bornlarry

[bornlarry]

Logging into this account after 8 years and writing this post given the circumstances feels absolutely surreal.

I was only 8 when I was first introduced to Liam and to One Direction. Every week, I was allowed to stay up late and watch the X Factor and although I don’t remember seeing Liam’s first audition the way I do some of the other boys (I was a Harry girl from the second I saw him) I strongly remember the band being formed and the boys performing in subsequent weeks. From the first time I heard them all together I was obsessed. I looked forward to seeing them every week and between episodes I consumed all and every piece of media I could at that age.

This didn’t stop when the X-Factor finished, for the bands entire duration I was obsessed. I have listened to them for 2/3 of my life. Every time I was sad, happy, in love, heartbroken I could listen to their songs and feel joy or comfort. I have dedicated days, weeks, months, years of my life thinking about these boys, posting about them and keeping up to date with them. I started this account and several others due to my love for them. I’ve had posters in my room, lock screens, fan accounts, merchandise, seen them live… everything.

I am now 23, I have grown up with this band being apart of my identity. I am mourning a piece of my childhood and my life that will never ever be the same. I was online as the news dropped last night and I haven’t been able to think about anything else since. I’ve been listening to the boys all day and watching their music videos crying, mourning. Every song now has a new meaning, a new tinge of sadness. I can’t bring myself to watch anything else at this point, seeing him in these snippets has been difficult enough.

I’ve been asking myself how can I mourn someone who was so complicated? Liam was unfortunately a complex, sometimes disappointing and hurtful person, his actions towards others are unforgivable but he deserved (as everyone does) a chance for reparations. He was an abuser to some but also a victim of others. A victim to astronomical levels of fame, scrutiny, life altering circumstances that none of us fans, let alone some celebrities could even possibly fathom. A victim of brutal, difficult, harrowing addictions caused from having his whole life in the spotlight. He was always known as the grown one but we forget he was just a child himself, catapulted into a life nobody could be prepared for.

I can’t stop thinking about how death is so permanent and so immediate. The loss of Liam is truly shocking and incredibly difficult to conceive. I truly, deeply hope he is in peace now.

My heart is with the boys, just as it always is. My heart is with the victims. My heart is of course with Liam’s loved ones and family, especially his young boy. And lastly my heart is with you all, my one direction family, just as yours is with me. We all have a beautiful connection in common, one I’ll never forget or take for granted again. We must hold onto our memories always.

Directioner 5eva, Lauren xxx

[bornlarry]

“SHIT!” The hooded boy mumbled as he ducked behind a nearby bush. He didn’t think they’d come looking this late, but they’d never tried to find him before. He was certain he saw the glow of a torch, even from the isolated corner of his university campus. This could be it. Louis Tomlinson drama major, lead vocalist of ‘The Vogue’ vandalises school property. He hadn’t really meant to start tagging everything he saw opportunity in; it was just the thrill of seeing it around without anyone knowing he had done it. As a kid, Louis would write ‘DonnyKing’ on everything, his bedroom wall, the desks at school, even his old battered pair of vans had been tagged.It started that day, on that bench behind the drama theatre, when he was reading lines he found himself drawing that mark, the tag he had loved so much when he was younger. It was only in pen at first, but that was no fun, he wanted spray paint like a real graffiti artist. So he bought some and from then on you couldn’t walk through the campus without seeing the infamous ‘DonnyKing’ tagged on walls, the benches in the garden, even the water fountain in the main square.

He held his breath as the steps got louder. Two girls stumbled past his hiding place chatting about the club they had just visited. He sighed, struggling not to laugh at his own fear. He settled for a smirk and waited until the drunken girls were out of sight before returning to the greenhouse next to the library. He just had to finish the crown that replaced the dot on the i. It was Louis’ favourite part, it made the whole thing fit together perfectly. He smiled at the large letters covering the side of the new greenhouse, chucked the spray cans in his backpack and left, still buzzing with adrenaline.

 “SHIT!” The tall boy sighed as he sat down at the large table covering the student government office. Members followed, resting their books on the glass table and sipping their tea, waiting to see what the boy would do next. This could be it. Harry Styles English major, President of the student government quits. He had only been president for 11 months, and despite knowing deep down he didn’t have any ‘real’ power he still loved doing it. Harry was proud that he made a difference, he was proud of his fundraisers, he was proud of his greenhouse. But somebody didn’t care about the 2 weeks of fundraising Harry did to afford the greenhouse, nor did they care about any of the school property. “Who was it then?” Harry asked the group of students looking at him. Harry had to know who it was, not that he cared, he thought that it was unimaginative. But unfortunately it was also currently covering half of the campus.

