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My first youtube video!! Sorry for the awkwardness! Like and Subscribe to watch more or my videos in the future!!

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Tis the season... Just one of my favorite photos I’ve taken with my Nikon. Can’t wait to go home and set up my room tree once again!

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Ehhhh

So I’ve been listening to a lot of Frank Ocean lately and it’s making me feel different things and I am going to share some of that here rn.

Okay so I have a desire to be a certain kind of person with an appealing aesthetic and I’m wanting to do a lot of different things with the talents that I have that I don’t often use outside of school. Like for example, I really love photography and I want to do some photoshoot kind of things with Nikon when im back home with my friends and siblings. It’s starting to get cold out and I feel like I could get a lot of nice shots and stuff if its snowing out and whatever. I also want to purchase a Wacom drawing tablet for my laptop so i can start creating graphics and maybe some cute little animated videos. For those of you who don’t know, I am a graphics major in college rn and I just want to create and try different things and spread out, explore the abilities of my talents. I also really want to start up my youtube. I mean I have 2 videos on it rn but those arent really going to be counted because I want to start vlogging or just sitting down infront of my camera and shooting something that I want to share with people. But on that note and also kind of back to the photography thing, I want to save a few hundred dollars so i can buy another camera. I have a Nikon Coolpix rn and I love it to pieces but I would like to have a camera with a view finder and a screen that can flip out. But yea there is so much stuff I want to do and I need to quit making excuses as to why I cant do it. Im 18, theres no reason why I can be doing a lot of these things.

I know not that many, most likely no one, reads my posts on this blog or even let alone follows it but.... I want to continue posting on here even if it doesn’t get read.... But if you are reading this, I appreciate your presence and thank you. 

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Late night realizations/questions

• i like to think about events or things I'm doing in the future and how I anticipate them to play out and how I will feel and it's always weird when that moment happens and it doesn't go as planned and I don't feel what I thought I would feel.. ? If that makes sense to anyone. I do this a lot though if you understand what I mean. • okay so. Picture the flashing lights on an ambulance or fire truck or even a police car... is it possible for those lights to cause someone with epilepsy to have a seizure since they are bright and blinking like a strobe light? Probably dumb to ask but I was legit wondering this. • it's been about 8+ months since I had a Monster and I don't know how I've managed to last this long going without one. • non-habit forming sleep aids have really helped me out the last week with trying to sleep through the whole night without constantly waking up. Why didn't I try this sooner. • I need all the money in the world to buy all the makeup that I want. • is it possible to get a paper cut on your eye? And if so how painful would that be ok a scale of 1-10? • I've been listening to Disney songs for about 2.5 weeks now in an effort to learn the words to the songs so I'm no longer the noob of my friends who doesn't know the words to Disney songs. I haven't made any progress because I tune out noise easily and I often find myself ignoring the songs entirely when I have them playing. •how do you make friends in college when you are a quiet person? Asking for a friend. •is it bad that I delete people off of social media that I no longer talk to just because it makes me feel like I've officially let them go and have moved on? •I laugh hysterically when I'm super nervous and that is scary. • college is honestly pointless and just an easy way for institutions to make a fortune off poor young people. Okay I'm done for the night 😂

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Let’s talk about growing up..

College is where we are supposed to find ourselves. I mean let’s be honest, this is literally the first time in my life that I am completely independent and alone so I’m starting to find out who I am . I’m two hours away from all my friends and family, though that may not sound bad to some of you out there it is pretty rough for me. I’m in a town that is more than twice the size of where I’m from and it’s SCARY. Not scary like ‘I AM SO SCARED IMMA PISS MY PANTS’ but more like ‘I’m an emotional wreck and everyone who cares is over a hundred miles away’ kind of scary. 

Though I’ve officially been in college for more than 2 months, I’m still having a hard time trying to adjust. For example, I still haven’t made any friends :). I know what you’re thinking, “Chelsey it’s only been two months, you have the rest of the year to make friends and meet people.” True, but being as though the closest thing I have to a friend here is my roommate (who I was friends with in high school but this isn’t my point so let’s move on) i still feel very much alone. Now I know it’s not that hard to make friends and that I need to just talk and be social with people, but this is hard for me. Though I don’t have anxiety during the attack of talking to people, it’s trying to get the courage to let the words leave my mouth to start a conversation. Hell, the other day last week in my expository writing class I wanted to add an observation I found in an article we were reading and in the process of contemplating say it aloud in front of everyone I was on the verge of having a panic attack and crying (which I’m pretty proud of myself for suppressing because I am emotional af and also an ugly crier so it was very hard) So now i should tell you that ended up not saying anything at all :D Way to go Chelsey, 2 months in and you still have yet to interact in class at all!!

Something I’m definitely having a hard time with right now is my anxiety. Though I’m better right now than I was a few months ago, I’m still having problems so feeling alone and isolated doesn’t help much. The only thing that helps me is knowing deep down I am not alone and if i need to talk to anyone, they are just a phone call away. :)

Another part of college is growing up, which I am failing at right now. You can ask all my friends, I seem mature for my age but when I am completely comfortable my true self comes out…. which may or may not have the mentality of a 5 year old… Growing up with siblings that are all 8 to 11 years older than you and practically left home when you were still a child, you build a weird sense of humor and character to entertain yourself. More often than not I use my childish-weirdness to help cope all the things I’m going through. Being as though I am not completely comfortable here, that side isn’t coming out of me as much which is causing me to deal with my emotions front on and not continue to push them away. An example of this is that I have had full panic attacks as of 6 times since I’ve been here (5 of which were from the lack of parking in my residence halls parking lot).

I have no idea where the hell I was trying to go with this, but there’s that. If you are anything like me, moving away for college is going to suck at first but it gets easier. Sometimes we humans have to just learn to adapt and do things on our own. It’s hard, but it will get easier. In the end, as long as you are healthy mentally and physically, everything will work out.

Until next time I guess, make the most out of your lame life..

-Chelsey

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Heyoooo

HELLO! and welcome to my blog!.... Well this is technically my secondary blog bUT this is going to be my blog where I am going to be posting a lot more often. I have some high hopes for what this blog is going to contain!! :D I’ve had a youtube channel for a few years now that literally only contains two videos right at the moment and I wanted to make a blog to help with the transition to youtube soooooo... That being said, this blog is going to contain a lot of things about myself and my life and all the random things that go through my head daily that I think other people would enjoy hearing about :) SOO STAY TUNED!