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[beckyditchfieldtv]

Part 2: Complications after birth

The next disruption to my plans ended up being very scary for both my husband and me. It's something I've hesitated to share, because I'm not sure why I would want to, or why anyone would want to know. I certainly am not sharing this to be dramatic or to gain sympathy. But what happened to me in the hours after delivery scared me enough that I will never forget it, and I wouldn't be surprised if it continues to affect me emotionally for years to come.

I do, however, feel fortunate to have found people who shared a similar experience. It was a relief to know I had friends who could empathize. So that is why I am sharing this part of my birth story, now. My hope is to offer that same empathy to someone else who may have been through a similar trauma.

Bleeding happens after you deliver. Our bodies produce so much more blood while we are pregnant in order to support the baby. Some of that blood is in the uterine lining. Your doctor tells you to expect bleeding for several weeks after delivery, but they also tell you what is too much.

I remember being exhausted after I delivered. My nurses encouraged me to rest. My son was getting excellent care in the NICU. All signs pointed to him being healthy and that the 12 hour stay he had ahead of him would end up being precautionary. As a new mom we don't get many opportunities to rest. If you need it during those first few hours or days after birth, it's okay to take advantage of the help the hospital offers.

My plan, of course, was to be super mom. I had even joked with my overnight nurse in the post delivery wing that sleeping would be nice, but the adrenaline rushing through me was not going to allow that to happen that night. I don't know why I had it, but thinking back, I am so thankful for that adrenaline rush. It was why I was awake and was able to recognize something was wrong.

It was around 1 a.m. or so when it felt like my water had broken. The problem was, I had already had the baby. So I turned on my phone flashlight and looked to see what was going on. It wasn't water and it wasn't urine that was streaming out of me... it was massive amounts of blood. Way more than what I was told was normal. I rang the call button for the nurse. She was calm when she examined me, telling me it was a little more than she would like to see. The culprit... a huge blood clot, which she was able to help remove. We hoped it was the only one. Sometimes you don't pass clots because you have to pee. So she had me get up to use the bathroom. Several more clots passed at that point, and then I laid back down to rest. They told me again, how much blood loss was normal. If this happened again I was to ring my call button.

Forty five minutes later... another huge gush of blood. This time it wasn't just my call nurse who came in, but also the charge nurse for the floor. At that time I couldn't wrap my brain around exactly what was happening to me, but I knew it wasn't good and I started to get scared. My husband was still sleeping on the couch across from me. He had taken his anti anxiety medication before he fell asleep, so he was out for the count. But I was getting emotional enough that I knew I needed his support, and I had the nurses wake him up.

Shortly after that I started shaking uncontrollably. The nurses continued to push on my uterus to work out any more clots and that was extremely painful. Medications had to be administered which caused even more pain... and then I passed out. My husband said the scene was terrifying. At this point there were 6 to 10 nurses in our tiny room working on me. He was holding my hand, listening to my pain, watching me shake, and then I suddenly went limp. All I remember is feeling sick, not being able to hear well, and then suddenly having doctors and nurses in my face telling me I had fainted, was only out for about 16 seconds, and that they were taking me to an O.R. for surgery.

Past that point I don't remember much. All I could do was tell them what I was acutely feeling and trust that they would get the bleeding to stop.

In the hours after I gave birth, I hemorrhaged. I lost between 900 and 1000 cc's of blood. It turns out there are a few reasons your body will do that post delivery. I hemorrhaged because I had so many massive clots that had formed in my uterus, that despite the nurses efforts to help push them out, my uterus couldn't pass them. The surgery was an emergency D & C. Once they cleared the clots and anything else that could have been i there, the bleeding stopped.

I made my husband call my parents before I went in to the O.R. I had no idea what was going to happen in there, but I knew that they would want to know what was going on. Selfishly, I needed them to know. My parents are some pretty fierce prayer warriors, and I needed as much help as I could get.

Just before they put me under I remember hoping to not see my dead grandmother... and telling God that I wasn't ready to go. It seems dramatic to say that, but that's where my mind was. I didn't really know what was happening, and while I trusted my team, there was some belief that my body would fail me.

Hemorrhaging after birth is not extremely common, but it does happen. Thank God we live in a time where modern medicine exists and doctors know what to do to stop the bleeding. When it didn't exist, the outcome was detrimental.

The blood loss left me borderline for needing a transfusion. My iron and blood stores are pretty depleted, leaving me with zero wiggle room when it comes to self care. Appropriate sleep and an iron rich diet are critical for me to be able to function. For the first couple of weeks I was home I didn't understand that, and my body shut down forcing me back to the hospital for nearly passing out.

