beverlyfdole

[beverlyfdole]

10 Things to Do on Days When You Just Want to Give Up

“When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hang on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn.” Harriet Beecher Stowe

Some days are light and filled with inspiration. Some days are simply routine.

And on some days you may think to yourself: “I give up”.

You may feel like just giving up on…

Your new habit of working out or eating healthier.

Your own small business or blog because you haven’t had the results you expected or wanted.

Truly feeling better about yourself.

Dating because you can’t seem to find the right person or maybe even have a good date at all.

Winding up in such situations is a normal part of making positive changes in life.

But what you do when you feel like giving up will determine a lot about where your life will go.

In today’s article I’d like to share 10 things that have helped me to hold on or to change direction on those difficult days.

1. Tap into realistic expectations.

This one has been very important to me.

Tap into realistic expectations not by listening to advertising that promises you quick results. Not by listening to the perfectionism – from the people around you or yourself – that allows no mistakes or failures.

Tap into it by listening to the people who have already gone where you want to go.

Listen to the people who know what works and how you will stumble and fail along the way and can tell you how long your journey may take.

You'll probably not get an exact blueprint. But the things people can tell you in person or via books and blogs can be a great guidance.

2. Remind yourself why you are doing this.

It’s easy to lose the big picture in the busy everyday life.

But if you feel like giving up then try reconnecting with why you are doing what you are doing.

Maybe it is to:

Support and keep your family safe.

Live healthier and longer so you get to watch your kids grow up.

See the world and explore new things.

Write your answers down.

Then, whenever you feel like giving up pull out that piece of paper with your most powerful why(s). It often helps.

3. Remember: It’s darkest before the dawn.

This thought has helped me to hold on when things have felt very difficult and I felt like giving up and going home. Because I have found it to be true.

When things seemed to be at the lowest point with my blog and business, with my dating life or with my motivation in life in general something always happened.

Probably quite often because being at that low point forced me to change something in how I did things.

But maybe also because life seems to have some kind of balance if I just keep going. If I just keep taking action instead of giving up and doing nothing then something good always happens.

Seeing this repeat itself strengthened my belief in taking action and to keep going even on rough days or weeks.

And it brings some comfort even when things look pretty dark.

4. Reconnect with the basics.

When I have run into a plateau or a longer rough patch then one thing that has often helped is to simplify and reconnect with the basics. 

It is easy to become overwhelmed by all the information out there about any change you can make in life.

That can lead to confusion and to trying to do too many things at once.

In those situations it has been helpful for me to simplify.

To just focus on a few or one of the things I have learned that are the basic fundamentals in this area of life. To improve my social skills those things were, for example, to keep a positive attitude and to assume rapport.

5. Learn more and course-correct. 

Reconnecting with the basics often works well. But sometimes during a rough patch or when I feel stuck it has been helpful to change my course slightly instead.

To examine how I do things, what results they bring in and to compare it to how people who have gone before me have done things. 

To be honest with myself and admit that maybe one or two things or small parts of that I am doing are not working so well.

And to replace those things for a while – based on what others have done in the past – and see if that works better. 

Even if it means that I have to get out of my comfort zone.

6. Tell yourself: Just for today!

Here’s a little phrase I got from Brian Tracy that I often use when I’m having a bad day with a new habit.

I say to myself: Just for today I will XX!

Replace XX with what you will do just for today such as getting exercise, getting going with the most important task first thing in the day or eating a healthy lunch.

By telling myself that I only have to do it today I get two big benefits:

I release the mental burden of the past times I did it and future times when I will do it. And so the task becomes much lighter and the inner resistance melts away.

It also reminds me that the period that I am investing in changing a habit is not the rest of my life. After 30 days or so the habit will mostly be automatic so it is not something I have to do on willpower for the next few years or decades.

And guess what, when tomorrow comes I’ll probably have a good day again with less resistance and I will most likely feel like doing the task again.

7. Connect with the people around you to let it out (and to reload your motivation).

I've found that when the hurdles seem insurmountable or I don't have the energy to tackle another obstacle then one thing that can help a ton is to just open up about it.

To talk to my wife, a friend or my parents about it. To vent, to figure things out for myself as the other person listens. And to get some level-headed and experience-based advice when I need it.

This replenishes my energy and motivation.

If you have trouble with finding someone to open up to at this time – or the people in your life have difficulty with understanding or helping you with a current challenge – then you can for instance seek out supportive Facebook groups or other groups online.

8. Look back and celebrate how far you've come.

When you feel like giving up and you're overwhelmed and tired then it's easy to lose perspective on what you've actually accomplished so far.

The things you've learned, the steps you've gotten to done and the obstacles you've overcome.

Reflect on those things when you feel like giving up. Appreciate and celebrate what you've done so far to move yourself towards your goal. Appreciate yourself for the effort you've put in.

This will help you to change your perspective to a more optimistic one once again and to find a new step you can take to keep moving forward.

9. Just cut yourself some slack and take a break.

Yes, it might feel like you just want to give up. But in my experience that may sometimes simply signal that you need a well-deserved break after you've put in too much work or tried to stick with a too optimistic time-plan.

So when that happens listen to your body and mind.

Take a few hours or days off. Rest, recuperate and forget all about the task, project or whatever you want to give up on during that time.

This can change how you feel in a remarkable way and recharge your batteries.

10. See if it's time to quit and to try something else.

Sometimes it's not time to give up. But it may be time to quit what you are doing and to try something else.

If you feel like giving up or you are bored a lot, if you feel no real passion or excitement or curiosity about a change or your current path then ask yourself these two questions:

Am doing this because I truly want it?

Or am I doing it because someone told me to or because so many people around me seem to have done it or are working on it?

What you want isn't easy to know before you get started though. You may need to try different paths before you find one that fits you.

And just because everyone around you seem to love running doesn't mean that you have to love it or that you have to give up on the habit of regular exercise.

Try walking, biking, playing badminton or table tennis instead. Try a new way of doing what you want and see if it's a better fit and more enjoyable for you.

[beverlyfdole]

12 Powerful Ways to Reduce and Calm Your Anxiety

Today I want to share 12 tips that have been really useful for me to calm my anxiety in everyday life.

Because if you’re anything like me you have been there many times.

You’re sitting in a waiting room. Or just waiting somewhere.

Soon it will begin.

Your leg is starting to shake nervously. Your hands are starting to sweat and maybe your mouth feels a bit dry.

Your thoughts are becoming jumbled, it is hard to focus and to think as clearly as you usually do.

Maybe you have an important test in school. A job interview. An appointment with your doctor or dentist.

A date that you are looking forward to but at the same time you are scared to make a fool of yourself on.

Whatever it may be it is making you anxious.

Now, these self-help tips are for relieving low or medium levels of anxiety. They are not intended for anxiety attacks or anything that serious.

I know nothing about such things and would recommend that you seek professional help in such situations.

1. Breathe.

Sit down, in a quiet place if possible.

Breathe a little deeper than usual and do it with your belly and not with your chest.

For just a minute or two focus on only the air going in and out of your nostrils. Nothing else.

This will calm your mind and body down.

And it will bring your attention back to the present moment instead of it being lost in overthinking scary, future scenarios or bad memories from the past.

2. Get good knowledge.

Dispel the clouds of uncertainty and vague fears by researching what you have anxiety about.

By talking to people who have done what you are about to do or want to do – or by reading what they have written – you can build a more realistic roadmap with both positives and negatives of how things are likely to go.

And learn how to improve in the area that gives you anxiety.

Do research on the best ways to become better at and less nervous when – for instance – doing public speaking, job interviews or presentations at work or in school.

3. Do a quick workout.

I like to lift heavy weights for about 15-25 minutes when I feel worried, stressed or anxious.

It makes me feel stronger both in mind and body. It releases inner tensions and relaxes me.

Others go out for a quick run, walk or bike ride when they feel anxious.

Find a way to exercise that fits you and lets you reap these benefits and counteract anxiety.

4. Focus on something else.

Sometimes it is more helpful to simply redirect your mind instead of thinking about what creates your current anxiety.

Especially if you have no control over the situation that causes the anxiety like for example an upcoming appointment with your doctor or the dentist.

So focus your attention somewhere else for a while and recharge it with something positive.

Watch a couple of episodes of your favorite sit-com or TV-series. Browse your favorite social media feeds. Have relaxing or upbeat night out with friends.

Do something that takes your mind off the situation that causes anxiety, even if it is just for a few hours.

After that recharge you will not only likely feel better but you will also be in a better headspace and at a higher energy level to handle and think about the anxious situation.

5. Don’t forget to eat.

When I forget to eat because I am stressed and anxious then that only tends to worsen my state of mind.

It becomes harder to think clearly and negative scenarios more easily pop up in my mind.

So even if you don't feel that hungry keep an eye on the clock and if you may be running low on fuel.

6. Change your focus to what you can do right now.

When you ask yourself questions that make you feel powerless or like things will only get worse and worse then you take away your personal power.

Empower yourself by instead asking yourself:

What is one small thing I can do to improve upon this situation today?

Write that question down and brainstorm answers for a few minutes. Then take action on one of the answers you find.

It doesn’t have to be a big action, just one small step forward. And when you are done with it then take another one.

This movement forward will make you feel like you are starting to regain control over your life again, it will make you feel at least a bit more confident and it, in my experience, tends to reduce the anxiety.

7. Question your worries and anxiety.

Look to your own past and ask yourself:

How many situations that I have been anxious about in the past have turned out to be exaggerations or me making a mountain out of a molehill in my mind?

Question your anxiety and worries instead of letting them roam freely.

8. Remember: You have handled tough situations in the past.

When you are standing in the middle of anxiety and fear bubbling up within then it is easy to get dragged down with it.

To lose faith in yourself and your abilities.

When that happens focus on your breathing first to calm and clear your mind. Then look to the past for a bit of strength and confidence in what you can do.

Doing this helps me to go from feeling powerless to feeling like I am standing on firmer ground again.

9. Let the feeling in to let it go.

Sometimes an anxious feeling can feel sticky and vague.