Harry stood up putting his coat and scarf on. His scarf was deep red and had bronze leaves on it; his boyfriend bought it for him on their one month anniversary. Harry thought himself as pretty cool but his suede boots and patterned shirts were nothing compared to his boyfriend.  Harry’s boyfriend was in a cool band with his cool mates; he even dressed cool in his Adidas and ripped jeans. He was so happy to remember he would return home to see Louis’ face. Saturday was their ‘hang out’ day after their morning engagements, Louis had drama practise and Harry had the student government. Everyone in the room diverted their eyes making sure they don’t get asked to spend extra time finding the person responsible for the graffiti. Harry looked around the room at the group of people looking at anything but him. He often wondered why many of them were even there; most of them didn’t care about it, some of them rarely showed up to meetings. He suspected they wanted to make themselves more desirable to future employers. That’s not why Harry did it. Harry really wanted to make a difference, he just wished everyone cared as much as he did, if they did they might actually be able to have some power. “If none of you care about this crime, I will find the scum of campus myself!” With that harry slammed the door.

 “Tea, love?”  Louis asked as Harry kissed his cheek. He nodded and Louis walked to the kitchen carrying his empty mug. Harry was so happy to finally be at home and to finally see Louis. They hadn’t seen much of each other recently because Louis had been busy with drama and Harry been studdying for English all week, but they promised that after midday Saturday they would relax and spend the weekend together. They hadn’t been dating long but Harry felt at home with Louis, they even told each other they loved each other on their one month anniversary. Louis was Harry’s breath of fresh air, he made the serious boy into a funny, caring, less robotic boy, harry loved him for it.  

Louis yawned as he placed two cups of milky tea on the table. “You look tired Lou.” Harry frowned at Louis, he had noticed him looking tired more often lately, and he was definitely worried.  Louis was tired. He had been up half the night tagging the greenhouse. “Oh I couldn’t sleep... Worried about exams I think.” Louis slumped into the couch thankful for the comfort of it after his long night. Harry noticed Louis pull his sweater sleeves over his hands and took them in his own hands to warm them. “You’ve got black and yellow on your finger Lou.” Harry half stated, half questioned. Louis smiled and told Harry he had to use paint in drama again. “Anyway, how was student government love? Did anyone actually do anything today?” Louis drank his tea and silently listened to Harry talk, admiring his passion. He spoke about how the members didn’t do anything, how he wanted to do another fundraiser, and the graffiti on the greenhouse. Louis sat up and listened with even more concentration. Harry had never mentioned the graffiti to him before. “Do they have no imagination? What kind of name is DonnyKing anyway?” Harry looked at Louis waiting for him to agree with everything he had just said. Louis knew that he was meant to do that, he’d done it many times before. But without even thinking Louis smirked and simply said “Hey DonnyKing is a sick name.” But that was all it took for the pieces to finally click together. Harry was speechless. He wasn’t sure how to feel, just an hour ago he was shouting at people over the graffiti Louis, his boyfriend Louis, had done. He had seen the graffiti everywhere for weeks and had hated it, thought it ruined the campus. But now he saw it in a completely different light, he liked that Louis had done it. He felt so stupid for not realising sooner, it was so obvious. How tired Louis had looked recently, his one finger always being covered in paint, which so obviously wasn’t from drama. Even the name was obvious, ‘Donny’ for Doncaster, Louis’ hometown. Harry smiled at Louis and kissed him. “You crazy little rebel.” Louis grinned, he was happy Harry knew, and happier he wasn’t mad.

will someone write this because i can’t be trusted i say i’ll write something and start it but never finish it will someone do me this one favor

[bornlarry]

For @withoutacar

[bornlarry]

harry: i cut my hair

us: can we see?? :)

harry: ✔️ Read 2:34pm

[bornlarry]

Harry: close your eyes

Louis: for what?

Harry: just do it

Louis: okay

Harry: what do you see?

Louis: nothing

Harry: that's my world without you.

[bornlarry]

will someone write this because i can’t be trusted i say i’ll write something and start it but never finish it will someone do me this one favor

[bornlarry]

support project home + thunderclap, streaming, itunes

[bornlarry]

Louis: *is sad* Harry: you look like a bowl of ice cream Louis: …..ummmmmmm???? Harry: I just gotta spoon you 

[bornlarry]

[bornlarry]

every day is a gift when harry styles is in this world

[bornlarry]

I would actually kill a man to hear the other three’s internal monologue of observations watching Harry and Louis flirt with each other during the X Factor

[bornlarry]

Care for a pick-me-up?

[bornlarry]

Harry and Louis are on point always x|x|x|x|x|x

[bornlarry]

Reblog if you've never heard of One Direction

[bornlarry]

01/12

[bornlarry]

 Front row for the Prorsum autumn/winter 2013 show

[bornlarry]

*thiger

his tiger tattoo