If I can't take care of myself, then there are options. But for now, I'm much more vigilant. It is a slow journey. I can tell if I've pushed myself too hard. My doctors say it will take 6 to 9 months to replace what I lost, IF I take care of myself. In the meantime, I'll continue to feel better every day. And I look forward to the new normal that comes with a family of 5.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Part 1 of my birth story: disrupted plans

I can't believe that almost 4 weeks ago I had a baby. He'll turn one month old before we reach his due date. It's a miracle he is doing so well!

I had high hopes of making it to full term. In my mind, I had decided that he was going to come over Easter. That would have put me at 37 weeks. But it wasn't meant to be.

April 5th was a fun day. Early that morning I had gotten up feeling contractions and a little more "off" than usual. But these things had been happening. So I just drank a ton of water and went about my day. I went in to work, shot a promo with Daily Blast Live for a mommy makeover, and had a lot of fun on the noon show in studio for the Rockies Home Opener. The station threw a big barbecue in the backyard complete with cracker jacks, peanuts, hot dogs and burgers... this mama was HAPPY.

There were no significant contractions coming, so I really wasn't worried about anything... until late that afternoon. I was sitting at my desk having a conversation with a coworker when I briefly stood up. That was the moment I realized the back of my dress was soaking wet. I looked down at my desk chair and realized it, too, was soaking wet. In that moment I thought, "Crap, I think my water has broken, and I'm at work."

It wasn't the same gush of water like my previous 2 pregnancies, but it was obviously enough to be concerning. Lucky for me I was wearing the kind of dress where you couldn't tell it was soaking wet. So, I finished my conversation and went to the backyard to call my doctor. Her thoughts were the same as mine. Sounds like my water broke and it was time to get to the hospital. After all, I still had that dang cerclage in!

I went to tell my news director that I needed to go. She walked me back to my desk and helped me close up my work station. In my mind I was going to drive myself there. My contractions weren't bad! But we were quickly approaching rush hour and I needed to get to the other side of town. So, instead, we played it safe and decided Cory Reppenhagen, my friend, coworker and fellow meteorologist would drive me.

It had been my plan to arrive at the hospital inconspicuously. I didn't really want people knowing I was there, especially if the baby was coming early. I wanted the chance to deal with it emotionally before blasting the news to the public. Hahahahaha... plans!

📸: Cory Reppenhagen

When asked to describe the 9NEWS storm chasing vehicle... WeatherTitan... inconspicuous is not a word one would use. It's a ginormous truck with 9NEWS tattooed all over it. Yet, this was my transportation to the hospital. The same truck we go storm chasing in, got me to the entrance of labor and delivery. When we arrived Cory and I were laughing pretty hard at the irony. EVERYONE was staring. In fact, it was so awesomely obvious that it was a 9NEWS vehicle that security thought we were there for the 9Health Fair happening there the next day. Imagine her surprise when I continued to check myself in! So much for plans. At the end of the day, it got me there safely, and I am very thankful to Cory for that!

My husband arrived about 15 minutes later, and nurses quickly confirmed that my water had, in fact, broken.

We also could tell that my cervix had thinned and I was already 2 cm dilated, despite the stitch. Fortunately contractions, still, were not that bad so my doctor was able to, relatively easily, remove my cerclage without medication. I wouldn't say that process was totally painless, but I've experienced worse.

After the stitch was out I immediately dilated to 5 cm, and then my OB/GYN broke the rest of my water. Unlike my other two babies, this time my water broke up high... that's why there was no rush of fluids. Then, I was told that if I wanted the epidural, to get it now, because if we waited it might be too late. So I got that epidural, and we waited. It's possible the epidural slowed the process down a bit... but a few hours later, after about 3 pushes, the baby was born.

My husband was phenomenal during the whole process. He was the one who got to announce to the room the gender of the baby. And the joyful shouts of "It's a boy!" after his first exclamation were so cool to hear.

I think the kids were fairly excited for their little brother... the hospital setting scared my 6 year old a bit, especially when she saw mommy attached to all kinds of things. But eventually she relaxed and realized I was okay. Waiting for the baby to arrive was the hardest part for them. If I had to hear "when can we go home?" one more time... 😆. It was a good thing the baby came close to their bed time!

Jeffrey Thomas arrived at 8:30 pm. He weighed 5 lbs 12 ounces... the biggest of all my babies. Since he came early, he was required to spend the next 12 hours in the NICU. It wasn't my favorite option, but his health was most important and I knew I could visit him whenever I wanted. That was my plan, to start nursing immediately and visit him every few hours overnight in the NICU. But that's the funny thing about me and birth plans... they never seem to go the way I want.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Breaking Point

We all have one, right? A breaking point?  Maybe you let something small bug you for too long. Maybe you’ve just been doing everything you can to get through your day, but all of a sudden too many days have piled up and just getting through isn’t good enough any more. Sometimes you know the breaking point it coming. Sometimes it sneaks up on you.

Mine snuck up on me yesterday. I hit 29 weeks of pregnancy. The baby still looks great. It’s measuring a week ahead of schedule and they estimate it weighs around 3 lbs. 3 oz. My high risk doctors don’t seem to be concerned. I’ve only gained around 14 pounds, which is less than they’d like, but from their perspective, everything else is going really well. And everyday, I like to pretend that’s exactly how I feel... gleeful, chirpy, tickled pink... the happiest girl on the planet. It’s an act I can successfully pull off, until I reach my breaking point. After all, I have enough distractions: work, kids, life to name a few. Who has time to even think about themselves and how they are coping when the rest of the world needs to be taken care of? Then yesterday happened.

I failed my initial gestational diabetes test, and I had an emotional break down. And if I’m really being honest, I’m still reeling from it today. For the last 12 hours or so, I’ve been trying to figure out why this triggered me. Maybe it’s because I barely failed? The threshold measurement at my doctor’s office is 135... I got a 139. Maybe it’s because I know what’s coming next? I failed the first test with my son, too... then nearly passed out at the doctor’s office for the longer version and proceeded to feel like crap for the rest of the day. Maybe it’s because I’ve just had enough? My entire pregnancy I am poked at, prodded and examined. I hate needles, but needles are necessary when you’re high risk. Why NOT add something else to worry about to the list... gestational diabetes!? I kept coming up with reason after reason, until finally I realized it’s not just one thing. It’s all of them.

When I sit down and allow myself think and feel, I realize how worried I’ve been about this baby for the last seven months, and how I’ve shoved all those feelings aside. I have two children, 4 and 6 who need a lot of attention. The 6-year-old is in kindergarten, has homework, dance and swimming classes, friends’ parties and girl scouts. Have I mentioned it’s cookie season? The 4-year-old needed to be signed up for spring soccer, registered for kindergarten next year, and also has swim lessons. They each have emotional needs at the beginning and end of each day. While I know I’m raising compassionate little beings, most days it feels like the compassion ends with mommy.

My husband is desperately trying to keep up with and tolerate what I can’t or don’t do around the house. But I feel his frustration. Eating cereal at the end of the day is never ideal. And sometimes you just need a brain break! 

I’ve written a list of things that need to get done before the baby arrives. Lord only knows if we’ll finish it. I only have a certain amount of energy every day. Once that’s over I know I can’t do anything else. I try to plan wisely, but in the back of my mind I know there’s still a lot of items on that list.

In the middle of it all I got sick. Judging by my fever, cough, body aches and fatigue... it could have been the flu. I had to miss days of work that I didn’t want to. Those lists of mine didn’t get touched for a couple of weeks and kids still came to me with needs.

Then there’s the life that is growing inside of me. Everyday I’m focused on making it to the next day or the next week. I’m constantly worried about whether I can feel the baby move. Most of the time the baby is active, but movements are different now as the baby gets bigger. They are slower and less ninja-like. I wonder if I’m feeling a contraction or if the baby stretching. And when it IS a contraction... I’m constantly worried that my water is going to break. Just a few days ago I had a dream that my water WAS breaking. When I woke up, I was in the middle of some pretty intense Braxton Hicks contractions. They stopped after I went to the bathroom and drank some water, but I was freaked out for the rest of the night. My joints hurt worse this time around than they ever did with my other two children. Sciatic pain is out of control on some days. I’m STILL throwing up in the morning.  The baby is sitting low so my lower abdominal muscles hurt and so does my back. 

My hormones are raging. I’m tired. 

I’m still high risk. Doctors still measure the baby regularly to make sure everything is ok. But this thought is always looming: When’s the other shoe gonna drop?

And then... I failed my gestational diabetes test. Barely. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. It’s just one more thing. And when, on God’s great earth, am I supposed to emotionally deal with it?

The other day I joked to some of my coworkers that we should start a new segment called “Bitch with Ditch”. You know... offer people a chance to vent with me, then we’ll end it with a 2 minute meditation session so we can all just let go of that anger. Maybe I need to take my own advice. Find some quiet time. Settle down and sit with my feelings... then when I’m done, let them go. Because the reality is, most of these things are out of my control.

