blackbirdbrokenwings

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Feeling lonely, things have no meaning. I cry for help, not because I want attention but because I really need someone. I’m exhausted. How much suffer do I have to endure? What’s the point?

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I need a break from my mind, I need people to connect with.

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Have you ever had the feeling that a special day just went by? Like everyone was there, saying “Happy Bday” but you weren’t present? Like you knew it was special but for any given reason, it was just another day for you?

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Depression changed me, I’m not the one I was before it decided to suck the life out of me. I may read things I used to write before those dark days, and I can’t recognize my self. I mean, there are things that haven’t changed, but there’s also plenty of stuff that just flew away. That spark I used to have is gone, even if now I can truly smile, it disappeared the day I wanted out of life.

But, the good part of it, if one can say, is that depression also makes me more conscious about myself. Healing from it, learning to live again, rearranging the pieces of my soul, learning to love my scars, learning to love and forgive myself. All of that made me who I am today. Maybe it took my old personality, but it also guided me to construct a new one.

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Full disclosure? I’ve been dreaming a lot about being with another ppl, instead of my bf. I feel kinda guilty, but also maybe is my subconscious telling me I’m not that happy in my relationship.

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Me today.

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How to Deal with Emotional Abuse

1. First, recognize when you are in a controlling, manipulative, disrespectful or punitive relationship. Usually, the person will be highly critical of you and their comments will have emotional undertones. There is usually also a threat of rejection or abandonment.

2. If you can, walk away from the relationship. It’s unhealthy to be caught up in emotional games where you are the pawn, and you feel trapped and abused.

3. Establish boundaries. For example, don’t allow the person to engage you in critical conversations and emotional put downs. Walk away from any outbursts and emotional displays.

4. Agree to what you will, and will not, accept in the relationships. State these in clear and explicit terms.

5. Put your needs and values before their needs and values (as they will be unlikely to respect these in you first.)

6. Make sure that “no” means “no” … and don’t accept small compromises.

7. Don’t allow yourself to get drawn into any arguments. It will likely go downhill, and you will end up feeling bad.

8. Surround yourself with people who see your gifts and strength – and remind yourself that their viewpoint reflects reality.

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Tiny little thing that’s helps me keep my sanity and will to live.

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Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles.