blackcat-midnight-thatsme

[blackcat-midnight-thatsme]

There’s always a lingering question that I ask myself, which is why do I, a cis bisexual woman, enjoy romance between two men so much?  

There are easy answers, like that it’s just fetishizing.  And like, I find men attractive, yes.  But I also find women attractive.  I don’t have a problem with enjoying het romance, assuming I can find good ones.  I enjoy stories with female characters I can relate to.

But there’s something much deeper at play, IMO.  A friend of mine who is a gender studies professor was the first person to point this out to me, but a lot of women enjoy m/m romance and gay porn because of the lack of women.  It removes a source of pressure and sexism.  Without any women present, you don’t have to constantly evaluate the sexism of their portrayal, or be reminded of negative experiences in your own life.  It allows women to experience romance and especially sexuality without all the baggage that comes with it in our patriarchal society.

This was recently illustrated to me rather dramatically.  I read a recommendation for a het romance.  And it sounded cute, and came highly recommended.  The tropes at play were fun.  Until I read a snippet and realized this was a romance between a woman and her boss.  I had a visceral negative reaction.  

Instantly I’m thinking of sexual harassment stories I’ve read and heard from other women. I’m thinking of how uncomfortable it would be to have your boss develop feelings for you.  How icky the power dynamics would be, etc.  

And then I realized…this wouldn’t bother me if it were two men.  Now, there’s no logical reason for that.  Sexual harassment is just as wrong when its object is a man.  But I know I’ve read fics with a similar premise and never thought about it.  Because when it’s two men I can accept this is just a light romance, a fantasy, meant to be fun and sexy and not to represent the real world.

But I can’t when it’s a het relationship.  There’s too much baggage there.  Too much societal history of abuse.  I can’t relax enough with the premise to enjoy that story.  

Now some people can.  And that’s fine.  And some people are never going to be okay with power imbalances like that regardless of gender.  That’s also fine.  I don’t think having either reaction makes one morally superior.  It’s okay to just enjoy light entertainment for what it is without going into deep analysis.

But it’s much more difficult for me, and I think for many women, to relax and enjoy romantic and sexual stories when they involve female characters.  We’ve been burned too many times by shitty depictions, by shallow role models, by abuse portrayed as romantic.  We have developed a stress response, a trauma response to heterosexual romance.  We are hyper-reactive to a wide variety of triggers in regards to it.   But removing women from the equation makes stories safer for us.  And maybe it shouldn’t?  In an ideal world?  But for many of us, that’s the truth.

[blackcat-midnight-thatsme]

HOLY SHIT

LOve this book and this artwork

"The Dao was dispassionate yet held compassion and such was the cosmos."

[blackcat-midnight-thatsme]

alternatives to "ladies and gentlemen"

cads and wastrels

fellow scoundrels

ladies, gentlemen, and interesting miscellanea

beloved friends & tolerated acquaintances

entities of interest

paying audience members & assorted freeloaders

the fbi's most and least wanted

discerning guests & those of you with fuck all else to do on a tuesday evening

esteemed gutter filth

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Anna Haifisch

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HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO COOL!

he did it again

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This is so so adorable

lakenandbeary

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god forbid 5000 year old girls do anything

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✦ Hear, See, Speak ✦

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Wow, this is so beautiful and human

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A four page comic about drawing, drawn for the Portland Public Library's newest exhibit, "Why We Make Comics: Reflections on Storytelling".

If you live in Portland ME, you can see this comic, as well as three others drawn by Isabella Rotman, Caroline Hu, and Liz Prince, on display from October 6th to December 31 at the library!

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Happy Pride Month

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I've been laughing for the past 10 minutes, this one is going on the blog

TOYOTA HILUX TUESDAY

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Reblogging this from Neil Gaiman, I've hit my tumblr peak of the year

Roasted chicken, ginger, daikon, shiitake mushroom soup with lime, cilantro, broccoli sprouts, and rice noodles

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I found it so funny I showed me mum lol

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Chaotic MDZS modern cultivation AU with:

-WWX using vocaloid software to control the dead

-WWX putting blood in the eyes of his miku figurines to make them move(like in the yi city arc)

-LWJ pulling out his smartphone to play guqin with an app

-JC throwing a fit because he has to buy ANOTHER adapter to charge zidian with

- the 4000 Lan sect rules in an Excel doccument

-Lan juniors learing musical cultivation using Simplyguqin (app created by the lan sect founder)

[blackcat-midnight-thatsme]

if yall ever want like serious advice from me about how to solve burnout as a creative it's like...

literally ignore it. stop pushing. go do something else, enjoy your life, fill it with other things, do what brings you joy in the moment if you can.

go to the gym, take a walk to touch grass and look at dogs and smell flowers, cook dinner, watch tv with your friends, talk about your feelings as needed with ppl you trust, take a drive and blast your music, do the chores you need to do, the job hunting slog you need to do, read books that aren't for research, stop cordoning off your brain for The Craft or The Draft or whatever the fuck

forget about the project, stop thinking about it for as long as it takes to be excited again.

fuckin rest, basically

[blackcat-midnight-thatsme]

Peak tumblr celebrity culture

Featuring the beloved Neil Gaiman

Me: I shouldn't disturb Neil Gaiman. I shouldn't send an ask unless I really have no way of getting the information otherwise. I'll check old interviews and all the articles that vaguely mention the subject. Of course it goes without saying that I'll read though the FAQ in its entirety. Only then, will I send an ask. However, I'd be very polite and praise his work, as anyone would. I'd also keep it short, because I don't want to waste his time. But I'd keep it very very respectful. I'd be sending a message to a very talented, amazing author that deals with god knows how many like me. Or I'd just stay in the dark and not send him an ask. Yeah, I'll do that.

My Dash: