brokenprincesspieces - Tumblr blog

[brokenprincesspieces]

Nightmare - the shelf

Nightmare i got stuck in last night STILL has me fucked up... No matter what i would have done i was stuck in an unlivable situation....

So for those that dont know I get nightmares a lot and they are always super vivid and i cant get out of them. The images that haubt my mind end up turning into collection pieces that can take years to finish a solid set... Last nights dream wgen something like thi...

It was like an end of the world one.

I was driving down a road through town talking to a friend on the phone and all of a sudden they say holy crap i hope your not in th....*click* call disconnected. As this huge mountainous shelf of earth slides into me and the cars ahead of me from the right. I went to go in reverse to get off thinking i can get off of it since i was right there and the 1/4 mile behind me starts shifting from my left the opposite direction i was trapped in an unlivable situation. I had 2 shifting eath plates moving in opposite directions, completely surrounded by movibg mountains of earth. A couple of the cars in font of me were crushed by falling rocks as the mountainous shelf shifted..did i mention they were FUCKING MOUNTAINS ...HUUUGGEEE.... I saw a small space between the two plates on my left that were still slowly buckling and moving where i could try to outrun and get out from between but my logic knows id never make it out..i would have been crushed between the two parallel plates...slowly...squished. Mannnnn FUCK THAT. But i knew if i stayed id either be crushed by a big ass rock like the other cars (they obviously were still falling around all over..,,or stay in the car until it squished me against the other side...orrr a hole opebed up ubder me and i fell to my death in some other horrid way.... It Stayed like that for what seemed like ever...panic ... Fear. Shaking.... And i woke up. 😑😒 i hate having vivid dreams. Its horrible.

My dreams feel so real...i mean so real to the point i had died, i would FEEL EVERYTHING...but when you die you wake up....unfortunately ny brain is too smart sometimes and i wasnt givin an easy way out (best believe if i had a gun in the car i woulda just...ya know...pop. And woke up. A splittibg headache is not as bad as feeling yourself beibg crushed slowly like a toothpaste tube.)

For those of you who don't dream. I envy the shit out of you guys

[brokenprincesspieces]

Things to remember when dating someone with anxiety....

-We over think. So remind us that its ok to just live in the moment and that the furute will happen the way its ment to. -We dont think to highly of ourself. So remind us of our worth. The more detailed you are the better. -We think the world hates us. So prove us wrong. -We think noone will truly love us forever. So make us see how wrong we are. -We are afraid of being alone. So look into our eyes and tell us you will never leave. -we get these feelings alot…. so never give up.

And please always remember that you need to keep reassuring us of these things from time to time. Dont get us wrong…we love you… we just dont think we are worth the love in return.

[brokenprincesspieces]

Person: *makes me feel special*

Me: *feels loved and wanted*

Bpd: they're like that with everyone

Me: n-no they're not

Bpd: ya buddy they really are, you're not special

Me: shit you're right

[brokenprincesspieces]

Story of my life...its evem harder when those that say we love us step back because we are too hard to love

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[brokenprincesspieces]