You don’t know exactly where it is coming from or what is causing it. It can be hard to get rid of.

A bit of an odd solution that has worked well for me in such situations is this:

When you feel a negative feeling then allow and accept that feeling. Don’t try to keep it out. Don’t try to fight it.

Even though many of us have learned to do those two things to negative feelings throughout life.

Instead, this time, just let it in and observe the feeling in your mind and body without judging it.

If you let it in and just observe it for a couple of minutes something wonderful happens.

First it may feel uncomfortable and more intense.

But then the feeling loses power. It weakens.

Often to the point that it just vanishes. Or so you can let it go without much effort.

Because when you accept the feeling and let it in you stop feeding it with more energy (as you would when you tried your hardest to keep it out or to fight it).

10. Let it out into the light.

When you keep something inside of you then your head can become an echo chamber that magnifies and doubles the anxiety and fear in a situation.

So let it out instead.

Talk to someone close to you about the situation at hand. Just venting to someone who will listen can help you to get a more grounded view on what's happening.

Or the two of you can discuss it and help you to reclaim your power by making a small, initial plan for how you can reduce the anxiety about this situation by taking some kind of action.

11. Stay in the present moment.

Anxiety is often a fear of something you think will happen in future.

One way to reduce that anxiety is to simply stay with your attention in the present moment as much as you can.

Perhaps you make a small plan in advance to help you out but you choose to deal with the anxiety-creating situation when it happens.

Instead of spending hours each day with imagining and fearing the future and creating monsters in your mind.

The breathing technique at the start of this article is one of the best techniques I have found for returning to the present moment when you get lost in the future.

Another one of my favorites you can try is this one:

Take 1-2 minutes and focus only on what’s right in front of you.

Or around you and on you. Look at what’s right in front of you.

Listen to the sounds around you. Feel the fabric of your clothes. Feel the warmth of the spring sun on your skin.

12. Remember: There is a brand new day tomorrow.

This reminder helps me when today or the last week may not have gone so well.

Because there will be a brand new day tomorrow. A day when you can begin again.

A day when you can take a new step to move towards what you want and likely have a bit more luck.

And when it will be easier to see that this difficult time is only temporary and not permanent (even if it might feel that way right now).

[beverlyfdole]

21 Quotes to Help You to Stop Overthinking (+ My 5 Favorite Tips)

One of the most common things that gets people stuck in inaction and in not doing what they deep down would like to is the destructive habit of overthinking.

You can overthink a small problem or challenge until it looks like a huge and undefeatable monster.

Or overthink something positive in your life until it doesn’t look so positive anymore.

And sometimes you may even be zapping a simple moment happening here right now out of all it’s joy and magic by overanalyzing and dissecting it.

I’ve done all three of those things. All too many times.

So in the first part of this week’s post I’d like to share 21 of the quotes that I’ve found the most helpful myself when I’ve gotten stuck in overthinking.

And in the second part I’d like to share 5 of my own favorite tips. The ones that have helped me the most to stop overthinking in the past 10+ years.

“Take time to deliberate, but when the time for action has arrived, stop thinking and go in.” – Napoleon Bonaparte

“Thinking too much leads to paralysis by analysis. It's important to think things through, but many use thinking as a means of avoiding action.” – Robert Herjavek

”Spend eighty percent of your time focusing on the opportunities of tomorrow rather than the problems of yesterday.” – Brian Tracy

“Rule number one is, don't sweat the small stuff. Rule number two is, it's all small stuff.” – Robert Eliot

“Don't get too deep, it leads to over thinking, and over thinking leads to problems that doesn't even exist in the first place.” – Jayson Engay

“You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.” – Martin Luther King, Jr.

“Don’t brood. Get on with living and loving. You don’t have forever.” – Leo Buscaglia

“If you treat every situation as a life and death matter, you’ll die a lot of times.” – Dean Smith

“Most misunderstandings in the world could be avoided if people would simply take the time to ask, “What else could this mean?” – Shannon L. Alder

“We can easily manage if we will only take, each day, the burden appointed to it. But the load will be too heavy for us if we carry yesterday's burden over again today, and then add the burden of the morrow before we are required to bear it.” – John Newton

”People become attached to their burdens sometimes more than the burdens are attached to them.” – George Bernard Shaw

“The more I think about it, the more I realize that overthinking isn't the real problem. The real problem is that we don't trust.” – L.J. Vanier

“When I look back on all these worries, I remember the story of the old man who said on his deathbed that he had had a lot of trouble in his life, most of which had never happened.” – Winston Churchill

“It's a good idea always to do something relaxing prior to making an important decision in your life.” – Paulo Coelho

 “Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill

“In a moment of decision, the best thing you can do is the right thing to do, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.” – Theodore Roosevelt

“Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.” – Erma Bombeck

“Trust the still, small voice that says, “this might work and I'll try it.” – Diane Mariechild

“Do not anticipate trouble or worry about what may never happen. Keep in the sunlight.” – Benjamin Franklin

“A year from now you may wish you had started today.” – Karen Lamb

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” – Mark Twain

How to Stop Overthinking: My Top 5 Favorite Tips

1. Use a reminder to save yourself from winding up there in the first place.

Staying aware of your negative habit and catching yourself as soon as you start falling into that trap of overthinking as you go about your day can be a big help.

But just trying to keep it in mind at work, in school or in your private life tends to not work that well in my experience. Because we forget all the time.

So what’s needed for this to work a lot better is a reminder.

When I focused on getting a handle on my own overthinking I used a whiteboard on the wall in my home office. The message I wrote on that board was this:

Keep things extremely simple.

This helped me greatly to more often and quicker snap out of overthinking and reduce the number of times that the destructive habit grabbed a hold on my thinking.

Two other kinds of effective reminders are in my experience:

A small note. Put a post-it or something similar with your reminder somewhere where you cannot avoid seeing it every day. You may even want make a few copies and put them in strategic places like your workspace, bathroom mirror and on the fridge.

A reminder on your smart phone. This is the kind of reminder that I use the most these days. I use the free Google Keep app and usually set a reminder to pop up 1-3 times a day to help me to stay on track.

2. Reframe the situation and see it from a wider view.

When you’re thinking and thinking about something then ask yourself:

Will this matter in 5 years? Or even in 5 weeks?

Zooming out in this way will help you to see things with clearer eyes and from a more level-headed perspective.

It will help you to not let medium-sized issues become something that causes more stress or concern than is necessary.

And to more quickly let go of situations where you’re honestly making a hen out of a feather (or out of simply nothing) and to not waste any additional energy on them.

3. Get out of your own head.

When you’re stuck in your own head and thoughts then it can be hard to break out of an overthinking loop about something.

A simple solution that works well but can be a bit counter-intuitive is to then direct your focus fully outward instead of inward.

Two good ways to get outside your own head are:

Help someone else out. Listen and encourage someone close to you that is in a negative situation. Help a friend to plan for a party or for an upcoming meeting or date. Or help out physically by for example lifting moving boxes as your friend is moving into a new house.

Exercise. I find that lifting weights or going somewhere on my bicycle and simply focusing on the exercise and my surroundings and nothing more to be a great way to get out of my own head and to find new energy and a sharper focus once again.

4. Simply small step it.

If overthinking becomes a way to procrastinate or to not face the fear of getting out of the comfort zone you’re in then small step it.

Find just one small or tiny step you can take to move forward. One small action that takes 1-5 minutes. Do that and focus only on that one step until you’re done.

This will get you moving, build momentum and often leads to more small steps being taken (as the first step is most often the hardest one).

5. Just realize and accept that you can’t control everything.

Not even if you think a situation through 50 times or more.

To try to control everything or cover any possible eventuality through overthinking so you don’t risk making a mistake or looking like a fool can be appealing. It has sometimes been the biggest reason for why I’ve thought things through all too many times.

But I’ve also learned that accepting that it simply doesn’t work is the honest truth. To prepare and plan is helpful but going overboard with it isn’t.

A better and healthier way forward is in my experience to understand that making mistakes, failing and sometimes looking like a fool is natural part of stretching your comfort zone.

It has happened to everyone that has wanted to live life fully and to anyone you may admire.

And for most of them those experiences have been very valuable.

Because such situations have helped to them to learn game-changing lessons, to grow and are often invaluable ingredients to their success.

[beverlyfdole]

21 Small Ways to Make Life Simpler

“Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.”Leonardo da Vinci

“The aspects of things that are most important for us are hidden because of their simplicity and familiarity.” Ludwig Wittgenstein

I love simplifying my life. It makes me more effective and life less stressful. It makes me calmer and happier.

But where do you start? Or continue if you are already on your way?

In this week's article I’d like to share 21 small habits that help me to live a simpler life.

Pick one of these to get started and keep doing it until it sticks and becomes just another normal part of your life.

1. Breathe.

When stressed, lost in a problem or the past or future in your mind breathe with your belly for two minutes and just focus on the air going in and out.

This will calm your body down and bring your mind back into the present moment again.

2. Do one thing at a time.

You’ll get better results and feel better and less stressed while doing those things.

3. Write it all down.

Use your mind for better things than remembering what to do. And the mind is often like a leaky bucket.

So write down all your great ideas, insights and thoughts before they go missing somewhere and add what you need to do to a to-do list.

4. Do all your food shopping once a week.

You’ll save time, energy and – in my experience – money.

5. Stop trying to do things perfectly. 

It will only get you stuck and drain your self-esteem.

Go for good enough instead and when you are there you are done. Get things all the way to done this way and then move on to the next thing.

6. Stop doing what you don’t like doing anymore.

Life changes and so do you.

If you don't like doing something anymore then stop doing that (even if it may take some time before you can do so by for example switching jobs).

7. Pack your bag before you go to bed.

Then you don’t have to get stressed out by that in morning and you are less likely to forget something.

8. Throw out the things you haven’t used in 1 year.

Go through what you have and ask yourself if you have used it in the past year. If not, give it away to charity or a friend or simply throw it out.

9. Ask yourself simplifying questions every day.

Questions like:

What is the most important thing I can do right now?

What is one small step I can take to simplify this situation?

