beulijis

[beulijis]

fighting diffidence

my b,

when will you stop comparing yourself to others? it's unhealthy. when will you stop comparing your beauty with hers and with everyone else's? you are worth it. yeah sure, they are covered with fancy clothes and amazing makeup, but that doesn't mean you are less of a woman because you don't know how to wear makeup or even change the style of the clothes you wear. what if, those people who contributed to your insecurities have their own insecurities as well? they strive to be perfect because they feel like it's their way of being happy and be contented with themselves. maybe something happened to them back then that they manifested just to have their own kind of beauty. not all of us are happy. we strive for perfection. we strive for survival in this crazy judgmental society. they may be so insecure that they want their beauty and their body validated by likes and comments. are you that kind of person? if no then why bother comparing yourself? why bother pressure yourself when you know deep down you have what it takes? you don't need to fit in cos you already did. you don't need to have the standard beauty we see in social media everyday (as if there's really a standard. fuck that beauty standard bullshit) there are no rules to being beautiful. who told you that having makeup is a measurement of beauty? who told you not to wear simple clothes just because she wears a bikini or sexy clothing? who told you to have those perfect eyebrows to make u look good? i'd say be happy and love yourself. again, there are no rules. you don't need to impress anyone but yourself. be who you are and make them see who you really are. that they should look deeper and not rely on faces (those people who only see faces are fucking stupid)

all I'm saying is, girl, you are surrounded by love ones. you are surrounded by people who knew you beyond physical. you don't need to have a pretty face to make yourself happy. celebrate your talents, your success, your passions, your happiness. stop obsessing over enhancing your physical look! stop your mind from having it poisoned with social media. stop feeding yourself with fantasies of being as beautiful as them cos you are already enough. it's the people who need to stop giving women standards in beauty cos beauty comes in all sizes and shapes. not all of us can achieve the kardashians' bods, the perfect makeover and the designer clothes. please be contented with what you have and channel your beauty within yourself. remove the toxicity social media could bring. stop poisoning and spreading that insecurity throughout your mind and body. bitch, you don't need that. practice the art of not giving a fuck. focus on improving your skills, focus on your future rides, focus on your goals, focus on growing up, focus on giving your family the best life, focus on being a (future) wife for someone who's willing to build a home with you, focus on anything else OTHER THAN COMPARING YOUR PHYSICAL ATTRIBUTES TO EVERY WOMAN YOU SEE ON EVERY PLATFORM!

i really do hope you see what i see. if i could slap your soul, i would. be young, be dope, be proud. you are that queen bitch!

sincerely, your b.

[beulijis]

an impromptu post in the middle of the night.

Hey,

I have decided to revisit all my other social media platforms that I rarely visit or use. I stumbled upon Tumblr and that it took me 3 years to customize. I cringed seeing my old url and my old self in the icon with a very cute Big Ben as my header. I now used one of my fave korean artist for my icon and a shot of raindrops to match with her so my profile would feel melancholy or sentimental or something.

Anyway...

I am writing as of this moment and I type everything I think of letting all my thoughts to pour. It’s 1am and I know people’s thoughts are quite critical and cynical at this hour.

Note: I will be very random because again, indicated in my title, that this is an impromptu post; an attempt to make my blog look cool or very genius (i’m kidding). And I’m also sorry for grammatical lapses and such.

As I write, a playlist is playing through my earphones. The tracks are shuffled and the playlist started with a song from Lifehouse. This playlist was dedicated to the guy I liked, something about these songs wanted me to connect my thoughts and emotions for him. I compiled all the songs that reminded me of him. At first, the songs are my reassurance, my indication that I am not the only one feeling this way, and those I’ve wished he say but he didn’t. Now when I listen to these songs, they are now just songs for me like strings being snipped. They’re still my favorites, however, I no longer envision him and finally detached my emotions from the tracks. What can I say? He already faded. He’s already gone for me.

What am I obsessing over these days? The answer is: I am currently obsessing over tv series-western and asian series. My old self only focused on music, now I’ve seen how beautiful films are. I love to discover because I learn things. I love how it brings out emotions that I have never shown in real life situations. One of these is the fact that I have never dated someone and yet I felt how happy they become when they’re with their significant other, how lost or heartbroken they get when things fall apart or how willing they are to sacrifice for them. Also, I’ve made a tradition- when I finish a series, I download their songs to relive the feel of the show. For me it serves as a souvenir of what I have finished and that it will mark on me by listening to the soundtrack. Pretty much an obsession over films and music. Aren’t we all?

Why do I like to reread novels I’ve read already and not to read what I’ve never tried? I don’t understand either.

I’m into rappers these days especially from South Korea. Language differences has never bothered me. And never will.

I have missed my friends ever since we graduated from college. It’s been a month and yet I haven’t done a tete-a-tete lately. Sighs.

Okay so maybe I’ll cut this crap here. But here’s the most important question:

Am I looking for an escape?

Yes, I am. 

Things sometimes tend to not work properly in order for us to fix it. But it’s up to us whether we fix it on our own, we seek for help or we just let it slide. This post is barely an escape, it does not even comprise my overall thoughts and emotions. It does not contain pressure, stress, angst and confusion. But it doesn’t mean I’m unhappy.

This is just an introduction on how I share about myself through writing.

Will I write more? Let’s see in a few days.