Hello strangers out there in the vast distance of the internet.... I'm not sure how many people even read the things I write, or care for that matter... Do you know the only thing that hurts more than depression..... is nothing.... being so sad and alone that your body feels almost as if it is dematerializeing off of you microspec at a time...like your tears have gone so much deeper than rolling down your face...into your veins, your heart.... that ache of sorrow that melts your soul....makeing it feel like it is steam leaving your body, leaving you dying a little more each time. How is it possible , dear reader, to be so surrounded by people in this world but feel so hurt and alone. People push each other away. Where can you cry out for help without getting sympathy ....i don't need you to feel bad...i need someone to understand my pain and just silently sit there with me evem though I protest.... God help the brave soul who is able to post something on Facebook pouring out their achy feelings in a vague but worrying msg...trembling as you type fighting within yourself to delete it...and why, because...we all know those msgs . "This isn't a place to air your dirty laundy" . "You should keep this to yourself no one wants to see depressing stuff all the time " "You should see a doctor" Since WHEN did humanity and love leave us.... I think if someone is brave enough to cry out for help in a place where every friend and family member that are suppose to "love and support" you are then it is the perfect place and yet.... when something out of the fake ass Facebook norm happens all these people who supposedly are "there for you" disappear . ...showing how alone you are. And god help you if you lash out in pained anger because they are all of a sudden offended when you call them out on their fake love.... When someone is so gone that death is no longer a fear taunting them with obvious things like "see a doctor" is enough to make them snap...like Oh gee thanks , I hadn't thought of that...it leads to horrible coping mechanisms just to feel SOMETHING... be it pain, being wanted, release..... Some people cut, others drink, sex stuff, other reckless behavior..... why is it that we are seen as broken and people make it seem like we should apologize to those for lashing out in pain...but no one will step up and apologize for making us this way, or helping when we hurt like they brag about and promise... They all lie. We are all alone...love isn't a real thing. Cheers guys ... another one down for a piece if me I lost today. I wonder how much more my mind and body can take.

[brokenprincesspieces]

TAROT CHEAT SHEET #1

MAJOR ARCANA

0. THE FOOL | blank slate, beginning, innocence ®* | reckless, negligence, unaware of consequences 1. THE MAGICIAN | willpower, manifestation of desires ® | trickery, illusions, lies, out of touch w/ truth 2. THE HIGH PRIESTESS | intuition, inner voice ® | repressed/unheard inner voice 3. THE EMPRESS | mother figure, nurture, earth/nature ® | smothering, dependence, needing to let go 4. THE EMPEROR | authority, structure, control, father figure ® | tyranny, too much control 5. THE HIEROPHANT | tradition, conformity, morality ® | rebellion, subversiveness, divergence 6. THE LOVERS | union, duality, choice, harmony ® | disharmony, loss of balance 7. THE CHARIOT | self-control & willpower leading to victory ® | loss of control, lack of direction 8. STRENGTH | bravery, inner understanding that radiates power ® | self-doubt, insecurity, weakness 9. THE HERMIT | solitude, contemplation, seeking inner truth ® | loneliness, isolation, disconnect w/ fellow humans 10. WHEEL OF FORTUNE | change, cycles, inevitability ® | bad luck, helplessness, series of bad events 11. JUSTICE | cause & effect, karmic retribution ® | unpunished misbehavior, unfair, turning a blind eye 12. THE HANGED MAN | willing sacrifice, release of control ® | stalling, needless sacrifice, waiting to no avail 13. DEATH | end, cyclical closure, metamorphosis ® | fear of change, stagnation, limbo, holding on 14. TEMPERANCE | moderation, balance, middle path ® | extremes, excess, lack of balance 15. THE DEVIL | materialism, destructive patterns, excess ® | freedom, release, restoring control 16. THE TOWER | sudden disaster, upheaval, collapse ® | delaying inevitable disaster, avoiding suffering that could lead to growth 17. THE STAR | hope, faith, guidance ® | faithlessness, lack of guidance, negative thoughts 18. THE MOON | unconscious, intuition, illusions, dreams ® | confusion, misinterpretation 19. THE SUN | success, clarity, positivity, conscious ® | negativity, depression, sadness, pessimism 20. JUDGEMENT | reckoning, honest evaluation of oneself ® | lack of self-awareness, self-loathing 21. THE WORLD | completion, wholeness, fulfillment ® | incompletion, no closure, nearing end of journey but something is missing

*® = reverse card meaning

Tarot Cheat Sheet #2 - Wands

[brokenprincesspieces]

“This is something I use to help explain my struggle to others. I KNOW my boyfriend loves me and he had done so many amazing things to show it, but sometimes I FEEL like he’s going to get sick of me and leave me for a mentally healthy person. I KNOW the severe affects my depression, C-PTSD, and anxiety have on me, but I FEEL like I’m just being lazy, not trying hard enough, that I should be stronger. In my dark moments when I can’t keep my mental illness at bay irrational emotion trumps rational thought every time.

