brickwindowsandbrokenwalls

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

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[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

Grief will find you where you're at

It will not wait, it will not stumble

It will walk right in, storming

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

Reposting bc it gets more and more relative everyday 😐

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

I feel like we keep missing each other. Stumbled upon this once again, and just had a flood of memories. Hope you're doing okay. - m

Ive been hoping id hear from you again. Surviving, not too bad. How have you been?

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The real issue isn't lack of healthcare access.

It isn't food insecurity.

It isn't violence.

It isn't poverty.

Its capitalism and white supremacy.

All of the prior are just the crippling side effects of the latter, and I wish more people knew that.

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

Tw: unaliving, addiction & depression.

You would have been 44 today.

I wonder if we might have done anything to celebrate. I wonder if there would have been a party or if you were one of those people who didn't like big things like that on their birthday.

It's been 10 years since you left this plain, and I will always have a million questions.

Are you really all around us in energy form? Because that's what my brain tries to believe the most. But I question it. I wish I had that answer.

I wish that I could have had a chance to know you personally. The way I should have been able to - not just in the form of the biased stories from those who knew you before you left. I wish I could have just had one real conversation with you. One. It would have meant the world. But I will never get that. You never got that.

I hate the systems and the hatred that failed and destroyed you until you couldn't do it anymore. I hate that the people who SHOULD have been there for you werent. I hate that you were ever told you shouldn't have been as you were. That your very identity was " wrong " or " other ".

All the time, I wish I could tell you that I would have accepted you as you were. I would have been a safe space, an accepting space, including in the face of your addiction. I would have made sure you were taken care of.

And I know that I am your child, you probably would think, (or maybe not?) that it wasn't my "place" to take that on. But who else would have?

I don't know that it would have kept you from the deep end.. but the ache in my soul really does feel that it might have.

And even so, I couldn't have done a thing. It wasn't up to me. I was 15 and didn't know you. I wasn't permitted to know you. Looking forward to just 3 more years before I could meet you on my own accord. But that would never be. And part of me hopes that one day, I will get why things happened the way they did, if there even is a "why", and the other part of me wishes I could stop trying to figure out why.

Either way, you'll always be here, atleast in my thoughts. Fueling my fire, reminding me of the importance of acceptance and driving me to be someone who defends humanity in all its complex, tangled, beautiful, evolving forms. Because of you I choose to always hold genuineness and empathy at my core. So thank you.

Happy Birthday Julie 🎂

- 11:33pm. Forever wondering if I'm feeling the presence of your disembodied energy or my own grief.

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I love people. I love humanity.

Our different uniquenesses. Our perceptions. Our ways of life. The little and big differences in our everydays.

I love that some of us know and understand different things so deeply, while others know and understand other things so deeply, and sometimes we understand things deeply together.

I love that every single one of us, no matter how much alike we could be to another, will always be at least just a little bit different.

Humanity is an ocean and we are each a little drop that makes it up.

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

The ghost of you is close to me

Im inside out

You're underneath

- Twenty One Pilots "Goner"

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Let's denormalize not caring being cool.

Let's denormalize "fuck your feelings".

Idk but whenever I see shit like that I just think "wow, yeah you're REAL cool." Cutting oneself off from human emotion in order to pretend that no one elses matter is some serious mental gymnastics.

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

Can we pleeeeeaaassssssse do this? 🥺

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

Tumblr was the first place I read the phrase

"Do the thing that scares you."

And I just want to say.

I was a teen when I first read that. And it's stuck with me ever since. It's been with me in dark times, and good ones too. It's what's always dared me to take the road less traveled.

To keep going when everything in front of me was unknown and/or terrifying. To keep traveling through madness, wonder and all of my deepest emotions.

This phrase is one that I live by.

When I had the deepest romances.

When I finally left my parents house.

When I chose to learn about my late parent.

When I found the love of my life (and the journey to that.)

