betwixt-words-and-worlds-blog

[betwixt-words-and-worlds-blog]

Written January 14, 2017

By Jonathan Meza

“What are your thoughts on marriage?”

I was actually asked this a few days before the start of the New Year.

“You mean, in general? Because that’s a pretty broad question.”

It IS a pretty broad question, but I actually already had an answer that I had formulating and keep revising as time passes. I mean, I’ve had a lot of time to think about this, especially since, at my age, you get asked that a lot, ha ha. (Seriously, since moving to southern California for work after graduating college, I’ve been told to consider marriage so many times that it’s a bit unnerving. Like, chill, y’all! It’ll happen when it happens :P)

(As a quick side note: any of you single folk ever have to give an exposition for church on the topic of marriage even though you’ve never been married? Because I had to do that very often; I started taking prayers at 13 and, because I don’t come from a congregation with a lot of members, I usually took more than one prayer every month by the time I was older. The only reason I mention this is because I’ve always wondered what the married church members thought about me talking about marriage, having never had experienced it myself. Just an interesting thought, ha ha.)

When I think about the topic of marriage, one of the first Biblical citations that come to mind is the following:

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 (NKJV)

Two are better than one,

Because they have a good reward for their labor.

For if they fall, one will lift up his companion.

But woe to him who is alone when he falls,

For he has no one to help him up.

Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm;

But how can one be warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him.

And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

It’s understandable why such a verse would be used to describe aspects of marriage: the juxtaposition of the benefits of two people versus one highlights how marriage can bring about mutual security and assistance. But what stands out at me in this verse is not that; no, actually, what caught my attention most in these few verses is probably the least acknowledged and most (seemingly) uninteresting sentence:

And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.

Amid these references to “one”s and “two”s, we get a “three” reference. Now, you’re probably wondering: why does that matter? Well, it matters because then my next part wouldn’t make nearly as much sense lol. Bear with me a little bit!

When people think of marriage, they like to think of the idea of love. And when they think of Christian love and marriage, they usually refer to one of the most widely cited Biblical references of what the concept of love is: 1 Corinthians 13. (Seriously though, all of you people who plan to get married: get a bit more creative on y’all’s wedding invites! The Bible has more verses to choose from, y’know? :P)

The Apostle Paul, author of both letters to the early church members of Corinth, is usually given the appellation of “the Apostle of Love” precisely because of this chapter. I mean, just look at what he says:

1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (NKJV)

Love suffers long and is kind;

love does not envy;

love does not parade itself, is not puffed up;

does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil;

does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Very lofty and beautiful ideals of what love is and should be, indeed! But, again, there is a part of this ubiquitous chapter that most people seem to overlook: at the end of this chapter of love, the Apostle Paul mentions that, in the end, three virtues will remain:

1 Corinthians 13:13 (NKJV)

And now abide faith, hope, love, these three;

But the greatest of these is love.

Remember what I said earlier about the verse in Ecclesiastes making a reference to “a threefold cord”? Here’s where that comes into play. (See? I promise I can make sense!)

Most people architect the foundation of marriage to be love, solely and exclusively. But I disagree slightly; I believe a truly well-built foundation for marriage is those three virtues that the Apostle Paul mentions, with love definitely being the greatest. I’ll go over what I believe each one of these things entails and how they work together.

Hope-

Firstly in God and then in your partner and your marriage as well. Having a feeling of trust is important for any relationship (romantic or platonic) to flourish into something more stable and concrete; that is why hope, a foresight of what is yet to come, is important. Mind you, having foresight or an idea of a future together is not enough for a stable marriage foundation; there are plenty of things that can be dreamed or imagined, but won’t necessarily come to fruition just by foresight alone. That brings me to the second virtue:

Faith-

The Apostolic letter to the Hebrews describes the nature in which these two virtues complement one another and are necessarily bound to one another:

Hebrews 11:1 (NKJV)

Now faith is the substance of things hoped for,

the evidence of things not seen.

If hope is foresight, faith is a foretaste; faith provides sustenance and feeds our ambition for the future. That is why faith is a keystone in the foundation of marriage; faith in your partner, in who they are, in what they stand for, in the potential of what they can be, sustains us for the long-run. Ever stop to consider the hymn that the church sings to honor those aspiring to marry?

142 - Dios bendiga las almas unidas

-2-

Que los dos que al altar se aproximan

A jurarse su fe mutuamente,

Busquen siempre de Dios en la fuente

El secreto de dicha inmortal.

