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biglokinator · 4 years ago

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December 17

I was at balcony, standing near the handrail, looking at the stars and dreaming about him. Dreaming about how many hugs and kisses I would give to Loki. If only he could be here. If only... if only I could really say I love you for the first time to him. What if... what if I was able to do that before, but fear and disappointment made me to kept those words in my damn mind? How can I forgive myself not doing that? Not telling Loki those good and lovely things he really deserved? How can I forgive? Someone in this world please tell me!

-Hey, why are you here? -As I heard footsteps behind me, I exhaled deeply and imperceptibly wiped my tears away. I turned back to Aaron with a smilling face.- Have you been crying? -My brother’s expression changed quickly when he saw me.

-Yes. -I fake smiled again.- But those tears are happy tears. Like.. tears of joy. -I shrugged.- I will come back to party in couple of minutes.

-Oh, cmon, sis. It’s your birthday. How can you say that when everyone is looking for you?

-I just need to be alone right now. I promise, I’ll be back in ten minutes.

-Okay. Okay. -He was going to go, when suddenly turned back.- Before I forget and before you are all alone, this letter was given to me to give to you. -He gave me an envelope, which was green and my heart just skipped a beat.- So... here you go. -Said Aaron and went back to the building. I was still looking at that thing in my hands. It was from him. From Loki. I knew it, as soon as I saw it’s color.

-Oh, it’s my favorite kind of green. -I was touching it carefully. Honestly I didn’t want to open, but also I was looking forward to read this letter.

“Open it please.” Said my another self in mind. “Cmon, what are you waiting for? Don’t be a coward! Open and read it!

I started shivering(not from a cold weather, but from anxiety). I was afraid of Loki. I was aftaid of his words. I didn’t know what was written in this letter... But logically I will never know if I don’t open it.

-So, I’m doing it... -I exhaled air deeply and opened green envelope, when suddnely from nowhere Thor appeared in front of me.- Oh, my GOD! What on the earth?! -I screamed with fear, as I looked at Asgardian’s frightened face. It was so unexpected.. Also he was nervous about something.

-Don’t read that letter. -Odinson Said carefully.

-Why? -I got confused.

-Because it’s not true what it’s written there. -Thor pointed at letter.

-Where do you know what is written here? -I asked with a doubtful voice.

-Cmon, do you really think Loki would sent you an envelope? -God of thunder asked me sarcastically. I didn’t like his tone. He seemed unusually unusuall.

-Cmon, do you really think Loki would come here to talk to me? -I asked it ironically too with a painful laugh. I know he’s not the type of person, who writes a letter, but in that moment when my brother gave me an envelope, for one second I really thought it was from him. And if it’s not from god of mischief, then who would want to do that on my birthday? I put down envelope on the table.

-You know him very well. No one knows what will come to his mad mind.

-So what are you trying to say, that he’s may be here? -I asked with my eyes wide open.- There is no way. -I shook my head.- I’m sure Loki’s somwhere far away. I won’t be surprised if I listen a story from you about him, how he demolished another planet.

-Is he tho? -Thor shrugged in a funny way, but I didn’t laugh.

-Thor stop! -I said loud.- Don’t do that!

-Don’t do what? -He asked with a surprise, like he really didn’t know.

-That!

-What?

-I will beat your ass, right now, if you won’t stop! -I pointed my index finger to him.

-Okay, okay. -He raised up his both hands as a sign of give up.

-Why are you really here, Thor?

-To talk about my brother. -He got serious in seconds.- I wanna know the truth... About him and you. What is going on?

-Um... I... Are you sure you want to hear?

-Yes, darling. I’m listening. -Thor said and crossed his hands on his chest, like Loki would. And I realised, he was Loki in disguise. I got even nervous, when I realised who was actually standing right in front of me. This little... Ugh! Odinson junior was playing his brother’s role so damn well... until now. He really, really shouldn’t have said those words. So you wanna play game like that, huh?

FINE!

-Well... -I sighed.- As we already know, your brother is a real pain in ass, a real catastrophe and all that stuff. It is a way how he want to be seen in public, or maybe he doesn’t even want to be seen in that way at all. -I shrugged.- But I know one thing. -I raised my finger and got closer to Thor-Loki. He was looking at me with curiosity.

-Like what?

