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Mudroom Makeover: Part 1

I have this bad habit of getting bored and redecorating rooms.  This is a particularly prevalent issue when my husband is away, because when I get bored, I find ways to occupy myself.  He used to joke that every time he went away for training, he’d come back and not be able to find our coffee mugs.

In fact, I’m pretty sure my wedding vows actually included a reference to how I won’t reorganize the house constantly, moving said coffee mugs.

But, as with all things in life, you win some and you lose some - so a few days after my husband left for his deployment, I was staring at our mudroom and plotting.

I’ll be honest, it’s a fairly low impact room.  We’ve never had one before, and there wassecond set of doors between our kitchen and the “front” door leading to our driveway, so it was more of a space where we dropped our coats, boots, cleaning supplies, workout gear, dog leashes — anything that we might need between the house and the outside.

Despite our best intentions, it took us all of 2 days to turn it into a giant mess.

Then there’s the differences in my husband and my ability to put things away.  He’s on team “everything laid out where I can see it”, and I’m on team “minimalist - throw it away or put it away”.  This combination made the mudroom a challenge.

  When we first moved into the house, the whole room was covered in hooks.  The family that lived here before us had 3 kids and a dog, so it’s not surprising that they needed a ton of storage.

But for us, that just meant a lot of stuff got hung up - and abandoned.

So at the tail end of winter, I ripped down all the hooks and the pigeon-holed divider that was being used to store an assortment of garbage that needed a new home, and stripped it down to it’s hideous bare walls.  We also had a door that I removed; every time we opened the door, we blocked the fridge, and I loved the sunlight in the winter coming through the glass door and the breeze in the spring from the screen. 

And it’s stayed like that; a middle ground between the hooks and holes of spider mythology where it was before, and a far cry from the streamlined entry way I’d love.

Until I just couldn't stand it any more.  It was too ugly, too messy, and crammed with spiders waiting for a chance to come crawling into my house… too gross.

There was a ton of rotted wood trim, so it was the first thing to get yanked out.  I don’t have pictures of it, but let me just say - demo is much easier on HGTV.  Those plans did NOT want to come out of the wall, despite me hanging off of them with all of my body weight.

Then I had to go through and painstakingly start to fill in the holes and patch the problem areas.  After I ripped out the trim around the door, I learned that there was no dry wall - just access to the studs.  Which is great.  I’ve been plotting how hard it would be to re-drywall a room, and this is seemed like a low impact spot so… I went for it.  

It ended up taking me a few weeks, between the coats of sanding and re-plastering, and several chats with my incredible neighbor, but I finally got a passable coating up.

Finally, it was time to paint!  I have a ton of paint leftover from the downstairs, and my goal with this place is to keep everything open and consistent, so the walls are Valspar Polar Star throughout the downstairs.  I painted the ceiling flat white, and the trim semi-gloss white to try to freshen it up a bit.

I built us a new coat rack, and found an awesome bench that fit perfectly tucked into some bushes out in the yard, waiting for someone to save it.  The mirror came out of our downstairs bathroom, and I found the baskets for shoe storage tucked into a cranny in our basement (guarded by spiders, of course).  We picked up the Del Mar sign shopping on our honeymoon, and I love that I can see it from the kitchen, couch, and every morning when I get the dog ready for our walk. The rug, sign, and planter are all from Target, my favorite go-to for goodies.

It’s still only half way down - I’d still like to strip down the floor to the wood so it matches the rest of the house, and I need to trim out the doors and floor again, but just a fresh coat of paint and a reorganization helps breath some new air into the space.  It already feels more like a cohesive part of the downstairs, which is my favorite!

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Running Slow, Running Long

Running and I have a had a challenging relationship.

Wooed in high school by the appeal of a team sport to add to my college applications, I went out for the cross country team with almost no experience (I ran for ice cream trucks) and next to no idea what I was in for.  The team I joined was supportive, but incredibly competitive — losing simply wasn’t in the team history.

But hey, some one has to be the worst runner on the team.  It’s a noble calling!

But at 17, it wasn’t do wonders for my psyche to see all these girls run by like gazelles, as I huffed and puffed my way across the two mile mark.

I kept running in college, but mostly to stay in shape or focus.  I peaked at 19 when my mile time hit 7:32, but shortly after got mono and never recovered my run time.

Honestly - it was never my favorite.  It was just a way to get through some stress.  My college boyfriend (who was also my high school boyfriend) and friends all saw running as a competition.  You had to go out hard, train hard, improve, watch you mile time, do speed workouts… just the fact of going for a leisurely run often felt like a failure.

When I met my husband, he was prancing around with a weighted vest, running 6-something miles and leaving me in the dust.  I took over running with the dog, which involved a lot of stopping for pee breaks and chasing squirrels, and running settled into being something I did to get the energy out of the dog.  A chore, essentially.

We moved out to our country cabin at the tail-end of Fall, and I didn’t really unpack my running shoes until we learned that my husband would be deploying.  The sat in the corner, patiently waiting for me to punish myself with mileage, guard my mile time jealously, and chase the stress down the road, but I kept walking past them for one reason or another.

I’m focusing on my yoga practice, I told myself.

I don’t have time to run right now, I assured my mind.

I haven’t even figured out some routes yet, I reminded myself as I stepped over my shoes.

Still they sat in the corner, patiently waiting for me to take them up again, collecting dust and probably filling with spiders.

So imagine my surprise when we were sitting in Syracuse and the words came bubbling out of me: I want to run a marathon while you’re gone.

Uh-oh, my heart muttered.

A marathon’s been a far off goal of mine for years, something I’ve wanted to knock out before my 30th birthday.  But that’s always been a far off mile stone in 2019, and I’m trying to rush out of my twenties before I’m ready.

But this voice, which had come bubbling out of my mouth unexpectedly, told my heart to take hike.  It’ll be cathartic, it promised.  It won’t be like anything you’ve ever done before.

So I signed up for a training program, tentatively picked a date, and I started running again.

I ignore my mile time, and focus on one step after the next.  I talk to my dog as we run, and don’t push him to stop to pee on every tree.   We adventure down new routes, have chatted with all the neighbors, and see more wild animals than I ever imagined lived in the woods near us.

And as crazy as it sounds, that bubbling voice was spot on.  I get tired when I run, but it doesn’t burn in my teeth or my legs like it always has.  My blown out knee doesn't throb every second of every day, and the days where I run I feel amazing.  I feel strong, and powerful.

It is cathartic.  And it’s not hurting me the way that it used to.

I’m still puzzling over what this shift might be, but I invite you to tag along to check it out for yourself.  What’s something you loved that you never thought you would?  Has something every shifted for you, and changed the way you handled it?

Let me know in the comments, and I can’t wait to hear from you!

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Sleeping Success in 5 Steps

My need for sleeping rivals that of an irritable toddler.

I know my body and my mind well enough to know that I function most optimally on between 7-8 hours of sleep - and as someone with two modes in life (full throttle and completely exhausted) I absolutely need to carve out that space and time for myself if I want to live a healthy and strong life.

But I've always had a tough time sleeping.  Falling asleep, staying asleep, night terrors - all things I've struggled with that boil down to stress and anxiety, which means an increase in stress and anxiety leave me exhausted, grouchy, and thoroughly unpleasant to be around. After about a week of not getting enough sleep, I inevitable end up sick.  