10. Keep everything in its place.

If everything has its own place then it is whole lot easier to keep your home reasonably ordered and decluttered from day to day.

This also helps you with your inner stillness as the outer environment affects how you feel on the inside.

11. Cook more food than you’ll eat. 

We usually make four or more servings of what we're about to eat. This cuts down on time that you spend on cooking and you’ll have to do less washing up in general.

Plus, it’s good to have portions of food to bring to work to save some money.

12. Write shorter emails.

I tend to write emails containing only a few sentences, usually between one and five. If you focus on keeping it short and focused then you’ll probably discover that this is a good solution in most cases.

13. Ask instead of guessing.

Reading minds is hard. So, instead ask questions and communicate.

This will help you to minimize unnecessary conflicts, misunderstandings, negativity and waste of time and energy.

14. Use a minimalistic workspace.

My workspace contains a big monitor and a laptop on an adjustable standing desk. I use a comfy chair and there is room for my glass of water beside the computer.

That’s it. There are no distractions here. Just me, the computer and the water.

15. Check everything just once a day.

I check my email inboxes, blog statistics, my online earnings, Twitter and Facebook just once a day.

I combine all that checking into one small daily ritual at the end of my workday so I don’t slip and go checking it more during the day and waste my energy and attention.

16. Choose small daily acts of kindness.

Instead of small acts of judgment and criticism towards the people around you (and towards yourself).

17. Stop trying to please everyone.

There will always be people who you don’t get along with or that do not like you for some reason.

18. Don’t make mountains out of molehills.

Before you start thinking too much about something and building it up something big in your head, ask yourself: “Am I making a mountain out of a molehill here?”

And if you get lost in victim thinking then ask yourself: “Does anyone on the planet have it worse than me right now?”.

19. Spend 10-15 minutes each Sunday or Monday morning to plan out the week.

Write down your plans for the week, organize your prioritized to-do list and get ready for the week before you are in the middle of it all.

This will help you to find more clarity, get more of the most important things done next week and minimize stress.

20. Cancel subscriptions for things you rarely get around to watching or reading anyway.

21. Spend more time with the people that help you to keep things simple.

And spend less time with the people that drag you down into overcomplicating everything and creating unnecessary drama.

[beverlyfdole]

How to Say No: 10 Powerful Tips

How do you stop saying yes when you honestly just want to say no?

Well, it’s not easy. I used to have a lot of trouble with it.

And so I’d become frustrated and angry with myself and others who had asked me about a favor or help.

While at the same time working on someone else’s goals instead of my own and wasting too much time and energy on that.

Things simply had to change.

So I set out a handful of years ago to learn how to become better at saying no.

Here’s 10 of the best tips, habits and strategies I learned.

1. First, keep in mind why you’re saying no.

When you are about to say no then remember why you are doing it.

Focus on the positive things it will open up in your life such as more time for your family, for your writing or other hobby or simply for relaxing so your stress levels will go down.

Because you need to say no to things to be able to say yes to the things you want out of your life (there isn’t enough time and more importantly energy to do it all).

This positive motivation will help you to go through with your decision even if it feels tough.

One simple way to keep your focus on what’s important in your life both when you need to say no and to just stay on track and not get distracted in your daily life is to ask yourself this:

What are the top 3-5 priorities in my life right now?

It could be spending more quality time with your daughter, your photography hobby, reducing your debt and so on.

Write those top 3-5 priorities down on a post it-note or as a daily reminder in your smart phone (I use the Google Keep app for the reminders on my phone).

This will keep your attention consistently on what truly matters to you.

2. Kindly disarm and then state your need.

It becomes easier for people to accept your no if you kindly disarm them first. You could for example do that by saying that you are flattered and that you appreciate the kind offer.

And be honest about whatever you say.

Then you can, for instance, add that you do not have the time for accepting and doing what they want.

3. Add how you feel about it.

Some pushy people might want to overcome your objections and sell you something or convince you to do something even if you first say no with a valid reason.

Then try this: state how you feel as a reason for saying no.

For example say that you do not feel that this offer is a good fit for your life right now. Or that you feel overwhelmed or your plate is already more than full and so you cannot do whatever they want.

Or that you feel you truly have to keep all your focus on your main project right now.

The point of telling someone how you feel is not only to make them understand your side of the issue better but also that it is a lot harder to argue with how you feel rather than how you think.

How you feel is your thing and no one can really come up with good counterarguments to that.

4. Help out a bit if possible.

To leave the conversation where you’re saying no in positive way see if you can help out a bit.

Recommend someone that you think would be a better fit and that could help in better way than you can. I do this pretty often when a reader or someone in my life needs help I can’t provide or knowledge that I lack.

5. If you feel a bit guilty then that’s OK.

But just because you feel a bit guilty because you said no doesn’t mean that you have to act on that emotion. Just be with it instead.

When you are with that emotion and allow it to simply be then after a little while it will start to lose steam and become smaller and smaller. And so you can move on.

6. Simply realize that you can’t please some people.

The fact is that with some people you just can’t win. They won’t be pleased. No matter what you do.

Because it’s not about you with this person. It’s about him or her.

It’s about him being in an unhappy marriage, having a bad month healthwise or being dragged down by money worries.

Or about her having a sick pet, being sick and tired of her job or that she doesn’t have a good chemistry with you.

Realizing this and that you can’t get everyone to like you no matter if you say yes every single time can help you to put a stop to your people pleasing habit.

And to start focusing more on what YOU deep down want to say yes or no to.

7. Improve your self-esteem.

If you don’t value yourself then you won’t value your time very much either.

This has been very true in my experience.

The most powerful thing I have found – besides keeping my attention consistently on what truly matters to me – to make it easier to say no was to improve my own self-esteem.

With better self-esteem the time and the energy I have has become a lot more valuable to me and I do not want to waste it.

And my sense of what I deserve in life has also gone up and I’m much less tolerant of or likely to give in to other people’s negative ways of persuasion.

Like guilt-tripping, being really pushy or simply trying to take advantage of me.

8. Reminder: you teach people by how you behave.

This is one powerful reason why it’s important to say no when you need to.

Because if you’re assertive about what you don’t want by standing up for yourself and saying no then people will pick up on that.

And over time you will encounter fewer and fewer situations where people try to be pushy or steamroll right over you. This will make life and relationships simpler and more respectful and by being assertive you’ll also improve your self-esteem.

9. Realize that the world will go on.

Remember that just because you say no to something doesn’t mean that the world will stop.

They will find someone else that can do what they want and they’ll manage and life will go on for all of you.

So don’t let a feeling of being almost irreplaceable or words to that effect influence you into saying yes when you really want to say no. That has led many people down a path of resentment, anger and in some cases eventually into being burned out.

10. Celebrate and analyze your successes.

You may not be able to say no to everything you’d like to say no to in your week or month. Even if you use several of the tips in this article.

Don’t put too much focus on those situations though. It will only bring your self-esteem and motivation to cultivate the no-habit down. Learn what you can from them and then move on.

Into focusing mostly on your successes.

You may just have said no in one or a few small ways this week. That is still something new and great in your life so feel good about it. Pat yourself on the back and celebrate in some small way what you have accomplished and how you have grown as a person.

And think a bit about what went well in those interactions and what you can learn from them for the future (and repeat to get the result you want).

[beverlyfdole]

It’s My Birthday (So You Get 30% Off on 5 of My Courses for the Next 48 Hours)

Today is my 39th birthday.

And I want to do something fun to celebrate that and to thank you for all your support and the thousands of kind emails and comments over this past year.

So you can get 5 of my digital and downloadable courses and guides at a 30 percent discount for the next 48 hours.

This offer is only available until 2.00 p.m EDT (that’s 18.00 GMT) Friday the 29th of March. And it is the only discount I’ll be offering on my products this year.

I'm off to celebrate a bit now, have a wonderful day and check out the information below to learn more about the courses and guides.

********

You can get any of these downloadable courses and guides with one of the major credit cards or money in your Paypal or Amazon account.

The Self-Esteem Course

This 12-week course is my most popular program so far.

In it you’ll learn how to:

Deep down feel like you truly trust yourself to be able to handle life and making the important decisions and that you deserve to have and to get more good and awesome things in your life.

Finally lay off and overcome your own most self-critical and most self-esteem damaging thought habits such as perfectionism and comparing yourself to others.

Learn to handle mistakes, failure and criticism in healthy way that preserves your self-esteem.

And a whole lot more. The course includes one written guide, one audio version of that guide and one worksheet for each of the 12 weeks plus 9 additional bonuses.

Click here to learn more and to join the Self-Esteem Course

The Smart Social Skills Course

The Smart Social Skills Course is all about improving your social skills and relationships.

In this course you will learn how to:

Be calmly confident in any kind of social situation.

Understand and adopt the giving and positive attitude that makes any relationship or conversation better and more rewarding.

Find more happiness, fun and enjoyment in both new and old relationships and in your daily conversations.

And much, much more.

Click here to learn more about The Smart Social Skills Course and to join it

The Invincible Summer Course

The Invincible Summer is an 8-week course in developing a resilient outlook of optimism.

In it you will learn how to:

Keep your enthusiasm up and to keep going despite setbacks and mistakes.

Face uncertainty or a tough time in life and react and act in an level-headed and constructive way.

Overcome the destructive victim mentality and self-doubt.

And a lot more that will fuel your mind and life with positivity. The course includes one written guide, one audio version of that guide and one worksheet for each of the 8 weeks.

Click here to learn more and to join The Invincible Summer Course

31 Days to a Simpler Life

This course is designed to make you think about how you live your life.

But more importantly, it’s designed to make you DO things. To do one task each day for 31 days to simplify your life step by step.

31 Days to a Simpler Life will for example help you to keep your focus on what is truly most meaningful and important in your life. It will help you to declutter your home, workspace and other cluttered areas in your life. And to uncomplicate your social life and schedule.

Click here to learn more about 31 Days to a Simpler Life and to join it

The Art of Relaxed Productivity

The Art of Relaxed Productivity is all about becoming a more focused person and getting more of the most important things done with less stress.

