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harry just wanted us to see pics of his boyfriend drinkin milkshakes :( why’d someone ruin it

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I’m completely satisfied that Harry Styles’ first solo song is a commentary on the state of disaster and panic the world is constantly in these days.  It’s just so Harry.

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Louis' sneakers, March 22, 2017

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The Case of the Blackout Bang

I find it very upsetting that Louis will always have the shadow of this sordid little episode following him. Even if he were able to say "yeah, Eleanor and Danielle were just PR, I was with Harry the whole time" there's this little matter of paternity, the result of a drunken fumble with a barchick. And when he turns out not to be the father? No help there: he thought he was the father (according to the official narrative). And he wouldn't think that unless he slept with her. Ergo, he slept with her. Or did he? There is one scenario that would solve the problem nicely, make Louis look like the good guy and make Banana look ... not very nice. What if the PR narrative went something like this: ------------- Party Louis went out to a club and got proper smashed, completely blotto, so much so that when he woke up the next morning, he has no memory of leaving the club, no memory of driving home, and certainly no memory of this naked woman in his bed. She sure does, though. She informs him that he was hanging all over her at the bar, invited her to come home with them (Oli and Calvin and a bunch of other barchix) and hustled her into his bedroom where he made mad, passionate love to her. It was phenomenal. And now he doesn't even remember?! Hmph! And she stalks out. Louis tries to make sense of this bizarre turn of events and simply cannot. The last thing he remembers is Oli and Calvin and a truly obscene amount of alcohol. And then... and then it was now, and he was waking up... naked? He checked. Yep, naked as the day, with a woman who was equally naked, and who he had apparently schtupped. But, hey. Such is the life of an "in fact straight" party boy. He put the episode out of his mind. Until. A few weeks later, whatshername calls (how she got his number he has no idea) and informs him that she was late and she's never late so she peed on a stick and there were two lines and it's definitely his and she wants 80,000 per month and a condo and a car. "Oh, fuck off, that's the oldest scam in the book. Bye." He hangs up and puts her out of his mind again. Until. He starts to see photos of her in the tabloids and, damn, she sure does look pregnant. And continues to look pregnant. And it's probably still a scam, a paternity test will clear all this up. But he has to wait until the baby is born because the only way to do it during pregnancy isn't 100% safe for the baby. Finally he gets a message that whatshername is in labor and he'd better get down there if he wants to see his son born. "My son." He thinks, and the thought echoes in his head all the way to the hospital. It's having a strange effect on him - he feels a bit woozy. On reaching the hospital, he is told he will have to wait until whatshername is settled in her room before he can see the baby. Which is absolutely fine with him because eew. He finally gets the word and goes in. Whatshername's family is standing around the bed where she is sitting up holding a ridiculously small bundle. "Hello." He says, feeling like an idiot. "Hi, Lewis. This is YOUR baby. Here, hold him." He takes the bundle and looks down into the red, wizened face of a typically unlovely newborn baby boy. My son, he thinks. Every rational impulse in his being says Oh, fuck off, it is not -- this is a scam. I don't care, he thinks. And he doesn't. He's always wanted kids, hundred percent, and here's a baby who could be his -- well? He could be! -- and he wants to keep him. A nurse comes in with a little tray and a clipboard. On the tray are some alcohol pads, curettes, and test tubes. "I have the paperwork for our records, and I have a note here, Mr. Tomlinson... you called ahead to request a paternity test? Oh, fuck you, Oli, he thinks. He looks up at the nurse briefly, then back down at the baby. "No. We don't need to do that, that's fine, thank you." Because the baby could be his. After all, he did sleep with this woman, right? She said so. But the baby could be someone else's. And he doesn't want to think about that. *** 14 months later, Louis sits alone in his lawyer's conference room, turning over the events of the past hour in his mind. Eleanor had finally convinced him to take the paternity test and, as he feared. The baby is not his. The real father is someone named Luke Poole. And it turns out that, surprise surprise, Briana and Luke have pulled this scam before. They'd never taken it this far, but this time Briana had actually been pregnant. Whoopsie. They realized, though, that if they hooked the right fish, they could be set not just for a few months but for 18 years at least. And Briana hadn't even had to have sex with him. Oh, she'd tried. "You couldn't even get it up! When you didn't even know who I was in the morning, I realized you'd been in a blackout the whole time. It was perfect. I didn't have to do a thing." Louis opted not to press charges. What good would it do? He didn't need the money back, and Freddie needed his parents, such as they were. If he couldn't be one of them, well, that's life. A mousy legal assistant skittered into the room with an armload of papers and squealed when she saw him. "Oh! I didn't... I was just... there's a meeting..." "It's ok, love. I was just going." Riding down in the elevator, he suddenly felt utterly alone. It was a pain he couldn't reach, an ache in his chest. In the lobby, he took out his phone and dialed the number he knew by heart. "Hello? "Hey Hazza." --------- And voila! No baby, no sex, no sordid shadow. Evil scammers took advantage of a good guy, who then, devastated, turned to his best laddy bro pal for solace. And then they fell in love and got married... ...as far as we know.

