bloodymyhands

[bloodymyhands]

i look inside myself and see 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 i see my red door, i must have it 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤

#LADYOHDEATH. an independent, highly selective & PRIVATE writing blog for R.IO V.IDAL / 𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇. 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. written and loved by jinx (28). adults only allowed to follow as mature themed are ahead! 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄-𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘. lover of female ocs. 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐜𝐮.

[bloodymyhands]

LONG AGO SHE'D LEARNED how to read alicent's expressions. it's so familiar now it feels like breathing, to see regret flash by in the other's woman's eyes, blurry through her own tears. the ache is like a physical thing deep in her chest. no one but alicent has elicited this sort of emotion from her -- not sorrow, not grief, but nostalgia. a longing for a past she could not return to. no matter how many years passed, she could still taste alicent's skin as if it were right up against her nose again, can still feel the warmth of her breath and she thinks being burned alive by a dragon might be less painful.

she knows it's for the better. that doesn't make it hurt any less.

she is still studying alicent's expression when the other woman pulls closer, taking her hand. it's as though they're back in time now, with alicent's thumb gently brushing against the scar she'd given her, something close to hope floating in the air between them. rhaenyra is weakened, and she can no longer hold back the tears at the edge of her eyelids, allowing them to spill over. it tastes like salt and she wishes she could feel nothing at all. her hands are not her own, gripping alicent's in return, turning it over until they're holding hands.

alicent stutters on her name and her own lips unwillingly part, wanting to say her name right back. come with me again, she wants to say. journey with me on dragonback and let's leave this all behind.

but the weight of her own duty overwhelms her. she knows she cannot, and her own desires do not matter. perhaps long ago she would've run away, but now her feet are rooted to the ground here. she has never really hated it until now. she's always accepted it. but a part of her, louder than ever, roars at the idea of escaping.

it was all she ever wanted.

"safe refuge," she repeats, her words sounding foreign on her own lips. she sort of wants to scream at her, to demand why in the world she thinks that she deserves to escape all of this when she can't. the anger, though, is misplaced, and softened by the touch of their hand. she feels herself trembling. she isn't sure she could spill the anger out of her even if she tried. her eyes flicker down, looking at their intertwined hands, and she wonders. "you desire to rid yourself of all of this," she continues, finally looking back up at her. her voice is a shaken, vulnerable thing, and she's grateful that her own guards know to keep a distance right now. "wash your hands clean of a war begun by your own kin. you think yourself above consequence."

but here she is, the alicent she'd known so long ago. her words are hurting, a pain she cannot rid of. the hand holding alicent's pulls her in, acting without thinking, until they are mere inches apart. "and what of myself, alicent?" she knows she'll need to take aegon's head, she'll need to take the throne by force. is alicent going to try and stop her? she opens her mouth to say that, but something else comes out. "i -- where would you go?"

ALICENT DOES SEE HER, mayhaps for the first time in what may be years. It shakes her to her core, lines her eyes with her own unshed tears. For someone who has spewed so much, she can barely bring herself to speak the truth. If only it had been that easy, to speak without being dismissed. Rhaenyra had listened, long ago, she had. But the world had grown cold, and Alicent does not wish to torment her further.

So much has already been lost: Luke, Jaehaerys. Hells, even Aegon, although not completely, not yet. There is still so much more that could fall in its wake: her sweet daughter, her grand children — still young and a grandmother already (‘tis the way of things.) She wishes for safety for her girl, innocent in such a corrupt world. If it be her last request, so be it.

Heart shatters at the sight of tears, violet eyes she had once sought comfort in so distressed. Alicent remains laden in her regrets, too many to count. Looking upon Rhaenyra releases a slew of them, some she has not thought of in years. Nothing could be undone, not when some are so permanent. She may as well be a monster in the eyes of her former companion.

Answers do not come. Instead, impulsiveness overrides all. Hand snatched around her neck drops to reach for the other’s hand, Rhaenyra’s skin burning, just like she remembered. Thumb runs along left pointer finger, bare from when their similar rings would lay upon her skin as girls, almost naked without the bright red jewel. She battles everything within her not to reach out to soak up Rhaenyra’s tears with said thumb, opting to rub at the underside of her wrist like she had done previously during their times together.

The pulse against her skin is so sure, so active, a reminder that this is real. No mind could dream such a thing as this, such familiar skin, hauntingly familiar eyes staring back at her. Lone tears stream down Alicent’s cheeks, guilt riddling that it may be undeserving to shed such tears after guiding hands to such destruction.

“Rhae-“ how simply saying it again would cause a loss of all semblance.

I wish to take you up on your offer so long ago. Take me on the back of your dragon, fly far away. Let us soak up the rays of the sun. Let us feast on only cakes. Rest your head in my lap as you once did all those years ago as I read a story to you. We can do it. We can leave all of this behind.

“… yes. I wish for refuge ; safe passage for Helaena and the children. I wish to do away with this.”