My biggest (healthy) coping mechanism has always been my sense of humor. I’ve been using my Tumblr as a way to express my current struggle with my mental health and to reach out to others like me for the first time through memes, meaningful posts, and other random things I enjoy like illustrations and adorable things. I am always an open door for anything anyone wants to talk about.

Hang in there, lovelies. Weather the storm. Soon we will be able to see the shore. Don’t stop fighting.”

Thanks for sharing @dasbubenheim

https://mentalillnesstaughtme.com/2017/07/16/thinking-vs-feeling/

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this user has complex post traumatic stress disorder

[brokenprincesspieces]

Things I Didn’t Know Were Symptoms of C-PTSD

Getting overwhelmed in crowds

Getting upset or angry at a loud alarm

Ordinary nightmares (that have nothing to do with the circumstances, just stupid nightmares much more often than the average person)

Getting sharp pains in your back/neck/collarbones that make it hard to breathe (due to hypervigilance/constant high anxiety)

Learning that “high anxiety” does not mean “generalized anxiety” like other people have with panic attacks and not feeling that they can accomplish thing. PTSD anxiety just means this frenetic energy that makes you want to talk/think/do things (even as an introvert) to avoid stopping.

Feeling constantly bored like you have to chase after something, even if you’re just at home: I spend hours on tumblr, pinterest, watching tv, reading books, making art, never just laying there alone…because if you stop…the darkness is there

Thinking up stories before bed. This is a symptom of high anxiety because you’re trying to calm down and fall asleep in a “safe world” where people are looking out for you and caring for you.

Trouble falling asleep (which is distinct from insomnia) because turning off electronics etc. doesn’t help since your heartrate/fight or flight response is engaged

Periods of racing heart (mine has gotten to 120bpm for five hours) that make you feel like you’re waiting for something to happen

Exaggerated startle response. When I was a kid I used to hide behind corners to surprise my sisters. Two years ago my friend hid under my desk to scare me. I literally screamed, fell out of the chair, and started crying. She was laughing because she thought the joke went well, and then got concerned because I kept crying.

Purposefully “tanking” a bad day with sad music/tv/movies/books because it “was already ruined anyway”

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It’s such a foreign concept to me that there are people who are Trusting of and Comforted by their Friends?? like,, who are you? why aren’t you Terrified that they’ll Hurt You? That they’re Gaslighting you and you just have no idea??

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My past is locked so far inside me that to see it, you’d have to break me open.

- charleigh aleyna. (via charleighwrites)

And everyone fighting to make me go to see a shrink.... there are things that I have buried and built iron building on top of. This doc is bashing them apart and exposing pandoras box (which is cracked and damaged on it's own. The lock hasn't even been opened yet and things are already getting worse and I feel like everyone who pushed me to get help are attacking me for not acting "normal". 😢YOU DID THIS TO MEE... I WAS FINE IN DENIAL WITH IT LOCKED UP!!!! HOW DARE YOU SAY YOU LOVE AND SUPPORT ME AND THEN TURN YOUR BACKS THE SECOND YOU START TO GET A GLIMPSE OF THE STRUGGLE I LIVE WITH ...

I'm never trusting people again

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Past week it has been a chore to just live

Depression isn’t always about being sad all day- it’s about being tire; even after you had a complete night of sleep, and constantly wanting to go back to bed, never wanting to wake up again.

[brokenprincesspieces]

Yep😞

That dissociative feeling when...

Someone says “What did you say?” but you didn’t even realize you had said anything because you were 3 planets away.

[brokenprincesspieces]

dissociation: 

(ok to reblog if you don’t have DID)