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bigglobbytears · 7 years ago

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(I don’t have a title yet) but

The girls of 1-A take a night out to go to a concert together, and Uraraka is determined not to let anything ruin this night, even her annoying classmate who they bump into.

Friendship fic, background Minamomo, extremely self indulgent writing.

As the train clacked and clattered on the tracks, Yaoyorozu called out for what seemed the hundredth time:

“Okay Girls! So it’s only three more stops then we transfer to the blue line, which will take us there directly.”

Jirou had her foot up on the seat in front of her, and narrowed her eyes at the thinning buildings around them. “Man, we’re not even in a part of the city normal people live in anymore, it’s just yuppies and suburbs. Mainstream venues are the worst.”

They were clustered near the back of the train car, legs out in the aisle and leaning over each other’s chairs. All the class 1-A girls had started planning this a while ago, spurred off of a random conversation in the locker room after hero practice, when Uraraka saw that her favorite band of all time, Loud Youth, was touring, and would be playing nearby. They felt a little bad for excluding the boys, but, as Hagakure pointed out, they deserved something that was just for them. Uraraka was a little relieved, not because she didn’t want Deku and Iida to come, but because there was something nice in not having to explain herself when she screeched at the tour announcement. Sometimes, girls just get things like that.

Tsuyu, sitting next to Uraraka with her knees pulled up to her chest, turned to Yaoyorozu, who was checking her phone again.

“So, this is your first concert Momo?”

Yaoyorozu blushed a little. “Yes, I’m afraid I was a bit sheltered growing up. I’ve seen classical performances but, from what I understand, they are not similar.”

“No, not really. I’ve only been to one show, it was Pink Bubble Live.”

Ashido, who had been teasing Yaoyorozu by sneakily angling her selfies catch her off guard in the background, whipped her head around.

“Woah woah woah, isn’t that an idol group?”

“Yeah, I went with my younger siblings as a chaperone. It was fun, though. What about you, Mina?”

Ashido leaned back, screwing her face up in an effort to remember.

“Not sure… My middle school boyfriend was pretty into european noise rock, so I think I went to one of those first.”

Yaoyorozu looked slightly horrified. “And that was… Fun?”

“Eh, kinda, but it wasn’t really my scene. But neither was the boyfriend, so we live and we learn I guess.”

Hagakure leaned over the front of her seat, holding out her phone. “Hey, check it out Tsuyu! I think I was at the same Pink Bubble Live concert as you were!” On her phone was a super cute photobooth selfie (of, presumably, her) with the special concert filter over it. “I went with some of my friends from middle school, right before we all graduated to different high schools.”

“That sounds like so much fun! I feel like a show like that is so exciting, even if it’s pretty frivolous.” Commented Uraraka, wistfully.

“So what about you? Did you see any shows up in Mie?” Jirou said, poking her across the aisle with her foot.

“Yeah, only one: “Young Joey’s Jammers”. They play Loud Youth covers mainly, but they were pretty good!”

“So, the only live music you’ve seen… Is a cover band for what we’re about to go see.”

“Yup! I’m much more excited for this though! The other one was just in a community center, while this one has a proper stage and seating and everything!”

“Wow, you really are a super-fan.” Tsu mused.

“What about you, Jirou?” Hagakure asked, “I bet you’ve seen loads of live music, but what was your favorite concert?”

Jirou, strangely enough, seemed a bit flustered.

“Oh, well, after awhile, you start to really appreciate the ones that aren’t corporate. House shows, punk warehouse shows, things with a bunch of bands that are just in it for the music, you know?”

“Yeah, but, which band in particular?”

“The Dead… Rats.”

Hagakure’s shoulders went up a bit in displeasure. “Why would anyone want to think about dead rats?”

“Hu hu hu, look what I found.” Ashido drawled, showing on her phone a tagged picture of Jirou, close to tears, standing next to the five members of Pink Bubble Live. Jirou turned beet red, and spat “Look, my dad was filling in for one of their guitarists! I went as a favor for him!”

“Did you wear the autographed shirt as a favor to him too?”

“Hey, stop messing around, this is our stop!” Yaoyorozu announced above Jirou’s splutters.

Out on the platform, Uraraka made sure her pink mini-backpack was still zipped tight. She hadn’t known what to bring, more than the printed out ticket, and her wallet for emergencies. Her hands felt like they were buzzing with anticipation. For the past two weeks she had been listening only to Loud Youth while getting ready in the morning, and listening to it every night as she went to sleep. She had bought nothing but rice and miso for her month’s groceries to recover the cost of the ticket. It was all going to be worth it, though. Hero life was rewarding, but sometimes it felt like she was just being tossed around an obstacle course (And, in most of All Might’s Hero training exercises, this was true.) Everything was so structured, especially after they had moved to the dorms, and It was nice to go out, away from the city, from the school, from some of the other students who she didn’t get along with as well-

“Oh my gosh, look! it’s that one girl from the support course!”

Down the platform, looking intensely at a map of train routes, was Hatsume Mei. She had the defining trait, in Uraraka’s mind, of being one of the people she least wanted to see right now. She seemed to be fussing with one of her bags, and luckily was distracted enough to not have heard Hagakure. Uraraka was just drawing in breath to whisper that they should try to avoid her, when Ashido loudly yelled “Heeey~! Mei! What are you doing here?”

The breath in Uraraka’s cheeks came out in a quiet, strained whine, which nobody noticed. Oh no, she was waving back… Oh no! she was coming over! Shit shit shit!

The group (minus Uraraka) swelled forward to meet their classmate/former sports festival competitor who seemed ecstatic to see them.

“Why, if it isn’t the class 1-A girls! I feel like I haven’t even seen you since you were training for the hero exams! What are the chances!”

Yes, what were the chances. What were the chances that the one girl that Uraraka couldn’t stand was here on the one night she had to relax. Not wanting to come across as obviously rude, she just stood back and nodded a greeting before looking away. The conversation continued by way of Yaoyorozu, who had, as always, perfect manners.

“Yes, it has been pretty hectic lately. Especially with the increased security in the dorms and curriculum, we’ve been pretty focused on school. I hope all has been going well for the support course?”

“Oh, yeah, it’s been great! Definitely not as intense as the Hero course ha-ha! You guys don’t seem to be out here for work, how come they’ve let y'all wander so far away from the school like this?”

Jirou lifted up a chain around her neck, which swung with the same charm they all had. It looked almost like an old tamogatchi, with a little picture of the principal on it.

“We all have these little tracking devices, just in case. Plus, they can send out distress signals, receive messages, know where the other ones are, and whole bunch of other stuff too.”

Hatsume immediately leaned forward to inspect it, her wide cross-haired eyes obviously taking in every bit of the little gadget. “So cool! So what are you all doing here then?”

Uraraka tried to pipe up innocently “Oh, nothing much, just hanging out, you know-”

“We’re headed to a concert.” said Tsuyu, shooting a look over at Uraraka, who shot back her own.

“Oh my god, The Loud Youth concert? I’m going too! They’re like, my favorite band!!”

Great. Nice. Awesome.

Hatsume’s outfit is only a little but less eclectic than her usual look at school: Huge chunky combat boots, a bright blue hoodie, arms covered in multi-colored wristbands and watches, and huge red sunglasses resting on her head. Around her waist, though, was still her standard, blocky utility belt she would use to mess with any machine she was able to get her hands on. Uraraka sniffed, not able to hold herself back. “You know they won’t let you bring tools into the concert venue right?”

Hatsume just laughed and said “Oh, but that’s the awesome thing about this belt!” And then she struck her infuriating pose and loudly proclaimed “I have outfitted this belt specifically for tonight, allowing me to come prepared for any future mishap the night may throw at me! I have a foldable water bottle, breath mints, hand sanitizer, high protein snacks, advil, earplugs, extra socks deodorant, two portable phone batteries, and so much more, all ingeniously packed for ultimate lightness and accessibility!”

Tsuyu leaned forward to look around the cluster of girls at Uraraka.

“Oh wow Ochako, you were just saying your phone was close to dying.”

“Oh. Naw. I mean, I’ll be fine.”

“Didn’t you say ‘Oh boy, if ya’ll need to find me at the concert, just yell loudly and hope for the best, cause my battery’s about to go belly-up’”

“Yes. Yes Tsu I did say that.”

Yaoyorozu cut in, looking concerned. “Uraraka, you should charge your phone, from what I hear concerts can be quite the chaotic environment.”

