blackpaintedeyes

[blackpaintedeyes]

It's your birthday??

Happy Birthday Gerry !! (I can call you that, right? It's not weird?)

-💜

apparently yeah! and please, i prefer gerry!

[blackpaintedeyes]

Happy birthday, Gerry. I hope you had a nice night.

thanks, mate ! today wasnt so bad

[blackpaintedeyes]

Shit dude didn’t know you were a furry

im goth, isnt that enough?

[blackpaintedeyes]

There is a dog in your mind and in your home and in your walls and inside of you

i never knew i got that dog in me

[blackpaintedeyes]

Hey, no homo, but I am sitting on the broken swing set out back in the perfect, quiet, 2:00am blackness and picturing the softness of your voice and the darkness of your eyes with such perfect and terrible clarity that it feels like I'm choking on my own heartbeat.

[blackpaintedeyes]

Edward Gorey (1925-2000) - Illustrations from 'The West Wing', 1963

part 2. (part 1.)

[blackpaintedeyes]

Anna Block • Nude Lithographs, n/d

[blackpaintedeyes]

in what world is this shit considered okay? stop harassing me.

[blackpaintedeyes]

Is there anything that inspires you, dearest Gerard?

plenty, it just feels muffled. music, but lately i havent been able to listen to it without the barking. books, other art, people, myself

just nothings quite right at the moment

[blackpaintedeyes]

There is a blank page

Sitting

Empty

Waiting to be filled

To be made into art

You are an empty canvas

A walking carcas

Waiting to be made into something greater

Blank canvas

What will you create

i honestly havent been able to paint properly in a while, the block has been real fucking block-ish and keeping me from knowing what to do

i can normally just start by throwing whatever onto the canvas and then making something from what ive got, but i just keep looking at the blank canvas and hating it. even tried to paint it a different color if tbe stark white was what got me, but no dice

[blackpaintedeyes]

If you're struggling with memories of your dad, I would highly reccoment drawing and writing them down if you can. It can be very frustrating to lose things important to us, but there are ways we can keep track of memories we cherish. Writing memories down is a good way to keep them even if your mind loses them.

-⏳️

yeah, maybe

i have started to write things down. i think the weirdest development is remembering shit that never happened

[blackpaintedeyes]

And you, Gerry, the one most often forgotten by the rest. You who continue to parade around as aloof and uncaring despite the acts of love you provide for your boyfriend.

I can’t bury you any further than you seem to have buried those memories that you simply can’t seem to unearth, but I wonder if I can corrupt you just the same. Feel the dread infest your mind as you watch those you care for sink into the earth to join me in the rot, and yearn for their return that will never come. — 💔

you really had me in the first half. kind of. but i know no one around me is sinking into anything

really, you all will say anything if it means you can bother someone. its getting pathetic. youre pathetic

[blackpaintedeyes]

Who are we? Who am I? What a great question!

Perhaps you could answer it for us first? Or maybe you can ask dear Jonathan - he does so love to answer questions, even the ones he has no right to know.

Are we not all storytellers? Narrators of our fates? Perhaps you would enjoy to see me as a critic, a reviewer of this little drama. Or better yet, a producer! That title has always appealed to me. Editor, publisher, sponsor, playwright, director, scenic designer- oh I could go on!

You don't sound like yourself, Gerard. How disappointing for us. Have you met our Timothy yet? You could learn from him, he knows how to play his role very well. A real star, as it were! Or little Michael, who is dancing for us even if he doesn't know it yet. You're fond of your little ingenue, are you not?

We still don't see you as the romantic interest, though. Hand holding and poetry don't suit you. Violence and despair fits you much, much better. But I'm sure you've realized that by now, at least on some level.

We will continue to play with you, as long as you are interesting.

-🐍

violence and despair, huh?

you really are delusional if you think anyone is dancing for you. we dont exist for your entertainment. youre operating on hunches made from a bunch of tumblr blogs, you know that? we're just as anonymous as you

[blackpaintedeyes]

Did you ever find out what that barking noise was about?

no. its really starting to bug me, though. i asked some neighbors if they got a new dog or something, but even the ones who actually had dogs, the barking didnt sound the same at all

[blackpaintedeyes]

jeez, what a wrong way to approach someone. are you doing okay? you can talk about it if you want or need, no fairytales here

-🪶

thank you

i've been alright! got a weird sick over the last week or so and i think im just hazy. ive been forgetting stuff a lot lately, not sure why. i'm taking a tolerance break for a bit to see if smoking was making it worse

its. a lot of my childhood. i keep trying to think back, but my memories aren't right? i really wish i knew how to explain it. i'm forgetting a lot about my dad, and it's honestly bothering me a lot

[blackpaintedeyes]

Dog walker

[blackpaintedeyes]

Oh dear Gerard.

You certainly are a fascinating little puzzle. Have you finally decided to resign yourself to who you really are? Or are you still putting on the façade of resistance?

If you're gunning for the role of tragic hero, we're afraid it's a rather crowded field presently, though you certainly do have the attitude for it. Perhaps we could suggest another path? The dangerous yet empathetic antihero would suit you and your aesthetic quite well. You must start treating us to more of your internal conflict, it's positively delicious.

Oh we can just see it now - the struggle between the different sides of yourself, the inevitable sacrifice of your own happiness, the silent suffering of mourning what could have been alone...

Or, on the other hand, you may simply be the first to die - a noble but unexpected sacrifice that rallies the others into their own evolution? Someone has to do it, and you certainly have practice in dying before the big debut.

You amuse us with your audacity.

-🐍

and whats your gimmick, then? a narrator? storywriter? someone so caught up in fantasy and tropes and delusions of reality?

no one's playing any role, no ones a piece in whatever story you're trying to weave or parts you want us to play. all you're doing is antagonizing people who, frankly, have already been through enough, yeah?

sure, i wouldnt mind venting or talking to people about whats going on in my head, im not closed off like that, but its sure as shit not going to be you