In it you'll learn how to:

Get out of the overwhelm and stress of living in today’s society and at the same time get the most important things done consistently every day.

Boost your motivation and use simple techniques to pick yourself up from a motivational slump.

Improve your self-discipline so that you keep moving towards what you want not just once in a while, but every day.

Click here to learn more about the Art of Relaxed Productivity and to get your copy

[beverlyfdole]

High Self-Esteem: 15 Habits for a Positive Self-Image

One of the most common challenges people email me about is low self-esteem.

And how to improve your self-worth to become a person of high self-esteem.

So this week I’d like to share 15 simple habits that have helped me to improve my self-esteem and create a much more positive self-image (and sustain it even when times are tough).

Now, why is it so important to build and maintain high self-esteem?

Life becomes simpler.

When you love yourself – or at least like yourself a whole lot better – then you’ll stop creating so many problems in your life and you’ll magnify challenges less.

You’ll be a lot less likely to make a mountain out of a molehill.

You’ll not beat yourself up so often when you have a setback, when you make a mistake or when something you made did not turn out absolutely perfect.

You’ll self-sabotage less because as you raise your self-esteem you’ll feel more and more worthy of having good and great things in your life.

And that worthiness also leads to being more motivated to go after what you deep down want and to have fewer self-doubts.

You’ll be more centered and stable.

This is of course extra helpful when things don’t go as planned or you simply run into a rough patch in your life (as we all do from time to time).

But it is also useful in day to day life because as your opinion of yourself goes up you’ll be much less reliant on other people’s validation and attention to feel good about yourself.

And so you become less needy and your inner life becomes less of an emotional roller coaster.

You’ll be more attractive (in any kind of relationship).

As I mentioned above, with an improved self-esteem you’ll be less needy and more stable.

Being with you will also be simpler because you create less drama, arguments and fights based on nothing or very little.

And those are things that make anyone more attractive in any kind of relationship. No matter if it’s at work, as a friend or romantically.

You’ll be happier in your regular, everyday life.

And not just when something exciting happens or you reach a major milestone or achievement.

That’s at least been my experience in my life and a big reason for why I focus on my own self-esteem a lot and on keeping it steady (and it’s also the main reason why I created a whole, 12-week program called The Self-Esteem Course)

So those are some the biggest and most powerful whys.

With that said, here are 15 truly helpful practical tips, habits and strategies that I’ve found over the past 10 years for improving and maintain my own self-esteem.

1. Talk back to your inner critic so it won’t drag you down.

We all have an inner critic. It sometimes whispers and sometimes shouts.

It can push you forward towards achievement and getting things done. But at the same time tear your self-esteem down piece by piece.

It tells you destructive things like for example:

You’re lazy and not doing a good job. Work harder!

You’re just an imposter and not fitting in and soon someone will figure it out and throw you out.

You’re worse, fatter or uglier than your co-worker/friend/the people in your life.

There are things you can do about this though. You don’t have to accept your inner critic reigning free and making you feel lousy about yourself.

One way to start reducing the influence of the inner critic is to talk back to it. Like you may do to a critical person or a bully.

Here’s what you do:

When the inner critic starts talking then – in your mind – shout: STOP!

Or use a phrase like my favorite one: no, no, no, we are not going down that road again!

By using a stop-word or phrase like this as quickly as possible when the inner critic starts piping up you can shut it down before it’s power starts to snowball and drags you down into a negative funk for an hour or a day.

Then refocus on something more constructive you can do with your time and energy. Or on a healthier motivation strategy like the ones in the next tip…

2. Stop relying on your inner critic to achieve.

So your inner critic can help you to push forward and to reach your goals.

And it’s easy to become reliant upon it and think that if you don’t have it in your daily life then you won’t have the motivation and drive to keep moving.

There are other ways to motivate yourself besides relying on an often abusive boss that lives in your head though.

A few powerful motivation habits that I have used to replace the place that my inner critic used to have are:

Refocus on the whys.

When your energy is low or you’ve just been a bit unfocused for a while then it’s easy to lose sight of why you’re doing something and the positive benefits you can get out of it.

So take a couple of minutes to write down your top 3 reasons for getting an education, working out, putting in that hard work, saving up money or something else.

Put that note where you can see it every day – like in your workspace or on your fridge – or keep it as a reminder in your smartphone so you can easily keep your focus in the right place and not get off track.

Get accountability and encouragement from the people in your life.

Tell your friends and/or family what you will do. Do it on social media, via the phone or in real life.

Ask one of them or several of those people in your life to check up on you regularly and on the progress you’re making.

That accountability and the encouragement you can get from close friends, family members or your partner during those checkups will keep you motivated when you hit a slump or have a setback.

And it will make it a lot less likely that you can just weasel out of taking action.

Get motivation from people you don’t know.

Don’t limit yourself to just the support you can get from the people in your life.

Listen to podcasts and music and read books and blogs that motivate you and help you to keep a constructive and optimistic attitude.

For more on healthy motivation habits, check out 27 Smart and Simple Ways to Motivate Yourself.

3. Be kind to yourself when you have a setback.

We all have setbacks and make mistakes. It’s just a natural part of going outside of your comfort zone and often a great way to learn.

So don’t let the inner critic drag you down into feeling helpless. And don’t get stuck in beating yourself up for a week.

Instead, be smart and be kind to yourself.

Two helpful ways to do that are:

Be your own best friend.

When you fail or make a mistake then ask yourself:

How would my best friend/parent support me and help me in this situation?

Then do things and talk to yourself as she or he would to stay constructive about the situation and to be kind to yourself instead of getting lost in a negative spiral.

Find the lesson and opportunity.

To keep the focus on optimism ask yourself:

What is one thing I can learn from this situation?

What is one opportunity I can find in this situation?

There is in my experience almost always something I can learn from one of these situations (and often pretty important things).

There might not always be an opportunity to find but I always ask myself this question anyway.

Because I’ve learned that opportunities can be found more often than one might at first think if you just look for them.

4. Widen your perspective once again by finding one exception.

When you’re lost in a big pile of thoughts about how you’re not for example doing well in school, at work or in your social life then it can be hard to change your perspective on this area of your life.

One question that often helped me at times like these is:

What is the exception to this though?

This question can widen your perspective once again and help you to see that you’re actually doing well in your language classes at school. Or that you presentation at work last week was your best one yet and one you’re proud of.

Or that you were a really good listener when your friend needed it during the past month.

Finding that small exception can be really helpful to start injecting more optimism into your mind.

And to find more positive things that are actually in your life if you just look for them.

5. Make a list of positive memories and spend a few minutes with it.

Pull up an empty memo on your smartphone. Or find a pen and a piece of paper.

And then think back. To the times when you felt good enough. To when you felt good about yourself and proud of what you had done.

Or to the times when you felt lousy at first but took action even though it may have been hard and then you felt better about yourself.

Write a few such memories down. And then just be with them for a little while.

This list can also be helpful the next time you’re having a rough day.

Then pull out that note and soak in those memories for a few minutes to change your mood and outlook.

6. Try a very simple self-esteem exercise for 7 days.

Use another empty memo on your phone or a notepad or a journal if you have one.

Then, each evening before you go to bed ask yourself this:

What are 3 things I can appreciate about myself?

It could be that you’re a good listener. Or that you can make decisions when others may sometimes hesitate a bit too much.

But it doesn’t have to be big things either. It could be that you made someone laugh today. Or that you flossed. Or that you let someone into your lane while driving.

Try it for a few minutes each evening for a week and see how it works out for you.

This journal you’re creating is just like the note in the previous exercise something you can refer back to later for positivity and boost when you need it the most.

7. Remember: what people share on social media is a high-light reel.

It’s pretty easy to get stuck in a comparison trap as soon as you pick up your phone these days.

On Facebook and Instagram your friends, family and the celebrities you follow share a moment in their lives.

And you may become envious or feel like you or your life is not any fun or not good enough in some way.

But what’s important to remind yourself of when using social media is this:

What people are sharing is a high-light reel of their lives.

That’s of course pretty natural as people tend to want to share the positive and happy moments.

But if you think that this is how their lives look all the times then you’re fooling yourself and making yourself feel worse without any real reason.

Because no matter who they are everyone still have bad days, a nasty flu, eat food that will lead to stomach problems and their own worries and stress.

Plus, plenty of simply mediocre or uneventful days.

8. Compare in an uplifting way.

When you compare yourself and your life to someone’s online high-light reel then you might not feel so good about yourself.

And when you compare yourself to other people in general and their lives then that can quickly become a trap. Because there’s always someone in your circle of friends or in the neighborhood that has more than you or is ahead of you.

So replace that with a habit that will both build motivation and move you towards high self-esteem…

Start comparing yourself to yourself instead.

See how far you’ve come. What you’ve overcome. Focus on you and how you can and have improved your results.

9. Reduce the negative or limiting influence other people can have over you.

Other people can of course have a pretty big influence on what we think and feel about ourselves.

And some of that influence tends to be limiting or negative.

So what can you do to reduce those people’s influence over you?

Three things that have helped me are…

Simply put in the work to raise your self-esteem.

With better self-esteem you’ll value your own opinion of yourself and what you do or do not do higher.

And so other people’s negative words or opinions will not have such a powerful influence anymore.

It’s often not about you when people criticize or lash out verbally.

Criticism or verbal attacks you received yesterday or for the past year may not be about you at all.

So don’t make the mistake of thinking that this is the case.

Someone at work or school or closer to you might simply have had a bad day, week or year.

Or he or she may be unhappy about his or her career, in a bad marriage or carrying some old and negative baggage that someone else once upon a time put on him or her.

Remind yourself of this when someone is pushing you down. And that their issues or old baggage belongs to them.

It’s not yours and not something you have to carry.

People don’t care that much about what you do or say.

Because they have their hands full with focusing on their own jobs, kids, pets, partner and worrying about what people think of them.

So don’t let that become an imaginary obstacle and let worries about what people may say or think limit you from doing what you want to and being who you want to be.

10. Make changes to surround yourself with positive and supportive influences.

Don’t just reduce the impact of destructive and self-esteem limiting sources in your life.