With her lips pinched in annoyance, Uraraka handed over her phone.

She didn’t say much more as they went, with one extra member, to the concert.

Even outside of the place, they could tell it was huge, with multiple levels and a huge stage in the center. People were coming out of every train, and already in line to get their tickets stamped. Even though they had arrived early, per Yaoyorozu’s planning, they could tell it was going to be a challenge to find good seating.

“We’ve got to get up to the higher levels!” Ashido yelled above the babble of the crowd, “Those spots have tables and chairs, and the balcony seats have way better views than the ground floor!”

Once they got in, they tried as hard as they could to push through to the stairs.

“Hey, where’s Hatsume?” Hagakure yelled from the back of their pack. Somehow, she had slipped away without them noticing.

“C’mon, don’t worry about that, let’s go!” Uraraka motioned for everyone to follow her towards the slow swell making it’s way up the back stairs. Tsuyu moved close to her, and said, a little softly so that the other girls wouldn’t hear:

“You don’t like Mei very much, do you?”

“What, how can I not like her, I barely know her.”

Tsuyu just stared at Uraraka with her big, round eyes, silently telling her that she wasn’t buying it.

“Fine! I get a weird vibe from her. She’s loud, she kept forgetting my name when we first met, and she’s just… A lot.”

“The name thing is a bit rude, but maybe she deserves a better chance from you. We all have big personalities, we can’t blame someone for overshooting it a bit.”

Uraraka didn’t know what to say, and she felt a bit hurt that Tsuyu wasn’t taking her side on this. A shout from above interrupted the awkward feeling in her brain. Up there was Hatsume Mei, waving wildly, pointing at her prize: A table by the balcony, with enough chairs for all of them.

Once they reached her, She had already spread out her many water bottles and mints and granola bars over the whole table in the unspoken message of ‘I’m saving these seats for my friends.’ Everyone wanted to know how she did it, and she said that security and staff always have a back stair that they use, and although it’s open to the public, almost no one uses it because it’s out of the way. Ashido at this point proclaimed her the guardian angel of the night.

Uraraka had zoned out of the conversation, looking down below them. Down there was a densifying crowd of people, getting thicker and thicker until it reached the foot of the stage, which was still dim and mostly covered, waiting for the first opening act. She had made up her mind about what she was going to do.

Jirou and Ashido were passing around two small flasks, and were in the middle of teasing Yaoyorozu at her indignation over it when Uraraka dramatically stood up, took off her hoodie to reveal her Loud Youth band tshirt underneath, and proclaimed,

“Guys, I’m going to the mosh pit.”

No one seems keen on the idea of letting her go down alone. “Uraraka, I’ve heard these things can get extremely riotous.”

“Yeah man, mosh pits are no joke, they can get intense”

Uraraka rolled her eyes. “Guys, yesterday in class I had to dodge an active avalanche simulation while tied to Kirishima, I can handle a rowdy crowd.”

Yaoyorozu still looked hesitant. “Yes, but that was when you could use your quirk. In that crowd, it’s just you.”

Hatsume stood up and said “Don’t worry about it girls! I’m going too!” and she also dramatically took off her jacket. Much to Uraraka’s displeasure, she was wearing the same shirt, but in red. She tried to be polite, keeping in mind what Tsuyu had said.

“Oh, wow, thanks, but really I’ll be fine-”

“But I want to go! This will be my chance to see Young Joey in person, and I’m gonna be as close to her as possible!”

Uraraka mentally resigned to the situation, and together they made their way back down into the center of the crowd together. The first opener comes onstage to lukewarm applause, and announced themselves as the Bang Bears. Four of the members were wearing pretty cute ears and furry outfits, while the fifth member was just a bear. They played pretty well (The bear was surprisingly good on bass) and Uraraka politely nodded her head to the music. Hatsume had led them into a good spot, close enough to the stage that you could smell the fog, and they were nestled comfortably in the crowd. Uraraka shot a sideways glance at Hatsume, who seemed slightly bored.

Uraraka’s (now fully charged) phone buzzed, and she sees that it’s a text from Tsuyu. It’s a picture of two bobbing heads in the crowd, in a swirling mass of bodies and lights.The text underneath it read “I spy… two future best friends! :P”

Uraraka texts back “haha no -gun emoji-”

Tsuyu: “C’mon, give it a try! I mean, you both seem to be super fans of the same band”

Uraraka: “A lot of people like this band! I’m standing in a crowd of them!” Tsuyu: “Ok, if you say so. I’m going to go save Jirou, she accidentally sat between Momo and Mina and they both keep shooting glances at each other when they think the other isn’t looking :P”

Uraraka: “omg! They are being sooo obvious (+u+)”

Tsuyu: “I knoow. Either way, Jirou looks like she’s ready to blow their covers for them. Good luck down there!”

Uraraka put away her phone, and looked over at Hatsume again. She decided to take a random stab at conversation.

“So… Have you always been a fan of Loud Youth?”

Mei turned her eyes to to focus on her, which Uraraka still doesn’t really like, but said “No, I only got into them last year! I started listening to their last album while I was working on my entrance submission to UA Support Studies, and listened to nothing else for like, a month!”

Uraraka tried to work off of it. “Yeah, I love using their third album, Fever Rabbit, as a workout playlist. It’s like, my absolute go to, so much that Deku has stopped letting me DJ in the gym.”

Oh no. Without meaning to, she had accidentally brought up one of the main pressure points for her annoyance with Hatsume.

“Oh yeah, you’re always hanging out with that Izuku kid, aren’t you? He’s kinda funny, isn’t he?”

“Funny how?” Uraraka said, feeling her eyes start to narrow.

“Oh just like… Like, you wouldn’t look at him and think ‘Hero’ right? But that kid is like, super intense, even with his plain look.”

“Whatever Deku looks like is what a hero looks like” Uraraka snapped “Heroes can have big goofy grins, and, and soft hair, and cute freckles, and-” and suddenly she clamped her mouth shut, mortified by the fact she is telling this girl who is NOT her friend just how much she thinks about Deku’s freckles.

Hatsume doesn’t seem to notice her embarrassment, and instead looked thoughtful over what Uraraka said “You know, you’re right! I think that’s one of my problems, thinking more about looks rather than function sometimes. My teacher always tells me I focus too much on making something look flashy more than making it work.”

Uraraka felt herself getting a bit curious- She knew next to nothing about the support course, other than working with them occasionally on her outfit and gear, and has no idea how their curriculum goes. By the time the Bang Bears finished their last song, Hatsume was explaining how the support studies finals went (unlike the hero course, theirs is project based, and they have to submit a piece of equipment that has to pass rigorous review and grading). Uraraka, at this point, had drunk most of Hatsume’s foldable water bottle, and thought that this was probably the only chance she would get to go to the bathroom for a while. She excused herself, and Hatsume promised to save her spot.

Just like everywhere else at this venue, the bathroom had a line, cutting into the hallway. Uraraka meekly joined it, trying not to tap her foot out of anticipation to get back to the crowd. She felt a nudge on her shoulder. There behind her was a slightly flushed (which meant pinker than usual) Ashido. “Hey Uraraka, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Uh” Uraraka shuffled forward an inch with the line. “Yes?”

“Great, I could really use your help man. Look, here’s the deal, cards on the table: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I really like Momo.”

“Oh! Yeah, I know.”

“That’s okay if you’re a bit shocked man, I mean, so was I, but that’s just how it goes.”

“No, really Mina, I know. I think it’s great.”

“See! That’s what I love about you dude, you can always adapt to the unexpected. Anyways, I need your advice, because I don’t know how much longer I can keep it secret. I mean, I don’t know if she even likes me back! She probably likes other people who are her level, people who are more like Todoroki or, the president, or something.” They were now inside of the bathroom proper, and Uraraka was keeping both eyes glued onto the stalls while she talked to Ashido. Man, she REALLY had to go.

“Look, Ashido, I’m sure Momo thinks you are great. She likes Todoroki fine, but I’m sure for dating, she just wants someone that makes her feel relaxed and happy. So just, I dunno, see if you can make her laugh, and then you know if you should ask her out or not.”

Ashido put her hand up to her forehead, obviously needing a moment to process this.

“Oh my gosh Uraraka…. You are so smart, thank you so much!”

Ashido then gave her a hug, tight enough that Uraraka felt real fear that she’ll accidentally pee herself, then dashed out of the bathroom, yelling back “Just you wait, I’ll relax the hell out of her!”