If I need to find support, I’ll get it. I know first hand that depression is a real thing. I struggled while I was pregnant with my son and then after. For now, I think it’s time to focus, just a little bit, on me.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Partial contractions, a stuffy nose and a very active baby!

22 weeks! About a week and a half and baby reaches viability!

I’m definitely bigger now than I was with my first. In fact this pregnancy has been very different from the others. Aren’t they all?!

When I was pregnant with my 6-year-old, it was the first pregnancy I had where I carried a baby past the first trimester. My daughter was in my right uterus, the bigger one. As it stretched, I don’t really remember it contracting in weird places throughout the second trimester… but to be honest, I was pretty overwhelmed by the entire thing. EVERYTHING was new. It could have happened, but I was so concerned about a bat colony that had made its way into our house, a hemorrhoid that needed surgery and my emergency cerclage that I easily could have missed it.

Those partial contractions, however, are happening with this pregnancy. I compare it to that “first” one because this baby is in my left uterus. That uterus has never been pregnant before, it’s never been stretched by a growing human. But this time I’m a veteran. The bat colony no longer exists, I’ve figured out how to keep the hemorrhoid situation under control, and this is my third go around with a cerclage. Perhaps now I’ve allowed myself to notice different things.

My high risk doctor says it’s TOTALLY NORMAL. And, to be honest, these contractions have been happening for a few weeks now. What I mean by “partial” is that it’s a small part of my uterus that gets tight. I promise you’re freaking out right now more than me.  Sometimes it’s on the left, sometimes it’s on the right, sometimes it’s high, sometimes it’s low. It does not hurt, but it’s a little uncomfortable and does cause me to pause for a moment, especially if it’s low. I manage it by rubbing my belly, giving it a little massage, and in a few seconds it goes away. My doctor says that it’s just that organ trying to “warm up” for the real thing. Most days I don’t notice much, but some days it happens a lot. Today was one of those days.

Unfortunately, today it took my breath away a bit and a couple of my coworkers and viewers noticed it on the air. I apologize! It doesn’t help that this pregnancy has also caused my nose to be constantly stuffy. Plus, this baby is measuring a full week ahead of schedule, so it’s growing quickly and taking up more space. All of those things are making it more difficult for me to manage my breath at times. I, sincerely, appreciate everyone’s patience.

For now, the cerclage is holding wonderfully. Baby looks healthy every time we peek at him or her. And the baby is kicking like CRAZY! I love it. My four-year-old son likes to listen to the baby. He’ll put his ear on my belly while the baby kicks. He might get a swift kick to the face, but says he can hear it. LOL

My belly is getting high enough that acid reflux is a big issue this time around. Medicine is helping, but if I’m not careful it will make me sick… which by the way, is still happening every morning. YAAAAAAAAYYYYY.

Coming up next week, I get to see the baby again! My high risk doctors are doing growth scans once a month. They want to make sure that when growth does slow down, the baby is still getting enough nutrients. They believe that growth slows more significantly because the umbilical cord and placenta are not as efficient as they were earlier in the pregnancy when the baby wasn’t taking up so much space.  Both my daughter and son were fast growers at first, measuring well ahead of schedule, then quickly falling behind during the third trimester. While both were small, they were both very healthy so that’s good!

This baby looks to be following in big brother and sister’s steps. He or she is measuring a full week ahead of schedule! We’ll see how that growth has continued next week.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Week 19: pickles, string cheese and the baby’s kicks

Okay, it’s not the greatest picture! But this is what happens when there’s nothing but blue lights above your desk at work!

The week 19 bump is out in its full glory. I’ve gotten all the comments ranging from “Your bump doesn’t look like it’s growing too much.” to “When are you due again??” implying that the bump is huge. It is sometimes hard in the moment to process and emotionally deal with what people say to you, especially when you are pregnant. But I’ve learned a lot about myself in the last 5 years. My life has been a little bit of a roller coaster, and I’ve learned where I get my value. I’m okay with my body and how the baby is developing. My doctors are okay with those things too and they see me every 2 weeks. So people can have their opinions and that’s all that they are. Opinions that live in their space, not mine.

My high risk doctors want to see me every two weeks to monitor my cervix length and the stitch. The stitch doesn’t hurt as much as it did the first couple of weeks after I got it done. THANK GOD. As of two weeks ago, my cervix looked great, too! I still have my moments. I still get tired and every once in a while a part of my uterus will get uncomfortable, almost like a small part of it is contracting, but I’m told that is ALL normal. It was also nice to hear “There’s no such thing as crying wolf. We’d rather you call every time, us check it out and it be nothing, than you not call and it be something.” So I’m taking it one day at a time.