Spend more time with people and sources that lift you up. And find new sources of positivity and self-esteem if you need to.

A simple way to spend less time with negative sources and more time with the positive ones is to ask yourself:

What are the top 3 sources of negativity in my life?

It could be a friend, a website or podcast or perhaps a social media account.

Then ask yourself:

What can I do to spend less time with these 3 sources of negativity this week?

Come up with a few action-steps you can take and start taking action on them.

And then spend the time you’ve now freed up this week with the most positive, uplifting and supportive sources in your life.

11. Be kinder to the people in your life.

I’ve found that when I’m kinder towards others then it becomes more natural and easier to be kinder and more understanding towards myself too.

While on the on the hand being more judgmental towards others tends to lead to a more judgmental attitude towards myself too.

So focus on being kind. And not just towards friends, co-workers and family.

But towards people you randomly meet during your day too.

Like for example other drivers out on the road, the waitress at a restaurant or the cashier at the local grocery store.

12. Don’t keep your thoughts bottled up.

Keeping your emotions and thoughts to yourself can make them spiral out of control.

You may, for instance, magnify a relatively minor situation in your life into a disaster.

So let those thoughts and how you feel out into the light instead. This will help you to regain a more balanced and grounded perspective on things once again.

Three good ways to do that are:

Just vent for a few minutes.

As a friend or someone else close to you listens let it all out and vent. This can help you to release that inner pressure and to figure things out for yourself and what you can do about the situation at hand.

Talk it over with someone close to you.

Maybe venting isn’t enough. Then talk the situation over with a person close to you.

Let her add her perspective and ground you in reality.

And as the two of you discuss the matter you may be able to start figuring out plan of action together to help you to improve the situation you find yourself in.

Use a journal.

If you don’t have someone close to you to talk the situation over with – or you don’t want to do that for some reason – then use a journal.

By getting what has happened out of your head and writing it down you can vent.

And when you see it all laid out it is usually easier to see the situation more clearly for what it really is, to think things through more constructively and to find a way forward.

13. Replace that perfectionism habit.

Perfectionism can be really destructive.

If you complete something and you’ve done it well then you may still not be satisfied because it is not done perfectly. And so your self-esteem suffers.

Or you may become so afraid of not doing something perfectly that you get stuck in procrastination instead of moving forward.

A couple of things that helped me are:

Remember: when you buy into myths of perfection you tend to hurt yourself and the people in your life.

A simple reminder that life is not like in the movies, on TV or social media or in books can be a good reality check whenever you start drifting away into dreams of perfection.

Because reality can easily clash with such fantasies and expectations that are out of this world.

And that can cause plenty of harm in your relationships, in your career and in how you view yourself.

Simply go for good enough.

If you aim at polishing and readjusting a project until it’s simply perfect then that usually winds up in the project never being finished.

Or in you spending a lot of time – that could be used for something else – on making something just 3-10% better.

So I’ve learned to simply go for good enough instead. This doesn’t mean to use that as an excuse to slack off or do a poor or mediocre job.

But simply that there’s something called good enough and when I’ve done a task or project that well then I’m finished.

14. Celebrate your wins (no matter how small).

If you just celebrate your big or huge wins like getting a new job or graduating then you’ll wait a long time between celebrations.

And so you increase the risk of only feeling good about yourself when you’ve reached such a peak in life.

I’ve over the years learned that it works better to celebrate all wins. No matter how small.

By doing that and praising yourself at the same time it becomes easier to keep the motivation up and your self-talk kinder and more positive.

The celebration and what you tell yourself don’t have to be anything big. Maybe you just pat yourself on the back with a few supportive words and have a tasty snack.

15. Remind yourself of the benefits of high self-esteem.

Keeping your focus on why you are doing something is a great way to make to stay motivated to keep going and to make consistent progress.

So remind yourself of the whys at the start of this article to keep working on improving your self-esteem and not fall back into old and more destructive habits when things don’t go as planned or when you’re having a bad week.

Keeping those powerful reasons in mind has helped me to stay in a helpful headspace towards myself and to make my self-esteem an essential priority in my life.

Want more inspiring content? Then check out my other new post this week: 101 Short Quotes About Life. A mix of the best, sharpest and most powerful quotes of all time on happiness, success, loving yourself and more.

And if you want to take a deep dive into your own self-esteem through a 12-week, step-by-step program then have a look at my Self-Esteem Course.

[beverlyfdole]

101 Short Quotes and Sayings about Life

Sometimes you don’t have to use many words to get your point across.

In fact, keeping it short and simple can make what you’re saying extra powerful and memorable.

This is of course nothing new.

It’s something that’s many of the wisest people in history have kept in mind over thousands of years.

And today I want to share some of that sharp and quick wisdom.

This is 101 short and inspirational quotes about life and on how to make it a good, happy, loving and successful one from the past 2400 years.

I hope these quotes will give you a boost when you need it the most.

Short and Meaningful Quotes about Happiness

“There is only one way to happiness and that is to cease worrying about things which are beyond the power of our will.” — Epictetus

“What you do not want done to yourself, do not do to others.” — Confucius

“The only joy in the world is to begin.” — Cesare Pavese

“Happiness is not something ready-made. It comes from your own actions.” — Dalai Lama

“To be happy, we must not be too concerned with others.” — Albert Camus

“Happiness depends upon ourselves.” — Aristotle

“It's a helluva start, being able to recognize what makes you happy.” — Lucille Ball

“Happy people plan actions, they don’t plan results.” — Dennis Waitley

“It is more fitting for a man to laugh at life than to lament over it.” — Seneca

“The two enemies of human happiness are pain and boredom.” — Arthur Schopenhauer

“For many men, the acquisition of wealth does not end their troubles, it only changes them.” — Seneca

“Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony.” — Mahatma Gandhi

“Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy.” — Dr. Robert Anthony

“Time you enjoy wasting is not wasted time.” — Marthe Troly-Curtin

“Happiness is a state of activity.” — Aristotle

“The pleasure which we most rarely experience gives us greatest delight.” — Epictetus

“There are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality.” — Seneca

“Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

“Sometimes your joy is the source of your smile, but sometimes your smile can be the source of your joy.” — Thich Nhat Hanh

“The unhappy derive comfort from the misfortunes of others.” — Aesop

“It's been my experience that you can nearly always enjoy things if you make up your mind firmly that you will.” — L.M. Montgomery

“Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated.” — Confucius

 “Nobody can be uncheered with a balloon.” — Winnie the Pooh

“Action may not always bring happiness; but there is no happiness without action.” — Benjamin Disraeli

“Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory.” — Albert Schweitzer

“Our envy always lasts longer than the happiness of those we envy.” — Heraclitus

Short and Inspiring Quotes about Love

 “Love takes off masks that we fear we cannot live without and know we cannot live within.” — James Baldwin

“When we are in love we seem to ourselves quite different from what we were before.” — Blaise Pascal

“Life without love is like a tree without blossoms or fruit.” — Khalil Gibran

“I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you.” — Roy Croft

“A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” — Elbert Hubbard

“Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness.” — Euripides

“Love is a friendship set to music.” — Joseph Campbell

“The more one judges, the less one loves.” — Honore de Balzac

“If I had a flower for every time I thought of you… I could walk through my garden forever.” — Alfred Tennyson

“Love is when you meet someone who tells you something new about yourself.” — Andre Breton

“The most important thing in life is to learn how to give out love, and to let it come in.” — Morrie Schwartz

“You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection.” – Buddha

“If you would be loved, love, and be loveable.” — Benjamin Franklin

“Love will find a way through paths where wolves fear to prey.” — Lord Byron

“If I know what love is, it is because of you.” — Herman Hesse

“The giving of love is an education in itself.” — Eleanor Roosevelt

“Better to have lost and loved than never to have loved at all.” — Ernest Hemingway

“The best proof of love is trust.” — Joyce Brothers

“Don't brood. Get on with living and loving. You don't have forever.” — Leo Buscaglia

“Love is a better teacher than duty.” — Albert Einstein

“Love does not dominate; it cultivates.” — Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

“Immature love says: ‘I love you because I need you.' Mature love says ‘I need you because I love you.'” — Erich Fromm

 “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” — Robert A. Heinlein

“The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.” — Gilbert K. Chesterton

 “A woman knows the face of the man she loves as a sailor knows the open sea.” — Honore de Balzac

Short and Motivational Quotes about Success

 “Action is the foundational key to all success.” – Pablo Picasso

“Victory is sweetest when you've known defeat.” – Malcolm S. Forbes

“For success, attitude is equally as important as ability.” – Harry F. Banks

“I attribute my success to this: I never gave or took any excuse.” – Florence Nightingale

“Doing the best at this moment puts you in the best place for the next moment.” – Oprah Winfrey

“Things may come to those who wait, but only the things left by those who hustle.” – Abraham Lincoln

“Not he who has much is rich, but he who gives much.” – Erich Fromm

“The successful warrior is the average man, with laser-like focus.” – Bruce Lee

“The secret of success in life is for a man to be ready for his opportunity when it comes.” – Benjamin Disraeli

“Do not be embarrassed by your failures, learn from them and start again.” – Richard Branson

“What seems to us as bitter trials are often blessings in disguise.” – Oscar Wilde

“Don't let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” – John R. Wooden

“Don’t let the fear of losing be greater than the excitement of winning.” – Robert Kiyosaki

“Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.” – Dalai Lama

“Amateurs sit and wait for inspiration, the rest of us just get up and go to work.” – Stephen King

“Ever tried. Ever failed. No matter. Try Again. Fail again. Fail better.” – Samuel Beckett

“To succeed in life, you need two things: ignorance and confidence.” – Mark Twain

“The road to success is always under construction.” – Lily Tomlin

“Success is going from failure to failure without losing enthusiasm.” – Winston Churchill

“Don’t wait. The time will never be just right.” – Napoleon Hill

“Success is largely a matter of holding on after others have let go.” – Unknown

“Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” – George Bernard Shaw

“Try not to become a person of success, but rather try to become a person of value.” – Albert Einstein

“Start where you are. Use what you have. Do what you can.” – Arthur Ashe

“Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day-in and day-out.” – Robert Collier