About five minutes later, Uraraka made it into one of the stalls. She was barely sitting in there long enough to admire all the colorful graffiti when she heard a familiar panicked voice call from the bathroom entrance.

“Uraraka! Are you in here? I’m freaking out!”

Uraraka, still in the stall, called back “Uuuuh yes? Can I help you?”

Yaoyorozu’s feet appeared outside her stall, and she yell-whispered “Uraraka! I need your help!”

“Um,”

“I think I’ve been drinking too much, and it’s messing with my perception of things! I keep feeling like Mina is noticing that I like her! She keeps looking at me and saying weird things to me!”

“Oh, oooh, okay um.. I’m sure it’s nothing”

“I mean, I’ve been strictly monitoring my intake, making sure I don’t go over my limit, and with my current body mass I should not experiencing these alcohol side effects!”

Uraraka tried to finish up while Momo goes on about her body mass calculations, and opened the door to see her standing right there, wild eyed and blushing furiously.

Uraraka edged by her to get to the faucets, trying to take on a calming tone, keeping one ear peeled to make sure the second opening act hasn’t started yet.

“Listen, Momo, I think you’ll be fine. No, you don’t have to make a breathalyzer for yourself. You know, I think Mina just wants to talk to you. Maybe she likes your company.”

Momo gets silent at this, still looking frazzled.

Uraraka, after drying her hands, puts her hands on Momo’s shoulders.

“Look, you’re sweet, you’re smart, you’re capable, it could be Mina just likes you”

Momo’s shoulders dropped.

“As if. I’m way too high maintenance for her. She probably wants like, a motorcycle-riding bad girl, and I’m not that.”

Uraraka felt like she could scream, but instead she took a deep breath.

“Listen, Mina isn’t complicated. She wants someone who will listen to her bad jokes, and that’s about it. Just relax.”

Momo nods, and Uraraka patted her on the back, leading her back into into the hallway.

As soon as she saw Yaoyorozu head back towards the stairs, she looked down at her phone. There were some missed messages from Mei, telling her to come back ASAP. Uraraka shoved her phone back into her pocket, and practically runs back to where Hatsume is. There she sees what the problem is.

In front of Hatsume, towering head and shoulders over anyone else in the crowd, was a big rocky fella, bright red and not budging from in front of Hatsume. As Uraraka drew closer, she heard Hatsume’s commanding voice insisting to this man that he had to move, she couldn’t see, and that she had been saving a spot-

Uraraka came up and meekly stood next to her, not knowing what to do, feeling like this was her fault. With a sound of crunching gravel, rock-man turned his head around to look at them and leaned over, so that he would be looming above them.

“Look here, sweeties. You don’t get to save spots in the mosh pit. Eat it and leave, because I’m not moving.”

Uraraka saw, even in the dim light, Hatsume’s face flush with anger.

“Now, listen here asshole! My friend and I were here first, and we deserve a spot in this crowd! If you want to be bitter and gross about it, then you don’t deserve to even be here! Have fun living life as… as an extremely unpleasant person!” and she grabbed Uraraka by the hand and led her away from rock-man, absolutely fuming. The second act was coming on, and the lights were dimming again. Uraraka stopped Hatsume, trying to look down and blink the tears out of her eyes. She cleared her throat and said,

“Maybe… Maybe I should go back up with everyone else. I don’t know why I was so stupid, I should have known better than to think we’d get at all close to the band. Everything in this night is going wrong.” Uraraka now couldn’t keep the shake out of her voice, and felt pathetic.

“I blew all my money on this one ticket, and I’ve been rude and bitter all night, and I keep thinking that I can be some… Some slick cool girl, when really I’m just a loser fan.” Oh no, she was crying. Real heroic, Ochako.

“I don’t think you’re a loser!” said Hatsume empathetically. She pulled out a little package of tissues and offered one to Uraraka to blow her nose on. “And plus, that was just a bump in the road! I haven’t even shown you my secret plan yet!”

Uraraka looked up, still sniffling. “P-plan?”

“Yup! To get us in front! Here, put this on, and follow my lead!” Hatsume pulled out two black baseball caps with the words “staff” written on them, and a spray bottle and clump of rags. She put one of Uraraka’s head, and the grabbed her hand and led her back into the crowd, this time around the side, where the crowd was slightly thinner. When she finally started leading Uraraka into the main fray, she told everyone standing “Make way, we gotta get through, someone partied a little bit too hard, and trust us, it isn’t pretty! Excuse us, thank you, we’re just getting through!”

