boy-with-a-gun

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/25/24

taking the kid out for hunting today. she should learn some self sufficiency while shes here. itll even out her using my resources, good for her health too. Shes still messed up i reckon, just hiding it from me because im a stranger. going out will be good for her

bike took us about three hours north, i remember some denser green there. Styx didnt talk but she was restless, didnt know if she was nervous or excited.

the spot had a copse of trees. some flowers too and thicker grass. hunting used to be harder but now everyone and everything is starving. the hunger draws animals out and at that point its a matter of waiting around and pulling a trigger.

We got off the bike and I showed her the gun.

'this is a bolt action rifle. less recoil. semi-automatic. single-shot.'

'it looks different than the one i saw in your basement'

'its a different gun.'

tried giving the rifle to her but she stepped back. 'i never held a gun before, can you just show me how to use it first?'

'youre just scared. it wont bite.'

'i dont want to shoot myself in the foot or something! whats your problem?'

'fine.'

had us sit down away from the copse. close enough to shoot down whatever would be dinner tonight, far enough to be able to teach styx.

'youre gonna go and forget everything you see in movies about guns. all of thats hollywood trash and none of its true, got it?'

she nods.

'dont point the barrel at anything you dont wanna kill. not at me. not at the ground. not at anything unless you got killer in your eyes.'

she nods.

'keep your finger off the trigger unless you wanna shoot. ammo is a luxury and im the lucky one who knew all this shit was gonna happen, so if you misfire and waste this shit, youre gonna pay.'

i mustve scared her or something cause she looked down and didnt even nod.

i demonstrated as i spoke. 'its not hard. aim as best you can and pull the trigger. pull the bolt back like you mean it so the old shell ejects and it loads up the new one. dont wast bullets. keep the safety whenever youre not shooting or im taking the thing.'

got into stance. '//'

she nods.

'we're gonna wait for something to come out and i'll show you all of that in action. then its gonna be your turn. once i add the scope'

she didnt look happy to hear that.

Took a while for anything to come out but not any longer than usual. had to tell styx to sit still and quit trying to talk to me when i said nothing to her in the first place.

'look. rabbit.'

rifle went off easy and styx gasped.

''s not a big deal, kid. run on up and grab it, would you?'

had to repeat myself cause she didnt seem to hear me the first time. attached the scope while she was gone and set it up for her.

her stance was good but her hands were shaking.

'you cant be doing that. youre gonna get yourself hurt.'

that seemed to make her snap. not even sure what she said cause her voice got high pitched and she started crying all mad. dont even know what i did wrong, but i put an end to it quick when she pulled the trigger and fired at the ground, not even looking through the scope and stumbling back instead.

she sat on the ground for a while to calm down. i packed up in the meantime.

'we should go back now, styx.'

'im sorry.'

'you've got issues.'

'im sorry.'

i just sighed and helped her up. 'dont know what got into you there. hopefully youre a better cook than you are a shooter.'

she wiped her nose and her face and tried to smile politely. 'uhm. yeah.'

ride back to the bunker was quiet.

[boy-with-a-gun]

3 days after being taken in ⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖ ࣪

im styx and I am 16 years old. My mothers not here right now and my dad has been missing for three months. i was taken in by a strange man named cyrus. hes kinda weird and just queit most of the time, but at least he has some idea of how to treat other people decently. his basement is cool but its dark down here. theres posters of movies and bands on the walls, i guess he owned these before? i think its weird that he would even keep them, he seems so straight forward and boring. he has an awesome bike though so i guess hes cool.

⋆𐙚₊˚⊹ cyrus is asleep right now but i found his diary. its basically empty, im sure he wont mind me writing in here too. or he might. youre going to hide somewhere safe, i just have to rip you out very carefully. i saw a watch on his wrist so i think thats probably how hes dating all his entries, but im gonna do my own thing anyway. i should have a diary anyway, it couldve helped a lot with keeping myself grounded, but who writes anymore? i dont know how i even found a pen in some dudes basement anyway. at least i can write still lol it hasnt been that long

ᓚᘏᗢ

he didnt write anything yesterday or today, i guess because nothing really happened except that he played guitar. he isnt bad but its not really anything worth talking about. it was nice to have in the background though, the silence was so annoying and he isnt a good covnersationailst.

he also said he would take me hunting, but he jsut sounded annoyed probably because i was eating his food. honestly its not even that good, most of it was canned. even the candy he gave me was like 10 years old. not that i didnt appreciate it but it wasnt that good at all. he really should shoot up all the animals here and just eat normally, idk why he isnt doing that

i saw an mp3 player like a while ago but when i asked to use it cause its cool and retro he said to keep my 'paws off his porperty', which sucks because i was looking forward to listening to some actual music insteaf of just guitar sounds.