When I stopped self harming.

When I decided to finally learn how to be fully me.

When I moved across the country.

It's because all of those (and many more) things scared me. And I chose to overcome fear with every damn one of them.

So, thank you.

And if you're reading this,

Do more of the things that scare you.

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And then one day it's been 10 years since you've been gone

And 23 since I last saw you

And I don't remember but I hope you did

I still feel grief like an ocean, and sometimes it hits me from nowhere

Sometimes I see it coming.

Mostly I don't know much about who you really were at all

But I wonder all the time.

It's weird, accepting someone after they're already gone, without having fully known them.

But you are part of who I am. You'll always be there, somewhere.

And all the parts of me that long to know

Who you would be today, just keep pushing to find you in the everyday.

With the choices I make. The way I see this world.

I know you were not okay, I know you were hurting and needed to be accepted completely.

It hurts to know the truth.

But you'll always be here in some kind of way.

And I can love someone I have never fully known.

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

americans, in dire times like this, please learn from the mistakes of poland.

in 2020, the constitutional tribunal of poland (similar to the supreme court) ruled that abortion in the case of fetal abnormalities is unconstitutional, effectively banning 98% of legal abortions in our country. poland already had the strictest laws in europe (save for malta), where abortion was only allowed in the case of rape/incest, fetal abnormalities or risk to mother’s life. this caused probably the biggest protests since 1989. even tiny, conservative towns marched in defense of abortion rights. at one point there was an estimated one hundred thousand people in warsaw protesting. police was beating people up on the streets, they broke a teenage girls’ hand. fascist nationalists used tear gas on people. this lasted for WEEKS.

back then it felt like maybe we are finally witnessing some change we hoped for for years, but it all fell apart. the leaders of this protest were generic liberals who were allied with the neoliberal center-right opposition and were riding off the wave of anti-government sentiments. soon it was became less about reproductive health and more about how we need to put the opposition back in power. mind you, the opposition and its supporters were largely for keeping this bogus “compromise” and went as far as silence anyone who wanted full liberalization as “too radical”. anything stronger than peaceful marches was discouraged as well - even the very famous chant “wypierdalać” (”fuck off”) was often considered too far.

soon these protests were completely changed into anti-government protests and while it was good to hate the ruling party, but it was conveniently used as a tool of the neoliberal center-right opposition. several months later they put that ban into place. the wave was already dying. there were some protests but all people did was yell in the streets for a bit and go home, because it was ~wrong~ to destroy property and say naughty words. soon a 30 year old woman died because she was denied abortion. doctors would not risk aborting her deformed fetus even if it was risking her life, even if it was technically legal - they were scared of going to jail on the basis of aborting a fetus with abnormalities. there were very little protests after that, even though we should have burned down the entire country for her. death of savita halappanavar, a very similar case, eventually caused the change of abortion law in ireland. in poland nothing happened after izabela died. on the anniversary of the protests, barely anyone attended. just yesterday a project of putting a 12 week abortion law in place was rejected.

all i’m saying, this is very very similar to the situation in america right now. democrats will try to tell you that they have their hands tied, that they can’t do anything, that you just have to vote harder. they will make roe vs wade about republicans vs democrats, about their petty struggle for power, while pregnant people will be dying in horrific suffering. they are liars. all they care about is staying in power. they hold every branch of the government but did nothing to codify roe vs wade. they are not your friends. do not let them do what polish opposition did here. don’t rely on them. don’t stop until they put roe vs wade back and codify it. destroy shit. make those supreme court cunts and other fuckers afraid.

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"You chose to have a kid"

A key point in framing is that almost every anti-choice idiot says, is that they always frame it as "the choice to have a kid". Specifically, in this case:

"You chose to have sex, so you have to deal with the kid"

Let's just...side-step the puritanical root of punishing people for having sex, and the actual, sincere belief that humans Not Having Sex is something we can actually achieve, which is stupid.