As soon as people heard that, they jumped right out of the way, letting the girls pass through without challenge, obviously not wanting to think to hard about the mess they claimed to be cleaning up.

Before Uraraka knew it, they were there, next to the stage, feeling the beat of the second openers drums in their feet. She couldn’t help but squeal and clutch her face, not believing how close they were. Hatsume grabbed the caps off their heads and tucked them away before security saw them, and Uraraka pulled her into a rough hug.

“Thank you.” she said, muffled into Hatsume’s shoulder. “This is one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me.”

Both of the girls then looked at eachother for soulful moment, then collapsed into giggles, laughing at the whole strange situation. The laughter kept bubbling up through Uraraka’s chest throughout the whole short set, and at one point they sent a picture to Tsuyu of both their hands touching the stage. Tsuyu sent back a picture of all the girls crowded in a selfie cheering for them. In what felt like a moment, the opener has played their last song, and the lights went dark. A rush of fog hit her square in her face, and she heard the opening chords that by now she had memorized, note for note.

—–

The rest of the girls were waiting for them by the front of the doors by the time the concert ended. When Uraraka tried to call out to them, she was surprised to find that her voice came out a dull croak. Jirou found this absolutely hilarious, but it didn’t stop both Uraraka and Hatsume from detailing every bit of the concert to the rest of the girls.

“When they played ‘Skip Hop Sweat’ I lost my mind, that drums solo was so good!”

“I didn’t know how funny the band was, their banter was almost as good as the songs, I swear!”

“Oh, but the best part was during ‘Window Shopping’ when Young Joey SANG RIGHT TO URARAKA! She touched her hand and everything!”

Hagakure giggled at their raspy voices.

“Oh man, you better hope that clears up before Monday’s English oral exam. You know how Professor Mic feels about ‘PRO-JECT-IOOOON!’” and she yelled out the word in an uncanny impression of the teacher. By now they were at the train station, and Hatsume turned to the group.

“Well,” she croaked, “I’m taking a different train back home. This is where we part I think.”

She hugged every girl there in turn, everyone expressing goodbyes and mentioning how nice it was to have seen her. She reached Uraraka last, and pulled her into a tight hug, rocking a bit before letting her go. Her eyes seemed a bit overbright as she said,

“Really, I had such a good time tonight. I’m so glad we got to hang out. I was totally prepared to go to this concert alone, but I’m so, so happy I ran into you guys.”

Uraraka blinked back, sincerely touched by this. “Me too.”

And she meant it.

On the train, Uraraka kept having to keep herself from dozing off on Tsuyu’s shoulder. She could hear Ashido and Yaoyorozu having a quiet conversation behind her. Mina was shyly muttering something about how she has been wanting to try out this new burger place in town, and was wondering if Momo would maybe want to check it out with her.

“Oh, yes, I would love that… I’ve never had a burger before.”

“What? Oh man, we’ve gotta go then! I think you’d love them, you really strike me as the burger kind of girl.”

Once they finally beeped their way back through the school gates with their school IDs, they tromped up the stairs to the dorms. The boys were all in the living room, yelling and jumping on the couch, eyes rapt on the screen. Apparently they had spent their saturday in playing a full Super Smash Bros Tournament, and right now Kaminari and Deku were facing off in the final round. Kaminari, judging from the jeers of the rest of the boys, was losing. Some of the girls plopped down on the couch to watch the end of the match, but Uraraka felt like she was about to pass out from exhaustion. She murmured a broad “G’night” to everyone, heard it distractedly echoed it back, and made her way up the stairs to her room.

She only managed to kick off her shoes and pants before she crawled into bed. Before she completely fell asleep, and saw one more message from Tsuyu. It’s a picture, obviously taken from far away and zoomed in, and overly bright from the stage lights. However, there at the edge of the stage is undeniably Uraraka and and Hatsume, raising their arms up, inches away from their idol. One message is tacked along with it:

“Told ya <3”

Uraraka smiles as she drops her phone to the side and passes out, ready to sleep in tomorrow.

#Boku no hero academia #my hero academia #fanfic #uraraka #this was a gift to myself

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