boldandburnt

[boldandburnt]

I can't stop cutting. its the only relief I can feel, only momentarily. everything is so loud, so bad and I don't know what to do anymore. I suppose this post is more for me then anyone else but I have no where to turn. I have no support system. I am very lonely. I have friends but they don't deserve to know this. I feel the world on top of me and I have nothing but a blade. I used to smoke very extensively but I can't afford anything. these are the only two ways I can feel peace, I can relax, think about something else. I think about dying often, how I would do it, where and I worry that someday I can't curb this constant dread with smoking or cutting or starving and ill have no choice but to die. my mind is my worst enemy, I feel my world closing in on me and every day my world gets smaller, but I dont. I hate myself and the things I do, I hate my life, my room, my parents. I feel short moments of joy, I do feel joy but the second it leaves the dread it worse. nights are the hardest for me. every night I do whatever I can to get intoxicated or cut or whatever I can to rid this feeling. I have no hope. I have no future. I worry for myself but I question that since no one else really does. I don't want to pity myself or make anyone feel bad. this is a dump of sorts and I guess I just need someone to listwn.

[boldandburnt]

I'm starting to think I'm the problem

[boldandburnt]

I’m so tired of people pointing out my problems as if I don’t fucking know like I hate myself for them and I know it’s my own fault just stop

[boldandburnt]

[boldandburnt]

Chain smoking anorexics stand

[boldandburnt]

⋆✮⋅˚₊‧♱⋅˚₊‧✮⋆

[boldandburnt]

[boldandburnt]

I wish I was thinner

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I can't help but resent the adults in my life as someone with cpstd, how do you watch a child get repeatedly traumatized and never step in to stop it? yes you let that happen and yes i want you to feel bad. I didn't need to be this way. but I am, and you let that happen and I will never forgive you.

[boldandburnt]

I can't tell if I'm on a Bender or not and its scary

[boldandburnt]

It will never be fair to me how I never got to be skinny

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now who decided that edibles have calories in them...

[boldandburnt]

when the addiction is the only thing left and you can't imagine a world without it (this is about multiple things)

[boldandburnt]

When the ed turns into drug abuse too

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maybe if u have minors dni in ur bio don’t interact with minors

[boldandburnt]

for someone who hates f00d I sure do think about it a lot

[boldandburnt]

sorry I haven't been posting at all, been fighting recovery real hard lmao