bolts-n-fingerguns

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

Me realizing that I probably don't remember much of my Sonic X part of my story bc there was probably some Sonic 06 shenanigans... killing myself....

I wish I could remember, but I only remember bits and pieces, I wouldn't even know where it places in my timeline. I wonder if it's because, another me had it but, not... main timeline me. And somehow they combined to make a singular timeline where Chris went to our dimension.

Dimensions and universes are different for us. Dimensions exist within a same universe, while they can have replicas and stuff like that... Universes are like pockets, they have a bunch of dimensions in there, and there's a point where one dimension is so different that it's a whole different universe.

For example, Thorns and I are sorta, half-universe, half-dimension. It's at the brink of becoming a whole other universe because of how different we are and the events in our stories are.

Ignis and I are parallels, she held Iblis in her world, while I held Chaos. We both were separated from our respective Gods when we were small children, before we could even remember it. But we still are connected to them... She is also a Goddess in her dimension and also deeply connected to the Sol Emeralds, as I am.

I can remember...Chris and I meeting when we were kids...When I was around 13 or 12. Almost right after SA2...I can remember all of that.

I remember back then I didn't interact with humans much, and I didn't go into human territory or any big cities. So being teleported to another dimension in a big city was... really odd, and it was a version of Mobius where it was closer to this Earth, where Mobians never existed.

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

I MISSS CHRIS I MISS CHRIS AHHHHHHHHHHH

I miss.s.,.., my best human bud..,,. punching the wallz rn.

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

obviously just for being fictionkin i dont have the right to tell them theyre wrong about their interpretation of the character....

BUT AS A NUMBER 1 AUTISTIC MFER WHO HAS LITERALLY HYPER-ANALYZED THIS DAMN CHARACTER LIKE MY LIFE DEPENDED ON IT , I SAY BRO WOULD -NOT- FUCKING SAY THAT!!!

When you're reading a fic as a fictionkin:

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

It's hilarious how I made a self-insert character who while it wasn't exactly Me, it did represent me... and then the character I shipped them with Turned out to be ME.

Erm, love yourself I guess 😁👍

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

That moment when you don't know if you're linking or if you're actually that character without any input.

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

what they don't tell you about being fictionkin is that watching your source hurts.

you sit there and watch a series of increasingly traumatic events happen to you. imagine watching a mockumentary where you reenact your life with dubious accuracy but your life is a trainwreck tragedy.

and then you realize that no one else believes this is real.

and yet you just keep watching/reading for some unknown reason. it hurts but at the same time you cannot live without it.

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

Rants abot my canon. cw implied sa, abuse, alcoholism.

I dont like how I want to get abused by her again. I remember it, I can feel it. I can remember how good and get how hollow it felt, a combination that made me want to hurl when it was over.

I did it just to please her. I did it just because I just couldn't... let her go. I couldn't bear with the thought of not seeing her again because... she was. gone. and I couldn't do anything about it. I don't even know if it was truly love I felt at this point, I think it was just this horrific attachement that was because I let her die once, I can't let it happen again, no matter what, no matter what I gotta do. Even if..

Why did I even do that. Why did I let her do whatever she wanted. why did i go along with it. Why did I think that was okay. Why do I want it again, why do I feel I need to grasp at her hand and beg her to just stay; stay where its safe, to stop getting into danger. I know how capable she is but what if, what if. I cant deal with it.

i still feel so dirty. I can't get the sensations out of my head, its horrible. its awful and disgusting. I remember how hollow I felt, how numb. I don't think I was rlly there.

Between all the alcohol I don't think I was fully there any of the times.

I miss alcohol sometimes, I remember how it made me feel. It made me feel so numb. it made me feel so calm. nothing. no thinking. like all my worries were suddenly lifted. like my world was clearer yet blurrier at the same time. I miss it so much, I need it back so bad. Just how I need her back too.

Sigh, I'm just incoherent now. I just miss what hurts me.

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

I get so happy when I see fanart of me, especially when it feels accurate to my personal experience. like, good job human, you have captured my excellence! very well done! I get a bit sad seeing art of me with my friends from my old life, but it's bittersweet. I love them and miss them all so much... it's nice to see me with them again even if it's only in art

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

Nobody look at me, I am emo... (is thinking of my partner in my canon.)

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

"Did no one ever teach you how to tie these?"

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

Remembered the time I did a Ylfa fanart for one of my classes

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

A thorn in your paw.

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

i met death and death wants me to live 🌙

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

sitting with death

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

little red riding hood and the big bad wolf

[bolts-n-fingerguns]

I met Death, and he wanted me to live.