Something cool happened this week, too. I’ve been feeling the baby kick since about week 16. This week the baby kicked hard enough that my daughter was able to feel it. She was laying next to me watching tv when the kicks came on. They felt stronger than usual, so I put my hand where I thought they were and, sure enough, I felt them! So without alerting her I just took her hand and placed it on my belly. She jumped off the bed as soon as she felt the kicks and ran to the other room to tell her brother and her daddy. It was exciting for both of us. She was only 21 months old when her brother was born, so this is a brand new experience for her. She’s been asking when she’ll be able to feel the baby kick for a while. Unfortunately the kicks stopped when her brother came to check it out… but he’ll experience it soon enough!

I am also excited to say that my appetite has gotten a little better! Anti nausea drugs and Tums are mostly to thank for that! My favorite foods at the moment are pickles and string cheese. I’m not a big pickle fan in “real life” either, so devouring an entire jar of pickles in one sitting is a new one for me. They’re delicious and don’t make me sick. #winning.

On a final note, I cannot believe I’m almost half way through this pregnancy. Parents of 3 keep telling me that having 3 is “a lot”. A lot of challenges, but also a lot of fun. I’m sure it will mean a lot of changes for our family. I’m trying to predict how the kids will handle it. I’m worried about how the kids will handle it, so I’m doing my best to get ready. No matter what, this little bean will add so much more love to all of us in 2019.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

An acute awareness of time

Last week, as a preventative measure, my doctors stitched my cervix shut. The surgery was quick, successful and we are hopeful this pregnancy will hold longer than the last. My son was born at 35 weeks. 

For my last two pregnancies, my cerclage was put in at 19 and 22 weeks respectively. They were each considered an emergency cerclage. The surgeons did not have much cervix to work with, and it was late enough in my pregnancy that they also needed to give me an extra drug to keep my uterus from contracting. 

The hope is that by having the stitch done earlier, doctors would have more cervix to tie shut and the pregnancy last longer. I guess only time will tell! I’m still not moving around all that quickly, but I am off all my pain meds and am starting to feel the baby kick!

I’ve been back at work since Monday and am steadily feeling better every day. I get exhausted pretty quickly as my body continues to heal, but I’m hopeful that will continue to improve!

Honestly, it needs to. About a week before the surgery I had finally had enough of the disorganization of my daughter’s room and decided to start clearing it out. Mainly, of clothes. 

So here I present you with clothes I found in my daughter’s room. She’s six. These sizes range from 18 months to 4T. Clearly, a #mommyfail. 

We don’t want to get rid of the clothes (which is also driving me nuts) because we have decided NOT to find out the sex of the baby. This baby will be a surprise on the day he or she arrives! I’m kind of excited about that. It was my husband’s idea. We found out for both our daughter and our son. Since we have one of each we figured, why not wait! We are clearly over-prepared with clothing. I haven’t cleaned my son’s room out in a looooooooong time either. And my daughter has the rest of her stash in bins in the basement. I just have to get over my urge to purge until the baby arrives.

When I told my younger brother about this he said, “Uh oh. Are you sure you’re not nesting already? I’m not sure that’s a good thing.” I thought about it... and my answer is still no. It’s more an acute awareness of time. I’ve been on this train a couple of times before. I know my energy level.(It’s not great) I can get one project done a day. We just finished a house remodel. We’re unpacking from that, have my daughter’s room to organize, my son’s room has to move down the hall and get decorated and furnished, the baby’s room needs to be redecorated and rebuilt, and we all still have to live our normal lives! I’m 16 weeks along in my pregnancy. I realize that’s not that far. But I’m pretty sure I won’t make it to 40, and there are only so many weekends left before this baby gets here. 

I’m hopeful we can finish it all, but I can’t guarantee that will happen. We’ll be okay if it doesn’t, we’ve managed before. 

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Surgery Tomorrow

I had to look back to see when I got my cerclage with my other two babies. Hannah’s came at 19 weeks, and Colin’s at 22. This baby, I get it at 15.

I’ll back up a little bit in case there’s some folks out there who are confused. For those who are unfamiliar, I have a uterine malformation called Uterus Didelphys. Instead of one uterus and one cervix, I have two of each. Here’s what it looks like...

Because of this, I’m at risk for miscarrying during the 2nd trimester. People with my anomaly are at greater risk of having something called an “incompetent cervix”. My cervix, essentially, starts to shorten and give out before I actually go into labor. My high risk doctors watched me very closely during my pregnancies with my son and daughter. Both times my cervix started to shorten dramatically, so the stitch was put in. 

