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bloodbywinter · 2 months ago

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The Seconds Waiting

After the craziness of XIV write, I picked myself up and dusted myself off to write a little something for @bloodbywinter for this go-around of the FFXIV Swap, plus a couple GPose "illustrations" to go along with it! I'm pretty dang happy with how it all turned out, so I figured why not share it? Big thanks to the Swap discord for putting this together and to @bloodbywinter for sharing Asmundur with me; you can find the story below here or in a Google doc!

“They tell me about you, you know.” Koana unceremoniously broke the silence.

Asmundur looked over to the Hhetsarro as they sat and waited for news from Thancred, furrowed brow and skewed ears completing a quizzical sort of look.

“Thancred, and Urianger. Mostly Urianger, to be truthful.” Koana pulled his knees up to his chest, his worry for his sister clearly affecting him. “To say you've been busy would be a vast understatement, if even half of their tales are to be believed.”

Asmundur idly rubbed his arm as he waited for Koana to continue, sensing that Koana was speaking more to occupy his mind and fill the dead air than to try and glean some sort of advantage in the contest for the throne.

“I strive to be the person they seem to think I can be, but… I'm not sure even my best efforts will suffice. Having glimpsed the possibilities that Sharlayan technology holds, it's a challenge to return and not immediately see it as the solution to any given problem before me. To my eye, that isle seems like a paradise worth aspiring to, and yet… the further along in the contest we progress, the more I find myself wondering if I have the right of things.”

Asmundur remembered that feeling of frustration, early on in his studies. That moment when you've gained just enough knowledge to comprehend all the world's problems, but not enough wisdom to understand that the obvious solution often isn't the best one. It was something Urianger himself had done his best to instill in the Viera with their lessons, to varying degrees of success.

“It comes with time,” Asmundur said in a soft yet deliberate tone. “Knowing your own shortcomings is a good sign. It means Urianger is getting through to you, even just a little.”

Koana looked a bit surprised, his expression quickly changing into an embarrassed smile. “He must've taught you well, then, for you to have accomplished all you've done.”

“He is quite the teacher,” Asmundur replied, fixing his gaze on the part of his gauntlet that he was currently fiddling with. “Even if I wasn't always the best student. He was patient, and thoughtful, and…”

Koana let the silence that followed hang in the air for a moment, perhaps sensing that there was some history between Asmundur and Urianger that he was not privy to.

“...And I am fortunate enough to still count him as a friend.”

—

“Thine arrival is timely as ever.” Urianger turned around, finally ‘noticing’ Asmundur following him out of Bestways Burrow. The Viera gave him a look that laid feelings bare without speaking a word, daring him to try and weave another elaborate lie.

“‘Twas not mine intent to move in shadow, that I can promise you. It seems, however, that my capacity for deceit and duplicity hath caught the ears of our lunar compatriots, and…” Urianger heaved a sigh. “Most days I can put the deceptions of the past from my mind, but I struggle to think of aught else when my apparent talent for subterfuge seems to be the impression that comes to any stranger upon first meeting.”

“So the memories haunt us both, then,” Asmundur replied, filling the empty air. Urianger turned to look Asmundur in the eye for a moment, then fixed his gaze on a distant star above.

“Aye. The Exarch’s scheme backfired, for a mercy, but… thoughts of Moenbryda and Minfilia oft leave me pondering whether I had done them wrong by remaining silent, by not seeking any alternate course. By pushing them ahead on their paths of noble sacrifice. Would they have chosen another way, had one been offered them?”

“Much as I wish it weren’t so, I cannot imagine a scenario in which Minfilia would’ve chosen differently, given the circumstances.” It was Asmundur’s turn to sigh. “The thought has stuck with me these intervening years, wondering if maybe there was a way she could’ve survived, but… I think it was who she was, as a person, that made that decision before she’d ever been presented with it.”

“It seems thou hast the right of it.” Another deep exhale. “We struggle each new day, bearing the burden of those lost who still haunt us, and fighting to save those who remain, but… what of those who cannot be saved? How do we make peace with the dreadful algebra of necessity?”

“Sometimes there’s no right answer. The only wrong answer is to stop trying altogether, I think.” Asmundur crossed his arms, as if trying to somehow keep the rest of his thoughts from escaping into the air.

“I only speak for mine own experience, but… it would not come as a shock if all of us Scions had experienced moments where we began to doubt our own ability to affect change and help those in need, becoming trapped in the throes of malaise and indifference. ‘Twould not be difficult for me to recall examples of mine own personal difficulty with that very thing.”

