bobobeauty

[bobobeauty]

It’s back again.

Those demons.

Those darkness.

Those thoughts.

Everything back again.

[bobobeauty]

my most extreme kink is feeling wanted. not like sexually or anything but kinda just as a person

[bobobeauty]

It's undignified to hold onto the sleeve of someone who wants to leave.

— Freja (Sofie Grabol), "Us" S1:E3 (2020-2021)

[bobobeauty]

you deserve apologies, you deserve people who genuinely try to understand you, you deserve time for yourself, you deserve kind words and actions, you deserve compliments that aren’t backhanded. you deserve kindness

[bobobeauty]

Imagine being ignored on a festive season. That is the single most awful thing to have happened this year. Like the whole of my office and close friends decided to not respond to my festive messages. Guess, this is what it is.

[bobobeauty]

Exactly one year ago today, I was labeled 'obsessed' for harboring deep feelings for someone. Little did I know, a single phone call would set the course for the next few transformative months of my life."

[bobobeauty]

Maybe on my deathbed at my final hour, I'll be your treasure.

No longer just an option, but a cherished pleasure.

[bobobeauty]

I’m very upset today and can’t seem to shrug off my feelings in anyway. I wish I could not have these anxiety attacks or this spiralling overthinking in anyway. I wish I could just be calm or stop this palpitations in my heart in some way or the other.

[bobobeauty]

"In the face of loss, embrace the power of memories as a balm for the heart, and find solace in the beauty of lives lived, for even in death, their spirits endure."

- Shar

[bobobeauty]

Pick yourself up

On your toughest days, I hope you remember to take care of yourself. I hope you remember that the person who is procrastinating is also the person who does a great job. I hope you remember that the person who hasn't exercised in three days is also the person who used to run every day. I hope you remember that the person who feels like a wreck was also penning down a gratitude note last week. Every week will not be the same, you might fall back to old habits but pick yourself up. Picking yourself up is the greatest form of love.

[bobobeauty]

It’s been little over a month now since I consciously decided to move away and initiate the ‘no contact’ phase. Even though the memories don’t seem to leave immediately, they do linger around and haunt me.

But atleast I’m not anxious or sick to my stomach overthinking about what exactly the other person must be thinking or doing, and I’m not losing my mind by being involved with someone who doesn’t even provide the bare minimum. I am definitely sad and depressed, but now I have reached the stage of acceptance. I can handle my sadness (that’s what I think).

The stage where only thing that bothers me is the name, details and the attached memories of that person. Only if I could suck them out of my life like a robovac cleaning the last bit of dust from the floor.

I guess I will get there soon. May be I will shed a few more tears, break few more things to get the rage out or may be I will just be calm. I’m ready for the process even though it somehow is killing me.

[bobobeauty]

It’s the start of May. Every day I wake up thinking how am I supposed to fight through this. And everyday it’s the same fight for survival. I’m exhausted. And no body seem to understand. Hope there’s a light at the end of all these darkness that surrounds me.

[bobobeauty]

Please someone get me out of this rut. I'm hurting so much. I can't stay like this, I can't live like this and I can't be like this. Is there no end to this feeling? Can someone please tell me?

[bobobeauty]

I've always been like this. I search for love in all the wrong places. My knees have become callous due to the time spent begging. Trenches embellish my face, from all the rivers I have wept - still, I don't learn. My body will keep on being stained by the mud I crawl in, in hopes of feeling appealing. Because I search for love in all the wrong places. Because I just need to feel enough... My dear, I wish I could be to you, just a third of what you are to me.

[bobobeauty]

Tonight I'm extra sad, deranged and depressed. When will I get these thoughts out of my head. I wish there was an easier way out rather than endurance, I would have then tried that too, because at this point, nothing seems to work at all.

[bobobeauty]

As the days get closer to the end of this year, I become more anxious about the time ahead, the emotions ahead and the breakdowns that are going to come along this. I'm really scared, so scared that I don't want to wake up. Not wake up from this deep slumber. Can I even do that?

[bobobeauty]

Festive seasons are especially difficult to get rid of those dark borderline thoughts. But if anyone is reading this today, don't give up just yet. If we survived the last 359 days, we can survive another week.