[bloodymyhands]

blog notice - semi-hiatus

i am shifting this blog to a plotting-only blog, and will run exclusively on a queue. this doesn't mean i won't be active! it means i won't be reblogging many more memes or posting ooc on the dash as often. i also will not be following people first from here. i don't know if this will be temporary or not, but we'll see!

you do not need to unfollow. i will still be writing on here.

i am not dropping any of my current threads.

instead, i am shifting to focus more of my time on my solo blogs. they are below, and if you want to interact and chat with me, that's the best place to do it! this will allow me to shift more focus on them and make my writing as best as possible, without so much running around.

again this does not mean i won't write on here, so please send memes, dm me to plot, i am more than happy to! i will also be setting up a threadtracker on here so i can keep up with more. this just means i'll be technically semi hiatus on this blog.

the best places to find me:

✮ - lady death / rio vidal: multi-verse personification of death. @ladyohdeath

✮ - alicent hightower: from house of the dragon, @atlastmyself

✮ - shin hati: dark side force user, multi-verse, @bokkenpadawan

view my full blogroll here

[bloodymyhands]

hello my darlings, i need to revive this blog.

i'm trying to decide between keeping this blog as a main blog, despite having low muse for it, or shifting this blog to low-activity on demand only (for current mutuals and plotted threads only) and instead focusing most of my energy on a few single muse blogs.

i think that's how i work better and it allows me to write better, since i'm investing more energy into focusing on a specific few characters

i love writing everyone i want on here and i'm having a good time, but 99% of my brain is taken up by rio, alicent, and shin so idk i'm really not sure.

as a base rule a multi is a lot easier BUT i also feel like i don't give enough attention to the characters i currently have, so im not writing them as well as i should be, you know???

i haven't decided yet, any advice is appreciated!

[bloodymyhands]

i look inside myself and see 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 i see my red door, i must have it 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤

#LADYOHDEATH. an independent, highly selective & PRIVATE writing blog for R.IO V.IDAL / 𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇. 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. written and loved by jinx (28). adults only allowed to follow as mature themed are ahead! 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄-𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘. lover of female ocs. 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐜𝐮.

[bloodymyhands]

just wanna feel something

[bloodymyhands]

do i change my url to wakethypower or do i keep bloodymyhands. fuck.

[bloodymyhands]

obviously im gonna add some arcane muses here. but im going to shift some of my muses around/change some things up as well

[bloodymyhands]

ALICENT HIGHTOWER and AEGON II TARGARYEN in House of the Dragon | "Rhaenyra The Cruel"

[bloodymyhands]

might hop on and do replies on this blog today! who cheered

[bloodymyhands]

[bloodymyhands]

i found this pic earlier on pinterest and its KILLING ME. ive been laughing for ten minutes

[bloodymyhands]

currently spending all of my time on @ladyohdeath still. for right now, ill only be on this blog to do my current drafts and answer plotting dms/make new threads! ill reblog a meme or two here but if you want to chat, you should follow rio lmao

[bloodymyhands]

i look inside myself and see 𝐦𝐲 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤 i see my red door, i must have it 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐛𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐤

#LADYOHDEATH. an independent, highly selective & PRIVATE writing blog for R.IO V.IDAL / 𝐋𝐀𝐃𝐘 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐓𝐇. 𝐒𝐓𝐎𝐋𝐄𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐂𝐀𝐍𝐎𝐍 𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐑𝐄𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐘 𝐎𝐅 𝐎𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐈𝐍𝐀𝐋 𝐋𝐎𝐑𝐄. written and loved by jinx (28). adults only allowed to follow as mature themed are ahead! 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐄-𝐇𝐄𝐀𝐕𝐘. lover of female ocs. 𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐞𝐱𝐜𝐥𝐮𝐬𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐯𝐞𝐥 𝐨𝐫 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐜𝐮.

[bloodymyhands]

btw fuck all of that. i may be semi-active here but i am not fridging agatha to a fucking powerless sidekick with no resolution to her story. fuck that shit.

[bloodymyhands]

You can tell how much thought, care, and love the writers put into Agatha's character based on the tarot card they gave her. There are several others that could have had represent Agatha, but they chose Three of Swords, arguably one of the bleakest cards in the entire deck. A card that represents heartbreak and grief so great that it permanently alters you as a person, is something that you can move on from but never quite get over.

Yes, Agatha is a power-hungry, murderous, complicated person, but Three of Swords gets down to who she really is, what drives her. On a fundamental level, Agatha Harkness is a deeply traumatized person whose life has been defined by grief and betrayal. She is someone who, whether she wants to admit it or not, wants to feel loved and wants connection but has been so severely deprived of it (both involuntarily and by her own doing) that she has no idea how to even begin to ask for it.

That is why her in her tarot card, Agatha's hands are outstretched, yet empty. She is constantly reaching out, pulling power and people towards her, but she does not know how to reach out in a way that does not lead to violence and hurt. And the one time she managed to figure it out, the one time she opened herself up to love and happiness, her son died and was taken away by the only other person she loved in the world.

And this is why Agatha's card is in the "obstacles" placement in the spread. The practice of tarot is, for many, about self-exploration, guidance, and healing. Three of Swords' outlook may seem bleak, but that is not how life will always be. You lick your wounds, learn whatever you can from that experience, and find the courage to keep going. And that is what Agatha truly needs to do to finish The Road. She has been festering in her grief and anger for so long, but she can no longer continue that way. She must face her past, face Rio, and learn to trust others.

Jac Schaeffer you deserve all the awards ever you are a genius.

[bloodymyhands]

i have a networking event in a few weeks and i haven't prepared a proper pitch because i've been busy on roleplaying a'dja'kjlf'sl;fh

im actually super nervous though because ive been trying to go to this event since college but ive always been too shy since its basically like a night at the bar and id be going alone but having no job means that now i have the perfect chance to actually GO to networking events while i can.... im so scared LMAO