Short Self-Esteem Quotes to Help You to Feel Good About Yourself

 “Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.” – Maxwell Maltz

“Why should we worry about what others think of us, do we have more confidence in their opinions than we do our own?” – Brigham Young

“Loving yourself isn’t vanity. It’s sanity.” – Katrina Mayer

“It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.” – W.C. Fields

“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

“The better you feel about yourself, the less you feel the need to show off.” – Robert Hand

“A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval.” – Mark Twain

“Lighten up on yourself. No one is perfect. Gently accept your humanness.” – Deborah Day

“Trust yourself. You know more than you think you do.” – Benjamin Spock

“One of the greatest regrets in life is being what others would want you to be, rather than being yourself.” – Shannon L. Alder

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt

“If you have the ability to love, love yourself first.” – Charles Bukowski

“To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.” – Robert Morley

“Beauty begins the moment you decided to be yourself.” – Coco Chanel

“People who want the most approval get the least and the people who need approval the least get the most.” – Wayne Dyer

“Be faithful to that which exists within yourself.” – André Gide

“Never bend your head. Always hold it high. Look the world straight in the face.” – Helen Keller

“The real difficulty is to overcome how you think about yourself.” – Maya Angelou

“Your problem is you’re… too busy holding onto your unworthiness.” – Ram Dass

“Growth begins when we start to accept our own weakness.” – Jean Vanier

“Too many people overvalue what they are not and undervalue what they are.” – Malcolm S. Forbes

“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” – Anaïs Nin

“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” – George Eliot

What’s your favorite short quote about life? Feel free to share the best one(s) you have found in this article or in your life in the comments section below.

[beverlyfdole]

30 Ways to Come Alive, and Not Just Exist

“Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” Howard Thurman

“The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” Jack London

It’s so easy to get stuck in a rut. Maybe for a day or two. Or as weeks bleed into months and nothing much happens.

You just trudge along. You go through the motions, life is on autopilot.

It feels OK. But at the same time you have a small voice whispering at the back of your mind.

It says “It’s time to make a change”. Or “When will I start to truly live my life?”.

In this article you’ll find 30 suggestions and reminders that can help you to stop going through the motions. To disconnect the autopilot and to come alive again.

In both bigger and smaller ways.

I hope you’ll find something here that truly resonates with you.

1. Appreciate what you have.

When you are stuck in autopilot then it is very easy to forget to be grateful for what you actually have. The basic fundamentals that so many people lack, the people who like or even love you and the amazing wonders of the world.

2. Find the optimism.

Become more aware of the negative thoughts you have and don’t let them drag you down.

Instead, find one thing that is positive or helpful in the long run in the situation you are in. Then build on that.

The more you do it, the more this kind of thinking will become a habit and soon your mind will start reacting in a more positive and constructively imaginative way no matter what situation you find yourself in.

3. Have a day of smiling.

Instead of just going along in your usual way take a day off from that. And smile towards everyone you meet. The lady in the checkout line at the supermarket, your co-workers and the people closest to you.

How does that affect how you feel about yourself and your life? And how does it change your interactions and day?

4. Eat something else.

If you usually have the beef for lunch then go for the fish. Or the vegetarian dish. Or try something you have never eaten before.

5. Listen to something else.

One of the simplest ways to burst of out the same old rut is to find something new to listen to. Like with the food, take one or more steps outside of your comfort zone.

Your taste in music may not be as narrow as you believe – that has certainly been the case for me – and this simple thing can really expand your world.

6. Slow down.

When you slow down you naturally connect better with what is happening inside of you and outside you in this moment. What happens right now becomes more vibrant and not hidden behind thoughts racing in your mind about the past or a possible future.

Slow down to enjoy the moment and to not miss life while you are planning for the future or reliving the past.

7. Be your own best friend.

When you stumble, when you fall and when you have a dream then cheer yourself on. Instead of beating yourself up or talking yourself out what YOU deep down want.

It makes life so much lighter and happier. Check out the Self-Esteem Course for more on this.

8. Enjoy the small things.

This becomes easier when you slow down. There are so many small things happening all around that you may miss out on if you rush quickly to the next thing.

So take the time and use your attention to enjoy the small things. A long hug, a walk in the woods, a sunset or the full moon rising among so many stars in the night sky.

9. Be you.

What do you want out of life? What do you want more of in your life?

Take some time to think about it and just for a little while forget what your parents, partner or boss might want.

Sure, you might have to compromise on some things. But don’t let anyone else run your life and run over your dreams. This is in the end your life to live.

10. Forgive.

When you don’t forgive someone then you are stuck in negativity and suffering even if the person who wronged you may have moved on. So you don’t have to forgive to be a good person to someone else.

Do it for yourself. To be your own best friend. For your own happiness.

And for the rest of your years and decades on this earth.

11. Disconnect.

When we are online and sitting in front of a computer or a smart phone during so much of our day then it is easy to miss what else we can do with our time and attention.

So disconnect more to connect in real life more fully. Disconnect to find other activities you may want to try. Disconnect to just get a break and to come back on Monday or a few weeks later with renewed enthusiasm and energy.

12. Feel the pain.

Not all days will be great or fun. Suffering is a natural part of life too.

We lose people in our lives for different reasons. We lose our pets. We lose our jobs or get sick. And sometimes we just have a terrible day.

Don’t try to escape it but feel it. It is a part of living fully and the deeper the pain carves for a time the more joy and appreciation of life and what you have you’ll be able to hold later on.

13. Breathe.

Take a couple of minutes out of your day and sit down in a quiet spot. Then breathe a little deeper than usual and focus only on the air going and out out. Nothing else.

By doing so you calm your mind and body down and you reconnect sharply and fully with the present moment you're in.

14. Exercise.

You are not just a mind. You are a body too. So take care of it. Do some pushups. Go out walking or running for just a bit at first. Play a sport.

You’ll come alive more and your mind will become more centered and focused.

15. Find your passion.

Painting. Making and performing music. Writing. Playing soccer. Helping people out. Traveling. Being the best parent you can be.

Or something entirely else. Explore what you are passionate about and make sure you regularly free up time and space for it in your life.

16. Let go of filler-activities.

So how do you find more time for your passions and for finding new ones? By letting go of some filler-activities in your life.

Disconnect more often. And watch a few less hours of TV each week. Stop playing that videogame that you aren’t honestly that enthusiastic about.

If a book is not good you do not have to finish it. Don’t just go through the motions here either; rethink how you spend your free time and energy.

17. Travel.

I love traveling and seeing something new and I highly recommend it.

No matter if you go to a country half a across the world. Or discover a town or beautiful small spot in nature much, much closer to home.

There are, in my experience, usually more wonderful places nearby than you might think.

18. Take a chance.

Ask someone out for a date instead of hesitating or waiting around any longer. Start your own side-business based on your passion.

Start writing that book you have in your head and when you are done and if no publisher is interested at the moment then self-publish it on Kindle and other platforms.

19. Let go when you have no other way forward.

Sometimes things do not work out in a relationship, at a job or in your side-project or business. You try to fix it, to mend things, perhaps to grow it in a new direction.

Sometimes it helps. But not always. It just gets worse and worse. Then you may try one last time.

Or you move on because it is time to start over and to create something better.

20. Build and cultivate an environment that will support and lift you up.

The people you have close by and a bit further away from you and the information you let into your life will have a huge effect on your outlook and what you focus on and take action on. So choose wisely.

And spend more of your time and energy with the people and information that lift you up and makes you come alive.

21. Make someone you love come alive with an unexpected gift.

It could be a bouquet of flowers you went out picking in the spring grass. A note with a kind and loving message hidden in your partner’s or child’s lunchbox or book. Or a dinner that is ready as she or he arrives tired from work or school.

See him or her come alive with big smile and feel how you come alive too.

22. Take a different route home.

If you always take the same route home from school or work then do something different today. Walk, drive or ride your bike on a route where you have never been before.

See new things instead of spending that journey home on going over the day or your plans.

23. Declutter.

Simplify and change your environment to nudge your thoughts in a new and clearer direction too. Pick one small part of your home for example.

Then go through each item there and ask yourself: Have I used this item in the past year?

If not, give the it away to charity or a friend. Or you can simply throw it out.

24. Have a day of kindness.

Take a break from the criticism, sarcasm and irony. Just for a day.

And instead be kind, friendly and understanding as best you can to everyone you meet that day, including yourself. And see what happens.

25. Start with a morning ritual for clarity.

Wake up slowly. Perhaps reflect on a few things you are grateful for. Sit in silence and calmness for just a minute or two before you start your day.

Setting the tone for the rest of your day like this makes it easier to stop, reflect and to enjoy and appreciate what happens as you move through it.

26. Face a fear.

You don’t have to leap right into it at full speed. Instead, if that feels too scary, take one small step forward. Then another one.

It might be both scary and exciting but not so uncomfortable that you back down.

27. Spend your weekend in a way you usually don’t.

If you usually stay at home and don’t do much besides reading and watching a movie or two then fill your next weekend with a few activities you rarely or never do.

Like going on a trip. Hiking. Going down to the pub or a restaurant and drinking the finest beers or wines in company of a good friend.

If you usually fill your weekends with activities away from home consider just taking it easy with a book on the couch.

28. Run in the rain.

Do something that might not feel like something you would do. When everyone else are happy to be inside and watching TV under a blanket as the rain hits the windows lace up your shoes.

And go out running for a few minutes while feeling every drop hitting you.

29. Free up some time for lazying around or having fun.

It is easy to get lost in just serious thoughts or in being productive. To not make room in your schedule for much more than that.

But you may need something else from time to time and so make room for that too. It could be a tickle-fight. Or simply lying in the grass for a while doing nothing and watching the clouds drift by.

30. Just do something new.

I have already mentioned eating, listening etc. as areas where you can do something new. Don’t just stop there though. Think outside the frame I set in this article.

Do something new, no matter what you are interested in.

The important thing is that you take a look at where you are or what you are curious about and then explore or expand upon one thing and see how it makes you feel.

How it makes you come alive with a smile again.