And I HATE being sick.  Being stuck on the couch or my bed, incapable of moving around and getting things done... this is not in my skill set, friends.  I'm the worst at taking it easy.

As such, I've made my bedroom into an ideal space for sleeping.  In my world, there's five key ingredients to have a sacred sleeping space:

1. No Electronics

This was the first thing I banned from my bedroom, and my husband was not on board initially.  Despite having a nighttime mode, all screens give off a blue light that messes with your brains circadian rhythm, and trick you into thinking it's still time to be up and about.  He claims that social media like Instagram, or reading the news on his phone relaxes him, but the truth is that it's just another rabbit hole that your brain can focus on instead of turning off and relaxing gradually into sleep.

No phones, no TV, no laptops, and no tablets.  If I had total free reign, there'd also be no clocks - the last thing I need it to wake up in the middle of the night and realize that I only have x amount of hours to get back to sleep, which triggers more anxiety in my mind, but marriage is about compromise.  No cell phones for him, alarm clocks for me.

2. Salt Lamps

Say what you will about salt lamps and the energy that they bring to the room, but in my mind there is nothing more relaxing or soothing that walking into my room after a bath and having it lit up with a rosy glow.  Neither my husband nor I are on team overhead lighting, and the subtle glow that our salt lamp gives us is just enough to get settled - there's enough light to read by or see what's going on in the room (what DID I just stub my toe on??) but not enough to keep the other one awake if they decide to tuck themselves in before the other.

I'm also low-key convinced that it's balancing the positive energy in our room - on the days where I forget to flip it on before leaving for work, the room feels just slightly off.  I like to think of my salt lamp as a bad-energy dream catcher, so I make a habit of flipping it on first thing in the morning, and it's the last thing that I turn off at night.

3. Hide the Clutter

Something my husband and I have butted heads about our whole relationship is putting things away.  I can't fall asleep in a messy room.  I just can't.  There's things that have to get done, stuff that needs to be put away, and there's nothing worse that tripping over shoes in the middle of the night when you have to get up to go to the bathroom.

Conversely, my husband can never be bothered to put things away.  Clean laundry and dirty laundry and generally heaped in separate piles on the floor, in a strange system that only he ever really seems to get (I don't think there ever was a system, to be honest).

As such, laundry baskets save our marriage.  He can dump his respective piles into his very own baskets that I don't have to deal with, and then I can shove them into his closet at night when it's time to turn off.  While we're currently rocking cheap broken baskets from Target, I have my eye on some pretty beauties like these, which would mean I would never had to shove anything in closets again!  Less steps between me and sleep?  Sign me up.

4. Invest in a Comfortable Bed

 My husband's first Christmas gift to me was a fancy pillow.  We had been living together for a few months, and the constant nightmares and allergies to our dog were a battle.  I had scooped up some cheap pillows from Target when I had first moved to New York, and I never slept well.

So he went all out and got me a fancy Brookstone pillow with allergen blockers and memory foam - and I guard that thing like it's my job.  His head always seems to find his way over to my side to try to sneak onto it, so I ruthlessly am forced to shove him back to his side with his sad, not as nice pillows. (Just kidding, I bought him one when we upgraded our bed).

Buying crappy stuff with give you crappy results.  We invested in a great mattress, perfect pillows for our sleeping type, and only use organic cotton sheets in our bed.  I custom built our bed to be the perfect height, and the clean simple style suits us perfectly.  Having a perfect nest to fall into at the end of the day is ideal - if your bed is a hot mess, than you can bet your sleep will be a hot mess!

5. Sunlight Alarm Clock

Technically, this is on my wish list rather than my current haves, but I am ordering myself a sunlight alarm clock ASAP.  There's nothing worse that starting the day with a jarring alarm, which spikes my adrenaline first thing.  Life is stressful enough - I don't need to start my morning with a jolt.  

Sunlight Alarm Clocks ease you into the morning by imitating the sunrise.  Light gradually floods your room, and at the assigned time, it's at it's full brightest with birds chirping.  Basically - it's the key to becoming a Disney princess in the morning, and I am 100% on board with that kind of wake up call!  I'm thinking about buying myself this version, or getting super fancy for this one.

What are your secrets for a good night's sleep?  Let me know in the comments, and I may steal some ideas for myself!

[betlinedesign]

Rookie Mistakes with Gardening

The other day when I got home from the grocery store, I noticed that the weeds had gotten so large that they were shin height, and obscuring the romantic stone walkway up to my house.

Rationally, this isn't that big of a deal - you just rip out the weeds, and take some time to make sure your home is actually accessible from your driveway.  

However, rational Brynna rarely wins in the internal monologue, and all I could think was how the heck do you even turn on the weed wacker anyway? After all, the attempt to turn on the lawn mower had larger resulted in disappointment and irritation. So after a substantial amount of complaining to my dog (he didn't care for my excuses), I trudged out to the shed to locate the weird machine and remove the offensive bushes.

It must be said, once I figured out how to fire up that bad boy I was cackling like a maniac and ripping out little plants like it was my job - so all's well that ends well.  I even managed to send some smug photos to my husband.

Then a horrible thought hit me.  If this is how bad my path looked, what the heck was happening in the vegetable garden I planted a few weeks ago and forgot about?

With the dog and the weed wacker in tow, I adventured down to the overgrow patch that was supposed to be my small and manageable project, and promptly started muttering again.  

In fairness to me, I grew up in a desert.  A lovely desert, where the city pumped in obscene amounts of water for lush landscapes from surrounding states,  but ultimately just a desert.  In that, things that aren't cactuses aren't particularly interested in surviving.

Let me tell you friends, I've never seen weeds that look like this.  And the worms out here are big enough to be considered small snakes where I'm from.

After dabbling with the idea of fishing out a machete from the recesses of my husbands stuff, I ultimately decided to just dig at it with enthusiasm and help work out a lot of my anxiety and frustrations.  

Take away from Gardening 1.0:

Stake Your Tomatoes Early

Turns out, tomatoes grow really quickly and with enthusiasm.  My dinky little tomato sprouts rapidly became krakens of the garden, reaching their viney little fingers all over the place and getting tangled up with the weeds and flowers.  While I am super excited to have a bunch of tomatoes (pasta sauce for DAYS this fall), I needed to figure out a way to maneuver around my garden and ended up staking them with some spare wood I had from a leftover project. This is a bad - but temporary - solution, which could have been avoided if I had just staked out my tomatoes in the first place.

Failing to Plan is Planning to Fail

While my garden isn't technically a fail, if I had spent a little more time on the front end trying to determine how big my plants would have grown, then I don't think the back end of my garden would low key resemble a dinosaur habitat. You see, I was super intimidated by the idea of a garden in the first place, so I asked the people at the nursery to recommend some plants that would fill in the space.  They suggested pumpkins, and I thought AWESOME!  I LOVE PUMPKINS! Then I planted 6 little sproutlings all clumped together in a set -- and a few weeks later, I have a hot mess of plants.  I failed to consider how much they would sprawl and devour the space I had devoted to my zinnias, and now I can't get back there to take care of them properly.

