and his companion were safe from danger.

[bullshit-with-friends]

A Magical Dream

Warnings: Major character death

The day was chilly and and lightly raining as a peaceful breeze blew by and the wild grass on even hills went on for a hundred miles. Even though the air was frigid and she couldn’t keep warm at all, she had managed to construct a small shelter in a valley of the hills to stay in for the night. When Naegi finally finished the shelter, he then saw something peculiar in the distance. When he looked closely, he saw Komaeda, sacrificing…. Something? Was that… a fucking jackalope? Trying to hear what he was saying, he only heard, “Our Lord, Jake Paul. Please let me make it to our city, England.” He then dabbed.

“What the fuck…” Naegi mumbled. Komeada seemed to have heard him and turned around, the jackalope getting away. Komaeda Naruto-ran towards Naegi, who’d tried to yeet himself out of there, but failed, falling over some damn ass rock.

“Bicth,” The mashed potato haired lookin bitch said “hew-” then all of the sudden Izuru woke up from this horrible nightmare to the grinning face of

Junko. Being shocked by Junko’s sudden appearance, Izuru scrambled to his feet, and picked up the closet thing to a “weapon” he could find. Picking up an Olive Garden™ breadstick, Izuru brandishes it like a sword. “Begone Thot, what the fuck do you want Enoshibitch.”

“I’ll tell you what I want, what I really really want-”

“So tell me what you want what you really really want.” Izuru replied.

“I wanna-! I wanna-! I wanna-!”

Before junko could finish her sentence, Izuru smacked that thot over the head with the bread.

“Rest in yeast, bitch.”

He stepped on her, taking everything in him to not kick her face in.

Izuru did not have the will to restrain himself for long and kicked Junko’s face so hard that  she would die from the injuries sustained. And then set the building on fire as he left he could hear her twisted laughter. (Authors Note: Danganronpa: Directed by Michael Bay) As the small shelter fell to flames, Izuru peered behind his back and watched it crumble.

“I hope you burn.” Izuru mumbled into the flames, watching the shelter burn, but oh boy, as soon as he said the keyword, hope, Komaeda slided into his dms and yelled, “wHOM THE FUCK SAID MY KINK” Ko was salivating at the mouth, his eyes crazy with pleasure. “H-Hope? What about hope? Are you going to shower this despairing world with hope?” Komaeda asked. Izuru looked down at Komaeda, who was probably crawling in the dirt or some shit.

“Would you do anything for hope?” Izuru asked.

“Anything for hope,Kamakura-san!”

Izuru glared at him, and kicked him. “Then perish.”

Komeada shot up in bed, hyperventilating. What the fuck kind of dream was that?

[bullshit-with-friends]

Violent Yaoi

warning: vore mention, major character death

Ever since she told me that she would vore me, I knew I was in love, so of course I had to tell her all of my kinks.  These are the stories of a brave explorer, looking to catalog all varieties of monster-girls. The young explorer was indeed Amami, trying to pick up some hot chicks even tho he’s characterization says he’s against that smh. He was supposed to be looking for his twelve sisters, but had been sidetracked when he saw all the girls at the beach. They were VERY nice and gave him directions. The VERY nice things that gave him directions also gave him a soda, he really likes soda. The soda he was given was kind of flat, however. This was nothing major for a well-mannered man like himself. Amami then threw the soda in the garbage, dabbing while doing so, he then made his way to the countryside, where he met…. Fucking Ouma. It was clear that the boy was   . memeing,Ouma had a Shrek remix of Allstar blaring from his phones speakers. This wasn't the first time Ouma had done something like this but it was about to be the last, he had to go. Ouma couldn't handle it anymore, it was just too much for him and he was at his breaking point, and that's when he thought to himself… He uttered the words “THE WORLD.” As he said it, time began to stop. Everything in the room became suspended in motion… expect Kokichi himself. The thing was, Amami was out of Ouma’s bullshit range, so he wasn’t suspended, Amami went in and kicked Ouma in the balls, “What in the actual fuck are you doing? That’s it, come here shitface, you’re coming with me on my grand adventure.” Amami drags him away, while Ouma was crying since he lost his powers to the Avocado Daddy himself. Amami dragged the boy by his scarf, Ouma was still crying, whimpering things like “Avocado Daddy” was a bully, The avocado ignored the boy, taking him on the Grand Adventure™. The Grand Adventure™ being death, Amami took a knife and plunged it in the smaller boy killing him, he couldn’t take this “Avocado Daddy” bullshit so he killed him, he killed Ouma and buried him where he would never be found.