okay he isnt all that bad, i guess hes just autistic or something, and i should be nicer to the guy whos letting me take up space and resources during the end of the world or whatever. he even set up a bed, even if its just a really shitty air mattress and a spare blanket. i can hid this paper under there lol, he probably wont look since hes so weird about touching me or even being near me. he must be like fully autistic. that sounds mean but i honestly think its true and i can respect his really big personal bubble

shit hes wakin up by

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/22/24

we buried her mother outside their home.

i dont think she was telling the truth when she said we could go back today. i think she just didnt want to fight. when we got on my bike she looked sick and i had to stop halfway through so she could vomit. she already hasnt eaten much, she oughta stop the habit.

we waited outside the door. i waited for her to open the door. i dont know what she was waiting for.

'can you go in instead?'

'its your place, styx. i dont know shit about it. get a move on.'

she swayed on the spot and started playing with her hair.

'what if i see her?'

'your mother?'

she just nodded. she couldnt look my in the eyes, couldnt even look down at her own shoes.

i wasnt going to stand out there forever. 'fine. i'll get her out first and bury her. you go in after and get your belongings. now unlock the door.'

that was as good of a compromise as she was gonna get and she knew it. she fished some greasy keys from the front pocket of her shorts and unlocked the door.

it smelled like death. even if she had died yesterday, the heat would have accelerated the decomposition. i found my way into the kitchen. styx's mothers body was cold and stiff. the bruises on her neck and body had changed colour throughout the decomposition. her hair was ratty and greasy. her clothes felt sweaty and dirty, like they hadnt been washed in ages. her teeth were yellow. i was carrying her corpse out the front door but she had died inside a long time ago.

styx was hovering much further back by the time i came back out. hiding behind my bike, almost. she didnt want to see the corpse of her mother whom she killed in an angry, paranoid, delusional episode, but her eyes still flicked to me dragging the body. each time she blanched and i tried to walk a little faster to spare her the involuntary torture.

started digging the hole behind the house and heard styx's footsteps go inside. soil was hard and cracked. took real elbow grease to dig a passable grave. tossed her body in and after i filled the hole up with dirt i didnt have enough to cover the tips of her feet or all her hair. it was good enough i figured. styx had a bag of her things by the time i came back and we got on the bike.

silence for the rest of the ride. silence for the rest of the day. she was acting like dust got in her eyes but it was clear she was just crying. i didnt say anything about that.

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/21/24

long day today. asked styx questions.

"where did you come from?'

'i was born in PEI but my parents moved here for work.'

'wheres the dad?'

she looked away and stayed quiet so i repeated myself. then she said 'he went for work and then i never fucking saw him again, can we just move on?'

'the building you were in when i found you'

'it was some tourist gimmick development for living in the desert or something. the designer was just testing it out, he was friends with my mom, so she knew how to get there and how to work everything.'

'its a moor' i corrected her, then 'how did you kill your mother?'

she flinched at that. 'i dont have my meds. i have mild schizophrenia and just, with everything, being so isolated, so tired and hungry all the time... i started thinking my mom was a fake. that she was kidnapping me and lying about how everyones dead. she wasnt ever good at handling me even when i was on my medication, so that just made everything worse, and i think she started gonig crazy too. and then we had an argument and then i just... yknow...'

'if you try and off me im not gonna be any kinder back.'

she shrunk down where she was sitting on the floor. 'ok.' she sounded like she was about to cry. 'im sorry.'

i decided to switch topics. i didnt want to have a crying kid again. 'how fit are you?'

'what? oh, uh, i did gymnastics in school?'

i didnt know what to make of that. 'youre gonna help me hunt, clean, prepare, scavenge, and cull zombies. that way youll earn your keep.'

'i can do that.'

awkward pause. 'i dont know what to do about your periods.'

she interuppted me before i finished speaking. 'dont say that! i... i have the stuff at my home. we can just go back and get it.'

'your dead mom is there.'

'yeah, i know.'

and other awkward pause. 'we're going on my bike. we'll get whatever you need, and we'll bury your mother.'

'what?'

i guess she didnt hear me. 'i said we're gonna go back, get the shit you need, and-'

'you want to bury my mother?'

'youre a kid. its only fair to give you closure.'

she smiled then forced it down. 'thank you. that means a lot.' gears turned in her head. 'why dont we move to my place? its better'

'no. im full well set up here. your place is too exposed, could see it from a mile away. if i were a more deranged man, you wouldve been dead the second i saw you through the window.'

'ok, ok, i get it.'

'we leave today.'

she shrunk again. 'can we not?'

'what?'

'its my mom. i fucking killed my mom, i dont wanna go back so soon, i just- i just wanna process it first. can we just go later?'