As you can see, we acknowledge the fact that by drawing close to the wedding alter to bind themselves in matrimony they are in fact vowing their mutual faith to one another, not love! That is because there must be a firm conviction that these two souls truly want to be together. But, don’t disregard the final virtue just yet:

Love-

Of these three beautiful virtues, the Apostle Paul names love the greatest among them. And with good reason! The aforementioned chapter in the letter to the Corinthians about the concept of love captures the nuances and entailments of how love should be practiced. Followed in this way, love can be God’s active force to work miracles in this world; acts of compassion and kindness towards our fellow human (in this case, our significant other) find their source in this deep fountain known as love.

Hope provides the goal, faith provides the map, and loves acts as the guiding compass to help us reach our destination. These three, joined and bound to one another, form a threefold cord that shall not be easily broken; a fortified bond that’ll keep two souls tightly together and not give way to the strains of life.

I guess that’s why they call getting married “tying the knot”!

Closing thoughts: so, that’s more or less my take on marriage. It’s very lofty, but I’ve always been a romantic; I like the view from having my head up in the clouds, ha ha. Maybe my perspective will change (hopefully for the better) when I actually get married. When will that be? Only God knows. I’m just going to roll with the punches.

[betwixt-words-and-worlds-blog]

Written January 7, 2017.

By Jonathan Meza.

I know we’ve just barely passed Christmas and New Year’s, but Valentine’s Day is already the next holiday on the brain of America’s consumerism culture. As such, I’d like to write a mini series on topics related to relationships and such.

The very first topic I’d like to address is rejection.

I’ve had my fair share of rejection. If you’ve seen my pictures or know me in person, it’s a visual that physically slaps you across the face and makes you say a silent prayer of gratitude that, even if you weren’t blessed with angelic countenance, makes you realize you have it pretty good in comparison.

Now, I’m not saying looks are everything in a relationship, but most girls tend to see me and almost instantly write me off because I’m not corporeally appealing to most people. And I get it: everyone is entitled to assess a potential relationship candidate based on whatever criteria of predilection they choose and I respect your right to do so, despite its negative implication for myself. But Jonathan’s self pity party is not the point of this post.

No, the point of this post is not me retelling stories of how people (or girls, more specifically in this case) have rejected me, though I’ve plenty of those stories. The point of this post is to tell you a story about how I had to reject someone while doing an internship with E&J Gallo Winery in Modesto, CA. (For those of you who don’t know where Modesto is, it’s a city an hour and a half north of my hometown of Fresno, CA. If you don’t know where Fresno is though, I don’t blame you tbh lol.)

I’ll preface this story with this: it was one of the most devastating rejections I have ever been a participant in. Want to know the interesting part though? This story isn’t even about a girl. That’s right, homies, I had to reject a guy! But, still, it’s not exactly what you think either! Let me explain.

I had to call one of two potential contractors whom were bidding to work on a capital project I was co-managing with another intern (we were upgrading a laser system that etches text onto the sides of the wine bottles). Now, if you aren’t familiar with the contract bidding process, it works like this: you create a contract that encompasses the scope of work necessary to complete a project and then you contact companies who do that type of work and give them the opportunity to make an offer on the work, driving down the cost of the project by virtue of competition among the companies. Perforce there is only one contract winner. Anyways, back to our regularly scheduled broadcasting.

Understand this: just like it’s more courteous to not breakup with someone over text or social media, it’s professional courtesy not to just email the company about losing the bid; you have to call them and tell them personally. If you know me, I don’t like breaking bad news to anyone; I prefer positivity. That’s why I was dreading contacting the losing contractor manager and letting him know that they had lost the bid.

I legit had to mentally prepare myself and I even rehearsed several times what I would say to him before I called to make sure I could let the guy down easily.

Finally, it was time.

I introduced myself in a shaky voice, while he answered cheerfully.

Damn. It’s going to be harder than I thought.

I decided to not beat around the bush though and went straight to the point.

“I’m sorry to inform you that we’ve decided not to select your company for the laser upgrade, but we appreciate your interest and hope to work with you on future projects.”

I could hear the change in the color and timbre of his voice go from joyful cheer to surprised somber in his response.

“Oh, I see… Did-did we at least make it competitive? You know, was our bid close?”

“Yeah, it was a fairly close, but they ended up offering a lower price.”

(That was a lie though, the bid price wasn’t close at all tbh lol. I just didn’t want to be mean about it.)

“Oh... that’s good, at least. Well, I’m glad we were able to participate and help you guys get a good price.”

I still have scars from that even though I was the one doing the rejecting, ha ha. Like I said, the most devastating rejection I’ve participated in.

And thus concludes this tragic tale of unrequited love full of drama, romance, and engineering.

*mariachi sound effect* Tan-tan.