[beverlyfdole]

10 Simple Ways to Spread the Optimism and Positive Energy Starting Today

“A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.” Winston Churchill

Optimism.

It can turn a situation that looks negative or bleak into an opportunity or something to learn from.

It can replace the draining thoughts of pessimism with something that will create more positive energy and enthusiasm again.

And it can help you to jump over obstacles, to keep moving when you fall or stumble and to not give up just because you have had a couple of temporary setbacks.

So not just adding more of it to your own life but to the lives of the people in your world too is a good idea.

Because in the long run you tend to get what you give.

And in the short run, well, you get to enjoy the smiles when you create and spread that positive energy. Plus, you’ll boost your own self-esteem when you feel you are doing the right thing.

Here are 10 simple tips that can help you to get started with that.

1. Just be there for someone.

Listen and lend the optimistic and grounded perspective to someone in your life in need of it.

At first I find it best to just the let other person vent, to let him or her get issue at hand out into the light. So I am just there fully and listening.

Oftentimes this might be enough. Because just being there will help him or her to let the emotional tension out and to analyze the issue and to find a solution or to let it go.

If she or he gets stuck in negative thinking or in making a mountain out of a molehill then it can be helpful to add your own perspective to ground him or her and to help shift perspective on the situation.

To make him or her see that if you zoom out then things aren't that bad really. And together the two of you might be able to find a solution or a first step that he or she can put into action.

2. Play positive music.

Uplifting music is of course a great way to boost your own mood and open up new perspectives again.

You can do the same for people around you. Put on a really positive song when you are hanging out. Or send them an uplifting playlist for Spotify or a similar service.

3. Take 30-60 seconds to give a genuine compliment.

Think about one thing that makes the other person tick. A small or bigger passion. Or something good that people too often take for granted about him or her.

And then give a compliment about that. It often means more than you might guess.

4. Smile.

A smile puts you and the people around you into a better and more relaxed headspace.

It works even when you don’t feel that much like smiling.

If you like, do a brief experiment. Force a smile for 30 seconds or a minute if you are feeling a bit negative and see what happens to your mood.

5. Hide a secret note.

Take 60 seconds out of your day to write and hide a note with a compliment. Or some encouraging words. Or make it a note of thankfulness.

Hide it under their pillow, in the lunch box or wallet or perhaps the book he or she is reading at this time.

6. Help someone to wind down.

Being busy with work or school can over time add a lot of tension and stress. And that can certainly get in the way of optimistic and constructive thinking.

So help someone in your life to wind down.

Suggest going for a picnic. Just have fun and perhaps go for swim in the nearby lake or ocean. Then lie together in silence on the blanket and watch the clouds go by for a while.

A break like this can do wonders for the mood and perspective for the both of you.

7. Cook or bring their favorite food.

If she's having a bad day then cook her favorite meal. Or get her favorite takeout food.

Or maybe just a small treat, like a piece of the chocolate or the special cupcake she loves the most.

8. Hug.

A hug is, perhaps often even more than a smile, something that can make someone feel a little better and a bit safer again. Use it when appropriate of course.

But don’t underestimate the effect of it and how that little nudge can turn someone’s thoughts around towards something brighter and more positive again.

9. Share what you've found or made.

It could delicious fruit that you've picked. Or the jam, cookies or bread you made. Or fish you've smoked or the beef you made jerky out of.

Such a simple but loving gift can really mean a lot and add positive energy to someone's whole week or month.

10. Pay it forward.

If someone in your life adds a bit of optimism and positive energy to your life then don’t just return it somewhere down the line.

Pay it forward to someone else too.

And together build a growing upward spiral of optimism, encouragement and kindness.

[beverlyfdole]

How to Let Go: 5 Steps to Move On and Feel Less Pain

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” Herman Hesse

I often write about finding lightness in life.

It can come from an unhurried but effective day at work or from uncluttering your home.

Or from learning how to let go and move on in life.

Learning to let go of a relationship, of something else in your past, of something that is just an unimportant distraction or of trying to control what you cannot control can free up huge amounts of the energy and the time you have to use for something better and more fulfilling.

It is not always easy. But it can be life-changing.

In this article you can find five steps that have made it easier for me to let go over the years.

I hope they will help you too.

Step 1: Know the benefits of not letting go.

Why is it sometimes hard to let go of something?

Well, to be honest, there are advantages and benefits to not letting go. At least for instant gratification and in the short run.

You get to keep feeling like you are right. And like the other person is wrong. And that can be a pleasant feeling and way to look at the situation at hand.

You can assume the victim role. And get attention, support and comfort from other people.

You don’t have to go out into the scary unknown. You can cling to what you know instead, to what is familiar and safe even if it's now just a dream of what you once had.

I have not let go of things in the past because of these reasons. I still sometimes delay letting go of things because of those benefits above.

But I am also conscious of the fact that they are something I get out of not letting go. And I know that in the end they are not worth it.

Because…

What will the long-term consequences be in my life if I do not let go?

How will it affect the next 5 years in my life and the relationships I have both with other people and with myself?

The mix of knowing how those benefits will hurt me in the long run and of knowing that there are even bigger benefits that I can get from letting go become a powerful motivator that pushes me on to let go for my own sake and happiness.

Step 2: Accept what is, then let go.

When you accept what is, that this has happened then it becomes easier to let go.

Why?

Because when you're still struggling in your mind against what has happened then you feed that memory or situation with more energy.

You make what someone said or did even bigger and more powerful in your mind than it might have been in reality.

By accepting that it simply has happened – that you were rejected after a date for example – and letting it in instead of trying to push it away something odd happens after a while.

The issue or your memory of the situation becomes less powerful in your mind. You don’t feel as upset or sad about it as you did before. You become less emotionally attached to it.

And so it becomes easier to let go and for you to move on with your life.

Step 3: Forgive.

If someone wrongs you then it will probably cause you pain for a while.

But after that you have a choice.

You can refuse to let go of what happened. And instead let it interfere with your relationship and replay what happened over and over in your mind.

Or you can choose to forgive.

First accepting what happened can be helpful to make it easier to forgive.

Another thing you can do is not to focus on forgiving because it is “something you're supposed to do”.

Instead, if you like, find the motivation to forgive for you own sake. Do it for your own well-being, happiness and for the time you have left in your life.

Because, as Catherine Ponder says:

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

And that you forgive does not mean that you have to stay passive towards your future.

You may for example choose to forgive but also to spend less time or no time in the future with someone who has hurt you.

Step 4: Focus on what you CAN influence in your life.

By reliving what happened over and over in your mind you aren't really changing anything.

Unless you have a time-machine you don’t have any control over the past.

And being distracted or worried by things that you cannot control in your life in any way right now is a waste of energy.

So ask yourself:

What CAN I focus my time and energy on instead to actually make positive progress or a change in my life?

And what is one small step I can take today to get started with that?

My experience has been that by switching my focus from what I cannot influence to what I actually have influence over and by doing that over and over again – by using questions like the ones above – it becomes easier and easier to stop worrying and to let go of what has happened or what I cannot control.

Step 5: Let go again (if necessary).

If you let go of something that happened or some distraction in your life then that might not be the end of it.

Life is not always that neat. The issue or distraction might pop up again.

Then let it go once more.

I have found that each time I let something go it pops up less and less frequently and it has less power over me.

Plus, this extra practice will make it easier to let go in the future. Letting go is something you’ll get better at over time just like for example keeping an optimistic mindset during tough times.

[beverlyfdole]

How to Start a Successful Blog (a New and Free 7-day Course)

A couple of the most common questions I get via email are not about self-esteem or procrastination.

They're about starting a blog, how to grow your readership and how I make an income from my blog.

For the past few weeks I've worked on a project that's been on my own to-do list for too long and I've put together a focused 7-day course that answers those questions.

Click here to learn more about the free How to Start a Successful Blog Course and to enroll

[beverlyfdole]

How to Get Over Rejection: 9 Habits That Have Helped Me

“Most fears of rejection rest on the desire for approval from other people. Don’t base your self-esteem on their opinions.” Harvey Mackay

In this week’s article I'd like to look back into the past.

Back to the time when I was single.

It was a period when I faced rejection a lot of the time.

Which was actually a step forward for me. Because before that I spent much of my time totally avoiding situations where I could be rejected.

But still, it hurt. So I needed to learn how to handle and get over rejection.

And today I'd like to share 9 habits and reminders that helped me with that and still helps me to this day when I get rejected in other situations.

1. Take some time to process it instead of forcing a smile on your face.

Trying to force optimism or to move forward when you are still in an emotional turmoil or a bit shocked usually don't work that well.

So first just take a bit of time to process the thoughts and feelings that arise when you've been rejected.

At first it will likely hurt. Maybe a bit. Maybe a lot.

That’s OK. Just be with those feelings and thoughts instead of trying to push them away.

Because if you do, if you let them in and accept that they are there then it will go faster and in the long run be less painful to process what’s happened. At least in my experience.

If you on the other hand try push it all away then those emotions tend to pop up at unexpected times and can make you moody, angry or pessimistic.

2. Focus on what you still have in your life.

Take some time for the thoughts that arose. But don't get stuck in dwelling and in dragging yourself down into an ocean of self-doubt and negativity.

Instead, shift your focus to what you actually still have in your life. The people, the passions or hobbies, the sometimes taken for granted things like a roof over your head and that you don't have to go hungry.

Tapping into gratitude like this helps me to put what happened into perspective and to not let it overwhelm me.

3. Say no to your inner critic.

When you’ve faced rejection then it’s easy to start pummeling yourself and to drag yourself further down by listening to your inner critic.

The inner critic is the voice that whispers or drones on in your mind about how you’re not attractive enough, not smart or witty enough or perhaps that you’re unsuccessful in life. And that’s why you got rejected.

When you notice this voice starting to pipe up in your mind shut it down before it become a big snowball of negative thoughts that you’ll have a hard time stopping.

You can shut the inner critic down by, in your mind, shouting something like: No, no, no, we’re not going down that road again!

When you’ve gotten the inner critic to shut up, once again focus on what you still have in your life or on other constructive steps from this post.