People explicitly make choices to not have kids when they have sex, too.

There are whole swaths of things that men and women do, hopefully overlapping, to not have kids.

None of them are 100% effective. Even Female and Male sterilization aren't 100% effective, other than a full blown hysterectomy.

Literally, a man and a woman can both go to a doctor, have actual surgeries performed so they don't have kids, have sex with one another, and still wind up pregnant. Especially if it's in the first few years after their surgeries are performed. Surgeries which have weeks to months of recovery time, planning, and costing thousands of dollars each.

I choose to go to work every day; punishing me for getting hit by a cab as a "potential outcome" of going to work is fucking ludicrous. People smoking are more likely to get a cancer, but we still treat them in hospitals. Getting AIDS from donating blood is a thing that can happen, but you're damn well going to sue the hospital or agency that gave you AIDS. I can play the lottery every day and eventually win a million dollars, but it's still "the stupid tax" and actually thinking it will happen is the literal Gold Standard for "not gonna happen".

Nowhere else in society do we accept bullshit like that except when we're talking about controlling women and their sex lives for doing things you don't want them to. And it's always, always from the same people who want the woman to deliver the baby (which itself has a high risk of just killing the mom outright, especially in the US) who don't want to feed the baby when it's delivered, who don't want to give it a home or clothes or healthcare.

Again, that's before we even get to:

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1. Abortion is healthcare, and idc what your "opinion" is. Opinions don't effect people's livelihoods like this.

2. If cis men were told, today, by the same court, that they had to get mandatory vasectomies... it's unlikely protests would be peaceful and more likely that these laws would be immediately changed for their benefit. And/or there would be no enforcement like there is within the states where abortion is illegal/soon to be illegal.

Tell me *insert name of a cisgender straight white man here* how would YOU feel?? If the government... ya know, told you what to do with your reproductive system?

3. It doesn't matter how you look at it, making abortion illegal anywhere is harmful and DEADLY. People have already started dying and we are just a few days into this clusterfucked situation.

4. Women and those who have uteri will absolutely still seek reproductive healthcare, with or without the government's approval. The court's decision isn't the flex some think it is. This will actually result in MORE deaths, and terrible, preventable ones at that.

Which brings me to -

5. The biggest joke of this all, is this is apparently what "pro life" looks like. I dont think there are words for the hypocrisy and contradictions at play here. "Pro life"... but not when a pregnancy is killing the person who is carrying it. "Pro life" but not once a child is born. "Pro life" but we cant even keep babies & children fed in this country. "Pro life" but parents and birthing people cannot get paid time off work to care for their new babies. "Pro life" but it's okay if suicide rates go up. "Pro life" but let's just sit back while small children are shot in their schools. "Pro life" but they don't care if the birthing person wants/ is ready/capable of caring for their pregnant body and a child (since cis men are never held accountable, this will also often mean the birthing person will be alone in being the caretaker.)

The biggest joke.

6. I think that some have forgotten how pregnancy actually happens. So. For those still believing that this isn't a war on women.... pull your head out of your ass. Please. And then read: Us with uteri aren't the ones who cause pregnancy. We can have sex a million times, but without sperm, there will be no pregnancy.

7. This entire thing is going to backfire in so many ways. So many ways. And I dont think the people cheering for it even see the hell that is sneaking up on all of us. They might think that they're winning.... but winning for whom?

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

Yeah same. In less than 6 weeks I’ve seen Roe v Wade overturned, the paper thin separation between Church & State destroyed, Miranda rights eviscerated, legal rights for people facing capital punishment destroyed, voting rights curb stomped, open carry forced down people’s throats after multiple mass shootings, and I know I’m forgetting a lot of stuff, but it feels like I’ve lived years in the past few weeks. The great American experiment feels like a fail.

[brickwindowsandbrokenwalls]

You ever just listen to a song you haven't listened to in a decade and literally feel your breath just completely escape you?