Build a Fence

My biggest overall failing was in not building up a fence or any enclosure for my veggies.  I still think that rabbits are sweet and adorable, and I have no issue with them frolicking around in my yard - they're adorable to me, and they're good entertainment for my dog, who likes to bark at them and run around in circles when he sees them.  But it turns out, they LOVE my garden and they ate up all my lettuce - the only thing I planted that I actually was looking forward to eating. It's not the end of the world, but they could get in because we have a haphazard fencing situation set up that's no where near enough to actually take care of the garden and keep them out.

Two hours later, I got the garden into something that resembles a solution, and I have to say I'm pretty proud of myself.  I had to make some adjustments, rip out some plants I just totally dropped the ball on, and ended up accepting that it wouldn't be perfect - but just like with everything else, all it takes is a little bit of love and maintenance.  Now I'm excited to see what will come together moving forward!

Any advice for a desert girl in the mountains?  I'd love to grow my own food and flowers, but I don't know where to start.  I'd love to hear your suggestions in the comments!

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6 Things That Make Deployment Easier

Deployment sucks.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again.  Probably a lot of times.  Why to know why?  

Because deployment. sucks.

There's all these things that I totally didn't even realize that my husband was taking care of.  For example, it turns out grass grows a lot, and really quickly.  My yard low key resembles a jungle. 

So while the universe has yet to develop a yard maintenance app (but I've been assured that I'm on the wait list), here are some of the tools I've been relying on during the first few weeks of my husbands deployment.

1. Amazon Prime

Words can't describe how important it is that I not be in a Target unsupervised when I am stressed out and lonely for my husband.  Seriously, that is the path to so many weird things appearing in my house - like that one time I thought it would be fun to have all new organic cotton sheets (jk that was fun, and I regret nothing).

Amazon Prime = all the things I need from Target, delivered in two days.  I'm talking dog food, treats, and all the cookbooks for bulk cooking that one girl could need.   That means no excuses to buy all sorts of strange things from the dollar section, which means when I actually do go to Target for all their amazing home stuff, I can actually buy what I want!  

2. Cladwell

Hand in hand with clean living has been minimalism - I don't need a lot of stuff to weigh me down mentally right now, and I've loved having a Capsule Wardrobe from Cladwell.  

What's also been great about my capsule wardrobe is their app, Outfits, which helps me select outfits based on the weather, and what I already have in my closet.  Because honestly - getting out the door in morning, packing up my dog, getting my workout gear together AND feeding myself can sometimes be hectic.  Anything I can triage out, I will.  

3. Notes

Talk about a life-saver, y'all.  I use the Notes app on my Apple devices to keep track of everything, and because it's linked to my laptop, iPad, and iPhone, I have access to everything quickly, where ever I am.

Making dinner and realize I'm about to run out of an ingredient?  I add it to my Grocery List.

Out running errands and see a book or article I really want to look into more later?  Add it to my Reading List.

I've got an entire folder of blog post ideas, another one that's just for my book writing, scads of work information I might need, and a never ending list of projects for the house that I am perpetually behind on. 

I love love LOVE having everything I need in one place - it's just one less thing to try to keep track of and in my purse.  I know that there are a bunch of apps out there (free and options to buy) that do similar things, so maybe Notes isn't the best fit for you - but I'm all about taking advantage of the free goodies already installed in my tech.

4. Netflix

Do I really need to explain why Netflix is the lifesaver during deployment?  

If you haven't had your partner deploy, you're probably already using Netflix for the amazingness that is TV shows and movies, ready to watch.

If you have had your partner deploy, you're probably well versed in all the ways that Netflix is great.  Background sound, distraction from being lonely and sad, and the entire series of Buffy the Vampire Slayer.  Cause sometimes, you need that reminder that you kick butt.

We also don't have cable, so Netflix is my indulgence.  While I created a rule that says no more than 1 hour of TV on work nights, I still savor my time zoning out, and diving into some silly TV. 

5. My Planners

While Notes keeps all my loose ends together, I'm still and pen and paper kind of girl.  I actually have two planners, one for my daily to-dos, and one that's more like a diary that I use with my gratitude practice.

For day-to-day stuff, I use a StartPlanner - which gives me space to track how much water I'm drinking (not enough), keep track of my budget, my workouts, my blog posts and social media, and all the things I need to accomplish in one day.  

At night, I use my Erin Condren planner to write down what I'm grateful for, set intentions for the week, and brain dump right before I go to bed.  When my husband is home, it's the conversations that we have right before sleep - what our daily wins were, what we could have done better with.  Writing it down makes me feel like I'm still connected to him, and it keeps me positive.

Also if two planners haven't tipped you off to this, I'm OBSESSED with planning hahaha.

6. Spotify

Sometimes, I have deployment days - you know, the days when you are grouchy and absolutely nothing seems to be improving your mood?

I have playlists for these days chock full of my favorite songs, all upbeat and mood changers, and with Spotify, I can check them out whether I'm driving home from work, in the office, or out for a run.  I even have yoga playlists put together for the type of flow I'm feeling on any given day.

There's a ton of music and options to customize and create a playlist that works for you - and they'll even suggest a bunch of artists that you might like, based on your listening history.

Which is how I ended up with a Disney Playlist of recommendations.  Sorry I'm not sorry, y'all.

If you've gone through a deployment, what are some of the things that got you through the first few weeks?  Let me know in the comments below!

** Heads up - some of these links are affiliate links, which means I might get swag if you click on these links and purchase something.  As always, I only promote products on my site that I actually use, love, and endorse - so don't worry, all my opinions are still my own! **

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One Simple Practice That Changed My Life

 Can we just real for a second and acknowledge that nasty voice in your mind that’s constantly reminding you of all the stupid things you’ve said or done?  The one who says unspeakably cruel things to you that you would never say to someone else, who wakes you up in the middle of the night with horrifying memories and panicking you about things you’ve forgotten?

Here’s a little sample of the treasures that my mind likes to come up with:

You’re not good enough

You’re not strong enough

Maybe you’re just a freaking idiot

Remember when you... (insert something ridiculous I did at some point - and I have done a LOT of ridiculous things, guys)

No one likes you; you’re annoying and stupid

You’re so ugly

No one likes you because you’re fat

Such a peach, my mental voice.  Considering that the last decade of my life has been wrapped up in various levels of intensely competitive and petty struggles, it’s not surprising that my mind as so much ammo.  

I was runner and a dancer as a teenager, while balancing a job at a coffee shop.  I kept that job through college and juggled internships full time, blowing through school as quickly as possible.  I was in a sorority, where I was an officer, and I sat on several college committees which ran shows, events, and planned graduation ceremonies.  I was the curator of an arts show on campus, and just to keep things interesting in my downtime, I studied abroad. I graduated college with high honors.  Then, I launched myself into grad school and busted through my first certification in a year, completed my MA in one year, and had knocked out all my PhD coursework a year after that.  All while holding down jobs and teaching college courses - and planning my wedding.  

With that in mind, it’s not surprising that the week after my husband and I got married, I turned to him and said “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

I had spent the last few years gradually gaining weight, crying all the time, and throwing up from sheer anxiety.  In my mind, the most important thing I could do was finish my education - I was so close to having my PhD, and wasn’t that what I had always wanted?

But I was pushing through paper after paper on topics I didn’t love.  I had attempted to learn an indigenous language of Mesoamerica.  I had my peer-reviewed article published when I was 24, but I needed to push out another one as soon as possible.  I needed to tackle my question, assemble my committee, grade my students papers, mentor my undergrads, write this 25 page paper on mythology — I was working so hard to get through that I hadn’t stopped to realize that I didn’t want to do it anymore.

Straight through our honeymoon I was working on a paper, because I couldn’t even mentally check out to spend time with the love of my life on a beach.  In fact, two days after our wedding, I had such a severe panic attack that I almost left my husband alone on our honeymoon to go to my childhood home and sleep there instead.

On my honeymoon, people.

While that certainly wasn’t the darkest time of my life, it was a wake up call.  And though it took me four months to leave behind my PhD program, it was the best thing I ever did for myself.  But it was hard.  I gave the mean, nasty voice in my head such a gift - all I could think was“I failed, I failed, I failed.”

That’s when I started meditating again.  

I say again, because I had started meditating as a child.  By 8, I had such severe anxiety, that I would wake up with night terrors every night - and my child-brain solution was to just stop sleeping.  

Apparently I would just make a racket and a ton of art projects, so my parents started introducing more quiet-time activities, with the (most likely desperate) hope that it would help me sleep.  One of those activities was reading, and one of my favorite series focused on using meditation to tap into your inner magic.

Obviously, I wanted to be cool like Daine from Wild Magic and talk to animals, so I did what the book said.  I started taking practiced breathing, counting as I went, and focused on my heartbeat.  I tried to slow it down, force my mind to relax, and to start to... well ok realistically I wanted to start talking to animals.  I was a kid.  Cut me some slack.

But I do remember the deep calm that settled over me like blanket - and thinking back on that as an adult, my only reaction was “well, it can’t really hurt to try it out again.”

I was sniffling on the floor of my old apartment, feeling sorry for myself and so alone, when I plopped down on my yoga mat and took a deep breathe in.  And out.  And in, and back out again.

There was still that little inner monologue, chanting “You failed, you failed, you failed” but after a few minutes of watching that thought go by, my heart asserted it self a little bit.

It takes courage to grow up and become who you truly are.

I don’t even read poetry, but that E.E. Cummings line came bubbling out of my heart, whispering at first but growing louder and louder until it was all I could think.  Peace settled over my like a blanket again, and I felt braver and stronger when I opened my eyes and took on the day.

So I continued to mediate, every day - and suddenly, without realizing it, I could sleep again.  I could smile again.  I wanted to try new things, and I wanted to explore new paths.

I went from studying and crushing my soul in academia so that I could write about the art market, to actually being a part of the art market.  Instead of writing articles that talked about global hegemony in the art world, I started helping sellers grow their business online internationally.  I went from complaining about a problem to actually fixing it.

Without hesitation, I attribute this to mediation.  Meditation gave me the space in my heart to explore new paths, the tools to fight down my inner critic, and the confidence to walk away from what was no longer serving me.

This is just one girls opinion, so take it with a grain of salt - but I’d recommend that you give meditation a try.  Just for a few days, take a few extra deep breathes.  Bring a daily practice of quiet and stillness into your life, and see what can unfold.  Sometimes its a subtle shift, sometimes its a big aha - but everyone I know who has tried meditation has loved it.

What do you think - have you ever given meditation a try?  Let me know in the comments!

[betlinedesign]

How I Meal Prep for a Week of Clean Eating

Even before we knew that my husband was going to be deployed, I was all about Meal Prep Mondays.  Working Tuesday through Saturday means that I had an entire day to myself while my husband was at work to get us all set up for success throughout our week.

While I love clean eating, I think the hardest factor is keeping it up is having food ready to go.  About a year ago, I was working in retail - and my schedule shifted constantly, so when my husband was out of town for the military or for work, I would just pick something up on the way home and try to cram food in between taking care of the dog and working out.

No wonder I felt sick all the time and was breaking out like a teenager.  Food is fuel - if your not putting in what you need to be healthy and happy, your body isn't going to perform at it's best.

Now that he is deployed, it's more important than ever to make sure that I'm spending the extra time investment into getting my food prepped and ready, so that while I'm hustling around, I don't have to stress out about making dinner or what I'll pack for lunch.

I thought I might share about what a typical meal prep day looks like for me, and why it's not as crazy as it sounds.  It takes me about three hours to get all my dinners and lunches for the week set up - which is about two podcasts and one dance party - and that early time investment gives me more time int he week to focus on playing with my dog, and getting myself to work, yoga, and anywhere else I might want to visit!

The first step is pretty intuitive - I gather up all my veggies, wash them, and prep them.  That means I chop up, peel, and matchstick all the veggies known to man, and then (because I'm a weird vegetarian) I roast up all my veggies.

So this week, I know that I'm going to be making grain bowls, salads, pizza,  and burritos - so I knew that I wanted to have veggies prepped and ready to go for all of these meals.  

While I had the veggies roasted, I went ahead and got started on getting the quinoa and rice ready to go, for both my burritos and my grain bowls.  I like to toast up my grains in coconut oil to get them going, and then cook up a double batch of these goodies.  I tried quinoa blended in with rice over the weekend in Syracuse, and it was soooooo good! It breaks up the sandish-tones that quinoa can get (let's face it  - quinoa is great, but it can get a little gritty) but without being overly bland (which again - I think we can all agree that rice can be a little bit blah on its own).

Once the veggies came out of the oven, I went ahead and baked up the pizza dough.  One recipe of pizza goodies makes two full pizzas, and with just one of me, that means a TON of pizza.  When my husband is home, I tend to just bake both and throw one in the freezer for another time (pizza is one of his favorites), but since it's just me, I baked up one and threw the unassembled extras in the freezer for another time.  One pizza generally makes about four servings, so after dinner, I'll also freeze half of the leftovers for next week.

After the pizza crusts got thrown into the oven to bake, I whipped up some burritos - and again, since this recipe makes 12, I put 9 into the freezer and left a few out for after-yoga dinners and grab and go lunches.

The rest of the quinoa/rice got packed up into a container, and each of the scrumptious roasted veggies into their own delicious baggie - except the carrots, which are my go to snack food - those just got sliced up and dropped in my massive cookie jar, for easy access to snacks.  I love keeping the veggies separate like this, so I can make whatever kind of grain bowl I'm feeling later in the week, or top off my pizza leftovers with some extra veggies before toasting it up to eat.  Plus, it makes everything really easy to grab and get into a salad if I'm really in a giant hurry.

Check out that stocked fridge, friends.  This week - I feast!

What do you think about meal prepping?  Have you ever given it a shot, and how did it go for you?  Let me know!

[betlinedesign]

Syracuse

About a year ago, I went out to Syracuse for a design conference.  To say it was an awesome experience wouldn't do that weekend away justice - it was the first time I had ever taken myself somewhere in New York State by myself, and though I was initially nervous, it turned out to be one of the super positive experiences we all hope to have.  I made some new friends, found some amazing places to hang out, and totally broke out of my comfort zone.

This year, I wasn’t able to go to the design conference (deployment sucks) but I was lucky enough to get to show my husband around the city I found I loved last year. We were able to spend one last weekend away together before he’s off for his deployment, and Syracuse did not disappoint!

I’m a Californian, and as a West Coast gal it’s always mind-blowing for me to consider how close together things are out here.  In the time it would take (without traffic) to get from San Diego to Los Angeles, we were able to get get in Syracuse and get settled into our hotel room.  

