batphalanges

[batphalanges]

4/5/24-4/7/24

some pictures of the convention i went to over the weekend. i went with another friend on the last day and we didnt realize until she had to get her bag checked that she forgot to leave her entire weed jar at home 😭 we had to slip in through the back but thankfully it ended early that day

[batphalanges]

4/2/24

sorry i didnt take any pictures today so I'll just put a laios for you to stare at.

today was pretty alright! i kept busy and got to train some more in the bakery. learned how to make three different kinds of cakes and tried to pipe some icing roses but i was burnt out at a point so we gave up. im officially gonna be a cake decorator though! even got my own apron and everything.

There's a convention im going to at the end of this week and im pretty excited but i have to fix up my cosplays a bit before then. im going as angel devil and espeon :P maybe I'll post some pictures on here when the time comes.

I haven't written in a while but i did end up relapsing a few nights ago. It was just a few small cuts on my hips but I'm doing better and i talked to my boyfriend about a lot of stuff. I feel more guilty than anything for doing it, even if it hardly hurt. i should just get tattoos instead.

[batphalanges]

3/29/24

got to eat crawfish with family for good friday today. turns out even when i manage to keep myself busy throughout the day i can still feel like shit by the end of it, so i guess that wasn't the issue.

im so close to relapsing its insane. atleast this license plate i saw was cool. i regret not eating more.

[batphalanges]

3/26/24

the girl who was trying to get me to transfer to bakery showed a picture of my other cake to the manager and she liked it! i got to start training today somewhat, just frosted a bunch of cupcakes and decorated this cookie cake for easter. had a lot of fun :)

ive been feeling so horribly lonely these past few days and it really sucks. i tell my boyfriend i miss him and i try to get him to talk to me but he's been busy "hanging out with friends, painting, and plans" in his words. i asked him what he did today and he just said "crap" and now he's playing games with his friends. i feel like im trapped in a display case trying to get him to just pay attention to me but nothing seems to work anymore. i just want to give up and cry. how can you go days without really spending time with me and then spend 4 hours getting off to the thought of me just to go back to making me feel like i dont exist. its like the only time i can really hold his attention is when we're being innapropriate.

[batphalanges]

3/24/24

the only plans i had today got cancelled because one of the dudes at this get together licked the top of the bread for the sliders and it grossed my mom out so we left before the food was even finished.

only highlights of today were finding faygo at the gas station and seeing my old coworker at the store. i have got to find some better shit to occupy myself with bc im finding myself wishing i could smoke again just to make my days go better.

boyfriend still hardly talked to me today but really that's nothing new. i want to give up.

[batphalanges]

3/23/24

technically writing this on the 24th butttt i forgot to write about the past couple days, whoopsie daisy.

not too much happened. i had to take a surprise trip out of town to visit my great grandma because shes on hospice and wasn't feeling well. I always love visiting her, she's a sweet frail little lady and her house fills me with so much warmth. the antique box of cornflakes casually sitting in her pantry with her modern day quaker oatmeal is a nice touch too.

i wish it wasn't nearly impossible to talk to my boyfriend. he always gets distracted or hes busy and doesnt message me and it makes me feel so lonely but i know i cant really blame him so in turn i feel selfish too.

i went out to a bar with my mom later in the night because my aunt and uncle were having a drink and i was hoping to have a few drinks and atleast enjoy the presence of other people, but i was sitting at the very edge of the bar and i couldn't hear anyone. even when i tried switching seats to get in the middle of the conversation she completely turned her back to me to keep talking with her friend.

some of my family is cooking tomorrow and invited us over, so hopefully i wont feel left out this time. i guess we'll see.

[batphalanges]

3/21/24

today was better! i talked things out with my boyfriend and we're doing alright. im really embarrassed with how i completely shut down yesterday, but im going to try to communicate better if im upset about something because holding off on it only makes me spiral more.

not a very eventful day at work today, just stocking groceries BUT i got some stuff to try and make some garfield cupcakes! I'll wait for my day off to make them.

[batphalanges]

3/20/24

my god today was fucking rough. got up early and went to my little brothers honor band assessment because we missed the actual concert which was nice though.

i wish i didn't have such a strong sense of justice to the point where it affects how i perceive others but i know im not wrong in hating this online personality for being a racist piece if shit. why does my boyfriend have to like the fucker so much? i wish i didn't spend all my days off lazing around on the sofa and getting too far into my own head.

if i want to start working in the bakery I'm going to have to talk to the lady that basically runs the department and i don't know if i feel up to it. i think its just from the day i had that's making me question my future and what i want to do, but i guess we'll just have to see tomorrow.

i hope it'll be a better day than today.

[batphalanges]

3/19/24

i was kept very busy at work today!! they kinda pulled me all over the place, but mostly i helped out in the deli making sandwiches and i got to decorate a cake for the first time!!

i was told im a really good worker and there are multiple departments that are trying to get me to transfer, but im really interested in going to the bakery. i would have to come in early but im hoping it wont be too much of an inconvenience u.u;

[batphalanges]

hi hi! ive had this blog for a while now but i wanted to start keeping a diary of sorts and this seemed like the best way to do it.

i have a pretty bad memory and i wish I'd kept a journal of my day to day life back when i was still in school so i could have something to look back on. depression is a strange thing.

i wanted to start a physical diary because i really like writing but tumblr would probably be a better option, that way i can add pictures and such. plus others can be nosy about my life :3