btstu

[btstu]

adrift, 2023

[btstu]

what do i want to be known for?

the short answer is that i dont know.

at the heart of it, i like to think im talented in many ways. i like singing, i like drawing, i like writing. ive recently wanted to look into making short films, and ive dabbled in journaling and photography. anything that can be done, im stubborn enough to set my mind to it, and im perfectionism-driven enough to do it well. definitely a disturbed form of coping, but what is art without trauma somewhere?

i think im being led somewhere by something spiritual. i keep finding little signs and coincidences, all leading back to the same thing. im an artist; nothing specific, just a jack of all trades.

and thats fine? i think?

its unique. kind of risky, but without a following to begin with i have nothing to lose. no ones really known for doing a little bit of everything, not that i know of.

but in the end, i dont WANT to be famous. i want to leave an impact on people, a lot of people, yes. i want to be popular at its core. i want to be known and loved. but god i dont want to be famous. so then in that case, is it GOOD that im taking a weird direction in my art career? such a niche and new concept??? hm.

this doesnt really have any bearing on what im doing with my life. theres literally no reason for me to be posting this. im just sort of talking into the void. but its sort of a testament and open letter to myself: like…its OKAY to not focus on one thing. let yourself breathe. let yourself have all the creative outlets you want, not even necessarily need. what could you ever have to lose from that. you would only really have the chance to gain