We stayed at the Aloft Inner Harbor Syracuse , which is this AMAZING hotel not too far outside of my favorite neighborhood, Armory Square.  Our room looked out on the water, the bed was unbelievably comfy, and the modern decor and aesthetic totally brought us back to our Iceland trip from a few weeks ago.  

There wasn’t a single picture I took of the hotel that didn’t include an explosion of our stuff, so I’ll just refer you to their photos - I promise, this is exactly what the room looked like, and it was huge.  Absolutely huge.

We both had to work while we were in Syracuse, but the positive is we had three whole days to hang out, so we found plenty of time for adventures.  While my husband checked in with his local leadership and checked off some last minute things with his team, I happily connected with the hotel for some remote work.  Sometimes it can be hard for me to work remotely - my job requires some pretty hefty bandwidth for internet that has (on occasion) overwhelmed my home router, but the hotel internet was a beast and kept pace with me all day, and no matter where I went (by the hotel, down in the lobby, hanging out in our room) I was connected and good to go.

Eating

Truthfully, it can sometimes be a pain to try to find clean eating friendly food while traveling.  While the world has become much more open to the idea of alternative eating models, a lot of what we see labelled as “clean eating” or “organic” still doesn't really mesh with the way we eat.  This certainly isn’t a judgement or an admonishment to the world for not conforming to how I personally live, but seriously nothing wrecks a vacation like feeling bloated and lethargic because you aren’t eating right.

More often than not, we pack ourselves food that we know meets our standard and dietary restrictions.  We’ve rolled up to beach weekends with friends with a massive cooler of goodies, just to be sure that we’ll be set up for the weekend.

That being said, it was surprisingly easy to find restaurants that were clean eating friends all across the broader Syracuse area.  I had no idea that grain bowls were becoming such a thing, but I am not complaining - it was fantastic!

One of the places we stopped in most frequently was CoreLife Eatery, which is an awesome restaurant where you can build your own grain bowl.  My husband refers to it as the Chipotle for clean eating, and he isn’t wrong.  

Not only were the salads, soups, and grain bowls all clean eating with serious vegetarian options, but their fountain drinks were so good!  There’s a high chance that they were packed with sugar, which we are supposed to be avoiding, but we just cut it down with half water and decided to indulge.

Our big date night in town involved heading to Pastabilities, which honestly we half chose because of the name.  I saw that they made their pasta from scratch, and it seemed like it might be clean eating so, we gave it a shot.  It was fantastic!

I studied abroad in Italy, so I’ve always had a soft spot in my heart from really good quality Italian food.  We were sitting on the back patio of Pastabilities, and the smell was exactly like so many of the coastal restaurants that I had loved eating at when I first arrived.  Plus, it was the first time in years I had access to burrata, AKA the cheese of all cheeses, and I scarfed it down in every possible way.  If you’re ever in Syracuse, I would HIGHLY recommend giving Pastabilities a shot.  You won’t regret it! 

If you know me well, you know that I have coffee issues.  I spent 6 years working at Starbucks, and while I can no longer speak to the training process, when I came through, you had to try out all of the coffee types, be able to speak to them with authority, and pair them.  Since that was also my first job, that was where and how I got hooked on coffee.  Excellent planning on Starbuck’s part - it’s actually difficult for me to drink a normal cup of coffee, because light or medium roast is just too acidic and ends up giving me stomach problems.  

For this reason, I can be a little hesitant about trying new coffee out.  As I mentioned before, nothing wrecks a relaxing vacation like having an upset stomach.  That being said, we found Freedom of Espresso in Franklin Square just down the block from our hotel, and it was really cute.  The dark roast actually was a dark roast, and it had great flavor and depth.  My only slight critique is that when we were there at 8am on a Friday, there were no snacks.  At all.  We bought day old bagels that they had out, but I was sorta bummed that we had to go find breakfast somewhere else.  It’s also worth noting that when I stumbled into another Freedom of Espresso location in Armory Square, they had plenty of options - I think we just happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.

Our last surprise find was Original Grain.  To be honest, I was a little bit skeptical at first.  I mean, why are there so many grain bowl spots in one town, and why is this one so fresh and hip but empty? 

I can’t really explain the emptiness, especially because I’ve never been more wrong about a place.  It was BANGING.  Like, seriously, the most amazing glorious thing I’ve had in a while.  We found this place the day after we watched Can’t Stop, Won’t Stop, so when my husband dragged me off to the bathroom door to see the Notorious B.I.G. photo, we felt pretty confident that we had made the right choice.

The staff was unbelievably sweet, and let me ask a million questions - and even subbed out ahi tuna for chicken when I mentioned that I was a vegetarian (I just expected them to leave it off and charge us the same price).  I ordered the Mexi-Cali bowl (obviously.  If it has either ‘Mexi’ or ‘Cali’ in it, I’m 98% more likely to order it) and I’m not sure what my favorite part was - how pink it was, or how fresh.  Seriously, I can’t remember the last time I ate food and it tasted like California, but this had it down.  

A side bar about New York food.  It’s good, and I clearly have chosen to live here.  But there’s something about California food - I swear you can taste the sunshine in it.  Produce from California just tastes different, and it gets lost when you ship it.  The way that produce and veggies taste, smell, feel at home is just different and more vibrant.  But I’m biased, don’t trust me ;)

 Adventures

While of course we did out fair share of relaxing by the pool at the hotel and lounging in our luxurious room, what’s the point of visiting a new place if you don’t check out some cool sites?

We’re big fans of wandering around, so we headed over to Armory Square one afternoon, which is my favorite neighborhood in Syracuse.  There’s a ton of cute little shops, some coffee joints, and yummy restaurants - plus, the Museum of Science and Technology is right smack dab in the middle, so there’s a ton of people watching and fun things to explore without spending too much.  This the neighborhood that has Original Grain, Pastabilities, and a Freedom of Espresso location.

 Sadly, it isn’t really summer in upstate New York without crazy amounts of rain that drop out of nowhere, so when an unexpected thunderstorm rolled through, we headed over to Destiny, USA.  It really isn’t our type of place - it’s one of those megamalls that popped up when we were in high school, but lately we’ve stepped a little bit away from that kind of mentality.  There’s not a lot for minimalist yogis with a penchant for organic fair trade cotton to find at a mall, but it was interesting to walk around and check out.  If we had kids, this would have been their dream place - there was an indoor adventure spot where kids were strapped into these safety harnesses and climbing all over the place, and a few indoor style amusement parks.  While ultimately it wasn’t our jam, I’m glad we stopped in.

When the storm cleared up, we headed out to a little park new Lake Oswego, which was too cute for words.  There was a little bit of a beachside main street feel to it, and it’s been developed to have a biking path, a running path, and huge amounts of lawn and outdoor play areas for kids.  We spent some time wandering around, and admiring peoples dogs as they came by (we were getting homesick for our little man by this point, clearly). 

After another weekend there, I still love Syracuse.  It’s a lovely city, and it’s always nice to see some of these older, former industrial cities starting to revitalize and made beautiful again.  Have you ever been out to Syracuse?  What are your favorite spots?  Let me know in the comments below!

[betlinedesign]

Summer Camp Vibes

Can we take a few moments to appreciate the perfection of the weather that has been this week?  