'tomorrow.'

'oh. ok, yeah, thats good. thanks.'

'you answered my questions good.' i didnt know how to end the conversation. 'you can go now, kid.'

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/20/24

she woke up and put up hell of a fight. had to drag her from the gun and from my fucking journal. kids acting like a toddler if a toddler were five and a half feet tall and whinging in full sentences. think shes just panicked cause when i performed a takedown and she ate concrete she just started sobbing and apologizing. let her get it all out before giving her the laydown.

'my name is cyrus.'

'im styx.'

'thats a fake name. youre lying to me.'

'can you just call me that please?'

'ok. why are you here?'

'im alone. i dont have anywhere to go and i dont want to be alone. im sorry.'

'i saw a woman with you. she was dead.'

she didnt respond and looked away.

'you killed her.'

'im sorry. i didnt mean to. i dont know what happened. please dont kick me out.'

'how do i know you wont do the same to me?'

'please im sorry i wont do it again. dont turn me away.'

she was starting to cry again so i just said 'fine' so she wouldnt cry.

'fine.' then i said 'you need to drink water. your feet are probably dirty and bruised. clean them.' i got up and filled a canteen and gave it to her. 'conserve it. dont know what kind of highroller appliances you had in that fancy hut but here i dont have much.'

she nodded and removed her shoes. i was right, they were fucked up. blisters and bruises. skin peeling from being in a pair of sweaty sneakers for so long. she guzzled the canteen like i knew she would and cleaned her feet the best she could with the water she had left.

a pause.

'so, im staying here?'

'yes.' i wasnt sure myself yet but whatever keeps her content.

'youre not like... a creep, right?'

'no. i keep to myself.'

'uhm. okay.'

'i'll let you get settled. dont bother me. im gonna ask my questions later and if you dont give me good answers im kicking you out.'

'oh. okay. i guess.'

nodded and went back to the chair cleaning the gun. she explored the bunker. seemed well behaved enough, just glanced at her from time to time. she had to throw up, i guess shes still recovering from the heat, so i directed her to the non-compostable trash.

afterwards- 'you have like, compost?'

'yes. for a garden. only planted the seeds recently. better than canned food and rabbits.'

'you eat rabbits?'

'not much else to eat.'

'oh.'

shes reading now. old comic book. i got bored of it ages ago. at least its getting use now.

'thanks for taking me in. im sorry about everything. everything is a lot.'

'welcome.'

[boy-with-a-gun]

✧˚ ༘ ⋆｡˚

‿︵‿୨୧‿ ₊˚

⠀⢀⡞⠳⡀⠀ ⣰⠃⠀⡀⠘⡆ ⢸⢀⠀⡇⠀⡏ ⠺⣅⡐⠣⣠⠃ ⢸⠁⠙⡇⠈⡇ ⢸⠀⠀⠇⠀⡇ ⠈⢇⠀⠀���⠃ ⠀⠈⢧⢠⠇⠀ ⠀⠀⠀⠋⠀⠀

styx was heer!¡

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/19/24

i dont hear anything now. she quietened down a while ago but i still heard rustling and moving. shes not giving up, i can give her that. thought she might have left but when i opened the door i saw she was just passed out on the ground. could see her better now but i stayed behind the door jsut in case.

i was right before about her being a teenager. she was well-fed but pounding at my door left her dehydrated and suffering in the heat. she was wearing shorts and i could see how dirty and bruised her legs were. same with arms since she was wearing a short sleeve.

i know what i said before. but it hurt seeing some kid dying on my doorstep. i figured id drag her inside. i could get some answers out of her before i figure out what to do with her. that way i wont obsess over that damn building long after it even matters. probably end up doing something i regret or just have an episode again.

didnt want to strip her so i got some wet towels and put them over her. cleaned her legs and arms but didn't want to remove her shoes. at least she had the sense to wear sneakers, but i didn't want to touch another person. she can take care of her feet herself when shes awake.

keeping my distance and keeping my eyes on her. still hasnt woken up but im not taking chances. been sharpening the hunting knife, to send a message and to keep my hands occupied. i could win a fight against some chick with my bare hands but my days of frenzied street fights are over. if it comes to a fight id rather just get it over with as soon as possible.

didnt sleep. got drowsy but i cut myself to stay awake. been through worse anyway. im not letting her get a leg up on me no matter what her intentions are.

