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How to help the grieving pt 2

8. No one knows what to say

Alternatively entitled: don’t take it personally

This is another hard part. Sometimes it feels disheartening/frustrating when people don’t reach out.

Here’s the kicker...what does/can anyone say?

Is it safe to speak about your loved one? Are you feeling “fine” today and they don’t want to f it up by bringing it up.

Alternatively, are you wanting someone to just talk about the elephant in the room so you can feel safe?

The truth is no one knows what to do. A very dear friend told me “never apologize for your grief”. It’s so difficult sometimes, but be honest as much as you can with how you’re doing today.

For those who are trying to help, I’ve found it comforting for my loved ones to bring up my mom and their personal or our shared stories. It keeps my mom alive and relieves the pressure of me trying to help them deal with my current situation by “being on”.

Sometimes sadness, anger, acceptance, bargaining or denial are are present or under the surface. You don’t know what you’re going to experience in any given moment and neither do those who are near and dear. Give yourself grace. Express what you can when you can. Love and give gratitude when you are able.

Everyone is doing their level best.

xoxo

Jewel Kiosha

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I’ve been trying to figure out a way to start this for some time now. I still haven’t figured it out but here we go...

How to help the grieving

Just over a year ago my mother passed away.

Wait.

That’s a lot to unpack. How? Why?

I’m not yet ready to talk about it because I might not make it through this one thing I’ve been trying to do for so long.

I don’t know how many points there will be.

I feel like I needed to share because I realized there are so many people on both sides who have no idea what the entire fuck to do.

#1 cry

#2 don’t cry

#3 don’t apologize for #1 or #2 (it’s ok to laugh at that even when you’re grieving)

#4 when you ask what you can do, offer a solution!

Grieving people only want that person back so, offer what’s in your wheelhouse. A massage, help with the memorial service, food delivery etc. Keep offering. People who are grieving can’t figure it out. Come cut the grass, clean the gutters, sit with them. It all matters. Be a person who is earnest in their offers.

#5 if you haven’t been through what the person is going through don’t make a comparison. You sound like an asshole. They love you and won’t tell you but I will. Your plant isn’t equivalent to my Mom so, stop it.

#6 it comes in waves.

Today is Mother’s Day and I woke up feeling “ok”. I thought I was nailing it, finally. Then, just before I left my house I suddenly felt like I was going to sob all over the place. That’s a thing. You, as a griever, need to know it’s ok.

You as a loved one of a griever needs to understand that it comes in waves.

#7 Everyone grieves differently.

Some may be super active and need to take care of everything.

What I’ve been experiencing is a lack of motivation and it sucks! I’m a super self motivated person but sometimes all I can do is shower and maybe interact with some people some times and that my friends is a super winning day. I’m doing my best and it’s fucking hard to even do those things.

Ok, there’s more later....

Keep trying whatever that means for you right now. ❤️

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Grateful for a new trip around the 🌞... With faith and Drake quotes, I step into my new year. Celebrating until 2018. #BirthdayMood #EverydayMood #sagittariusseason

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Celebrated my puddin, my puffin, my moo last weekend for her birthday. So grateful to have her as my sister. She's one of the most talented and (somehow simultaneously) humble people I know. She has a heart of gold and unbreakable character. Thanks to our loving sisters @ifemusic @naimamora & dear friends who were able to make it out. ❤️️❤️️ @sashaaali @iamjoshstevens @atlcoriginal #lmslmslms #ariesseason (at Water Grill: Santa Monica)

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Because @ifemusic says I never post lol 😉

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Came home to the gift of a #passionplanner Much appreciation for helping me further my Doing-ness @azorestiger aka E. A lot of times I struggle with prioritizing my personal goals whilst in the midst of current job stuff because it can be all consuming. Ironically, I am deft at mapping things out in work-work mode. However, I have put the ultimate goal on the back burner intermittently, time and time again with a myriad of excuses...namely, #imtiredaf Here's to getting my whole life sorted. #ilovesurprises #angeliatrinidad #grateful #friendsfromtheA

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When the the lighting in the restroom is LIT & you're shiny AF, it's a perfect storm. #fashionspeaksla So happy to be invited & to support @naimamora @naimaxhitoma @wearehitoma

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Fashion show turn up. Celebrating my sister and one of my best friends, @naimamora , with @maya_imani @naimaxhitoma #fashionspeaksla #atl #atlanta #naimamora (at Le Meridien Delfina)

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Late night driving range session w/lil sis. The birthday countdown has finally begun. Golf fun plus🍷🍣🍶 @maya_imani #sagittariusseason #ktown

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#youalreadyknow #imwithher

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#textswithmom Real talk, I'm neater now. thanks, mom! It's my(our) mom's birthday and she, in true mom fashion, sends us lots of pictures of us. Not her. I mentally/emotionally tag that under what it really means to be a mom. To her, your kids are your gift, your pride and joy even on YOUR day. I feel so fortunate to have this woman as the first woman in my life. She is not only my mother, she is also truly one of my very best friends. I am blessed to have even an iota of her wit and drive.

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Courtesy of my mom's many texts this morning, this is me in the 8th grade. Baby Jewel, the tomboy. I think I'm still a tomboy at heart. I just grew to love 6in heels. 😉

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#always #notetoself #notetoyou Thx naimes aka @naimamora for the share, lovey. #repost @thehoodwitch

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"...sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." Have faith, move forward and believe. #notetoself #notetoall #inspiration #love

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When your neighbor is a dear friend and amazing at crafting, you get random gifts at your door like bath stuff and homemade German chocolate cupcakes! 😊👍🏽🙌🏽 #atlcoriginal #tlc #gratitude #surprises #winning

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This looks amazing! Can’t wait to try it myself @azorestiger

Zucchini Pad Thai Noodles “Zoodles”…RECIPE