This time, since it’s happened twice before, they are just going to put the stitch in early. Tomorrow, doctors will be sewing my left cervix shut in order to reinforce it.  This will not, however, keep labor from happening. As I learned with my son, your stitch can be in and your water can still break. He came at 35 weeks.

I’m nervous, because I’m going to a different hospital and different doctors than I’ve ever seen before. It’s not that my other doctors weren’t great... but my previous OBGYN doesn’t practice Obstetrics anymore. :( That means she doesn’t monitor pregnancies or deliver babies. I can’t blame her. She’s got 3 awesome kids of her own and being on call is hard on the family. But it was sad for me because I was faced with a choice. Ultimately I chose to go to a small practice closer to home. I know I made the right decision for me, but change is always scary. 

After a bleeding episode and loads of questions I am sure I’ve made the right choice. So tomorrow, I go in for my surgery. It’s out patient. I’ll be numbed through my spine. They’ll also give me something to relax my uterus so it doesn’t start contracting. And hopefully they’ll give me some meds to relax my mind! 

I’m expecting minor spotting after and a good deal of relaxing and staying off my feet while I heal. So say a prayer, keep me in your thoughts, keep your fingers crossed... whatever you feel compelled to do. I’m gonna need all the good vibes I can get! 

[beckyditchfieldtv]

It’s been quite a while since I last posted on here, and our family has changed quite a bit! My daughter is now in Kindergarten, while my son... who I was pregnant with when I started this blog... goes to Kindergarten next year! Oh yeah, and we have another baby on the way! Due Spring of 2019.

This will be another wild ride, as I have no idea what to expect this time around. I’m pregnant in a uterus that has never been pregnant before. Both of my other children were on the right side, this one is on the left.

I’m nervous because this uterus started out smaller than the other one. My doctors, high risk and regular, assure me that that doesn’t automatically mean this baby will come sooner. Maybe this uterus stretches better than the other one, maybe not.

So far so good, though! I have surgery for my cerclage scheduled for next week... I’ll put up another post on that later.

My right uterus lining is pretty thick, and lucky me... I’m starting to spot. It made me panic when it first happened, because I wasn’t expecting to see a quarter size of brown blood when I went to the restroom. A quick call to my doctor and an ultrasound showed the baby still looked great, and there was evidence that the blood was coming from the other uterus. We’re not sure how long it will last, but I feel a little better knowing what it is.

Much like my other two pregnancies, my symptoms have not been fun...

Nausea/vomiting.... still! 🤢

Sciatic pain

Lactose intolerant

Nose bleeds

Fatigue

And crazy pregnancy dislikes to sugar and basically all of my favorite things. Oh well, it’s worth it in the end, right?!

My goal is to keep this blog updates throughout this pregnancy and beyond! Hopefully it provides more insight to people going they the same thing!

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Happy Valentine's Day

Being a parent has changed me in so many ways... and I wouldn't trade it for the world.

It was a struggle to get these two, and the end result has even meant some pretty big life changes. But my family is THE most important thing. So if it means I have to make some sacrifices along the way, I will.

It takes time to find the balance, where your personal and professional life are in a good place.

I thank God everyday that I can come home to a wonderful husband and 2 awesome kids. They give me the patience to get thru many of my struggles! In the end, we make sacrifices for them... but they make the sacrifices worth it!

Happy Valentine's Day to the best family a girl could ask for!

[beckyditchfieldtv]

This Blog turns 1!!

I cannot believe that one year ago today I launched this blog! To be honest, I had a few anxiety attacks over it. But I knew I was doing the right thing. It was so important to me to share my own, high risk pregnancy experience.  I wanted others, who were either going through the same thing or something similar to have a real-life example to compare to, and to ultimately know that you are not alone.

I never expected it to grow to more than 8000 subscribers, or to receive the messages and emails from other people experiencing the same way. I feel like I have gotten more out of this experience than I ever gave. So, thank you!

While I am no longer pregnant, I still deal with all of the issues that made it hard for me to get pregnant in the first place, and made my first, second and third trimesters so stressful.  I still have uterus didelphys, Factor V Leiden, my endometriosis can return, and so could my uterine polyps. 

So, now I'm focusing on being a good mom, taking care of my health and finding ways to help others in their journeys as well.

Knowledge is power! And I firmly believe that the more thoughtful conversations we have, the more we share, the more power we give ourselves to make our lives better.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

A life threatening pregnancy

The other day (ok, 5 minutes ago) I was on Facebook. Among the messages of happy children frolicking in snow, disappointed Seattle fans and people raving over Katy Perry I came across a post from an old friend from elementary school, Allison Stickel. I remember playing on the same softball team as Allison as kids. While she was definitely sassy, she was also very nice... and very fun!