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/19/24

knocking at my door

a pink hand wraught with blood stained in sin and malice

attached to a crying girl tears falling from sunken empty eyes

her knuckles must be raw and her voice must be hoarse and her body must be giving out after crying for so long

she wants me to let her in

i remember a dead woman on the ground strangled to death

i do not welcome death in my house

the door stays fucking locked and when you die i am going to eat your corpse you murderous little shitstain

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/17/24

Scavenging didnt yield much yesterday.

i saw something.

i pick a direction and keep going til its picked clean. north and east are done, nothing left for me there but landmarks and nonperishables i dont yet need. went west. thought id find food but found a white building an hour away. freshly painted, no broken windows. it was far from big; just one floor, one door i didnt try, nothing notable besides how maintained it was. had security cameras, only recognized them by getting up close. they know my face.

walked around the building looking for signs of life. nothing. completely clean. no dirt, no signs of attacks, no signs of life, but someone had to be taking care of the place. I said i didnt try the door but i looked through the windows. one room was a kitchen. didnt see food, but didnt see any flies or roaches either.

looked into another room. bedroom. woman was supine on the floor with a bruised neck. younger girl was sitting in the corner, looked like a teenager. not doing anything, just hugging her knees and looking bored. there were bruises on her. she must have fought and killed the other woman, i dont know why or how long ago. people who can afford to paint their shelter so white can afford to feed two people. didnt have much time to think about it because she saw me and i stood up so fast i fell back on my ass. ran back to the bike and got the fuck out of dodge just as the door opened.

dont remember much after. just locking and relocking the doors, checking my bunker for any way she could get in, counting my supplies to see how long i can stay. im not going out there for the next few days. i cant risk running into her. if she saw me leave then she can just keep going east, or even just follow my tire tracks. cant risk her doing to me what she did to that woman. I have been willfully blind. There are other survivors and they all pose a risk to me. If i ever see her again im going to fucking kill her, cant take chances.

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/16/24

woke up at 0900. ate canned tuna. played guitar. tried reading but horde was outside. after all this time still not used to the sound. eventually quietened down and read til noon. im running out of books, should go to that school again.

had more canned tuna; trying to finish it off since theyre closest to expiration. cant waste food nowadays. got headaches. probably from malnutrition. i wonder if its better to feast now and feel full again or skimp for as long as possible. took tylenol to help.

went outside once coast was secure.

the bunker is my old basement. house was raided burned down a while ago. but i was ready. everything was in my bunker. i knew this day would come, i was fucking right and nobody believed me. i almost gave up hope at times, but god shines his light on me, and i am the sole survivor.

i remembered the man from yesterday. his corpse was fresh. maybe he knew about me and wanted my resources, or maybe he was passing through. maybe he had a family waiting for him. i thought i would be happy alone, but i feel myself spiralling after so long without human contact.

i should've harvested him for meat. too late now, rotted in the sun and chewed up by zombies and animals. im not above cannibalism, just as others werent above rape and theft and murder as soon as the light died in goverment leaders' eyes and everything came crashing down.

part of my basement ceiling is visible through the remains of my house. the concrete is cold even with the sun overhead. its the only indication i still live here. the entrance is a heavy metal trapdoor. before it was covered with a carpet, now i use my house's rubble. to hide and keep the single patch of concrete visible just so its easier to recognize. rubble just looks like rubble, and theres a lot of that nowadays.

i played music off my mp3 player. im glad i got in as many songs as i did before everything went offline. I seldom use it, i dont want to use up the battery and i dont want to get bored of my music. usually close my eyes and nap, but that was before. laid there and watched clouds. had to take off shirt because of heat. best to be uncomfortable outside than rot inside.

shouldve brought my guitar. would have made for a nice moment. i can do it tomorrow.

the apocalypse has made the days obsolete. there are no more deadlines or future plans. even less so if you choose to survive alone. my watch still works and will continue to work, maybe longer than i will. still keeping track, even down to the damn year. makes these notes easier. sometimes i sleep for days on end. my body knows the amount of sleep i get means nothing. but it has adjusted to the food shortage, aside from headaches and the occasional hunger pangs. it was worse over the summer, constantly nauseous and craving fresh, easy food. soon i can force it to run as it once did, ignoring its needs in order to become the ultimate being. but for now its tylenol and damp towels.

went inside and got supplies. going scavenging now. sun is worse today so i brought the jug.

[boy-with-a-gun]

9/15/24

Raided an abandoned school and found this notebook. just took out all the pages with school notes. kids not gonna need em now. there was nothing else for me. food went rotten or was eaten. if i had the time i couldve cleared out the bodies, a school is a formidable fortress.

i saw some zombies on my way back. i stayed far enough away from them so they didnt notice me. still smelled them. i had to stop the bike so i could hurl.

found a corpse. almost ran over him, thought he was a rock cause i aint seen another person in a while. mustve died of thirst, i didnt see a water bottle on him. had some canned food in his backpack. peaches and condensed milk. took those.

bunker is still safe. the posters help. danced to music. whittled. went to bed at 2200.