“I certainly couldn't say I haven't had that exact thought,” Asmundur replied in commiseration. “Sometimes I… I worry that such inaction on my part may have struck wounds in those around me, wounds deeper than I could ever manage to heal on my own.”

“Mayhap the only salve for such an injury is the passing of the years.” Urianger offered a small smile to Asmundur, an olive branch of sorts.

“Maybe so.”

—

“I don't wish to pry, but… was there something between the two of you?” Koana inquired, curiosity winning out over decorum.

“No– well, sort of, but… not really.” Asmundur stumbled over his words, trying to navigate the unexpected line of questioning. After a breath, he continued. “Perhaps we could've been, had things been different. Had I been different. I don't know exactly how much of my past they've told you, but… we've lost many allies on the road to this moment. Sacrifices that were ultimately necessary for the maintenance of the peace we now take for granted, but…”

“That a sacrifice is necessary does not make it easier to swallow,” Koana filled in.

“Aye. And those sacrifices very nearly swallowed me. For many days and nights I was more or less lost in grief; a grief that manifested as a burning rage. It made me an effective weapon, but not so much a welcome companion. And once we’d been called to the First, the gap in the time that had passed between us made things… uncomfortable, for lack of a better word.”

Koana nodded in understanding, prompting Asmundur to continue.

“Calamities don't wait for your relationships to sort themselves out, so the urgency pushed us all back together soon enough, and with enough time, things smoothed out, you could say.” Asmundur shifted his weight slightly. “Enough to the point where I can count him among my friends once more, as I said before.”

“I… Thank you, Asmundur. For your honesty. It's not often I can simply speak my mind and receive a reply from the heart.” Koana adjusted his glasses, a nervous habit. “Lamaty’i, she… she's an open book, but always to a happy page, it seems. There are things I wish to tell her, concerns about our brother, about our homeland, about… me, but it feels like I would only weigh her down if I did.”

“I’m reminded just now of something Urianger told me, many moons ago. What I imagine he might say, were he here.”

“And what might that be?”

—

Another moment of silence lingered as they both gazed out over the moon’s surreal landscape.

“I suppose in all of my words mayhap I have neglected to say it plain. I will consider the Loporrits’ proposition with care, and I plan to keep you all apprised of any developments. ‘Twould be to our mutual benefit if we could converse more openly with our aspiring caretakers, something I should be glad to address on the Scions’ behalf.” Asmundur’s posture relaxed slightly, as did Urianger’s in turn. “I can scarce remember the last time we last spoke like this, and so candidly. For all my supposed skill with words, I oft find it difficult to express such private thoughts, so I offer thee my sincere thanks.”

“I appreciate your candor,” Asmundur replied. “It reminds me of the way we used to talk, long ago.”

“It does feel like a bygone ritual, does it not?” Urianger let out a tiny chuckle, defusing the tension. “One we used to partake in more often, to my memory.” Asmundur nodded in fond remembrance.

—

“To dispense with all pretense and bare one's heart to another is a frightening thing indeed. But we cannot move forward ere we take that bold first step.” Asmundur answered Koana, quoting Urianger’s words faithfully from amidst the memory.

—

“‘Tis a lesson I have learned many times before...and again today, ‘twould seem.” Urianger continued, after a momentary pause.

“One we’ve both learned,” Asmundur corrected.

“One we’ve both learned, then,” Urianger repeated. “In truth, my reason for traveling hither was to effect a plan of mine own. A plan which may pave a way forward for us all. I had rather intended to bear its burden of success or failure alone, but… ‘twould be remiss of me to not extend my scheme to encompass us both, should thou wish to take part. So, wouldst thou join in mine endeavor?”

Asmundur uncrossed his arms, letting his hands subconsciously find pockets to rest in. “So what’s this plan, then?”

—

“Perhaps I will have to put your– rather, Urianger's words into practice, then. Speak my thoughts to Lamaty'i, in spite of my apprehension,” Koana replied, after a moment's consideration.

“If there's one thing my limited experience with your sister has shown, it's that she's a great listener.”

Right on cue, Koana’s linkpearl chimed, and he turned his focus to what was likely Thancred on the other end, calling with news of Wuk Lamat’s captors. Asmundur silently turned his focus to the waters of the nearby river, simply watching it flow by as he awaited the next move in their rescue effort. As he stood up from the grassy bank to follow behind an already-in-motion Koana, he made a mental note to check in with Urianger the next time their paths crossed.

#asmundur #others #ffxiv swap #AAAAAA thank you again!! ;v;#writing

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