A little more than 3 years ago, Allison gave birth to Grace Ann.  

She was 9 weeks early. She was 3 lbs, 10 oz and 15.5 inches long. Allison calls Grace her miracle baby.

When Grace was born, I had read all of these things... but I never knew why Grace Ann was a miracle. And at the time, it didn't really matter, because here was this beautiful gift from God that an old friend was so excited to have.

But just the other day, I learned exactly how much of a miracle Grace Ann truly was. Grace was born 9 weeks premature because Allison's heart could no longer handle the pregnancy. She is a miracle because Allison was told that carrying a child while having Pulmonary Hypertension could be fatal. Grace is a miracle, and so is Allison. They survived.

How brave. I think you could ask any mother and hands down they would tell you they would give their life for their child. But what if you survived, and yet you knew your time together may be brief?  You would know that every single moment with that child was precious. And you would want as many of those moments as possible.  My heart breaks even thinking of that scenario with my own children. 

That is what is happening to Allison. Allison has an amazing heart.  To give back, she runs her own charity: Precious Preemies, Newborns and Angels... (you can find them on Facebook) supplying clothes to families with preemies. Tiny clothes that are hard to come buy, and are very expensive. Hospital bills are expensive enough! Allison wanted to give families some relief. 

But it's that same heart that may fail her once again.

This is Grace Ann today. A vibrant 3 year old who LOVES her mommy. She NEEDS her mommy. 

In June of 2014 Allison's doctors decided she needed to have heart surgery... surgery that could potentially save her life.  But unforeseen complications cancelled and rescheduled surgery multiple times and her heart sustained structural damage that cannot be reversed. Her procedure would no longer be life saving.

Tomorrow, Allison goes in for the surgery anyway. She hopes it will at least buy her more time. Time to find alternative treatments. Time to complete her bucket list. Time to spend with her miracle, Grace Ann. 

A gofundme site has been set up for Allison and her family to help with medical bills, financial responsibilities that come with the cost of raising a child, and just everyday life... because Allison needs a break while she's fighting this.

  http://www.gofundme.com/l2smno?fb_action_ids=903527019679227&fb_action_types=og.shares&fb_ref=fb_g_my_t

I started this blog to help women, who were in a high risk pregnancy feel like they weren't alone. Many of you have written to me, sharing your own experiences, creating a wonderful community. It's time to help one of our own. Allison deserves to be able to enjoy every moment with her daughter, and not have to worry about hospital bills or just getting by. 

If everyone subscribing to this blog just gave $5, it would make a HUGE difference. It might not be life saving, but it certainly would be life changing, and I know if I were her, I would be forever grateful.

As always, thank you for reading... and THANK YOU for considering helping out an old friend.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

The beginning - Being a teenager sucks

When I was 15, I was diagnosed with something called Uterus Didelphys. In other words I have two wombs and in my case, two cervixes as well. It’s caused me pain beyond what you can imagine. But yet, it’s also pushed me to learn more about myself and my capacity as a human being, than I ever thought was possible.

Being a teenager sucks

Puberty is defined as “the period of human development during which physical growth and sexual maturation occurs.” I knew it more for its awkwardness: Awkward body, awkward behavior, and the not-so-mature actions of my peers. Teenagers are mean. And being a teenager sucked. Picture a 5 ft, 7 inch girl who was rail thin at 110 lbs. I was fortunate and missed out on the acne outbreaks. But I also grew 7 inches in one year, my nose leading the way, wore braces until I was 15, and wasn’t genetically blessed with boobs like quite a few other girls in my class. I was a member of the orchestra, and people thought the only social activity I participated in was studying. I felt like a moving target and a huge freak. There were many days I walked home off the bus crying. I didn’t feel normal, and people pointing out all my abnormalities only made me feel worse.

Putting the social adaptations of teenagers aside, I also had a growing medical problem that was slowly causing bigger problems than what I was facing at school. For the purpose of this blog, we’ll call her “Aunt Flo”. Flo was an obnoxious visitor. She didn’t just talk, she screamed… and it was crippling. No over-the-counter medicine would quiet her. She wouldn’t just get mad every once in a while, she was always pissed. She had it out for me, and she was winning. So, at 15 years old, my mother took me to the “female doctor.” Needless to say, I knew what was coming, and I was not excited.