I don’t know how it’s been for you all, but here in Upstate, we’ve had warm days in the high seventies with very little humidity - perfect porch and lake weather, if you ask me.  We scored our beach permit not too long ago, so we’ve been making a point of getting over there as much as possible.

And guys - there’s a swim up dock!  It’s unbelievable. 

Living in the mountains has been such a change from the world I grew up in.  I’m used to summer meaning relaxing on the beach, and for the last five years of living in New York, I’ve struggled with this lack in my life. Short of a long drive and some overpriced nonsense, beach days are few and far between.

That being said, I’ve always seen movies and shows where kids get shipped off to summer camp for one reason or another, where they inevitably frolic in lakes, jump off rope swings, hike through the woods - all while heartwarming 80s nostalgia music plays in the background.

That’s kind of been my life lately, minus the epic soundtrack.  And it is absolutely fantastic.

I took a week away from work to sneak in some last minute time with my boo before he’s off for the next few months, and I think I could get used to this life - sipping on iced tea, rocking away the day in our hammock, and lounging by the lake.  It’s been a perfect way to get back in touch with the core of who we are, and plan for the next few months. 

What does summer mean to you?  Are you more of a vacation and adventure type of person, or do you prefer to veg out in the yard with a book?  Let me know!

[betlinedesign]

Fourth of July

Happy Fourth of July, friends!

When I was a kid, the best part about Fourth of July was the unlimited access to BBQ and the excitement of fireworks.  All of my childhood memories of the Fourth involve some variation of a tiny hand clutching a can of soda, being hot, and waiting - waiting - waiting.  

Let’s be real, patience was never in my skill set.  So waiting was typically a lot of bouncing and asking “Is it time yet?  Is it time now?”

There’s a hint of that now, but the anticipation is more bittersweet.  Today we’re hosting a party we’ve been half-planning as our housewarming party since November (why have a housewarming party in the winter, after all?) but since the deployment rolled around, it’s also a chance to have one more adventure with all of our friends.

One last chance in the next year to make some memories together.

So instead of that anticipation of fireworks, now it’s for him leaving.  Is it time yet?  Is this the last time for the next year?  Are we there yet?

I thought leading up to this I would be selfish, and closed off.  While that’s still an appealing possibility (I might be a little bit selfish, if we’re being honest here), I’m mostly filled with an overwhelming sense of gratitude.

I’m so grateful that our friends are carving out this time to support us, and driving out to spend one more holiday together. I’m thankful that they reach out to ask what they can bring, what pressure they can take off of us.  I’m incredibly excited to spend this time together, and see him happy with all of his friends, to have these memories to hold on to together.

Even the little things, like how my neighbor mowed our back lawn for us yesterday — I’m unbelievably grateful for that.  It means that we can spend ever more time together.  An extra hour here and there; I’ll stock these up and hold them close in the next few months.  

And in case it isn’t obvious, I’m also grateful for you.  If you’re reading this, you’re supporting us more than you can imagine.  Having a space to be able to say all of these things, to write down our successes and struggles, just being available - it’s easy to forget when I type into my laptop that there are people reading this, and connecting with it.  I’ve been blown away by the support of all of you, reaching out to me and sending me good thoughts.  

So today as we fire up our tiny grill and BBQ the jeepers out of our veggie burgers, as we blow up some sparklers (I can’t BELIEVE these are legal in New York) and are lounging on the lawn, know that I’m holding all of you in my heart.  Thank you so much.

How are you celebrating America’s birthday?  Are you on team beach cookout, or all about the lazy lifestyle?  Let me know, because I want to hear all about it!

[betlinedesign]

Getting Started

I’ve been calling this phase the trial period.  My husband has to go away for some training, and he’ll be headed home before the deployment gets rolling, but it’s still an extended period where I’m on my own.

Realistically, it’s going pretty well.  Ryder and I are still sorta getting our feet under us, but it’s not in a challenging or bad way.  Mostly, we’re just figuring out what our routine will be.  It’s been a really long time since I had to take care of no one.

Since moving into our new house in October, we’ve had a lot of shifts.  I got my dream job, and threw myself into it.  The routines that we built up were to support each other - I would spend the mornings getting our meals for the day set up while he spent the morning getting himself taken care of.  Then at night we’d switch, him doing all the clean up and getting the house ready for the next day while I relaxed and took care of myself.

I have no complaints about that system.  When we got married, we were reminded that we were now a team, and I’ve always loved that analogy.  We take care of each other.  We protect each other.  We hold each other accountable.  Team B-Squared, ready to take on the world.

But without him around, I have all this time in the morning.  I’ve been carving out little chunks of time to watch inspiring TED talks, and do longer meditations.  I can hog the living room and do whatever yoga I want, not just the stuff he’s getting up to.

Ryder and I went for our first run together since we moved (I know, six months - it’s really embarrassing) and I felt like I had the time and space to talk to all of the neighbors as we passed them.

Being married never prevented that, but being a part of a team sometimes means you put the teams needs ahead of your own.  And sometimes, the team needs dinner, a calm wife, and comfy puppy more than it needs to be out for an hour long run.

Logically, I know that I need to put myself first - but it’s nothing something that comes easily to me.  Having the space to make my own choices without feeling like I’m not neglecting my husband is a gift, and one I didn’t expect.

I’m sure that in a few months, I’ll miss him more than I love my TED talks, my yoga classes, and my long luxurious uninterrupted baths, but I can’t help to wonder how much I’ll miss this time when I have our first kids.  Will I someday beg for the time and space of just taking care of myself for a few months?  I feel like I will.

As hard as this will be, I’m going to treasure this time.  

While I’m working on building up my own routine, tell me what your favorite part of your day is!  What can you not live without?  What’s your favorite way to take care of yourself?  Let me know in the comments below!

[betlinedesign]

Pasta - the Enemy of Clean Eating

Confession: I have pasta issues.

I studied abroad in Italy, but let’s be real - Pasta and I have been involved for far longer than that.  It’s delicious, decadent, light and rich by turns.  Basically, it’s everything you want in a meal.

But it’s also crazy processed, which is technically a huge no-no in my world.

You see, I’m one of those weirdo clean eating people.  I’ve done my darnedest to eliminate processed foods from my diet, and focus on local, organic, vegetarian food.  Emphasis on food.  If there’s something on the label I can’t pronounce or identify, it usually doesn’t make it into my shopping cart.  Over the last few years, I’ve convert (tricked, lied, and coerced) my husband to this line of eating, so it’s been mostly intuitive.

Expect, of course, for pasta.  My favorite of all foods.

The struggle to find pasta that meets with my diet is real, y’all.  There’s a reason that stuff can sit in boxes for months on the shelf.  It’s full of stuff that will make ME sit on a shelf for months, and I’m not about that life.

BUT I CAN’T HELP IT.  It’s just so scrumptious!!

There was nothing to do for it.  This week was my trial week for the deployment due to training, so I thought I’d get a little wild.

Oh yeah.  I bought a pasta maker.

Enter the game changer!  I can make my own pasta from scratch; I’ll know exactly what is in the food I’m putting into me, and I can snarf guilt-free.  You guys, I am so ready for this.

I’ll admit, it took me like 2 hours to make a pound of pasta.  But honestly, it was kind of fun smooshing the dough through the machine - like grown up play dough that was WAY tastier.