-Like what and... I know he isn’t that bad as it seems. Loki is confused, disappointed and heartbroken by your stupid father. -Thor got angry.- I’m sorry for saying that, but I had to. I’m sorry, but when it comes to your brother, there is no way of hiding the truth and my truth is that, if I could, I would give him the world and attention he needed all this years. I would give him even my own world too if it’s possible, because as much as he’s strong and powerful, he’s also vulnerable and lost. And I can’t stand when I have to look at him in his beautiful eyes and only see the pain, jealousy, anger, sometimes tears too. It’s not a real Loki. And I know if he was here, he would ask me how the hell I know who is a real Loki then, but trust me, I know. -I shrugged again and smiled slightly.- I also know that you will do me a favour and instead of me, you will wish Loki a happy birthday. -He’s face changed and got even more serious. Someone wasn’t expecting the last sentence. I could see that in Loki’s teary eyes. He cleared his throat. -Is there anything you would like to say? -Loki asked almost silently and carefully.

-Yes. -I answered shortly.- I would like to say that... -I looked at my fingers. I’m not sure if it’s a good or a bad idea. But if don’t take that chance as a hint...- that, I love him.

-What? -Tear dropped on his cheek.- What did you say? -Loki got even more close to me.

-That I love your brother. I love Loki. And I’m so sorry about what happened to him and I recently. Can you tell him those words for me? -I was looking at Loki. He was silent. Didn’t say anything. He started to walk around balcony with his hands on his back, as always.

-Wow. -Then finally started talking: - Wasn’t expecting that. I’m sorry, but I think it’s not enough for Loki to believe in your words.

-Oh, really? -I raised an eyebrow.- Then exactly what should I do to prove him I’m right and I’m not a bad liar like him? Should I colonize a planet too? Or kill people?

-You just have to kiss him. -Loki transformed into his real body with a smirk on his face. The Asgardian came even more close and touched me on my cheeks with fingers.

-And that’s all? J-just a kiss? -I was looking at his eyes and I can really tell, for the longest time, he was truly happy. As I wished about some minutes ago, I hugged him very tight. He didn’t hesitate to do the same and because of his touch, my heart begin to jump out from my chest.

-No, it’s not just a kiss, darling. -He whispered and touched my neck with lips.- I want everything from you. I want you!

-Loki... I- after all I have done to you-

-Shut up. It wasn’t your fault. I made you do that. The one should apologize is me. I’m truly sorry, love. -Loki was staring at me with pain. He’s eyes were full of grief and sorrow.

-Don’t look at me like that ever again.. like you are in great anguish. I said that I love you. I truly do with all my heart. You are precious to me. -While I was confessing my feelings for him, he just stood there with a smilling face.

-Where and when on the earth did I deserve to be loved and appreciated by you? -Then he laughed with a surprise.

-Since our first meet. -I shrugged.

-Guess, I’ve never said before that I care about you. I’m terribly in love with you, if you wanna know. I didn’t want to say any of this words, because.. you know why. -He laughed again, but it was a nervous laugh.- But some things had changed so... I realised I wanted you by my side. You still don’t have an idea how I’m addicted to you. I love everything in you. You just have to believe me this time.

-Wh- Is that really you? -I was so shocked, because of this words. Did I- did I really listen carefully and right? Or am I dreaming?- Are you allright?

-Am I? Are you? -Loki smirked and engrasped his hands on my waist. And I felt that...That spectacular feeling with goosebumps in my body.- Are you? Because your face is full of confusion. And what expression will you have if I ask you to be by my side this whole life? I promise, the sun will shine on us again.

-It already does. -I couldn’t be more patient. I couldn’t wait any longer. I just wanted to kiss him and I did it with no hesitation. Loki was so soft and careful, he wasn’t hurrying anywhere, so he was kissing me slowly and sweetly. His one hand touched my cheeks and then fingers slided into my hair. I repeated Loki’s move and felt those goosebumps again in every inch of my body.

-You know, darling... -A few seconds later god of mischief stopped kissing me and whispered: -I will never try to harm you, I will never try to disappoint you, I will never leave you and most importantly I will NEVER stop loving you. -Once again he kissed me, but in a forehead and held me close to his chest. I heard how fast was Loki’s heart beating.

For the first time in my life this was the most special birthday I have ever had.

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Hello guys, I hope someone will read this. Btw, it’s my first imagine on tumblr so I hope it wasn’t that bad. I know there are some mistakes, but I really wanted to write something in English. Also, it’s not my native language and it was so hard not to write in my first language, but I tried my best and hope you’ll like it. 💙

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