budussy03

[budussy03]

first try.. I think? haha lmk

Overthinking, It Goes Deeper…

Overthinking is hard. 

The smallest noise, can be the harshest voice. 

You convince yourself it is about you, 

Or that you could’ve said that differently. 

It goes deeper… 

Knowing one thing to be true while also knowing the EXACT opposite?

Both contradict each other, yet your brain does not care.

People probably think ‘ Mind over Matter ‘ 

Precisely, except for us it's undoubtedly in every aspect, which is hard to minimize through spoken word, but here is my effort. 

It goes deeper… 

WE can be people pleasers while also tearing ourselves down. 

We are our worst critics and it. Is. exhausting. 

Let's go for another example, 

You hear a voice coming from her phone.

‘Are they doing something they said they won’t?’

However, you are self-isolated because of a fight for which you are most likely to blame. 

Are you? 

It goes deeper… 

Is the noise her watching a video? Entirely careless about the emotional warfare that just took place? 

Is the noise her on the phone with someone? 

Is she talking about you with, said, someone? If so, who? 

Is it her baby's father? Is it to get my reaction? Is it to talk about the babies? After all, we have them overnight tonight. 

Oh no… They’re here… They saw everything. 

It goes deeper…

They saw the way you behaved.

They saw the behavior in which you had vowed since you were in elementary school, to never bestow. 

After all, you have been through hell when it comes to experiencing the role models brought on by your mother that she had been sleeping with at the time. 

Have you learned nothing at all? Where is your development? It seems so easy to backslide. 

Learning. Maybe it’s about how you were taught to learn. 

Were you taught in school and by your parents, through examples of them showing you which behaviors to exhibit and you trying it on your own? 

Or…

Are we taught to learn from those who don’t particularly exhibit the good?

Are we really wired to not do what we are shown or do we just tell ourselves ‘I’ll never be like him’?

So is it my fault? Is it how I was raised and what I was taught? If I caused this fight then surely there are more within my relationship to which I should be accountable? 

Does it go beyond just my relationship? 

Overthinking 

As you can see I could go on and on, and that is only from life within the hour. 

I even had to stop myself for I then knew this word may lose the intended meaning. 

Rattling questions that follow:

Did it deliver?

Will it help me?

Could it help others? 

By others, those who need to be educated, or those who are inflicted?

Or both?

Who could even care though, right?

Did you even ask?