Bonus: since I made so much of it, I was able to create little nests for myself and freeze them, so I can just whip out a tiny batch of delicious pasta whenever I need a quick meal.  Win - win on crazy nights!

My mother-in-law came by for emotional support (and I suspect the first pasta meal) and dang, if it wasn’t tasty.  I can’t wait to get some recipes up and sharing with you all!

If you don’t already, you can follow me on Instagram @betlinedesign to check out all of my #deploymentdinners.  What’s your guilty food, and how do you make it work for you?

[betlinedesign]

Iceland

Did I mention that we went to Iceland?

About a year ago, we decided it was time to plan our honeymoon.  While we did a quick little adventure in California right after our wedding, we didn’t do an all-out vacation - just a few quick days in Los Angeles and a couple of days in a beach-side house in the town I grew up in.  

Which was amazing - don’t get me wrong.  But after about a year of marriage, we decided to start planning our adventure honeymoon.  We didn’t want to just go to a beach and relax; we wanted an all out adventure.  So we picked Iceland.  Where else would we have the escape, hiking, and driving adventure of a life-time?

Well - life sort of complicated things, and a few itinerary changes later, one house purchase, one deployment notification, and three new jobs occurred between that decision and actually finding ourselves at JFK in April.  It had to be the least prepared for anything that we had every done - so thank goodness we had the fore sight to book a pre-planned itinerary!

The week we were in Iceland we had broken up into two sections: driving adventure, and then relaxing in Reykjavik.

The driving portion of our adventure included navigating in our rental car up to the Northernmost part of the country and back; a scenic and breathtaking drive that took us about 8 hours each way.  

We were originally scheduled to break the drive up into manageable chunks over two days each way, where we would be able to leisurely enjoy the drive and stop for sightseeing along the way.  I had also picked us out a self-guided tour, so when we noticed that the weather wasn’t as ideal as we were hoping in the North, we were able to adapt our schedule to spend some time sightseeing in the Southern part of the country.

This is when we learned about the fun that is Iceland roads.

The thing about Iceland is that it’s a gorgeous place - but it isn’t exactly densely populated.  While Reykjavik holds the majority of the population, the remainder of the country is mostly sparsely populated.  That’s absolutely what makes it so exciting and pretty - but the trade off to that is that most of the locations we were adventuring to could only be found by entering in the GPS coordinates into the Garmin that came with our car.

Then, the Garmin would give us directions to turn left onto some incomprehensible word, and we would turn left.

Seems like a good idea, right?

Except that a lot of the roads it was taking us on were…. not really roads.  We found ourselves on these unbelievable mountain treks with glacier lakes and stunning views and Viking-esk ruins.

And thats how we ended up blowing out two of the tires on our rental.

Because it turns out, we were on a mountain road that was probably still closed and entirely likely to be unserviceable even in the best of weather.

In fairness, we knew about the F roads (and our car was supposedly able to handle them in summer) but this was not an F road.  I have a suspicion that it might have been a game trail that was turned into a road later on.

Long story short - we got to make an exciting detour to a town called Borgarnes, where our car got repaired and we got to spend some extra time in a new place.

Once we got ourselves back on the road, we decided against spending any time off the Ring Road, and stopped in every cute town between Borgarnes and Lake Mytlvan, hit up Akureyari on our way back and Huni.  

Back in Reykjavik, we explored the city for three days - and spent an entire day at a geothermal local pool, where we romped on features that were most likely designed for Icelandic children and experimented with ice baths.  The city has a bunch of fun art, and the town was just a cool spot to wander and explore.  Our goal was to locate all the coffee shops and hang out in the them, so we spent a decent amount of time sipping on lattes and people watching in the rain.

All in all, Iceland was absolutely an adventure, and I’m so glad we went - but here’s what I would focus on for anyone who is thinking about going:

There’s a reason its more expensive in the summer

We had a blast, but it was off-season - which means it rained and snowed a lot of the time we were there in April.  The greenery and wildlife where just starting to appear when we left, so the lush scenery we saw on Instagram wasn’t exactly there while we were.

The food really is that expensive

We were pretty prepared for this emotionally, and stoked up on groceries from a chain store and munched on a bunch of sandwiches while traveling, but it really was like $50 to go out for lunch.  Each.  It’s an island country without a lot of resources - you kinda have to expect it.

The landscape might actually kill you

This is the first time in my life I actually considered that nature might kill me.  I moved from Southern California to Upstate New York, and winter was a brutal adjustment.  But I’ve never sat in a snowstorm and thought “well, this could be the end for me”.

However, while in Iceland, we would be driving on a tiny road on the edge of a steep fjord with no barriers and a monster truck zooming past us on the other side in the foggy snow.  The nicest thing to say is that it was unnerving.

The realistic response that I had was “Oh my gosh, we’re going to careen off this mountain and down a half mile into that fathoms deep fjord and die.”

Talk about an adventure, guys!

I’m so glad we went, and this is one of those things we’ll be able to tell our children some day - we went to the Northernmost part of the world, we explored our own limits, and we saw just how incredible nature can be!

[betlinedesign]

Shifting Focus

It’s easy for me to get overwhelmed with my husband deploying, and the idea of being out here in the boonies with three acres of woods. But sometimes, positive realizations creep over us when we least expect I.  I’ve been so focused for the last few weeks on spending time with my husband before he leaves, that I haven’t given much thought to what the next year would look like.  What being on my own for a year might actually be like.

When I was 18, I left my parents house for the first time and moved to Italy.  Yeah, it was a semester abroad - but my first college experience wasn’t attending a state school.  I moved to a country where I didn’t speak the language, where I knew absolutely no body, and where I couldn’t come home on long weekends.  It was rough - but it was also incredible.

Then three years later, I moved to New York on a whim.  That whim might have been all the wrong reasons (neither the boy, nor the education I moved here for initially really worked out) but I found myself staying for all the right ones.  The life that I have now is more than I ever dreamed of having before I moved to New York.

Sometimes you gotta just rip off the training wheels and go for it.

Now that I’ve given myself some time to sulk and adjust, I think it’s time to shift focus.

The universe has a funny way of giving us exactly what we need.  For years, my mantra for getting through all the obstacles I found before me has centered on two core aspects: strength and courage. 

I’ve lost count of how many times I’ve thought to myself “let me be brave enough to do this, let me strong enough to do this.”  How many times in our lives are we lucky enough to pursue the goals we want without limitations?  It isn’t that my husband is a burden (far from it - he pushes me to be better and stronger) but in our day to day life, we’re focusing on each other and supporting each other.

For the next year, the only person I have to take care of is myself.  Ok, and technically Ryder, but honestly, his needs are pretty low key.  Bonus: by taking care of myself, I’ll be helping my husband get through his deployment.  The last thing he needs is to be worried about his wife being a hot mess of misery back home.

So how am I going to do this, you ask?

I’m going to cook all my favorite foods, experiment with new recipes, and learn to crush bulk cooking for clean eating like the girl boss I am.

I’m going to take our house and make it into our dream home, lovingly bringing out all its historic charm while still keeping our style throughout.

I’m going to learn to garden.  I apologize in advance to all the flowers and veggies I kill in my learning process.

I’m going to rebuild my business.  Between the transitions in the last year, I really dropped the ball on letting my business grow and flourish.  It’s pretty normal I suspect, but my art is still something that I love and want to cultivate.

