bitingsheep

[bitingsheep]

its hard to differentiate "loving" from "liking" and i know she loves me but i hope she stills like me. i will probably die if she stops liking me

[bitingsheep]

gf is the only thing that makes me at all excited for my future. without her i have no plans, idk what i would do. so im sure things will get better. i will make them better. i will grip things with my bare hands and bend them until they're better.

[bitingsheep]

when my gf replies to the instagram gc but not my texts it feels like im getting stabbed in the chest

[bitingsheep]

ok yeah gf just told me she thinks the honeymoon phase is over and that she doesnt feel "right" Ok cool

[bitingsheep]

lowkey have entered the "psychological experiment" period of the relationship where my gf starts feeling like she should break up with me more and more every day and i cant do anytving about it besides contemplate suicidd

[bitingsheep]

im so terrified my gf is gonna break up with me and like i wouldnt blame her at all, idk. i think its going to happen soon. i feel like ive been kind of mean and unstable lately which is due to some weird hormonal issues ive been having but thats not an excuse, like i shouldnt be taking it out on her. my job is also really stressful which affects my mood then affects her mood. it's really only tough when we're long distance, which is only for literally 2 more weeks, and whenever we're together it's literally perfect domestic bliss. i think maybe im too unstable or not ready for a relationship, like i dont know how to navigate this at all i feel like i just got born

and she always talks abt how unhappy she was before we started dating, and how she would never break up w me because of that but what if theres some one better for her and im just dragging her down by being miserable all the time and upsetting her

[bitingsheep]

been feeling so unbelievably isolated lately. and ik part of it is my fault because i have been spending more time in my room bc of calculus hw but i just find it insane that my literal best friends who LIVE WITH ME are no longer texting me about things theyre doing. literally in the last like 3 days they have gone for a walk to an area I TOLD THEM ABOUT and fucked around there without me, planned an entire dinner and went to the store without me. i only found out about the dinner when i came home randomly, and made MY BROWNIE MIX without telling me and i think they planned to just.. never tell me that they made the brownies and let me find them myself.

i feel like they only ever want to hang out with me when we have to drive somewhere bc i have a car; all the stuff theyve done lately has been walking. i do sometimes feel like im just a tool for them to use idk

like god damn am i truly that annoying to be around omg. like am i truly that intolerable. i know that sometimes im kind of a know it all and i think theyve been souring on me lately (like i jsut sometimes have interactions with them that make me want to fucking kill myself). maybe i just have bpd but like genuinely if i didnt have them in my life idk what i would do like i would be miserable forever. But whoooo fucking cares right like i should just off myself or something