4. Let it out to a friend or loved one.

Bottling the rejection and this situation up can make it feel and seem a lot worse than it needs to be.

Letting it all out and talking it over with a friend, partner or family member can help you to release your pent up emotions and to start seeing the situation with clear and sober eyes.

Just venting can allow you to start figuring out what happened and what you can do to move on from this.

And if you like, then your friend can offer advice from his or her own life and the two of you can figure out at least the start of a plan for how you can keep moving forward.

5. Don't think it's all about you.

It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking there is something wrong with you if you for example don't get a second date.

But not everything is about you.

The other person may have his or her own self-doubts. Or things from the past he or she has not moved on from yet. Or that person may simply be looking for something or someone else than you.

That's just how life is. So see if you can learn something from the situation but don't put everything that happens on yourself.

And this of course applies beyond dating when you, for instance, deal with rejection from friends or when you're trying to deal with a rejection at work.

6. Be constructive and focus on what you can learn.

As I mentioned above, not everything is about you if you get rejected. And getting rejected is just a part of a life well lived, of a life where you go outside of your comfort zone.

But at the same time be honest with yourself to increase the chances of success and reduce the risk of rejection in the future.

Maybe there’s something you can improve about your interview skills when you’re at a job interview?

Or about your conversation skills or ability to keep it relaxed and positive when you’re on a date?

That was at least the case for me with all of those things.

Two questions that helped me to get into a constructive headspace a while after rejection are:

What’s one thing I can learn from this?

What’s one thing I can do differently the next time?

Maybe these questions will give you an idea or two. Or maybe they sometimes won’t.

But I’m at least glad that I’ve taken a couple of minutes with them after my setbacks and rejections because they have often helped me to make progress and to improve many parts of my life.

7. Remember: this is temporary, not permanent (if you keep going).

When you’ve been rejected then you may start thinking that this is permanent. That the hurt will always be there. And that you’ll always fail in this area of life and get pushed away.

Don’t get seduced by such a destructive thought and potentially self-fulfilling prophecy.

Instead, remind yourself of these two things:

Just because you got rejected today at a date or a job interview doesn't mean you’ll get rejected in a similar situation next week (even if it might feel like that right now).

The truth is that this just a temporary situation and it won’t last for the rest of your life if you keep moving forward step-by-step, keep learning and it doesn’t label you as a failure (so don’t put that label on yourself).

8. Strengthen your self-esteem.

A self-esteem toolbox filled with helpful thought habits and strategies won’t make you invincible to rejection or any other negative situation.

But it makes you stronger.

It makes you less vulnerable to what others may think or say about you.

It makes more things bounce off you. Instead of them dragging you deeper and deeper down.

And with kinder self-talk that is actually helpful it’s easier to stay constructive and learn something you can use in the future and to keep going forward (compared to if you beat yourself up for weeks or get lost in a moody funk).

9. Keep going.

Process what’s happened, learn what you can but don’t let the rejection stop you for too long.

Don’t let it get you stuck for weeks or months.

With a focus on what you still got in life (that many in the world don’t have), on what you can maybe do differently and with your attention on your opinion of yourself and what you actions you can take keep moving forward.

Even if it’s by just taking one small step at first.

[beverlyfdole]

Are you engaging in enough leisure activity?

Life’s far too important to take too seriously.

Happiness is about working towards and achieving meaningful goals.

But happiness is also about fun and play, relaxation and recuperation.

One of the activity types too many of us ignore when it comes to happiness is … leisure.

Are you getting enough? Keep reading to find out…

via Psychology Today by Shoba Sreenivasan, Ph.D., and Linda E. Weinberger, Ph.D.

Overworked, over-scheduled, and under constant bombardment of stimulation by all of our digital devices and pressure to do something (e.g., answer emails, texts, voicemails), we have become conditioned to view decompressing and doing nothing as a waste of time. In the not so distant past, people spent a lazy afternoon napping or puttering about the house or “chewing the fat” with a neighbor as a guiltless activity.

Often, leisure is viewed as something to be reserved for retirement when there are much more limited obligations and more financial security. Yet, leisure is critical across the age-span; it is not just for retirees. As sleeprecharges the body, time spent decompressing from constant demands energizes our psyche. Leisure can reduce stress as well as encourage socialization and the development of relationships.

What is leisure, exactly?

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

[beverlyfdole]

Happiness is … turning setbacks into building blocks for growth

Happiness is NOT … everything going right.

Even the happiest people face problems and adversity.

Happiness IS … dealing with these challenges; as effectively and quickly as possible. Here’s how…

via the Ladders by Christopher D Connors

“I knew that if I failed I wouldn’t regret that, but I knew the one thing I might regret is not trying.” Jeff Bezos

So, how did you get your start in this whole entrepreneurship thing? Was it your plan from day one, or did you kind of back into it, realizing through adversity, setbacks or maybe even failures, that you were destined to take the wheel of your own dream?

Whether you’ve just arrived and are yet to encounter difficulty, or perhaps you already know far too well what it’s all about, you’ll realize that professional success is about moving forward through challenging periods. The greatest entrepreneurs — and their businesses — have been shaped by setbacks, adversity, mistakes and even failures.

At the onset of any venture, we don’t have to worry about the bright lights shining on us and examining all of our test runs, trial and (many) errors, and certainly not worrying about having these exposed to the public.

And honestly, that’s a good thing. We can mess up, virtually, in private. We can make fools of ourselves, and even laugh at ourselves. Once you become known all over the world, every move you make is under the microscope. Just ask Elon Musk…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

[beverlyfdole]

Has social media warped how you view happiness?

via Wired By DAPHNE LEPRINCE-RINGUET

Want to be happy? Don’t be a gardener. Or so the oddball logic goes. When I was in secondary school, a career counselor came into my class one afternoon and asked if any of us 14-year-olds knew what we wanted to do for a living.

One of my classmates answered, in complete seriousness: “I want to be a gardener”. The counselor snickered softly, asked if he was joking and, upon realising how appallingly tactless she had been, quickly interrogated another student.

That she was bad at her job is evident; but her reaction nevertheless reflected a hierarchy in the value that society assigns to different professions. Being a doctor, a lawyer, a successful businessman? Good. Valuable. Will make you happy.

Except it won’t necessarily – that’s according to Paul Dolan, professor of behavioural science at the London School of Economics (LSE) and writer of Happy Ever After: Escaping the Myth of the Perfect Life. “We have this idea that we need to reward those who are constantly aspiring and advancing professionally,” says Dolan. “But we have to start rewarding people who are successful in professions that we don’t value very highly.” What is wrong, after all, with being a perfectly happy in any kind of work.

And the numbers speak for themselves: according to Dolan, 64 per cent of lawyers agree that they are happy. Sounds like a decent amount? The proportion jumps to 87 per cent when you ask florists.

That higher-status jobs lead to more happiness is only one of the social narratives that Dolan’s book surgically dismantles. Happy Ever After may sound like a cheap self-improvement guide to positive thinking; in reality, it is a pragmatic inspection by an LSE-qualified behavioural scientist…

…keep reading the full & original article HERE

[beverlyfdole]

33 Powerful Teachings from a Zen Master

When I talk and write about happiness, I’m mostly coming from a Positive Psychology perspective.

That is, the science of thriving and flourishing.

But there’s much that overlaps with Buddhism and other, related, Eastern Philosophies.

Buddhism has had much to say about happiness AND NOTABLY, much of it has been reinforced by newer, scientific studies.

If this is something that interests you, check out what Zen Master Thich Nhat Hahn has to say about happiness and living a good life…

via Inc.com by Susan Steinbrecher

Thich Nhat Hanh is one of the most beloved Buddhist teachers of our time. His impact spans decades and generations. Hanh first gained recognition as a peace activist in the 1960s for his anti-war efforts, and for delivering the teachings of mindfulness to the west. His simplified Buddhist philosophy focusing on mindfulness and compassion has changed the hearts and minds of thousands over the years. He is truly a living legacy.

Thich Nhat Hanh is a Zen master, and prolific bestselling author on myriad topics including mindfulness, meditation and Buddhism. One of Hanh’s books that I return to often is How to Sit — the first book in the Mindfulness Essentials Series that provides a wonderful introduction to the practice of mindfulness meditation.

Today, Hanh’s teachings are more relevant than ever. His wisdom seems to answer the soul-searching questions that haunt so many of us. Hanh believes that to solve the world’s problems (as well as our own) we must master the art of “deep listening.” This practice involves remaining present with the person or people you are in conversation with, and to listen with ultimate compassion — allowing them to “empty their heart.” You should not offer advice or your perception of their pain he advises, just listen. When you listen in order to understand fully, it lessens the suffering of others. This mindfulness practice can be transforming — I see it work wonders with leaders and their colleagues time and time again. It is also effective at home when contentious issues arise with family members, a partner or friend. In an interview with Oprah Winfrey Hahn maintained that he believes deep listening may even allow us to resolve major conflicts that lead to war or terrorism.

At 92 years-old, Thich Nhat Hanh has returned to his home country of Vietnam and currently resides at the temple where he trained as a young man. His legacy and peaceful influence in the world will undoubtedly live on forever. Below is a compilation of Hanh’s sage teachings. Try to focus mindfully on each one and, as Hanh would say, remember to “smile, breathe and go slowly.”

On living in the moment:

“No one has ever lived in the past or the future, only the now.”

 “Every one of us already has the seed of mindfulness. The practice is to cultivate it.”

“We have more possibilities available in each moment than we realize.”

“When we are mindful, deeply in touch with the present moment, our understanding of what is going on deepens, and we begin to be filled with acceptance, joy, peace and love.”

“Sitting in meditation is nourishment for your spirit and nourishment for your body, as well.”

“Drink your tea slowly and reverently, as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves — slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future.”

“My actions are my only true belongings.”

 “The energies of mindfulness, concentration and insight can liberate us from our anxiety and worries. We let go of the past and the future and come in touch with the wonders of the present.”

“If we are not fully ourselves, truly in the present moment, we miss everything.”

…keep reading the full & original article HERE