I’m going to deepen my practice spiritually by pushing myself in yoga and meditation.  Ideally, I want to do my YTT - but that’s a bigger project than just pushing myself.

Shifting your mindset is everything.  While neither of my husband nor I are particularly excited about spending a year apart, we’re both getting what we both wanted.  He’s serving the world in a meaningful way, and I’m finding my strength and courage.

While this year initially seemed so big, and scary, and too much - I think it’ll be the best thing that we’ve ever done.  

[betlinedesign]

Challenges with Deployments

My least favorite part about preparing for this deployment is actually telling people that my husband is deploying.

Not because I’m ashamed that he’s a solider, or not proud of him, or anything to do with his actions. It’s difficult because of the reactions we get.

Sample reactions, for perspective:

“Well, anyone who is in the military is really only interested in going to war.”

“That’s such baloney, since he’s only being sent off to war because of the **insert political agenda and commentary about current political climate**”

“You must be falling to pieces.  There’s no way you’ll be able to do this all by yourself.”

I’m not really sure what’s more frustrating - the idea that he is a meat head explosion junkie, or that I’m an incapable, hysterical woman who can’t be alone. With the absolute best of intentions, people’s negative reactions have been challenging to try to manage.  And honestly, what would a good response even be?

Truthfully, a lot of reactions we’ve gotten seem to have stemmed from a lack of understanding.  What’s been interesting about watching this unfold from a Reserve perspective rather than as active-duty is that not only did I not see us as a military family - neither did anyone else.  

That lack of expectation leads to the above mentioned negative reactions.

What makes it harder is that we’re now in a time-crunch position where we’re scrambling to explain exactly what our role in the military is (without being a jerk to the people who see us as explosion junkies/hysterical) and give realistic expectations of what the next year will look like for us.  And we’re doing this while trying to make time for us as a couple to plan and prep for the next year.

If you’ve found yourself in the position (like our family and friends have) of learning that your Reserve military friend is being deployed, I’d encourage you to possibly consider the following steps:

1. Offer a sincere and heartfelt response.

The best reaction we’ve had so far was when a friend said “Wow, that must be a huge adjustment for you guys.  Let me know if there is anything I can do to help - even if it’s just to chat.”

That offer meant everything.  There wasn’t any indication that we weren’t going to be able to do this.  There wasn’t any blame or expectation or implication of what kind of people we were.  It was a friend, genuinely offering to be there for us, and being empathetic to what we were going through.  

2. Before making any judgements, or peppering your friend with questions, research what they do for the military. 

Google is a fantastic tool, friends.  There might be some weird stuff out there (and I strongly advise NOT going down the YouTube hole) but the military does a pretty thorough job of being transparent about different military positions, and what that might look like.

For example, this is how the military defines my husband's role

3. Be supportive.

This looks different for everyone, so this one is tricker. In our case, we asked friends if they could send us book recommendations.  The number one thing my husband missed at Basic Training was news articles and books, so we got him an e-reader and have been stockpiling book titles for him.

We also made the decision to focus mostly on taking the time we need for our marriage to be successful moving forward, which means we turned down a lot of offers to spend time with friends and family in our last couple of weeks.  As much as we’ve appreciate the offers, we chose to prioritize ourselves and how to get through this, and that’s hard for some of the people close to us.  We continue to be grateful and appreciate their support as we’ve taken the time we need.

I don’t know if the reactions we’ve had to this are normal or to be expected, because I honestly don’t know any one else who is or has gone through this.  In a lot of ways, I wish that there had been something that would have prepared us for these reactions, since at first, it was like a kick each time. 

What challenges have you faced with letting people know you or your family member is deploying?  How have you handled it, and what do you wish you had done differently?

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Fun Fact: Turns out I'm a Solider's Wife

In the nearly two years that my husband and I have been married, I’ve never really considered myself a solider’s wife.  Yes, my husband in the Reserve, so yes - that does mean he’s gone at least one weekend a month, and at least once a year for a few weeks (sometimes more, if there’s a school or something).  But at the end of the day, Ben has never defined himself (to me, at least) as a solider.  It’s just a part of who he is; something he does sometimes.  Like golf.

Not too long after we got engaged, I was flying back to my parent’s house in San Diego to plan our wedding.  My layover was in Baltimore, and an extremely kind high-ranking officer from the Navy sat down next to me.  We made polite small talk, during which I mentioned that my fiancee was in the military.  

This kind Naval sir told me that I had the harder of the two jobs.  He told him about how for the last twenty years, his wife and raised their children, kept their world together and grounded, and their marriage strong by taking on the harder job.  I marveled at that woman’s fortitude, but I didn’t identify with it.  By contrast, I thought “Wow, she must be an incredible lady - and I am so glad that I don’t have to go through that!”

So when Ben came home after a drill weekend and told me he was going to be deployed, I was floored.  He was going through yoga teacher training, we had just bought our home, I was finally settled into a stable job - he couldn’t be deploying. 

Later, when I had scrapped myself off the bathroom floor where I had hidden in shame with my ugly tears, I came downstairs I told him that I couldn’t do it because I wasn’t a solider’s wife, and he gave me a sad smile.

Just as my husband is a soldier, I am a solider’s wife.  And that reality has me absolutely terrified.

Before you go shaking your head at me, yes - I am fully aware that I am about to go through what women (and men) have endured for the last few millennia. In many ways, I’m entering into a sisterhood where women have found their strength, endurance, and fortitude.  We are incredibly lucky in that we aren’t facing down a combat deployment, nor are we facing down a war with no end in sight.  We don’t yet have children, so I don’t have to worry about how my child will face this, nor concern myself with the effect of this on them long term.

But I will still need to kiss him good bye.  I don’t know where I will find the strength in me to put him on a plane and smile and remind him that I love him one more time.  I can’t imagine the months ahead of me, watching all of the holidays and events go by without him.  There won’t be good night kisses, and there won’t be sleepy good mornings over coffee. All the little details that add up to make our marriage will have to be reconsidered and constructed to happen over letters and fuzzy phone calls.

I’m not afraid that we can’t do all of these things, but I am afraid of actually doing them.

Cause here’s the thing - I’m across the country from my family.  My husband’s unit is across the state.  The structures and supports that would catch me if I were to fall in this moment are just out of reach, and it’s never been in my nature to rely on others to get me through things anyway. I’m about to face down the hardest year of my life, and I have no idea how to get through this or who I will be once I have. 

So like any self respecting millennial, I’m going to write about it.  And it might be ugly, and not necessarily portray that military wife persona Pinterest seems to latch onto (I don’t do signs, nor will I ever request that my husband report for booty.  No offense, universe, it’s just not my jam).

I’ll probably cry a lot, there might be some really bad days, and about 10 bazillion pictures of my dog (he’s cute, I swear). I’ll take pictures of my dinners alone like they are culinary masterpieces, and I’ll post a ton of selfies because I might need validation that I’m cute (just like my dog, friends.  Just like my dog).

But ultimately, I’m going to get through this, and I truly believe that I’ll be stronger because of it.  If you’re reading this, you’re welcome to join me for this hot mess of a year (did I mention the crying?  And the dog pictures? ok good, just making sure).

What’s the scariest things you’ve ever done, and how did you get through it?  Let me know, because I could use all the help and advice I can get!

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