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do you ever want to gently float up to someone and whisper “this isn’t a debate; i am actually educated on the subject and i’m telling you you’re wrong”

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had a dream that i was getting sorted at hogwarts but i got into an argument with the sorting hat so he made up an entirely new house called ‘GrungleBunk’ just so i would be forced to sit by myself in the dining hall for the rest of my life

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Yes'm. I think I might be able to breathe soon. Might.

can you guys feel that…. can you feel that change in the air…. that shift in the atmosphere… cos i can

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Being in LA, I thought it was just a little strange that Louis was going to Bootsy Bellows all the time; like it's still a big club, but not as huge as it used to be. Yet he goes there all the time. But then I recalled, Hakkasan Group bought Bootsy back in 2014. Hakkasan Group also runs the eponymous club in Vegas where Steve always performs (and Calvin Harris; as well as Tiesto, Kaskade, etc, a bunch of those guys he just followed). Hakkasan also runs the Vegas 1Oak. Funny coincidence that!

well would you look at that:

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The Case of the Shady-Ass Shirts https://twitter.com/bluegreenkeys/status/822074654156275713

(It looks like a jumble, but click on the title and swipe through -- I swear it makes sense.) (Sort of) (Of course, this could all be total reaching.)

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"Through the wire" might also mean through the telephone wire - more generally, any electronic communication device. I always thought of Louis and Harry being kept apart while they were on tour, and wondering whether they Skyped a lot.

What a Feeling: a puzzle

“[What a Feeling] was written and produced by Jamie Scott and co-written by Liam Payne, Louis Tomlinson, Daniel Bryer and Mike Needle. The song was released as the album’s second promotional single on iTunes Store and Spotify on 11 November 2015.” – Wikipedia. It was voted by a reader’s poll in Rolling Stone as the best song One Direction has released. 

Louis tweeted about it:

And Liam:

This was the first major pop song co-written with Daniel Bryer and Mike Needle of Catherine Songs, Ltd.  Jamie Scott, who has written extensively with One Direction (Clouds, No Control, Once in a Lifetime, Fireproof, Fool’s Gold, Girl Almighty, Midnight Memories, Infinity, et al.) is also with Catherine Songs, Ltd. 

Keep reading

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How would you describe the 1D fandom experience?

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I mean Cowell must have been a bit naffed off at losing control of his life time's work SYCO right, and for such a low price? We've seen individual artists get a bigger deal than that, it's less than a one tour gross revenue total for 1D too. Would his bitterness cause him to punish those he felt helped his empire fall? People who wouldn't re-sign perhaps?

Oh, yeah. I think that’s very possible.

Basically, Simon owned a lemon tree grove and started a lemonade stand. He did OK with it, so Big Lemonade came to him and said, “We think you have some potentially great trees in your grove. We’ll give you some more money so you can make even more, and better, lemonade. Just give us a cut of your profits in proportion to what we invested. ” Simon took their money, signed a 5-year deal, and went to town making lemonade. Along the way he found that one of his trees was a magic lemon tree that gave him the bestest lemons ever. He sold a lot of lemonade. Simon and Big Lemonade were happy. Five years are about up so Simon and Big Lemonade get together to plan their next deal. Simon thinks the magic lemon tree is going to get him a much better deal. He’ll make so much money. But, the magic lemon tree had something to say about that. “Hey, Simon,” say the magic lemon tree, “YOU TOOK TOO MANY LEMONS. I AM TIRED. YOU SQUEEZED TOO MUCH. I WON’T GIVE YOU ANY MORE LEMONS. I’M GONNA GIVE MY LEMONS TO SOMEONE ELSE.” “Oh, no,” Simon thinks. Big Lemonade isn’t going to like this. So, Simon tells Big Lemonade that he’s going to lose the magic lemon tree soon. Big Lemonade is FURIOUS. Not only do they not give Simon a better deal, they decide Simon shouldn’t be running the lemonade stand at all anymore. There are other potentially magic trees in the grove that Simon owns and they don’t want him to squeeze another one so badly that it goes to another owner. [imagine lemon trees can move] So, they buy most of Simon’s grove and his lemonade stand for less money than it’s really worth, because Simon knows no one else if going to give him a better deal now that he pissed off the magic lemon tree. They let him still work at the stand because it’ll be really nice to blame him for the lemon tree that’s running away. Meanwhile, Simon isn’t happy. He’s very angry. He’s especially angry at the magic lemon tree. So, HE TRIES TO CHOP IT DOWN.

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GAH! Tumblr mobile will only let me look at five posts at a time and they are ALL Simon Cowell reposts!!