I’ll never forget that first diagnosis. I had been poked and prodded by several doctors, and eventually it was recommended that we get an ultrasound. So there I sat, awkward teenager-totally self conscious about her awkward body-in that horrible stirrup contraption, being examined by 3 doctors. (We were at a learning hospital) All of a sudden, there was some “excitement” in the room. Instead of telling my mother and me what was going on, they rushed out and brought the rest of the class in! The room was now crowded with around a dozen doctors. “Wow, I’ve never seen this before” and “How unusual” were phrases coming out of their mouths. I remember thinking… “Gee thanks. Don’t mind the human freak in the room that you, apparently, are finding so unusual!” I felt like an experiment, a petri dish that happened to land at their hospital, not a human being.

We later found out, that their diagnosis was a little off. But none-the-less we were on the right track. I had an abnormality with my uterus that would require many more doctors’ visits. Whether that was the cause of my pain, we weren’t sure of. And that final diagnosis wouldn’t come for another 15 years. Incidentally, mom and I decided we weren’t ever going back to that hospital. Being a teenager sucked enough. We didn’t need doctors making me feel like a bigger freak than I already was.

[beckyditchfieldtv]

My journey

I don't know why, but I was feeling nostalgic today. This blog has been one documenting my pregnancy with my, now 6 month old, son. What most people don't know, is that I kept a private blog, documenting my journey through infertility and finally a pregnancy that stuck.  I think I'm going to start sharing some of those. 

That blog kept me sane, helped me sort out my feelings and move forward despite the heart ache.  So today, I'm sharing one I called "Hope".  I wrote it the day I found out I was pregnant with my Hannah.

"2-1-12.... 

Hope

I have hope today.  This month, I believe I ovulated early.  Fortunately, much like the mean signs of Aunt Flo’s arrival, I’m very familiar with the friendly signs of “Olivia”.  I caught it.  And this morning, I took a positive pregnancy test.

I’m trying to stay calm.  We’re keeping it to ourselves, and I have an appointment for my first blood draw at 1:45 p.m.  I need this draw and the next one to show positive growth, and then I’ll get put on Lovenox.  

I pray with all of my heart that God keeps this life/lives healthy and safe.  

We’ll see what happens next, but for now, I have hope."

[beckyditchfieldtv]

My car says 14 degrees... And I still have about 15 minutes til my live shot. I think I'll stay in here for a minute thanks! #stillcold #makeitwarmer #imisssummer

[beckyditchfieldtv]

There's only ONE good thing about mastitis... Extra time with this guy :)

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Time to get healthy

I always said that after babies I really needed to focus on my health. Let's be honest, your body is just not the same after having a kid. Organs land in weird places, sadly your child did not take all of that extra padding with it, and your daily nutrition requirements are vastly different now that you're eating for one again.  You basically have to re-train yourself on this new normal.

So here I go. Time to get healthy.  Genetically, I'm doing pretty good. My weight dropped quickly.  However, my body is not the same. I want my muscle back, my energy back and I want to feel good about my body again! That means, I can't have pizza every night any more.  I'm gonna have to start meal planning and packing my lunch.  Plus, working out would be nice, which may just mean more activities with my kids.  

This is not going to be easy and any advice is welcome!! Getting sick is not an option and two kids in daycare won't be helpful.  But I'm convinced good supplements can help with that!  In fact, they already have for some things.  My Plexus pink drink, probio and multivitamin have naturally helped me with my energy, mood swings and cravings. (Not to mention my hair and skin look awesome!) But getting my body back will take more than just good supplements.  

I want my kids to learn that eating healthy and being active is a good thing.  If mommy and daddy can set a good example, that's half the battle. Let my new journey begin!! 

We're worth it. :)

[beckyditchfieldtv]

Maternity Leave

This video recently popped up on my Facebook feed.

http://www.buzzfeed.com/brandensueper/maternity-leave-in-the-united-states-vs-the-rest-of-the-worl?sub=3493509_4125056 

Did you know there are people in other countries who look to America because of our advancement in equal rights? My brother lived in France for several years and many of his French friends said we were so much more advanced because we voted in a black president.

Well, we're not advanced in everything.  Our laws protecting job security for mothers and fathers are pitiful. There are many women out there (myself included) who have worked hard to establish our careers.  Having a family does NOT make us less valuable or less capable of performing a job that we have worked hard at doing well. 

I think it's time politicians started talking about THIS during political season and while they are in office. Just because I've taken time off to heal, to bond with my baby and to condition my body and family to take care of our new addition doesn't mean I'm not still capable of doing the job I did before my life change.

There are many women who have the right to choose whether to have a baby.  I want the right to job security because I decided to have a family.   Let's at least look at the rest of the world and see how they make it work.  Rant over.

P.S. I come from a family of business owners. I get the need to protect business.  If you respect and value your employee's family, they will greatly respect and value you.